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Here I am, trying to write about yesterday before I forget.
But I don't know if I'll ever make it.
I have notes all over the place, and now I'm trying to sort them out.
I started the notebook backwards, so the line's read from the right...
like in Arabic.
My notebook is a Clairefontaine.
I just stole it from the supermarket.
I s amazing how long it takes to write.
I had no idea.
I never read a whole book...
so writing one... Who do I think I am?
Back to what happened yesterday...
She stops, she starts by telling me this:
See? I have an angel's face.
Everybody says so.
See my eyes?
They're so clear and blue you'd give your own for them.
You see my hair?
Angel-blond. And my skin, so white.
My aunt says it comes from way back...
like five generations ago.
You know my aunt?
She says I'm so blond, I look like a spot.
Even experts don't know why.
I'm like a Ferrari in the middle of a junkyard.
Why she's saying this to me, I don't know. Then she adds.
Want to see my ***?
LILA SAYS
My name is Chimo. I'm 19.
I live with my mom in a suburb called Shady Grove.
It should really be called "Satellite Grove"...
'cause nothing else grows around here.
Except for this tree, stunned to be stuck here.
My mother swears that when she goes to work...
she hears it cry.
But she hears tears everywhere.
I have three friends.
The one in the front is my main man, Mouloud.
Then there's Big Jo, and the tiny one, Bakary.
They're like my number two and three pals.
- Italian piece of ***! - We"'"re out of gas!
It's Japanese.
*** rice burner!
Here nothing works, everything's *** up.
No prospects in the morning, none in the evening...
none in between.
Most prop up the walls in case they fall.
I feel as useless as a chair on the ceiling.
I s a life made up of tiny useless bits.
And since those *** blew up New York...
we're paying for it here, as well.
Stop! You have no right!
Want me to take you in, ***?
Sammy, cup of coffee, please.
Mouloud and I always swore we'd share everything.
Problem is, that includes his *** deals.
Why did you do that?
I've never left this place...
although someone did try to help me once.
I was in high school then.
Mrs. Jarjoura?
I am Claire Soulier, Chimo's French teacher.
- Nice to meet you. - Likewise.
Please come in.
I think your son is very talented.
Yes...
I keep telling him.
Mrs. Soulier...
could you come back later? It's time for our prayer.
Don't embarrass us.
Yes, Madame?
It takes me an hour each time to correct your essays...
but see, I photocopied them all.
Did you write them yourself?
Quite a few misspellings, but it doesn't matter.
Chimo, what do you want to do in the future?
I don't know.
Well, there is a special school in Paris for talented people like you.
To do what?
Famous writers teach there, they can give you a hand.
And also help you sell your stuff.
I can write a letter of recommendation.
How much is it?
I'll find the money.
Mom...
we're broke.
Mrs. Soulier, thank you, but we'll pass.
The program is free.
But each applicant must write a 30-page story.
If they like it, you're in.
It's that simple.
I know you can do it.
Class-pet. ***-licker.
- Teacher-***. - What did she want?
I may go to Paris. There's a school...
Paris? ***! We don't belong with these people.
That *** wants something from you.
I'm telling you.
She thinks because we're Muslims, we're gonna blow something up.
Or maybe she's a Zionist, and we don't know it.
I hear Jews give us jobs and ***...
and then we have to spy for them.
- Spy on what? - Who knows?
Shut up.
What else?
She said I'm a good writer.
Maybe I can make some cash.
Monsieur wants to write.
Who cares if your old man ran away with that French ***?
Just trying to protect you, man.
Whatever. Let's go.
I told myself...
I'm already a ***. Why try?
Why go somewhere else?
I'd look like less of a loser if I stayed here with the losers.
- Are you sure he's Indian? - Of course he is.
I am amazed how many opportunities I missed.
Get your thumbs out of your ***.
That's it, not a penny more.
- So? - Nothing.
- How much? - Nothing?
We're not about conquering the world.
We're looking for something to do...
and there isn't anything.
Life is just passing me by.
Always felt that.
Who's she?
I've seen her around. I think her name's Lisa.
No, it's not.
It's Laura or Loretta.
I think she moved here last year.
