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Battalion 1-5 to Manhattan,
just arrived at tower one.
Plane has just hit
the North Tower.
Help me! Help me!
God Almighty.
Jerry, I need half of these guys
on the 77th floor,
and the other half
on the 65th floor.
Tommy, you take
your group, go up to 77.
Lou, you grab your guys
and go up to 65.
Watch out for the jumpers.
Jesus.
Be careful.
All right.
Go.
Go.
Be careful.
Tommy!
Give me a hand
with this guy.
- Billy, hang on.
- Tommy! Tommy!
Yeah?
Yeah, chief?
Take him out that door.
Let's wait outside.
Give me a hand over
here, brothers?
You got it.
You got it?
I got it.
I got it.
I got it.
- Yeah?
- It's Jimmy.
Where the hell
did you go, man?
We're trapped up here.
I'm coming.
Jimmy, I'm coming.
Aw, ***!
I'm coming right now.
Jimmy!
Move it, ***!
I got a life to live!
Oh, you're some kind
of tough guy, huh?
Aah!
You got something you want
to say now, ***?
Ohh!
Huh?
I didn't think so.
Jerk-off!
See you later.
INCHES
No way.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, eight and a teeny,
tiny smidgen of a bit more.
- That's pretty good.
- Yeah.
- What are you guys talking about?
- Nothing.
Eight and a smidgen
of what?
What?
Oh, the other night
I was watching TV.
There was nothing on,
really, and I--
Cut to the chase.
Um, well, I got a hard-on,
and I was looking at it
and I was thinking
about jerking off--
Would you cut to the chase?
Well, there was a ruler
on the table, and--
He measured his ***.
You measured your ***?
And it was eight inches?
Mine was seven and
a half, almost.
His was eight.
Well,
eight and a titch.
Hey.
What's a titch?
It's about this much.
What are we talking about?
They measured their Johnsons.
- What?
- Yeah.
The probie's got
seven and a half inches.
Garrity's got eight
and a titch.
You ever measure
your ***, Tommy?
No.
You know, I get a hard-on,
I'm usually too busy using it
for the good of all mankind.
Lou?
No.
What's up?
Hey, Frank,
what's up?
Franco, how big is your ***?
No, seriously.
Uh, I don't know.
I guess it's pretty normal size,
I guess.
I mean exactly.
I have no idea.
So you never really measured it.
Well, yeah.
Maybe once
when I was a kid, probably.
You two are severely retarded.
Oh, come on.
Probie said he
measured his ***,
and I'd never done it
before,
so he said he's seven
and a half inches.
It made me
kind of curious.
Turns out, eight and a titch.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
It's pretty normal,
Frank.
No, no, no.
I mean,
Oh, my God.
Like, wow.
Those are seven and a half
and eight inches?
Yeah.
Eight and a titch.
What's a titch?
Tah-dee!
It's kind of like that.
Those are pretty big numbers,
so to speak.
I was reading FHM the other day.
They said that the average ***
is like six inches long.
We're huge!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Before you two ponies start swinging
your Johnsons around,
answer one question for me.
Did you measure from the top
or from the bottom?
Ooh.
A little fly
in the ointment.
Did you go by the undercarriage,
underneath the ball sac
out to the tip?
Yeah, yeah.
We did.
Oh.
Well, then,
you might as well
been measuring
from the base of your spine,
because everybody gets
at least an inch that way.
You got to go
from the *** bone to the tip.
Oh, no way.
That means I'm, like,
six and a half.
- Almost.
- ***.
I don't know if you're
right about that, chief.
Been there, done this, boys.
Here.
I got 20 that starts
"the biggest ***
in the crew" contest.
Who wants in?
You gonna measure yours?
I haven't seen my feet
in 10 years,
not to mention my ***.
Chief, I got a question.
And I think I know what that
question is, Firefighter Gavin.
- Really?
- Girth?
Exactly.
Wait.
What?
