Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
TANNER: Now on Top Gear...
Wagon power!
...we build our own RVs
and fight over which is best on a road trip across the Deep South.
Oh, no, I got a bad start.
What could possibly go wrong?
Boyfriend, you are hot. Now, what are we drinking?
Nearly one in 10 Americans own an RV,
but being able to sleep where you want comes at a price.
A top-of-the-line RV can set you back over $400,000.
So Top Gear asked us to design our own RVs
that were not only comfortable but fun to drive.
We met up at the Sycamore Lodge in North Carolina,
and I was the first to arrive.
(TYRES SCREECHING)
Fun, in my book, means speed.
So for an RV to get my stamp of approval,
it's gotta be able to do burn-outs,
it's gotta be able to drift,
and go at least a buck thirty.
Which is why the 1983 Porsche 928S is perfect.
Goes 146 miles an hour. It was the fastest production car in North America in 1983.
It's got 234 horsepower, it's a 4.7-litre V8.
This car is fast.
And, yes, it has a giant rocket strapped to the roof,
because that is awesome.
It's lightweight, it's about the most aerodynamic shape I could come up with,
and it's fully equipped with a sleeping bag and an alarm clock.
What more could a man need in an RV?
So if you want a super-fast, fun car
and you want to sleep everywhere,
behold.
TANNER: Holy crap.
-Eh? -(LAUGHING)
'73 Buick Centurion, my friend.
Very rare. They only made a little over 10,000 of these cars.
Convertible, fun to drive, and I see you noticed,
-the Flatiron Building. -TANNER: Wow.
Great, isn't it? An RV's your home away from home.
I took home with me. This is only 10 blocks from my house.
ADAM: Mine was a two-storey apartment with five-foot ceilings.
A sleep loft, fully stocked bar, TV,
and the Oval Office,
all modelled after New York City's famous Flatiron Building.
-How much horsepower does this have? -250.
-You're going nowhere. -Are you kidding? It's aerodynamically designed!
If there's one thing that man has made that is truly aerodynamic...
-Right. -...it's not the Flatiron Building. It's a rocket.
ADAM: It looks like you're leading a Russian parade in this thing.
Really? Looks like you have a cheesecake on your head.
Are you kidding? It's the Flatiron Building! It's iconic!
What do you think Rut's gonna have?
This is his world, the world of RVing.
He's gonna have a UPS truck with a porch.
That would've been a good idea, actually.
ADAM: You're kidding.
That's not Rut. That's some tuner guy in a Honda.
Feast your eyes on the Mini-Winnie.
-(BOTH LAUGHING) -Right? It's a miniature Winnebago.
This is an '89 Honda Civic, maybe one of the coolest cars ever made.
TANNER: Maybe you didn't quite get what we were doing here.
-We're building an RV that was fun. -Yes! And we're supposed to...
ADAM: Fun to drive and functional.
This is neither fun to drive nor functional.
I have a Porsche with a rocket on the roof.
I have the Flatiron Building on a Buick.
Okay, just a show of hands, who travels with NASCAR every week
and is always surrounded by RVs?
-Oh, that's right, this guy! -Show of hands,
who thinks that someone who travels with NASCAR
should've made a better choice than this?
Obviously you guys don't know how cool a Honda Civic wagon is
and how much fun they are to drive.
First off, it's an EF, one of the best chassis Honda ever made.
TANNER: But it's not an RV.
Guys, it's not what it looks like to get there,
it's what it's like once you set it up to camp.
It looks like crap now, but once we get there, it gets even crappier.
-Wow. -I can only assume which is yours.
I'm gonna say maybe 10,000-pound monstrosity is what RVing is all about.
This has plenty of room! What is RVing?
You want to bring your home away from home.
Fun is this. A Porsche with a rocket on top.
I have a toilet, okay?
You obviously crap in the car. Look at all this stuff in here.
You look like a rolling hoarder.
RUTLEDGE: Once we get to the campsite, get this thing all set up,
you're gonna see best RV ever made.
Where's the campsite?
-I don't know. I got these spot numbers. Yeah. -Really?
-I'm 81. -ADAM: 79.
And I'm 80.
-Well, you know what that means. -What?
-We need to race there. -Great! I don't have to run!
Hey, Rut! Watch this launch.