No, three months ago, with an aunt and a suitcase in tow.
"Inch'AIlah," soon you and I...
we'll get married.
The first time I saw her...
I stopped breathing.
There in the sand pit...
she spoke with a voice so sweet...
you'd believe in miracles.
So?
So what?
My ***. Don't you want to see it?
How much?
Whatever you like.
I'm broke.
I know you are.
If I wanted money, I'd go elsewhere.
Why do you want to show it to me?
I told you, I just feel like it tonight.
But not other nights?
Depends.
Why's that?
Cause you're not the only one.
So you've shown it to others?
***. This chick could start a *** jihad.
Imagine the headlines.
"***-inspired jihad wreaks havoc in Shady Grove!"
If I have to choose between *** and a free Palestine...
I'll take ***.
Yes, I'd like to see it.
A quickie or a longie?
What's the difference?
A quickie, I just lift my skirt.
A longie is on the swing.
The swing is not long enough.
You're such a pain. It's free and you're ***?
The offer won't last.
Don't come whining if others take it up.
Okay.
The swing.
A dam burst inside me.
Since I met Lila, words have flowed more easily.
For once, the sun did shine on Shady Grove...
a piece of sky came down and didn't crush me.
For once, I've got something tha s different.
Lila.
Please.
It's Jesus Christ's delicacy.
It's so blond it could be a lantern...
when you've lost your way.
Just a bit longer.
I'm cold.
Are you sick?
Shall I take your temperature?
Enough.
How ungrateful.
I took you in out of pity.
Without me...
you'd be living in a foster home...
getting *** every night by your foster brothers.
- Hi, Chimo. - Hi, Nabila.
It's all there.
How are you getting home?
On my camel.
I can give you a ride.
Put your bags in the back.
If you want.
When I sat down...
I made sure my *** was right on the saddle.
With every little bump, imagine"..."
It's like the road is touching me.
Men don"'"t understand...
the movements of nature.
It's different for women.
We follow the moon, our periods and everything.
We're like little planets.
Chimo, shut up.
After all, I don't know her.
I s only the second time we've been alone together.
Got a hard-on?
Yes.
It must be suffering in there.
Do you want me to take it out?
You can't do it here.
Want to bet?
No one will notice, I promise.
Let me try.
See?
- Feels good? - Yes.
Here. I'm sure you'll like it.
Thanks.
We're neighbors.
You live on Abadie Street.
I live on Azad.
And I'm on Fifi Turin.
Don't you live with that crazy, fat...
Excuse my friends. No manners.
My name is Mouloud. What's yours?
Give that sweet butt a rest, I'll give you a ride.
Don't be scared...
I just want to chat with you.
Did you see what I just saw?
She and I, a happy couple.
- Didn't she just trash you? - Shut up.
When a chick takes off like this, that means she's hooked.
Drive on.
Check them out.
Give us a smile.
Look, she's smiling.
This is Claire Soulier. Please leave a message.
I was bringing you back your CD.
You can sit down.
Take your T-shirt off if you want.
You have "olive skin".
Olive what?
"Skin".
Like olive oil.
Americans coined that phrase.
You like olive oil skin?
Yes, I do.
Put some lotion on me?
- Looking at my face? - Yes.
- Do you like it? - Yes.
See how tiny my mouth is?
Amazing, isn't it?
What is?
That it could take in a big ***.
How come you speak English?
I don't.
Ever seen an American red barn?
Only on TV.
They're so romantic.
I slept there a couple of times.
What were you doing in America?
I spent the summer.
Did you like it?
There was this guy...
he used to work on a tractor.
One day, he brought me breakfast on a tray.
He lifted it right up...
to the top of the haystack.
And then?
Then he came up.
And then?
Then we ate.
And then?
Chimo. Ever got laid in a haystack?
There is no hay in Shady Grove.
It itches a bit, but that's good.
It forces you to come up with new positions.
You met a lot of Americans?
Yes.
Are they like the French?
They ask fewer questions.
Lie down, if you want.
I can rack my brain trying to remember how I felt then.
Her voice, her hair, her breathing... As if she were fainting.
I don't know whether I should get angry...
or whether people are supposed to swap those kinds of stories.
