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Well, Chip from Alabama strikes again. This time, he’s sent us more games for the barely
playable Tiger game.com, and not only that...he sent some of the worst ever released for the
damn thing.
Case in point? Holy blurry screen! It’s Batman and Robin.
And you know, looking back, there must’ve been some strange planetary alignment in 1997...something
astronomical must’ve happened for both the game.com and the worst Batman movie ever to
come into existence in the same year, all but guaranteeing there would also exist a
Batman and Robin for the game.com.
Like a black hole that allows no suckage to escape.
Batman and Robin is a side-scrolling beat ‘em up of the simplest variety. And given
the platform, that’s probably a good thing. I mean, you can actually kind of see what’s
going on in this game, and that’s because there’s not much going on in this game.
Batman or Robin move from the left to the right, and you beat up the bad guys. I’d
describe them, but...I mean, I have no idea.
The thing about this game, though, is that...the things that make it suck are also the things
that make it at least remotely work on the game.com. Which is to say...yes, the gameplay
is ridiculously simple and repetitive, and yes, it moves so slow that it starts grating
your nerves. But in the game’s defense...that’s actually smart design for the game.com.
Anything more complicated, and it wouldn’t even function.
Of course, that would imply that it functions as is...and I mean, that feels like a pretty
charitable thing to say. Now, the game plays fine—in fact, better than most game.com
games—but it’s not even remotely enjoyable. You punch enemies in the face until the quota
is met, at which point, the game tells you to go...presumably to the right.
Which is more polite than where I’d tell it to go.
I guess the real question is...which is worse? Batman and Robin the movie or the game.com
game? There’s no possible way of giving that question rational thought and maintaining
sanity, so...uh, the movie has Alicia Silverstone, the game doesn’t. I mean, at least I don’t
think it does. I didn’t see her.
I didn’t see anything.