RUTLEDGE: Oh, come on!
Stuck behind Rutledge. There has got to be... Ooh!
...a better way.
Whoa!
Shortcut!
Where's he going?
Just driving around, Porsche, off-road,
at 70 miles an hour with a rocket on top.
Normal campground stuff.
Oh, he's gonna tip that thing over, he's going so fast.
Whoa! A little bit of body roll,
basically because there's a building on top of a Buick.
Whoa!
Honda Civic wagon!
Wagon power!
ADAM: Come on, come on. Give me an opening, Rut!
What if I drop a building on you? You wouldn't like that, would you?
All right, space number 80, space number 80.
ADAM: Come on. Give me an opening.
Where is it? Where is the number?
-(HONKING) -Oh, good! I've just been passed by a building!
(LAUGHING)
What a psycho!
Where is he?
RUTLEDGE: Oh, really?
What was that?
I win.
What did you do to this tree?
Tread lightly.
-It's all right. -Good gosh!
Look at that, stands right back up.
-Okay, so... -I win.
-Obviously I win! -How did you win? You pulled in. You have to back in.
-Yes! -You don't have to back in!
You can pull... It's a camp...
I mean, it was who gets here first.
So you definitely did not win.
-Right here. -I'm here, and I am set up.
You're not even set up, and you're gonna pull your rocket nose first?
-How rude is that? -Absolutely.
I'm gonna go set mine up, and you guys will finally see what a real RV looks like.
Surprisingly roomy, these things.
Just got to adjust something.
-Where's he going? -Watch this.
(LAUGHING)
What are you... (LAUGHING)
Wow!
Nice and easy, and...
-Holy (BLEEP). -Wow! Look at that!
-There she goes! -(METAL CLANGING)
That's how you RV, right there.
Look at that, huh?
-Look at this! -(ADAM LAUGHING)
-Hey, Rut... -Five feet, the car just grew.
Yeah, that's perfect.
Oh, my gosh, look at all that space!
This is a kit, or did you make this?
Oh, it's homemade. I sell the plans on the Internet.
-Uh-huh. -Let's go burn something.
-That thing is awesome. -ADAM: Yeah.
TANNER: And that's how you cook.
Don't you need some food to cook?
-I forgot the food. -Yeah.
Well, there's gotta be food around. Are we staying here?
Let's find out.
-Uh-oh. -What?
"You must now travel 120 miles to a NASCAR race
"at Charlotte Motor Speedway, where you'll spend the night in the infield.
"On the way, you'll compete in a series of challenges
"to test the practicality of your creations.
"The first challenge is 70 miles from here."
-Seventy miles? -We're not even staying here.
Should we even tell Rut?
Nah, he's so happy. Just let him finish.
Right, there's my awning. Okay.
Oh! Oh, that's where that pole goes.
-Can I use your bathroom? -Come on in.
Right, now you come this way, and this goes up.
Really? That's the bathroom door right there?
Yeah, I should have got a thicker curtain.
Okay!
Okay!
(TOILET FLUSHING)
ADAM: Twenty-seven minutes later, Tanner was relieved,
and Rut's refugee camper was closing in on completion.
Hey, Rut, how much longer do you have?
You know what? I am almost there.
Just got to find an extension cord to plug in my bug zapper.
All right, Rut, so it's faster to break that thing down than set it up, right?
-Yeah. -Good. Break it down. We gotta go.
-What? -We're not staying here.
-Where are we staying? -Charlotte. We're camping in the infield.
-Says who? -Says the challenge read.
You've known this that whole time?
Well, just the last 20 minutes or so.
ADAM: Let's go. Come on. Pack it up.
Never go away and leave a fire burning.
You guys don't even know what a cool RV is. Takes a little time!
A little dedication!
ADAM: After a half hour of whining, Rut had packed up.
So far, our RVs had survived.
But how would they handle the open road?
The reason I build my RV off of a Honda Civic wagon
is that I wanted something that would still be fun to drive,
be economical, get good gas mileage.
The car is a little bit louder than I had anticipated.
Because I had to cut the car in half,
I had to turn the exhaust to come out on the front,
so I didn't have room for a muffler or a catalytic converter.
So I'm basically just running an open-header on this thing.