I have no story to tell her.
Chimo, right behind you.
You can't leave me, Lila.
You never know.
I knew it. You want to go.
And what's to become of me?
No one understands me.
They'll lock me up...
dig into my past.
You're my angel.
Don't leave me.
Where would I go?
Does that Lila chick ever talk to any of you?
Not to me.
Me, neither. Stuck-up ***. She looks right past you...
doesn't see you.
Like you don't exist.
She talks to you?
Me? No.
Are you sure?
Of course I'm sure.
I keep trying, but whenever I get near, she takes off.
Like I'm the Invisible Man.
Follow me.
Can I talk to you?
Go ahead.
We'll be over there.
So talk.
About this girl...
I can see it coming, Good Samaritan.
"Leave her alone" and all that. Don't bother.
Maybe she's got someone else.
You think a hot chick like her will stick to just one guy?
I don't want to go monkeying around under her window.
Did you hear that?
We're "monkeying" around.
Why didn't you pay the bill? I gave you 50 euros.
I'll ask for an extension.
And next month you'll ask for another one?
Don't smoke.
Do you know how much a pack costs? I'll tell you.
It costs me two hours of work.
Bring in some cash, then you can spend it.
What's wrong? Calm down.
Don't tell me to calm down.
You're 19, and I'm still supporting you.
- There's no jobs here. - I've got one.
Try that writing school.
As of today, no more cigarettes, no more money.
And find a way to pay me back.
You gave blood a month ago.
I need cash really bad.
Wait over there.
- Chimo, remember what I said? - Yes.
So how do you feel?
Fine. I spilled the coffee twice at home...
I forgot to take out the trash, I got cramps...
and a couple of migraines. Otherwise, I'm fine.
Lila, do you want to go away with me?
- Yes. Where to? - We'll see. As long as we're together.
Are you okay?
I came for my aunt.
My mother's sick, too.
Tell me, Chimo...
do I bother you?
Not at all. Why?
Well, maybe it's a bit too much.
No, it's okay.
Well, I was thinking of something.
What?
A treat.
I thought...
if I loved a man, I'd want him to see me doing it with someone else.
You think he'd like that?
I'm not sure, but I would.
You see, when you're screwing, you can't really see.
But he would remember what I did with the others...
and it'd really turn him on.
No, I think he'd only focus...
on those guys, and he'd want to whack them.
Is that what you'd do?
Yes.
Why?
It would hurt too much...
to see the girl I love screw other guys.
She'd still be yours.
In fact, she'd do it just for you.
Or she wouldn't get off on it, that's for sure.
Not all the way, at least.
Is that what love is to you?
Kind of, yes.
What about you?
Ever been in love?
I don't know.
You're not sure?
Me, neither.
- What about you? - What about me?
Would you like your guy to screw some girls as a treat for you?
I'd love it.
Real *** who'd drive him wild.
If he did, I'd be crazy for him.
I get *** just thinking about it.
You ***.
He heard us.
Serves him right. Freak.
You saw his eyes?
Born brain-dead.
People don't have a lot up here.
Their heads are...
full of mushed-up misery.
Not a thought.
Not a dream.
Stop dreaming and you've got nothing left...
but your hand to wipe away your tears.
That's why the guy I love...
I'd want to help him, straighten his head.
That's the treat.
If you're so eager, why don't you just do it?
Where do I find the guy I'd love?
Why me?
I'm just an Arab, dark and curly.
I can't believe she flashed me.
What goes on in her mind is scary.
Yet I'm as thirsty for it as a fish out of water.
*** it! Let's go to the Carry Center.
They buy ***?
Big time. Let's go.
Look, look.
I know you.
Baby! Wanna hang out with me tonight?
And wake up with me?
I'll eat your ***.
Get in the car.
- Want a ride? - She doesn't need one.
You know you have beautiful eyes?
And hair...
and skin...
and everything else, too.
I'm having a party. There's gonna be a DJ...
food, drinks, everything. It's gonna be cool.
I'd love for you to come.
No, thanks.
No? Why not?
I don't want to.
No problem.
We'll go someplace else.
I'm talking to you.
She doesn't want to talk to us.
You, shut up.
