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Hi Ben !
You thought I forgot about you ?
No I didn’t !
Oh yes you did « Little Shrimp ».
Don’t you remember what I told you ?
Quickly.
Pretty simple : if you made my wife unhappy,
if you left her, I’d break your knees.
She left me, that’s not my fault !
What’s so funny ?
You don’t know anything about women !
She left you because she cares about you.
No, I think she left me because she didn’t care about me.
I felt like ***.
Women don’t think the way we do. It’s the exact opposite.
She spends her whole time crying,
she thinks I don’t see her but I can hear ! I can’t stand it.
I’m doing everything I can, I try to comfort her,
I even invited her eating a pizza, and nothing works !
So if you don’t want to be legless, you come back to her.
That’s ridiculous !
Listen to me Ben :
when my wife doesn’t feel good, she eats chocolate.
And if she continues eating, she’ll soon weigh a hundred kilos.
So go back to her, give her good sex,
make her happy so she’d stop eating those chocolates bars, got it ?
That’s right, you can’t force me !
Shut up !
But...
Shut up !
Yes, but…
Shut up ! Shut up.
Do you know that your knees own 6 ligaments and 3 bones ?
Crazy, right ?
Yeah, you wouldn’t say.
They’re so fragile…
Okay, okay, I got it, I got it !
What do I tell her ?
Women like poetry. Are you a poet ?
Well, no !
I knew it.
Look, I found that on the Internet. Listen carefully
“I don’t own everything, to tell you the truth I don’t have anything,
except the dream of a better life, and you,
to help me go down the road
Being a man, I’m sure I’ll make mistakes,
but to keep you near me,
I’m ready to hold up your heart to be with you my whole life”
Beautiful, right?
Yes, I know.
Don’t you think she’ll know I didn’t write that?
And so what?
Women are like mirrors: reflection but no thinking. Take it.
Take it !
Is that gonna be enough ?
You’re so funny !
Of course not.
Take that, it’s a 100€ discount voucher for flowers.
Buy her some flowers.
And then I give her chocolate ?
Are you stupid or what? I told, no chocolate, no chocolate!
Okay, I got it !
And you call her, many times a day.
It’s gonna ruin my phone package !
How much is it ?
Hum… Tw… Fifty.
Fifty euros ?
Gosh, you always get ripped off,
I can’t believe it.
There are your fifty.
So, don’t be afraid, at first she’s gonna say no, that’s normal.
But you have to insist, that’s the secret with women.
But it’s gonna take time !
And so what ? You have anything better to do ? Swimming pool ?
Two days, two weeks or two months, what’s the problem ?
We are not in a *** TV show !
Come on, move your butt. Move your butt !
Get the hell out of here !
Remember that Little Shrimp: I’m watching you.
All the time.
And don’t change, be authentic !