TANNER: Ten feet behind me, Adam seemed blissfully unaware
that he had half a city block on his head.
This is open-top motoring at its finest.
This is a combination of American big-block muscle
and architectural genius.
Now, the Centurion gets its name from the 1956 concept car.
That Buick Centurion had a fibreglass body and a bubble top.
It had a V8 motor, and in the back it had a turbine with a camera in it.
There was no rear-view mirror. It was the first back-up camera.
Pretty cool, huh?
-(ENGINE REVVING LOUDLY) -(SHOUTING) Oh, my ears are bleeding!
ADAM: Over in the Pocket Rocket,
Tanner had taken on the smugness of every Porsche driver in America.
I will say I am absolutely...
Impressed.
The fastest RV on record right now is a Mercedes Westphalia
with 139 miles an hour.
It's got nothing on this, though.
Zero-to-60 in 6.2 seconds and 146-mile-an-hour top speed
potentially make this little RV combination right here
the fastest in the world.
RUTLEDGE: Tanner may have been happy
driving under the world's largest suppository,
but the drawbacks of driving a building were beginning to dawn on Adam.
The biggest problem I didn't anticipate was the wind.
When the wind picks up, you're pretty much just turning that way.
-(TYRES SCREECHING) -Oh! Oh! There you go!
(LAUGHING) Yeah!
That's it, big girl.
My hands are sweating just watching Adam drive that car.
ADAM: I may have underestimated the complexities
of driving Miss Daisy's entire apartment building.
But at least the top was down and I could enjoy the fresh air.
RUTLEDGE: The exhaust is a tiny bit loud,
and it's dumping into the car.
(COUGHS)
Whoo!
I think I might be getting high.
TANNER: Thirty miles into our journey, and I was loving my design.
Nothing was gonna stop my RV from making it to Charlotte.
For Adam, well, there was at least one thing in his way.
Oh! A bridge!
Oh, I don't like bridges.
I really hope that's bigger than 13 feet.
TANNER: Coming up, we drag our RVs to Charlotte Motor Speedway...
Come on! Get out of that rocket, baby!
...and head into the eye of the storm.
Abort! Whoa!
TANNER: We were on a road trip across the South in RVs we'd designed ourselves
to find out if we could improve the performance of these highway behemoths.
My Porsche rocket had won the first speed challenge,
but as we headed into our second challenge,
Adam was having some trouble.
Oh! A bridge!
Oh, I don't like bridges.
I really hope that's bigger than 13 feet.
Here we go!
I didn't wreck it!
Yet.
With both Adam and Rut's RVs already showing their weaknesses,
we arrived at the location of our next challenge,
the famous 4Wide drag strip in Concord, North Carolina.
Yes! Ha-ha!
Gentlemen, I know we could be here to breed turkeys or something,
but the fact that we're lined up on a drag strip leads me to believe
-that you're about to get your *** kicked. -Are you kidding me?
We're at a drag race. I'm in a Porsche with...
-A rocket on the top of it! -Exactly!
-You're kidding me. -This is a day I have dreamed of.
-Yeah? -To maybe get the chance
to run 4Wide at the ZMAX Dragway, this is gonna be awesome.
Look how happy he is! He's gonna lose,
-but look how happy he is. -You don't know.
That Honda Civic wagon is amazing.
You're gonna step on the gas, and the front of your car is gonna go forward,
and the back of your car is gonna stay here.
As light as it is, I would win.
(HONKING)
TANNER: The next test of our RVs
would be a race to the end of the drag strip and back,
against this,
a $400,000, 450-horsepower, top-of-the-line Newmar Mountain Aire.
Now, first off, I would like to point out that I have a huge advantage here
because, number one, I'm not in a Class-A motor home,
and number two, I don't have some gigantic hunk of crap strapped to the roof of my car
like those two idiots do.
All right, let's go!
Let's do this!
I do think we should stay.
Oh, yeah.
-(BEEPS) -Here we go.
(BEEPING)
Oh, there you go!
Oh! That damn rocket!
Oh, no, I got a bad start.
Oh, boy. I wasn't paying attention!
I'm ahead of the motor home! Second gear!
There it is! I'm ahead of the Honda!
It's pretty quick, actually.
Okay, now the big turn! Easy, big girl! There you go.
