Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Alright, Milonoff... bend over.
Welcome to a journey of tastes to the most disgusting kitchens in the world.
Today, the lunatic chef will research humanity's greatest tabu.
An ingredient, which causes symptoms from nausea to terror to *** excitement
to psychotic, Creutzfeldt–Jakobish diseases.
Ladies and Gents - the food called
*** Sapiens.
Chowing on human meat hasn't always been tabu, at the dawn of time it was probably quite frequent
and often a sacred activity.
Researchers think that mankind wouldn't have survived ancient famines without cannibalism.
There's always been a medicinal element to suckling on human meat.
Ancient people ate enemies to absorb their powers and the Chinese fed sick people with babies.
Colonialists sold the body parts of the fallen in pharmacies during the 17th Century wars.
We've met some of the few remaining afficianados, Hamtai or Kukuku tribes of New Guinea.
At first they didn't want to talk about it, Western missionaries had scared the traditions away.
The trust was gained slowly, and after many days, we were brought deep, deep into the jungle
to the top of a high mountain. Literally, to the place of the skull.
Shivers went down my spine, the atmosphere was both tense and fragile. Even holy.
When the soldier grabbed the skulls of recently eaten humans, something changed...
We had just a moment to capture this with our camera, and then we were fast on our way back.
The spirits didn't want us there.
Moment Of Truth is a silly little game of RPS, where we decide who will eat today's lovely meal.
In that game, I've taken a very, very hard beating, as Evander Holyfield would say.
Because of this, today, Tunna, and also as you've already tested this meal
but mostly because I owe you one "Get out of Jail Free" card - no RPS needed!
I volunteer, I'll take the fall, so let's eat up! -I'll accept this with PLEASURE!
[PREPARING THE DEAD - GUINEAN STYLE]
"Sharpen the bamboo knife and stone axe."
"Cut carcass open from *** to neck."
"Crush the ribs to help remove the thorax."
"Chop off the arms and legs."
"Remove guts and organs - also genitals."
"Take the brains out."
"Everything but the teeth and bile can be eaten!"
"As the French say, Bon Appetit!"
Ladies and Gents and Trannies - our meal today is not this stiff spruced up at a Chinese market...
but a Human Placenta.
Wow! Pretttty good! Yeah!
A damn good smell! -Yeah!
In Mad Cook history, we do have one earlier placenta experience, but we cooked it in a rustic way.
-A bit RUSTIC, as you kinda left the meat RAW.
To all you who slept in the back row during Biology, it's like a mix between a carburetor and a radiator.
Gives you energy and power, but also filters all unnecessary *** from the fetus' life fluid
which nicely makes its way via the umbillical cord.
The placenta is sacred in many cultures! Somewhere feared for it's magic, somewhere gnawed on.
Like in Scientology, Tom Cruise devoured the P-L that slid out of the lovely Katie Holmes' ***.
On the other hand, almost every mammal eats their own afterbirth.
Mostly because this nature's pancake holds hormones that relieve pain and help prevent post-birth depression
so maybe more humans should do the same.
That's why Mad Cook prefers placenta - for cultural, health and ecological reasons
but GOD DAMN-- is this not THE most humane way to gnaw on some good ol' human flesh?
"What Should We Eat Today?"
Today we'll be giving a completely new spin on this thing - an aperitive, a lil' drink
we call "Bloody Mary!"
A drink that was born early last century in NYC, where I party allll the time - but today
we kinda skip on the alcoholic power and replace the urban beginnings with a more natural side!
So, were gonna add more afterbirth in the place of the tomato juice, so we won't be too picky--
can't be too picky after this thing has already seen the birth canal and delivery room today!
..check that we have lots of that juicy blood there.. That's our new tomato squeeze right there!
When making a drink, you wanna have fresh ingros, okay, the placenta is fine, it's real fresh
but we need some tomato juice, and we're gonna add something nice and fun, for the depressive state
and you're just laying there on the bed, and are like, "Umm, What the *** is THAT? Hello!?"
--so we'll add some apples, lime juice, ice, salt, pepper, always ground, remember, pre-ground is from Satan!
Well..! "Will it blend?" We good? Producer, we good? We be good! I'm starving!
Gahhh, not my best day, it's all... pink!
Probably the apples, let's add a lot of salt for all the blood and fluids we lost today, yeah?
Aaaand pepper, ground, but we need just a bit more red cells here, so placenta add - go.
Squeeze the red out like so... Juuuust like thaaat.
You don't want the cord in there. Okay! Pour it in a nice cocktai glass. Oh, might be blocky.
Aaaand little celery for garnish, all you guys.
There it is! Post-birth energy drink - a real cannibal's Bloody Mary! To the diner!
-...still bits and pieces in there? Should've blended better?
Gotta say, that's more hardcore than my meal. Even though you left it a bit raw
a completely raw one is pretty... über!
Maybe, but this is not a joke either, it's a recipe from an Organic Mom forum.
It should be a real energy drink...
I don't wanna throw up, as I honestly want to honor today's main ingredient.
It's marinated inside a womb for nine months and fed a very, very important human life.
I simply CANNOT throw up.
To all mothers, to all children, to human life - CHEERS!!!
Riku, you do understand, that nothing is the same anymore?
With that swig, you became... a cannibal!
-I guess I did.
Ohh shh--- d'ya drink it all!?
-Nahh, there's still some.
Although this is a kind of human organ, pureed into this drink, it's surprisingly good!
Damn good, actually! Surprisingly alright! VERY ALRIGHT!
How do you feel? -Damn energetic! Good!
I'd agree, having eaten human before -- and hooked on its taste...
I recommend this to everyone to recover post-birth, this would be a terrific punch at a Baptism!
Imagine, after the priest dumps the kid in, instead of coffee we'd serve a nice Bloody Mary to everyone!
GOD DAMN -- it would be a good feeling!
Just so you little congregated fellows take notes, start collecting placentas and Bob's your uncle!
My respect to the female gender, from the men, the oppressors and our pitiful position!
You're the true heroes, and for this little moment, during these little sips, I may be a bit like you.
Thank you.
Mad Cook, over and out -- maybe preaches later but now, I shall drink.
*** disgusting, can you really take that much?
I just taste a little blood in my mouth. -Feel like throwing up?
At least not yet... maybe I'll stop here.
That was nothing, as the most shocking tradition with placentas comes from - surprise - a Finn-related people.
Ostyaks held the placenta at a high value, so high that it was placed in the tent soon afer birth
and they even knitted CLOTHES for the little placentio.
Placenta treatment is a good example how humans adapt through coincidences, but also circumstances.
Eat it, or put it on a pedestal, but don't hate!
Mad Cook, descendant of cannibals, over and out!