Girth?
- Circumference, ***.
- Yeah.
That's going to be
a completely different story.
I'm going to double the wager.
I'm with you.
Then we measure
the length and the girth,
and we combine it
into a mathematical equation
that Billy will figure out.
Wait.
Who cares
about the--?
Girth.
Girth.
Girtha Kitt.
Girth Brooks.
King Kong versus
Girth.
Hey, Billy, you want in
on "the biggest ***
in the crew" contest?
Not interested.
Come on, it'll be
a lot of fun, Billy.
It'll be a ball,
for crying out loud.
I said no already,
*** it.
What about you,
Franco?
Yeah, I guess.
What are you worried about?
Well, losing.
I don't think that this whole
measuring from the top thing
is really right,
'cause who invented that?
- You lose an inch, it's not fair.
- From the *** bone to the tip,
'cause that's all
that enters the ***.
From the *** bone
out to the tip.
Done.
What?
Nothing.
I just never thought
I'd hear you say
the word "***.
"
***.
- Stop.
- Va-gina.
Come on, chief.
Stop.
Yeah?
Can you get downers?
Dad?
I need some downers.
Real good,
*** downers.
What the hell is all
that screaming?
Teddy brought
a monkey home.
Where the hell
do you get a monkey?
Him and this guy from down
in the Bronx Zoo
bet the Yankees game.
Get down
off that!
Teddy won, and the guy's
strapped for cash.
Now that *** thing
is *** all over the place.
Tried to bite me twice,
the little prick.
Wow.
I need to slip him something
so that he passes out,
and I can get
some peace and quiet.
Something strong.
What about the monkey?
- Well, I'll give it a smaller dose.
- Dad
Tommy
Look, why don't I just come
pick you up?
Because I'm 72-years-old,
and I'm supposed
to be able
to take care of myself.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
And don't tell anyone
about the monkey.
Okay, okay.
A monkey?
What?
Who the hell are you?
Hey, hey, hey!
Oh, my God.
Jesus.
Hello?
I wanted to warn you
before you got home,
but I got busy
with the kids.
- Whose dog is it?
- What, now?
What do you mean, "now"?
Oh, he's humorous.
Hey.
Katy said that you said
that it was okay.
I never said that.
Anyway, he was only here
a half hour,
and he's already chewed up
two pairs of shoes
and pooped all over
the living-room rug.
Well, I haven't checked
my closet yet,
but I'm way ahead of schedule
in the *** department.
Listen, the dog
is the least of our problems.
Colleen got suspended today,
for, get this--
making out in the hallway.
That's against the rules now?
With her girlfriend.
Yes!
Tom?
Yeah?
Well, did you hear
what I just said?
Yeah.
Doesn't that shock you?
Yeah.
I need you to come over here,
because she won't listen
to me.
No, no, no.
I can't.
I got that widows' dinner
tonight with Sheila.
I'm a chaperone.
Your daughter might be engaging
in lesbian activities.
Honey, look on the bright side,
okay?
Lesbians are big business
right now.
If we teach her to golf,
we're way ahead of the game.
Get over here now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
Oh, yeah, daddy.
Hey.
Hey.
So, um
your mother's telling me,
that, uh--
Dad, I have
a girlfriend, okay?
Like, what's
the big deal?
I mean, you're the one
who always told us
we could never judge people
by the color of their skin,
not to jump to
conclusions about people,
and how I can always come
and tell you anything
because the one thing that
you wouldn't put up with
was me lying or, like,
being dishonest, right?
Yeah.
So I'm being honest.
Okay?
I have a girlfriend
who I really,
really, really like
and who's really, really smart.
Getting in trouble
for kissing in the hallways
when there are kids, like,
having sex in the stairwells.
- It's a joke.
- It's a travesty.
What?
It's wrong.
What, the "me having
a girlfriend" thing
or the "kids having sex
in the hallways" thing?
No, no, no.