What is it, lady, you got a problem?
Are you deaf, or am I not good enough?
Let her go.
Bye, Chimo.
Bye, Chimo? What do you think I am?
What the ***'s that? What, what?
Wat-wat! What are you, a *** duck?
Why'd you *** with me like that? You know her?
She just showed up at the clinic. Let's go.
Why was she there?
What do I know?
What did you talk about?
Nothing.
You think I'm stupid?
What else are you hiding from me?
Nothing.
Chicks like that don't just show up.
She must have caught an STD.
Anyway, she's a ***.
I ran into her, I said, "Hi," she didn't even say hi back.
Yet while she's looking at me, she's touching herself.
If you looked as good, you'd do the same.
You've been acting really weird lately, you know?
Where are you guys?
I bought tons of food.
I can come and pick you up.
Why not?
Get lost.
Drop it, DJ. Let's go.
I need to ***.
Who next?
Your turn, Chimo.
Get in there or he'll kill you.
*** her!
Come on!
I'm not in the mood.
Maybe he gay. He *** Li upstairs, he gay, too!
Shut up, egg roll.
I want to see you *** her.
It's my birthday.
Come on, Mohammed, me not here forever.
My name's not Mohammed.
No problem, Mohammed.
I give you sucky.
Man, I already paid.
Then *** her twice.
Tell us something. Are you a ***?
If you are, it"'"s okay. Just say it.
I'm a ***. I just can't hide it like you do.
You didn't *** the ***...
you smell nice...
you dress nice, you're polite...
and you're good to your mama.
Add it all up, you're a ***.
Get off his back.
Yeah, get off his back.
Chimo's not a ***...
he just got laid this morning. Right, Chimo?
What's this about?
Your limp ***.
Two reasons: Either you're ***, or you're *** the blond.
Which is it?
I've had it. Pull over, Bakary.
Pull over!
I warn you, don't keep her to yourself.
Sometimes, I feel happy about my secret.
That she looks at me, talks to me. I tell myself I'm the only one.
But I don't know what to do around her.
She's like a wild country.
See...
they thought she was dead.
Well, she isn't.
Look.
She's waking up.
To thank them...
she screws all of them.
Then she falls in love...
with this one.
- And stops screwing around? - Don't know.
I don't have part two.
This girl shakes me up and tosses me around.
I'm like a salad in her hands.
My lips are glued.
What am I doing here?
What are you thinking about?
Some guys put an idea into my head.
What guys?
Guys scouting around.
Scouting for what?
*** films.
A lot of amateurs make movies these days.
It's easy with digital cameras.
Plus, blonds are hot nowadays.
I told them I was a ***...
and wanted $1,000.
They said they didn't care for virgins.
Why did you tell them that?
I thought they wouldn't notice.
Ever been in a film before?
But you're tempted.
It gives me ideas.
Like what?
Beyond getting screwed, Chimo...
I'd love to watch myself screwing...
and try new stuff at the same time.
Once, I tried in front of a mirror.
Bottom line:
Couldn't see a thing, didn't enjoy it.
Would you do me a favor?
Yeah, I guess.
Could you film me while I'm screwing?
I don't think I can.
It's easy.
All you have to do is take a camera...
position yourself...
so you get both my lower half and my face, so I know it's really me.
Later, when I watch it...
I'll come even harder.
Why do you ask me that?
It would be a treat for both of us.
Who told you I'd like it?
I don't know. Whatever.
I thought you would.
If I don't, will you ask someone else?
Why do you keep on about this?
About what?
You know.
No, I don't.
***, ***, ***, all that stuff.
What else is there?
- Where were you? - I had work to do.
Don't lie. You were with that girl.
So?
She's indecent.
Every time you see me with a girl, she's indecent.
It's sinful to display your thighs.
Don't bug me with sinful and sacred, or I'm out of here.
Don't talk to me like that.
Mom, I don't agree with the way you see things lately.
I'm not surprised. You Jarjouras only think of your...
Here we go again.
Your stinking father lost it the moment she spread her legs.
Stop talking about Dad. Khalass, he's gone.
"Inch'AIlah," he never comes back!
He thinks she'll make him happy?
An Arab with a French woman?
