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Mail, sir.
Oh, thank you, O'Malley.
- Here you are. - Hmm...
Let's see.
What have we got here?
Bills. Bills. Bills.
Hey, what's this?
It's a letter from Spiderman.
I bet it's about that lousy-*** slow plane that I sent him.
Let's take a look.
Dear Bats, thanks for the offer but I won't be able to take the plane off of your hands.
I don't have any place to stick it.
Love, your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman.
P.S.: I'm a huge fan. I follow you on the web.
Wow, what a sweetheart.
You know what? This is going up on the Batfridge.
Quick, O'Malley! To the Batfridge!
There.
I put it right next to Robin's great drawing that I gave an A+.
Plus.
Plus plus plus plus plus plus...
Well, I'll just, er... I'll take this rubbish away.
Newspapers. Most of the time they're a waste of time.
O'Malley! I wanna read the funnies.
No, wait. Let me read them for you.
Okay.
Dilbert's co-workers have made quip at his expense.
Will that man ever iron his tie.
That sounds funny. Give it to me!
Wait, no, sir. Please!
What?
Robin the Boy Blunder?
What's this?
Batman's new sidekick is a lame, cheery, cheesy, fruity fruitcake?
With no pants and a Hamburglar mask?
He ruins the once beloved dark and gritty Batman?
Robin ruin Batman? But-
But that's not true.
Robin make Batman happy.
O'Malley, why would somebody write something like this?
Well, I-
I suppose they...
...think he's...
stupid.
That's ridiculous.
What's stupid about a happy little boy flying around Gotham City spreading cheer to all of the people?
Well, when you put it that way...
- you can't blame them. I mean almost everything is stupid at that point. - What?
Robin's not stupid!
You're stupid!
- Hey. - You've always hated Robin, haven't you?
Don't think I haven't noticed!
Well, your backsliding days are over.
Get out of the Batcave, you drunken slob! You're fired!
You're getting lost in this crazy character of yours.
What?
But if that's what you bloody want then fine.
Fine.
- Good. - Great.
- I'll pack my things. - Don't bother. I'll have them burned.
- *** you! - *** you!
Hamburglar mask.
This doesn't make any sense.
Oh, herro.
Who are you?
And how did you get into the Batcave?
Oh forgiveness, prease.
The agency just sent me over.
My name is Qwang Ri, the Chinese butrer.
Good to meet you, Qwang Li.
I'm Batwayne.
I'm Bruceman - ***!
I'm Batman!
I'm in a bad mood.
Oh, the Batararm, sir!
You're right. Put it up on the vid-screen.
Very good.
We interrupt this traditional New Year's Eve broadcast of Notting Hill for a special news bulletin.
Less than 30 minutes ago, Gotham Square was taken hostage by a force of heavily armed thugs.
Amongst the rogues, some of Batman's most deadly foes have been spotted.
Including Catwoman, Killer Moth, Maxie Zeus and the Steadfast Tin Soldier.
Police are trying desperately to rescue the three thousand plus citizens being held hostage.
Send in the choppers!
It's elementary, Gotham. You're no match for my heat ray.
No, get those choppers out of here! What am I thinking?
I'm such a ***.
But up until now, police have been unable to penetrate the barricade of rogues surrounding the square.
And just 10 minutes ago, we here a Channel 7 received this video footage from the rogues ring leader
and have been demanded to air it.
I warn you, it is disturbing.
Who can take the sunrise
And sprinkle it with -
Blood!
Why, hello, Gotham City! It's me, Sweet Tooth.
- Time for your fate... - And Two-Face!
Beat it, Two-Face!
Wait, but...
Let's try that again, shall we?
Hello, Gotham! It's me.
I'm sure you've notice by now that Gotham Square is in my sticky grasp.
But just like a kid in a candy store I've managed to stick a few extra goodies into my pockets when no one was looking.
Let's take a peek at my secret stash, shall we?
Oh, and Batman.
I sure hope you're watching.
Because this is sure to make your mouth water.
The Boy Wonder Ball!
Robin!
Poor Robin.
He risks his life trying to be Gotham's Live Saver.
And they hate his guts.
But how much? See, I'm dying to find out.
So I've devised a little.. a little...
Whatchamacallit!
A deathtrap!
Feast your eyes on this!
My nuclear Warhead.
At exactly 5am tomorrow morning
I will lower the Warhead into the city's water supply.
Oh, it's going to be quite the Fun Dip.
Because the Warhead will make the water so tart that anyone who drinks from it...
Well, perhaps I should just show you.
Let's give it a lick, shall we Miss Rachel Dawes?
- No! No, please don't! - Come on down! Come on!
It puts the Warhead on its tongue.
Or else it gets the hose again.
That's right.
Her head imploded.
Just like all of Gotham's will, unless, hmm...
Skittle me this!
Will Gotham forsake his heroes or will its heroes forsake Gotham?
See I've set up a Facebook poll and for next 7 hours I'll be taking votes from the Gotham populous.
The moment the sun rises, I will either lower the Warhead into the city's water supply...
...or I will kill Robin.
So it's all for the people of Gotham to decide.
Do I implode your heads?
Or put a bullet in the Boy Wonder's?
I think I already guessed your decision.
So lest Batman betrays you all and shows up by Gotham Square to save his little Nerd
then Robin dies at dawn.
Yeah, and simultaneously
while that is happening, I, Two-Face
will be simultaneously robbing the second Gotham City National Bank of all it's two dollar bills.
So collectors of out-of-print currency, beware!
You're coming with me, boy!
No!
Sweet Tooth!
No!
No!
No, Robin!
Robin!
What do I do?
Do I abandon Gotham City or
forsake my oldest chum?
I.. No, I... I...
I wish Alfred was here.
I am here, sir.
Alfred!
That's me.
You-
You came back?
Thank you!
I never left.
I've always been right here.
Boop!
What do I do, Al?
Do I choose my city
or my friend?
Oh, yes. The classic choice.
Every hero must make the decision.
You know, a long time ago I was in Bosnia with your father.
This was before the war.
We were helping a squad of abandoned Rwandan refugees across the border.
There was a tribe chief there who went by the name of Macaroon.
We used to call him Macaroon the Loon.
Papa loved rhymes.
That's right, he did.
But he had the unpleasant task of having to execute his own wife.
You see, she was a double agent.
But she had forgotten.
She didn't know who she was working for.
So old Mac had a choice to make.
Do you give up on someone you love, or do you abandon your sworn duty to protect the people?
It was a choice that would destroy an ordinary man.
But a hero is no ordinary man, is he?
For a true hero, Master Wayne, finds a way to choose...
...both.
You're right, Alfred.
I know what I have to do.
*** Gotham! I'm saving Robin!
Now I've got to get out of here.
I've got to save Robin and stop Sweet Tooth!
And I've got to stop Two-Face.
This looks like a job for Qwang Li.
Oh, goodbye, sir.
I'm borrowing the Batboat.
Good luck, Qwang Li.
And prepare yourself, Sweet Tooth!
My most well-known nemesis.
Tonight you're taking no hostages.
And tonight, I'm taking no prisoners!