TANNER: Nearing the halfway point,
our creations had already left the Class-A Newmar Mountain Aire in the dust.
It was now a race for pride.
The tight turning space should have favoured my Porsche,
but I couldn't make the turn until Rut's hoarder Honda was out of the way.
Get out of the way, Rutledge. Get out of the way. Get out of the way.
But on my side of the track, the coast was clear.
(BUS HONKING)
Let's go!
Come on, Rut.
(LAUGHING)
That's it!
How is Adam winning?
Not gonna happen, Adam. Not gonna happen.
Come on! Get ahead of that rocket, baby!
Yeah! That's right, chase it! Whoo!
Come on... Oh, damn it!
Yeah!
Just barely takes down Adam.
Yes! I don't suck!
RUTLEDGE: Oh, great!
Great, great, great.
Even Adam beat me.
And I barely beat the motor home.
(ADAM CHUCKLES)
TANNER: That's what I'm talking about.
That's what you're talking about? You almost got beat by a building.
TANNER: All of a sudden, you were ahead.
Yes, I was.
But then, the power of the Porsche and the aerodynamics of the rocket
came together, planned perfectly.
Okay, listen, I am very pleased that I did not die
and flip over, which I thought was a possibility. What happened to you?
At the last minute, I got nervous that I hadn't put it back in first,
-once I had staged... -So, as soon as you checked it, the light went?
Yes, it was just a hair behind.
This is awesome. If we just stick to racing events,
this is gonna be a great day.
Gentlemen, I am so pleased I am still alive.
-What's next? -You should be.
ADAM: With Tanner taking his second win,
we hit the road for the 20-mile drive to our next challenge.
So far, both challenges had been about speed and handling.
But RVing is also about comfort.
And I was hoping our next test would give my Flatiron a chance to shine.
So, Tanner, explain to me again the theory behind your RV.
The fact is for me RVing is not all about the destination,
it's the journey.
It's having fun, sitting under a...
Most of RVing is spent with your *** in the driver's seat.
So if my *** is gonna be in a driver's seat, it's gonna be in a Porsche.
RUTLEDGE: You guys wouldn't believe how nice it is
to drive this Civic wagon around town.
A.C.'s blowing, I'm comfortable as could be, it's a lot of... Sporty.
-Sporty is how I would describe this car. -It's like...
Rut, it's like you're talking to me from a crop duster.
What?
(LAUGHS)
I do think if I had spent a little more time,
I might have made this a hair more airtight.
A lot of wind noise,
from everywhere.
TANNER: I'm having a good time.
This is the Porsche that I've always wanted to drive,
and I am genuinely getting to drive it.
I don't even feel this giant thing on the roof.
I see it. I'm amazed it's there,
because this car still feels good.
Adam, once he is stopped, probably has the best living situation,
but getting from A to B,
most dangerous thing ever.
ADAM: Oh, easy, big girl. It's like an earthquake.
The whole building shook.
TANNER: We were only 15 miles from Charlotte Motor Speedway
when we reached the location of our next challenge.
RUTLEDGE: Boy, this thing hates to stop.
Doesn't like to go, either.
(GIGGLES)
ADAM: Good RVs should protect you from the elements.
So in our next challenge, we'll be up against these.
Industrial fans,
capable of generating 80-mile-per-hour winds and rain.
We each had to get into our RV's living space
and change into rain gear in the shortest time.
All while being pelted by the remnants of Rut's 30th birthday party.
TANNER: All right. This is how I see this working.
My rocket is made of cardboard.
Cardboard gets wet. It turns into a sponge.
It turns soft. It goes bad. It does all the wrong stuff.
So, I figure I've got about two minutes, maybe three.
-Let me ask you something. -Yeah.
If the water is cold, does his rocket shrink?
Gentlemen, I'm ready.
The rocket is loaded. We're ready for launch.
Are you ready for the perfect storm?
(EXHALES)
Light it.
TANNER: Okay, here we go.
Okay, that's windy.
RUTLEDGE: Flying flamingo.
(ADAM LAUGHS)
Whoa!
RUTLEDGE: Oh, man, his rocket's falling apart.
(ADAM CACKLES)
TANNER: I've lost control of my...
Ow! Get out of here, flamingo.