The whole, you know,
injustice thing.
They shouldn't be
persecuting you.
Really?
Yeah.
You should be free
to be who you are.
That's why your grandparents
came to this country,
so you could be a lesbian
if you wanted to be.
They did?
Kinda.
I mean, it was,
you know Yeah.
So you're not mad?
No, no.
No, honey.
No.
Not at all.
Oh, Daddy.
Well, it's official.
She's gone ***.
- What?
- Yeah.
I'm sure it's just a phase.
I mean, you know, you kissed
a couple of girls
- in high school, right? So
- No, I didn't.
Oh, you didn't.
I thought you did.
I guess that was just
wishful thinking on my part.
Anyways, we should have
stocked up on k.
d.
lang albums.
By the way, I'm getting rid
of the dog.
You can't.
Katy's in love with him.
Oh! Jesus.
Uh!
Okay.
Seven.
Jesus.
I lost a whole inch.
This "measuring from the top"
*** sucks.
Oh, yeah.
You are much more my type,
sweetheart.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh, God, yeah, baby!
Yeah, baby!
Oh, God!
Look at the size
of that thing.
It's gotta be
eight inches.
Okay.
Ha-ha! Ohh.
Garrity?
Hey, chief.
Hello?
Hey, uh, China,
it's Franco.
How you doing, baby?
Oh.
Long time
no see, big boy.
Yeah, yeah.
Listen, I'm going to
cut to the chase.
You remember that thing that
you, uh, wanted to put on my--?
My thing that night?
Oh, yes, I do.
Yeah.
Well, you said it'd let me
stay hard for what--
For as long
as you keep it on.
Yeah.
That's what I thought.
Hey, listen,
you busy tonight?
No, I'm never too busy
for you, baby.
That's what I like to hear.
Sheil?
You ready?
Hey.
What's wrong?
Mmm.
Mmm.
Damian's dealing drugs.
What?
Mmm.
Mmm.
I like this game.
What do I have to do
to win?
I'm not kidding.
Holy ***.
Oh, my God.
He's upstairs.
I can hear him.
He's tearing his room apart
right now.
I'll go talk to him.
Looking for something, ***?
Those aren't mine.
Yeah, that's gonna fly.
If your dad was here right now,
you wouldn't see your
next *** birthday, okay?
This stops here.
Fine.
Is this everything?
Yep.
Really?
I'll tear this *** room
apart right now.
Hold on.
There.
Anything else?
That's everything.
What are you
going to do with it?
Oh, I'm opening a little
pharmacy on my front lawn.
What do you think
I'm going to do?
I'm confiscating it, okay?
You're lucky your dad
ain't alive,
'cause I'll tell you what
Let me ask you something.
Any of these things downers?
Why?
What do you mean why?
Just answer the question.
Yeah.
The roofies.
These ones?
Okay.
What about these?
This is Ketamine.
It's an animal tranquilizer.
What about these?
Those are Adderall.
What does that do?
Well, they speed things up.
Okay.
Cool.
All right.
Thanks, man.
By the way, I catch you
a second time,
I call the cops,
you little ***.
This This ain't the way
to the hall.
I know.
I gotta make a quick stop
at my Uncle Teddy's house.
Okay, let's put it
on now.
Hey, you know, what, baby,
let's just forget about the contest.
I'm enjoying this too much.
No, no.
I kind of want
to know myself now
just how big it is.
All right.
Ow.
It's a little snug.
Ow!
Almost there.
Aah!
Don't go in
there, I gotta use that!
Sheila!
Sheila, come in.
Come in, come in.
Come in.
You filthy little
son of a ***!
You keep screaming,
I'll stick a banana
right up your ***!
Sheil!
Come here, give me a hug!
Hi, Uncle Teddy.
I'm gonna talk to my dad
for a second in the kitchen.
Yeah, sure.
Boy, you look great!
You see what I'm
talking about?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I brought help.
Here you go.