Since he left, you're angry all the time.
All you do is moan.
It's like something bad happened, and you just gave up.
I know it's not easy to live here.
Maybe if you fix yourself up, you won't be alone anymore.
I miss seeing you smile.
Sometimes, I think if I wasn't around...
you'd be much better off.
All week long, she showed up where I worked.
But we never talked.
You don't know anyone really.
I dreamed about you.
What was the dream about?
Stuff you wouldn't believe.
Like what?
I was screwing 100 guys at once.
And you know what?
They all had your face.
When I don't see her for a day or two...
I imagine her doing the stuff she tells me about.
And I get this lump in my stomach.
It's a new feeling, and it's eating me alive.
Help!
My poor little angel!
A priest, quick!
Jesus, Mary, Joseph!
She's not getting any better.
What have I done to deserve this?
I knew you'd come.
Your aunt...
She's lost it.
I know.
I told her a story.
You want to hear it?
Yes, I do.
This morning, she's acting screwy again...
singing in front of my ***.
I got really pissed off. So I tell her...
I saw the devil.
You saw what?
I saw him with my own eyes.
Your shirt is unbuttoned.
How do you know it was the devil?
He told me.
- You must have heard voices. - No.
His organ was red and it smoked.
Red doesn't prove a thing.
And the smoke?
Maybe it was one of the sand ***.
His organ smelled of sulfur...
and he had a big rat tail.
A rat tail?
It trailed all over the floor.
See for yourself.
He knocked St. John over.
But, my Lord. Why would he come in here?
Why?
To *** an angel.
That just finished her.
I laughed so hard inside.
I'd never talked sex with her.
You know what he told me?
Who?
The devil.
He said, "Lila"...
"you're going to blow me".
Then we stayed like that in silence...
both of us...
for a minute or two.
Sometimes, you lose track.
I'm sure you know that.
Yes, I do.
Then I start blowing him.
I keep my eyes closed.
I go down on this hard, sweet...
round, throbbing thing.
The world stands still.
Day, night...
wars, seasons...
You just obey.
Why is he doing this to me?
How does he know...
it both scares me and turns me on?
What a feeling.
Like the saints who saw heaven open for them...
as they were being tortured.
You know the rest.
No point in looking. I cleaned up after he left.
If I were you, I'd be more careful.
You would?
About what?
I don't know, those stories.
Do you believe me or not?
If you don't, why are you listening to me?
I believe you, Lila.
Father, is she possessed?
Calm down, Madame.
My poor Lila! My angel!
Stop it!
Please, Madame. I'll take it from here.
Miss...
can you tell me where it happened?
In my bedroom.
When?
This morning.
And this thing, what did it look like?
Horns, claws...
the usual.
I know how traumatic it must have been...
Who is this devil?
One of those guys she says she screws whenever she can?
And what does she want from me?
She, too, must think I'm an idiot because I haven't jumped her yet.
He was right here with a big rat tail.
It was a pitchfork, not a rat's tail.
Why not tell what really happened?
This is nobody's business, Father.
Sucking the devil's *** is everybody's business.
Please, don't leave us.
We're two single women among savages.
You ***!
- *** racist! - Out, out!
Get out. All of you!
How long have you been sharing secrets with Miss ***-tease?
He"'"s so *** dumb.
She talks *** and ***, and you know what he does?
He holds her hand.
Wait until I tell everyone. Your ***'s up ***'s creek.
Two euros, please.
Let's make up.
You're the one who's sulking.
It's all this ***'s fault.
The devil stuff, the fights... It's all her fault.
She's breaking the balance between us, she's *** us up.
- Mostly you. - Don't worry about me.
Of course I do. You're like my brother.
We need to talk.
So talk.
Why do you think she's after you?
You tell me.
French girls think we're exotic goods.
Arab singers, Arab actors, soccer players...
We're hip.
They go out with us just to show off.
I don't see anyone showing off with you.
You and her, it can't work. She's nuts.
You heard her stories. How can she come up with this ***?
She's sick, that's what I say.
And I like what she says.
How do you think she got her moped?
- From a friend. - A friend?
Try a customer.
One night, a gray limo drove by. She was standing on the curb.