ADAM: Take that, rocket boy!
(ADAM CACKLES)
(RUTLEDGE LAUGHS)
Ah!
RUTLEDGE: It wouldn't shrink, though.
Abort, abort, turn it off!
ADAM: Houston, we have a problem!
(BLEEP) this! That was ridiculous.
You've got to be kidding me.
(LAUGHING)
What in the hell was that?
RUTLEDGE: What happened? What happened to your rain suit?
It blew out of the freaking car.
(ADAM LAUGHS)
If you're not wearing your raincoat, I think...
Yeah. You're disqualified. You lose.
Whatever.
-What was his time? -Well,
your time was 1:17.
Which would be a great time...
-If you finished. But you didn't. -If you finished.
-DNF. -DNF.
-RUTLEDGE: Did not finish. -Ugh! No, it's a penalty!
Dis not functioning.
Dis not functioning.
All right. Who's up next, then?
-I'll go. -Yeah, okay.
ADAM: Coming up, my Flatiron gets a steam clean.
Ah!
And we go head to head with some NASCAR greats.
Adam flipped over!
TANNER: Top Gear had challenged us to redesign the RV.
And we are headed to Charlotte Motor Speedway.
My rocket Porsche had easily won the first two challenges.
(SCREAMS)
But it hadn't weathered the storm challenge so well.
You're disqualified.
Whatever.
Adam was up next.
I practically won already.
I was the only one smart enough to design an RV
where I don't have to get out of the car to get home.
There's so much stuff to throw.
Shall we, like, divide who's gonna throw what?
I would just... I would just...
Don't.
Don't say a thing.
Hey, are you two done with your picnic?
We're ready when you are.
Let it rain!
(MACHINE STARTS)
Oh!
TANNER: Oh! Oh, yeah! It's payback time!
Look at this stuff bounce off the building.
-Ow! -RUTLEDGE: Oh, this is awesome!
TANNER: Break a window!
Give it a trash can!
Yeah!
TANNER: It may have looked like the aftermath of an earthquake,
but no matter what we threw at it, Adam's ridiculous Buick was still standing.
ADAM: That's right! Public housing, baby!
First floor, men's wear and gardening.
RUTLEDGE: Man, that thing is solid!
RUTLEDGE: Did you just throw a trash can?
Good girl! Yes!
-That was so awesome. -(SIGHS) That was so good.
-Huh? -Huh! (LAUGHS)
It was perfect!
-TANNER: Perfect? -I got my suit on!
ADAM: How great was that?
-1:44. -Yes!
-TANNER: Really? -1:44 and everyone is safe.
You threw two trash cans!
You threw real trash cans?
No! Mm-mmm.
You're a dirty little man.
It's a city. You're in New York.
You go next.
TANNER: Oh, my gosh, you're dead.
Uh, no, you know what? You win.
You win, let's keep going.
It's a good thing you're gonna be protected by that sheet.
Yeah.
It's a... It's a canvas tent. Thank you.
You don't have to worry. Your sheet'll protect you.
It's oiled canvas.
ADAM: You're gonna be fine.
TANNER: Do you think he knows his back window is open a little bit?
Ah, it doesn't matter. He's gonna open the whole car up, right?
(LAUGHS) That's true!
You know how if you say something enough, you start to believe it...
I believe I'm going to win this.
I believe I'm going to win this.
Is he gonna actually try to do the expando?
Yeah, he has to.
He's gonna open that thing up... Set that whole thing up,
probably gonna die.
(SIGHS) These are gonna suck!
All right. Those seem totally wind and waterproof.
I'm ready, let's do it.
Fire it up!
RUTLEDGE: (BLEEP) Holy crap!
Oh, my gosh!
That is windy!
This is so cold!
Oh, man!
Oh, come on!
ADAM: That's it, Rut, keep your head down!
RUTLEDGE: All right, dinner time.
Oh, come on!
TANNER: No mercy!
Seriously, Rut?
RUTLEDGE: It's not working!
Too much wind!
TANNER: Here's a flamingo!
ADAM: There you go, Rut. Pitch your tent!
RUTLEDGE: This may have been a bad idea.
(ADAM LAUGHS)
RUTLEDGE: Oh, come on!