Ooh.
Oh, ***.
Yeah.
These are called roofies.
They're like a date-*** drug.
Give him a couple of those,
it should knock him right out.
What's this?
That's an animal tranquilizer.
Is that for the monkey?
I guess it'd work on
the monkey too, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Franco
Almost five inches.
Is that good?
Five inches around.
Most guys are lucky
to be that long.
Wow.
Well, let's check
the length on that
and then get this thing off.
It's feeling kind of bizarre.
Okay.
Hang on.
*** contest.
Instead of guys
being so concerned
about the size of their ***,
they should just
check their ego at the door
and learn how to use
whatever God gave them.
You know?
What? What's wrong?
Nine inches.
What?
Yeah.
I knew it was big, but
Nine inches?
Yeah.
Yeah!
That's what
I'm talking about, baby!
Ha ha!
What?
Oh, I know.
Thank you so much.
Okay, thanks.
Sheila, Tommy!
- Hi! How are you?
- Hi!
Good.
How are you?
- Great, great.
- Hey, how are you?
How are you doing?
Good.
Honey, you so deserve this trip.
That's what
Bobby's mother said.
It's you and your mom
and the kids, right?
Family cruise, how perfect is that?
I know, I know.
I really got to get away.
I know.
Tommy.
Hey, Gloria,
how are you?
I'm good.
Gloria.
Sheil.
Um, I'm going to go say hi
to Maddie's mom.
Uh, you know what?
I checked with the kitchen,
and the food'll be out
in 15 minutes.
Oh, thanks, Glo.
You want to get a drink?
Yeah.
Sure.
So, uh, how you doing?
Good.
I'm pretty good.
How you feeling?
Surrounded by sad
bereaved ladies?
I don't know.
I think everybody
seems to be having
a pretty good time.
Yeah?
Do you like sad ladies?
Huh?
- Double *** on the rocks.
- For you, sir?
I'll have just a water,
please.
Thanks.
Word has it
you're seeing Sheila.
What?
I'm here as a--
As a chaperone.
Okay? Official business.
It's okay if you're seeing her.
Do you want to see her?
Glo, she was married
to my cousin.
I know.
Answer the question.
No.
P-pull harder.
It's stuck!
What?
No, it can't be stuck.
Look, I don't know.
We tried water, butter--
No.
No more butter.
Okay?
I don't know what else to do.
Okay.
Okay.
Um
We're just going
to have to wait, okay?
Until it, uh
Until it goes away.
Well, it's not going
to go away, baby.
The blood is trapped
inside of your ***
your very big and inviting--
Hey, stop.
Come on, baby.
Not now, China.
Okay?
Well, then we're going
to have to call 911.
What? No.
No, no.
You got any better ideas?
You know what?
Give me that phone.
Listen to me, Tommy.
I'm a widow.
I'm sad, I'm lonely,
I'm in need
of some carnal bliss.
You're a good-looking guy
with a *** marriage,
plus you're
a chaperone.
You should be
all over me.
Look, Gloria,
the chaperone thing
is pretty much, you know,
an official position.
It's an honorary thing.
I don't--
Make me feel like
I'm 17 again, Tommy.
What?
Take me.
Take me home and have me.
- Gloria--
- Tommy.
Glo.
Tommy.
Well?
I gotta go.
Yeah.
Here.
What?
Hey, uh, Lou
it's Franco.
Yeah, what's going on?
You sound all fartootst.
Uh, yeah.
Listen, buddy.
I need a favor.
Hi.
We got to go.
Mm-mm-mm.
We're having
a good time.
You can get a ride
from Maddie, right?
Yeah.
All right.
I'll see you later.
Okay
Hey, Franco,
remember that time
we found that
big, fat black broad
handcuffed to the bed
up at the fire
on 127th Street?
Yeah.
Those were
her wrists.
This is my ***, Lou.
Yeah.
Your, uh
Your apparently
contest-winning ***, Franco.
