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[Singing] Wollongong the Brave
Aunty Jack: 'Allo me little lovelies, this is your Queen speaking from my secret headquarters in Wollongong
My Arthur and I would like to warn you that the whole world has been gobbled up by the terrible coloured television monster
Arthur: Ahhhh!
Aunty Jack: Don't panic! Just always remember that the proud colours of Wollongong, black and grey
Will fly at full mast and there will still be hope because if Wollongong breaks out in colour it could mean the end of the world
Arthur, how goes it on the Illawarra front?
Arthur: Oh, I'm looking at the Port Kembla steal works Aunty Jack
Aunty Jack: Yeah
Arthur: and nothing but pitch black
Aunty Jack: Oh good
Arthur: Hey wait a minute, wait a minute, the grass under the foundry, it's turning green!
Aunty Jack: Erky, perky, it's here already!
Arthur: Oh Aunty Jack I'm scared
Aunty Jack: Yeah, so are you! Arthur I can feel it in 'me bones
Arthur: Oh look, Aunty Jack we've picked up the colour monster on the radar
Aunty Jack: Struth. It's at Corrimal South postcode 2518 already
Arthur: Oh look, it's coming up the garden path. It'll be here in ten seconds
Aunty Jack: Nine, eight, seven, six [doorbell chimes] you're early
Kid Eager: I'm terribly sorry.
Aunty Jack: five, four, three, two, one!
Kid Eager: Argh, argh, avast there land lovers. Where'd be the poop deck?
Aunty Jack: Under the crow’s nest
Kid Eager: Oh, argh, step aside there fatso and let the new colourful personality of Captain Kid Eager say ahoy there shipmates
Aunty Jack: Oh, you poor thing. Look what the colour monster's done, it's turned you into a lady
Kid Eager: Argh, oh.
Arthur: Aunty Jack, that's a pirate dressed as *** Desire
Kid Eager: Argh.
Aunty Jack: See what I mean Arthur?
Aunty Jack: Colour has an unnatural effect on pirates, turns them into ladies
Kid Eager: Oh, listen 'puddin. To join the colour world you gotta [sic] give them eyes, *** and teeth
Aunty Jack: [mumbling] Ay
Arthur: Where are your ***?
Aunty Jack: [mumbling] Arthur!
Kid Eager: Oh, they must've dropped
[Parrot squawking] piece of rope, piece of rope [sic]
Kid Eager: argh, there they'd be
Aunty Jack: Argh, they'd be a fine pair or ***
All: argh, argh
[Sirens and bells ringing]
Arthur: Look! Aunty Jack, the colour it's leaking through the window
Aunty Jack: Poo! The filthy thing all over my new carpet
Arthur: Ah, look it's filling the room. How are we going to breath?
Aunty Jack: Quick Arthur! The Wollongong air, I'll try and hold it down
Aunty Jack: Here it is
Kid Eager: Hey look at me, look at me, I'm in colour [deep breath]
Kid Eager: Come on in it's lovely [deep breath]
Aunty Jack: I can't hold it on very long [deep breath]
Aunty Jack: Here it goes Arthur. Oooo
Aunty Jack: Awwe [sic], what a beautiful room
Aunty Jack: It's really quite nice being in colour isn't it?
Aunty Jack: I don't feel any different
Kid Eager: Awww [sic] yeah, that's because you aren't any different tubbing. [Sic] You're still in black and white
Aunty Jack: I am not!
Arthur: Yes you are Aunty Jack
Aunty Jack: I am, well I'm glad I didn't catch it
Kid Eager: Catch what?
Aunty Jack: that horrible disease that comes with colour. Ahh
Aunty Jack: Green slime polkaditus [sic]
Arthur & Kid Eager: Green slime polkaditus [sic]. Ahhh, ohh
Arthur: Gee I'm alright Kid, I'm still in black and white
Arthur: Oh, oh look Aunty Jack I've gone pink
Aunty Jack: Pink, flesh poo Arthur, you've caught it
Arthur: What do I do? What do I do?
Kid Eager: What do I do?
Aunty Jack: I can save you Arthur
Kid Eager & Arthur: [shrieking]
Aunty Jack: Colour remover, right shut your eyes
Arthur: urgh, urgh, urgh [sic]
Aunty Jack: Turn 'round
Arthur: urgh, urgh [sic]
Aunty Jack: 'right, saved
Arthur: Good, good.
Kid Eager: Yeah well what about me then ay?
Aunty Jack: Aright shut your eyes
Aunty Jack: 'right say ahhh
Kid Eager: ahhh [choking]
Aunty Jack: 'Nup [sic] doesn't work on pirates
Kid Eager: Ohhh. Ay listen, I'm not a pirate, I'm Kid Eager
Aunty Jack: Urrgh [sic], Martian
Kid Eager: A Martian
Arthur: How do you know he's a Martian
Aunty Jack: There, look big red feet, baggy pants and a propeller
Oh that's me. Hey I've always had those
Arthur: Yeah, how 'bout a spotted face?
Kid Eager: awww [sic] a Martian
Kid Eager: Aunty Jack, I'm changing colour
Aunty Jack: Naturally, symptom one [sic]
Arthur: Oh yuck, it's green Martian
Kid Eager: Oh, AJ, I’ve got gangrene. Does that mean they're going to cut me off?
Aunty Jack: I hope so, you know the last person that got Martian green slime polkaditus [sic] turned into a green jelly
Kid Eager: A green jelly? Awww [sic] bull
Kid Eager: [whimpering]
Aunty Jack: What flavour is he Arthur?
Arthur: Taste like lime Aunty Jack
Aunty Jack: Yum, yum a lime Martian
Kid Eager: Ay hey [sic] hey get your finger out of my ear Aunty Jack
Arthur: Aunty Jack, you've gone coloured
Oh I know Arthur, it was only a big joke [laughing]
Arthur: A big joke
Kid Eager: It's no joke being a limed flavoured jelly
Aunty Jack: Alright kiddie poo you just wobble along with us
Aunty Jack: Alright, hit it Arthur
Kid Eager: argh, ohh
Aunty Jack: Kid
Kid Eager: Pick on someone your own colour
[Singing]
Arthur: Farewell black and white, we saw you leave tonight, na na na na na na [continues signing softly]
Kid Eager: [hollers in pain]
Aunty Jack: Ah [sic] remember all you kiddies don't you watch colour jokes on black and white television
Aunty Jack: 'cause if you do I'm gonna [sic] jump through your sets and rip your pink bloody arms off
Aunty Jack: And I will too.
Arthur: Poo Aunty Jack, what's that horrible smell?
Aunty Jack: [quietly] what horrible smell?
Aunty Jack: Oh, I think I stepped in some Kid Eager
Kid Eager: [moaning in pain]