ADAM: As always, the bearded lady's grace and agility under pressure
were a sight to behold.
(SCREAMING)
ADAM: Where're you going, Rut? Come on!
Your tent's not gonna pitch itself!
RUTLEDGE: Forget the tent!
TANNER: Come on, Rut, you call that an RV?
What're you doing, Rut?
All right, stop the clock.
That does never get old.
I swear, I could do that all day.
So, Rut, this is what it looks like when it's all set up?
TANNER: Comfy.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
What happened?
-What... -(BOTH LAUGHING)
TANNER: You've been involved in an accident, sir.
Let me ask you something. Were you scared?
Yeah, I was scared, like, I almost couldn't breathe.
ADAM: I could tell you were scared.
-So... -Are these yours?
Ooh. No.
ADAM: I think they blew off of you.
No, but I wish I wore a belt because I'm having a wardrobe malfunction.
How long did it take me?
-Give him his time. -3:04.
That was three minutes? That was the longest three minutes of my life.
Oh, my gosh, I thought that was, like, 15 minutes.
(ADAM CACKLING)
Well, listen, you fought valiantly.
-Thank you. -ADAM: You lost.
Second place, though.
What's next?
We're going to Charlotte, boys.
-Yeah! -Pick up your pants.
I'm gonna need a belt.
ADAM: With my Buick victorious, rut and Tanner patched up
what was left of their RVs.
Our last two challenges were on Race Weekend at Charlotte Motor Speedway.
The first one was in the infield during qualifying.
Well, I'd say that didn't go so well.
RUTLEDGE: The hurricane pretty much ruined the car.
It is now stuck in its open position.
My tent is a little wet.
So is my blanket,
and my pillow and my mattress.
Could be worse. Could have a Honda Civic wagon
that looks like it was involved in a magician's trick gone bad,
or a building with a tree growing out of the top floor.
So, not all bad here.
TANNER: We finally made it to Charlotte.
Along with 144,000 screaming fans
who knew more about RVing than we ever would.
We headed to our camp site on what's known as Redneck Hill.
This place was legendary.
And Adam couldn't wait to share a slice of the Big Apple with the south.
Apparently, there's gonna be a lot of RVs here.
But not one like this.
This is actually a landmark.
Oh!
Stay still, landmark.
TANNER: But while Rut's micro machine may have been watered down,
his level of enthusiasm definitely wasn't.
I'm really excited to head to the infield.
I mean, this is my place, these are my people.
Hey there, Rut.
How're you doing?
I mean, it's like family. It's like a family reunion here.
TANNER: Look at Rutledge.
He's like the Hoff in Germany.
They can't get enough of him.
He's gonna get mobbed.
He's got camper groupies just waiting for him
with little life-size cutouts of Rut.
ADAM: But unfortunately for Rut, it wasn't just the groupies
waiting to scratch his undercarriage.
-RUTLEDGE: Whoa. -ADAM: You gonna be able to clear that?
Just maintain throttle.
(CAR THROTTLES)
Oh! Oh, boy, hold on!
(THROTTLES)
RUTLEDGE: I got it.
RUTLEDGE: Coming up, Tanner impresses the locals.
Boyfriend, you are hot.
Now, what are we drinking?
And Adam fears for his life.
I'm gonna die in a Buick!
RUTLEDGE: Top Gear had sent us to North Carolina
to see which one of us could create an RV that was actually fun to drive.
So far, Tanner's rocket Porsche had won the campground and drag races,
while Adam's Flatiron Buick had taken the storm challenge.
Yes!
Now, we were at Charlotte Motor Speedway.
Whoo-hoo!
For our next challenge.
Oh! This is it! Charlotte Motor Speedway under the lights!
Okay, we have made it to Redneck Hill.
I didn't make that up.
ADAM: I think I found our spots.
RUTLEDGE: Our next challenge was to throw a tailgate party.
Whoever got the most guests would win.
Look at this! This is great!
-Whoa! -RUTLEDGE: How cool is that?
-Holy crap. -RUTLEDGE: Yeah.
That's almost as fast as my rig.
-I know. -That's loud.
I got two words for you guys tonight.
Yeah, come on!
Isn't that three words?
ADAM: Rut may have been on his home turf,
but I was gonna win.
Because I had the only RV that could actually fit a party.