I'm gonna need something
non-flammable on top here.
This thing's going to give off
a lot of heat and friction.
I don't want to have any
scarring or burning or, uh
I'm just gonna stop talking now,
Franco, okay?
Be a man.
Yeah?
What kind of pills
did you give me?
Why?
He's been talking all night
and dancing.
He called up
and ordered five escort girls.
He's high as a kite
and ready to go all night.
What about the monkey?
Well, his heart's racing
a mile a minute
and, uh I've been
giving him shooters.
***, I must have grabbed the
uppers instead of the downers.
You know what?
Go to the animal tranqs.
Should I double
the dose?
Yeah, and then
call me back.
Franco, stop flinching!
I'm trying, Lou!
Hey, look, you've already
been circumcised once.
I don't want to do it again.
Oh, it burns!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, God! Aah! Aah!
We're good.
I don't want to
catch on fire again.
Hey, Tom.
Hey.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Um
Just, uh
You know, lighting
a couple of candles.
Saying a prayer.
Oh, yeah.
For who?
Uh
Nobody.
You know, just
You know, we
For better or for worse,
we got security cameras
all over the doors
and entrances.
Drunks, vandals, whatever.
I know for a fact
you've been in here
four times
this past month.
So, what's up?
You a big believer in God again?
No.
I didn't think so.
So what is it?
I, uh
I think I believe
in the candles.
You know, the whole
David Blaine,
David Copperfield aspect
of being a Catholic.
Ahh.
Fill me in.
The Resurrection,
the Immaculate Conception,
the whole "walking
on water" thing,
the thing where Jesus
feeds 10,000 people
with one loaf of bread
and the fish.
You know, when I was a kid,
that magic stuff used to make me
laugh my *** off,
but now I think I get it,
you know, I think
God makes things disappear.
Sometimes it's honest,
decent, hard-working people,
and sometimes it's ghosts.
Now, I think God,
uh
led me here.
You all right?
You got a cat?
Yeah.
Strays wander in every
once in a while.
Why?
Oh, nothing.
All right.
Well, I got to get going.
See you around.
Yeah.
Hey.
Call me.
Yeah.
Um horse whisperer.
No.
Long *** Silver!
Now, off with the robe!
Whoa!
How you feeling, Ted?
I'm kicking her ***
in strip charades.
I'm drunk, I'm high.
I've never felt better.
You ought to worry
about that monkey.
I haven't heard
a peep out of him
in a half an hour.
Okay.
Um a movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
You still in here,
you little crazy ***?
Teddy?
Oh, is he all right?
Is he breathing?
I don't know.
Oh, my God.
Do you think he's dead?
Nah.
He just finally
hit the wall.
I'm pretty sure
the monkey's dead, though.
When he comes to,
tell him I took his car.
Nothing on the girth, huh, Sean?
Uh no.
Yeah, this sucks.
It's all about the girth,
my friend.
There you go.
Wow.
Big numbers on
a small piece of paper.
Probie, girth,
two and a half.
I got magic markers
bigger than that.
Well, maybe
I was doing it wrong.
Circumference.
All the way around.
No.
I did it right.
Licorice stick.
Hey, Franco!
You got some
winning numbers for me?
Uh, yeah.
Length, nine.
Girth, four and a half.
Oh, uh, four and three quarters.
What was that?
Long story.
Or wide, actually,
depending on how you look it.
Who wants a dog?
A dog?
Like a pet dog?
No.
A hotdog, ***.
Battalion 1-5 to Manhattan.
Transmit a second alarm.
I'm going to need
an additional engine.
Tommy, get up to that
second floor,
the northeast exposure.
I think the squat
is up there.
Lou, be careful.
This thing's going to
light up like a matchbox.
Battalion 1-5 to Manhattan,
transmit a second alarm.
Gimme a tap.
All right.
Move back.
All right.
Stay close.
Okay.