The door opened, she got in, and off they went.
Did you see it?
Don't tell me you didn't.
I saw the car, too.
It had curtains.
They put a *** video on...
just to set the mood...
they drive around for a while...
they bring her back, slip her some cash.
"Bye, let's *** again soon".
You weren't there.
It's up to you, pal.
You can go for her devil ***.
I'm giving you facts.
You're dating a ***.
She's a ***.
Speak of the devil.
Hey, ***, come here! I want to screw you. Come here!
Are you scared or what? You ***!
Come suck my ***!
Let me go! ***!
Let me go!
It's okay, let go of me.
My pals saw you.
Saw me what?
Get into a gray car with curtains.
Is that why you came?
So what about the car?
Can't I have friends who'll take me out for a ride?
So it's true.
Why do you ask, since you saw me?
I *** you off once, so what?
- Nothing. - Your pals are hopeless.
Subnormal.
I don't even look at them.
I'd pollute my eyes.
I'm not for them.
At least they know it.
I'd choose any trash on earth over them.
So what...
if they call me a ***?
What if I like it?
Anyway, I don't care.
Anything they say washes right over.
Sometimes it hurts me to see you with them.
It really does.
You're not on the same level.
That's why I'm nice to you. You can't deny it.
I'm not denying it.
I thought you were my friend.
You know all my secrets.
But sometimes I think you're just as phony as them...
and your future is just as limited.
I thought you had a little something...
I mean, more than the others.
I never betrayed you, Lila.
What about the devil?
You could've stood up for me...
but you didn't.
Now my aunt wants us to move away.
I thought you were having fun.
You knew I'd made it all up to get rid of my aunt.
I thought you did it to...
Turn you on?
That, too.
I never know what you expect of me.
When '"m alone, I think of you.
I even jerk off thinking of you.
Do you know that?
I even thought...
we might get married...
and have kids.
Damn it, can't you see I love you?
Dumbest moment of my life.
I'd never experienced anything like it.
I should have grabbed her and held her tight...
but I didn't.
Didn't know how to.
I got scared.
Now that I realize what she said...
it may be too late.
Could I film her like she wants with a bunch of masked sex maniacs?
I might go completely out of control...
smash everything around and lose her for good.
I wonder what I'm turning into.
***...
I can't even think straight anymore.
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
- What is it? - Nothing.
Nothing.
I wanted to tell you I'm sorry about the other day.
What do you mean?
What I said about the blond girl.
Don't worry about it.
I insist. Who am I to judge her?
What's going on?
Tell your scumbag friends never to set foot here again.
Mouloud started kicking the pinball machine.
I said, "Stop". He trashed the whole place.
Why?
No idea. He kept yelling that blond girl was gonna get it...
then he and his two buddies went on with their ***.
Chimo! Don't be stupid! Stay out of it!
It's me.
Police!
Who else did it?
I told you, that's it.
What about him?
Are you sure?
I'll testify.
*** YOUR GRANNY!
Anybody home?
Hello. I'm looking for Lila.
So am I. I think they moved out. I don't know where they went.
Too bad. Thank you.
Do you know where I could reach her?
I always come to pick her up. She baby-sits my kids.
LOVE AND THE FRENCH
AMATEUR HARD-CORE *** SOARS ON THE INTERNET
RED BARNS
Listen, I need your help. I need to get ahold of Lila Orlowsky.
She must have left you an address, a phone number, something.
I can't tell you. It's illegal. Buzz off.
Please, sir.
That's all I'm asking. Sir, I beg you!
She doesn't know about this!
She must have thought I was in on it!
I just want to...
Please, just one phone call!
Please! I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life!
Sir! Please!
***!
Yes?
I love you.
I know.
I haven't seen Lila yet.
She went to Poland for the whole summer.
Me, too. I decided to leave.
Lila was the only reason to stay or to leave.
Lila was the only reason.
Lila and what she said.
"Lila"?
Yes. That's what Lila said to me.
Lila...
She changed my life.
I now remember one thing she said to me...
and I forgot to write it down.
I like talking to you about all this.
Why me?
'Cause I like your eyes when I talk to you.
Translation Henri B HAR