Plus I was offering the finest cuisine New York had to offer.
Those two idiots didn't stand a chance.
Uh, that won't open.
Nothing like the box of wine at a NASCAR track.
Can you smell it?
They're gonna be flocking around like flies.
(COUGHING)
RUTLEDGE: NASCAR qualifying nights mean
that the drivers all have to stick around the track
to see who qualifies where.
And it wasn't long before one of my buddies,
Kenny Wallace, popped by to check in on me.
In all your years of racing, have you ever seen
such a fine RV as this?
First of all, you're my hero for attempting something as crazy as...
I noticed you went for the aerodynamic look.
Exactly!
-Rutledge! -Yeah.
Are you kidding me? This (BLEEP) is right here next to me.
Is that convenient or what?
TANNER: My RV may not have had enough room inside to party.
But that's not what my rocket RV was about.
I've been having fun the whole way.
I've been drifting every corner I possibly could,
going 110 miles an hour wherever I could.
You wanna listen to it?
(ENGINE REVS)
RUTLEDGE: But over in the Flatiron,
Adam's New York schtick was falling on deaf ears.
Come on up and see the Flatiron Building and the fire-breathing Buick!
Come on up and get a wiener.
Lady, you want a wiener?
RUTLEDGE: Meanwhile, I was partying it up.
-Boom! -There you go.
-It's keg time. -My man.
Pump it up, man. Pump it up.
Pro driver Carl Edwards took pity on Tanner.
Are you okay or...
-Yeah, no, I'm okay. -You need a ride or something?
No. Are you kidding me? I've got my home away from home right here.
How fast does your motor home go?
(CHUCKLES)
-Not as fast as your rocket, I'm sure. -Yeah.
But Tanner's Porsche wasn't the only pity party.
NASCAR driver Greg Biffle
decided to keep poor Adam company.
ADAM: Push your hatch up, you get in this way.
-GREG: I love it. -Right here's the living room.
What is the rubber boot for?
ADAM: If you wanted it, I would leave it for you.
TANNER: Rut's keg was drawing in NASCAR fans like pigs to mud.
But as the night wore on, things got weirder.
For all of us.
God bless America, and God bless the infield of Charlotte Motor Speedway.
-There you go. -And we're with this hot cat. Whoo-hoo.
-Come on! Cheers! -Cheers!
RUTLEDGE: Well, except for Adam,
who was still working the crowd.
Come on up and see the fire-breathing Buick!
It's not just an RV, it's an experience!
Boyfriend, you are hot. Now, what are we drinking?
RUTLEDGE: You... You have a pet squirrel?
Yeah, can you feed him?
Whoa! Sweet Jesus!
Hot dogs. Marshmallows.
Come on by. Grab a wiener.
Now, we got a little video camera, naughty!
-Oh, goodness, yeah... Oh, wow. -Naughty. I love it.
You know, if you need it, there's a crapper in the passenger seat.
I don't think they really understood the Flatiron Building, you know.
You get it, don't you?
ADAM: In a viscous blow to good taste,
Rut's keg party turned out to be the biggest draw.
And with the qualifying laps and the keg finished,
we all stumbled into our RVs to hit the sack.
Goodnight, Rut.
Goodnight, Tanner.
Freaks.
(SIGHS) Set an alarm.
Oh, (BLEEP) it. It's wet.
(EXHALES)
(EXHALES)
RUTLEDGE: After a terrible night's sleep,
I woke up with a vague memory
of betting Kenny Wallace and a couple of other drivers
that we could beat them in a race on the Speedway's dirt track.
RUTLEDGE: Oh, boy!
What have we gotten ourselves into?
Holy (BLEEP)!
Tanner had won two challenges, and Adam and I had taken one each,
so we decided to make the final challenge a winner takes all.
We'd race six laps of the track.
Us against real NASCAR drivers, in real RVs.
Driving the 1994 Airstream Land Yacht was Max Pappis.
In the '98 Fleetwood Flair was Kenny Wallace.
And over in the '96 Georgie Boy Pursuit, Hermie Sadler.
RUTLEDGE: We're racing against three of the best, here.
I can't lie. I am a little bit nervous here.
I'm not quite sure what we got ourselves into.
I do think I'm in a better situation that these two boneheads.