Ready?
Yeah.
Stay close.
Tommy!
Tommy!
Tommy!
Tommy!
Second floor.
Ladies' lingerie.
Tommy!
- Tommy!
- Probie, what's up?
The ceiling collapsed.
Tommy's in there!
We got to get to him!
He's trapped!
Come on.
I know another way.
- Further down the hallway.
- Tommy!
I know this building.
Come on.
Come with me.
***.
*** it, where's the door?
- Tommy!
- Hey.
Tommy!
Tommy!
We're going in.
I'm over here.
Over here, Tommy.
Over here.
Tommy!
What do you got?
It's a girl
squatter.
Probie, come on!
You got her?
Yeah, we got her,
Tommy.
Grab the wrist.
We got a window
over here.
All right,
now drag her out.
Get her, get her.
Michael, I got a 10-45
coming to the window.
Move her, move her.
Tommy, I'm going to do
a quick sweep.
Be careful.
It's
*** in there, man.
Stay around the edges.
I got it, Tom.
It's going to be fine.
Come on, ***.
Hurry up.
Let's get out of here.
Billy!
Down!
Get ready to move that line in.
Tommy and Billy
are still in here.
Well, let's get her
out first, kid.
Billy!
Billy!
I'm here.
Hey, what do you got?
Hold on,
I got someone.
Hurry up!
Careful, careful.
Just take her.
- I got her.
- All right.
I got her.
All right.
All right, all right.
Billy!
Bill!
Billy! ***!
Hey, somebody
grab her.
Hey, did Billy come out?
No, he was with you.
The floor collapsed.
He dropped right in front of me.
Mayday, mayday!
Battalion 1-5, everybody
stay off the air!
We all knew Billy Warren
as a firefighter's firefighter.
He knew every building
in this district
like the back of his hand.
He was a brave, brave man.
Now, Billy
left specific instructions
if he should be killed
in the line of duty.
He didn't want a large
funeral mass or burial.
He also wanted his ex-wife
to come
and speak in his memory.
Hello.
My name is Sandra Warren.
Billy and I were only married
for six weeks
about five years ago,
because I discovered
that three weeks
into our marriage,
he was having an affair
with his old girlfriend, Mary.
Mary?
Oh.
There she is.
Stand up, Mare.
Go ahead.
You see, Billy
didn't really love me,
or Mary.
He loved you guys.
Oh, I heard these names a lot--
Tommy, Jerry, Lou, Franco.
Stand up, guys.
Well, it's nice to connect
the names to the faces.
A lot of you guys
would never admit
that you feel closer
to the guys in the firehouse
than you do
to your own wives or kids.
We all see you
as heroic and brave,
as if you were not mere mortals,
but that's what you are.
When someone sets fire to you,
you burn the same way
that the people
you're trying to save do.
And if you choose
to get married,
and you choose
to start a family,
you owe us something too.
And I'm not going to miss him,
because I wrote Billy
out of my life
the day I found out
he was still seeing Mary
behind my back.
Thank you.
Thanks, kid.
Here you go, boys.
Thanks, chief.
To Billy.
You know what?
Never mind that.
How about these two broads?
I mean, they're both a 12
on a scale from one to 10.
- Tommy, can I talk to you for a second?
- What's up?
There's a rumor
going around
that you've been doing
some widow-banging.
- What?
- Yeah.
That you took some chick
named Gloria
home from the widows'
ball the other night,
Captain Chaperone?
No.
No.
Absolute ***.
Okay.
Listen, Tommy, I'm not trying
to get in your personal business,
but you better watch your ***.
The wives are talking,
the widows are talking.
Worst of all, a lot of guys
see widow-banging
as a breach of
certain unwritten rules.
- I know, I know.
- Hey, want a drink?
Yeah.
Uh, no, no.
So
that whole thing with Gloria
was ***?
She's nuts.
What about the drinking thing?
What? I put
two and two together.