Look at Rutledge, he's got a roll cage on the back part of his Honda
but nothing protecting him in the front.
Plus, he's gonna be driving an accordion.
That's scary.
Adam has somehow managed to drive that thing this far
without flipping it over.
That reign, I believe, has come to an end.
(ENGINE REVS)
It's go time.
Come on, baby, it's me and you.
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
I'm dead. I'm just dead.
(HONKS)
Oh, man! Here we go!
Oh, they're all running. I'm going up high.
TANNER: How about I sneak through? Oh, yeah!
The Porsche's so fast!
Oh, Tanner's in front.
How the hell did he get in there?
Whoo! Broke out with an early lead!
I won't try to run the high line!
(CHUCKLES)
Yeah!
(CHUCKLES)
Oh! Oh! Oh, hold on. Hold on!
Oh, that's scary. I don't know how many wheels are on the ground.
TANNER: We crossed North Carolina to find out who had designed the best custom RV.
So far, my Porsche rocket had won the campground and drag race.
Whoa!
Adam's Flatiron Buick had won the storm challenge,
and Rut's pop-up Honda had attracted the most tailgaters.
-(SCREAMS) -Thank you.
Now we were on our final challenge.
A six-lap race around Charlotte Motor Speedway's dirt track,
winner takes all.
Oh, that's scary, I don't know how many wheels are on the ground.
After one lap, I was in the lead,
followed by Rut in the Mini-Winnie, with Adam bringing up the rear.
Oh, yeah, baby.
I'm gonna get behind you, I'm gonna smack you in the *** and close that Honda up!
ADAM: Two laps in, I finally passed the cut-in-half Honda.
(LAUGHS) Get out of my way!
TANNER: Wow, this is so dangerous!
This is so unbelievably dangerous.
ADAM: And we weren't the only ones finding the track conditions tough.
Three laps deep, I still held the lead,
but after playing possum for half the race,
the NASCAR pros suddenly decided the best defence
is a good offence.
I'm being chased!
Oh, Jesus!
I'm getting pelted with mud from every direction!
(ADAM LAUGHS)
Yes! Took him on the high side!
Oh! There's an RV about to run over me.
That crazy redneck's gonna kill me!
Whoo-hoo!
I'm gonna die in a Buick!
Adam flipped over.
That wasn't... That's not good.
TANNER: With Adam out of the race and my Porsche a lap ahead,
it was time to have some fun.
I think you hear me knocking!
Get off me! I think Tanner's trying to wreck me!
(CHUCKLES)
The NASCAR pros got bored of being in slower vehicles,
and turned on each other.
It was all down to me versus Rut.
Who knew the Porsche was gonna be so good?
Who knew it?
Oh, (BLEEP)! Oh, Tanner almost hit Adam!
RUTLEDGE: Holy crap!
I was a lap and a half ahead of Rut.
Victory was a lock as I headed into the home stretch.
Whoo-hoo!
But it turned out the old Porsche had nothing left to give.
I think my engine's dead.
Porsche's dead. Porsche's (BLEEP) dead.
With Tanner out just yards from the finish line,
all I had to do was complete the last lap intact,
and my Civic would be victorious.
Come on, wagon, you can do it!
Now I've just got to dodge all the debris.
Last turn, here we go!
Oh! I made it! I made it!
I am the winner!
Oh, man!
I totally won it!
You know what's annoying?
-What's that? -This.
Whoo! Wait, are you okay?
-Yeah, I'm all right. -Whoo!
TANNER: My pocket rocket failed at the last minute.
And Adam's building wasn't up to code.
Which meant we were both stranded.
-You know what's not dead? -What?
The Honda.
Uh, well, the Buick isn't dead. You've just got to push it over.
You guys help me. I'll drive out of this.
You guys need a lift?
You got room in there?
There's room in this beautiful winner's car.
(ENGINE STARTS)
TANNER: Get us out of here.
RUTLEDGE: Come on, baby.
-Okay, everybody, hold on! -TANNER: Thank God!
RUTLEDGE: I think everyone could agree.
The Mini-Winnie's victory proved
that it takes more than just strapping stupid crap to the top of your car
to make a good RV.
RUTLEDGE: Might wanna close your eyes, it gets a little dusty back there.