The boys in the crew don't know
that you quit drinking?
I quit drinking
in front of family
so that Janet would think
I really quit drinking
so that she'd get back
together again with me,
but I didn't tell
the guys at work
because I didn't want
them to think
it was like
a sign of weakness
or that I, you know,
I was having some kind
of sudden change
like I was losing it.
Plus, it allowed me
to keep drinking
while I was going
to AA.
To fool Janet.
Ohh.
Yeah, but the thing is
I really haven't had
a drink
in, like, two weeks
'cause I've been taking
these great pills.
Oh.
Yeah.
So Gloria's nuts.
You want to talk?
Yeah.
Come in.
I think that you should
have a drink.
Sheil
Tom.
- Sheil
- Come on.
No.
I'm serious.
I have had a lot of wine,
and you have had nothing.
That puts us
on uneven playing fields.
What's that
supposed to mean?
Tommy
Come on.
You know what?
I've been thinking
about this,
and I think the whole thing
with Gloria
just made it kind of
clear to me in my head.
I don't think
it's a good idea.
Okay?
I mean, the guys frown on it
because, you know, it's--
It's fooling around with widows,
and the widows
frown on it.
I don't think
anybody thinks--
- I don't care.
- I do.
I can't meet anybody.
I can't get Jimmy
out of my mind.
He's always there,
and you are the closest thing
I have to him.
You're sweet
you're funny
and you're here.
Right now.
Right here.
Christ, you lost Jimmy.
You just lost Billy Warren.
I mean, how long do you think
all of us have?
Today is what we have.
Tonight, Tommy.
This is what we have!
What are you looking for?
What are you doing?
Take it easy, Tommy.
Ahh.
That's what you wanted, right?
Huh?
Ahh.
That good enough for you?
Huh?
That what you wanted?
Huh, little girl?
Huh? Huh?
You know this is bad,
right?
Say it.
- It's bad.
- Say, "It's bad.
"
It's so bad.
- Huh?
- It's so bad.
Yeah.
Happy now? Huh? Huh?
You know how wrong this is?
- Yeah.
- Huh?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
Ahh! Ah!
Ahh!
Ohh.
Yeah.
Get up.
Get up.
Ohh! Ooh!
Oh, yeah.
Mmm!
Ohh.
Oh!
Yeah, Sheila.
Hmm
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I want you to go
into the kitchen
Yeah?
And pour me another
nice tall whiskey.
But
you're still aroused.
Mm-hmm.
- You didn't finish.
- Nope.
Plenty of time for that.
Now, go get me that whiskey.
Go ahead.
I can barely walk.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
That was fun, right?
Mm-hmm!
You know what?
This remote's broken.
I'm going to get it fixed
for you.
Oh.
Okay.
I couldn't find a glass.
- You climbing back on?
- Yeah.
- Ohh, my God.
- Yeah.
You like that?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, ***.
What?
What's wrong?
- I got--
- What?
- I gotta go.
- No.
- I gotta go.
- No!
- Yes.
- Mom?
Oh, my God.
Careful, careful.
Here.
Take that.
Your top, your top.
Hey, guys, check it out.
Picture of Billy
in The Post today.
What's this?
That mark on the top
is the length
and the mark on the bottom
is the width.
I couldn't get the girth.
Hey, Billy, huh?
Yeah.
"Biggest *** in the house"
contest is over, folks.
Kiss the ring.
Forget about Franco
and his nine
and four and three quarters.
Why is that?
Well, remember how shocked
we all were
at how attractive
Billy's ex-wife
and his
girlfriend were?
Yeah.
Well, I talked
to the ex-wife
and told her how great
her speech was,
told her how much we
all love Billy
and told her we were
having this little contest,
blah blah blah blah blah,
and as it turns out,
Billy was packing 10.
No way.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Nice work, Bill.
What's with the remote?
Um
Broken.
Jim?
Looks like
it's you and me, ***.