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Okay, wait for it wait.
***! Ha ha!
Get two peas and a biscuit
and ***!
Left hook, ***.
Don't even think about getting up.
Why don't you go home
with your mind intact, brother?
If you can't handle the trash talk,
learn how to jab.
Then you won't have to hear it.
You know what?
Go cry to your trainer. We're done.
Who you talkin' to?
Just some tool in lowa
who clearly can't handle my skills.
Oh, Jesus, what?
You've been up all night?
You know it. Gotta train.
Somebody's got to earn us some money.
Ah yeah, right,
the X-Box tournament.
That 10 grand should really
keep us in diamonds and furs.
Yo, Vince,
he's messing up my training.
What're you doing, E?
Don't mess with his head.
Guy's my top earner.
Hey, I'm gonna be contributing
to the pot too. Vince, tell these guys.
All right, you tell them
your plan, Johnny.
I measured my room.
It's 600 square feet.
That's 10% of the home.
Now the mortgage
costs $24,000 a month.
I'm gonna pay
$2,400 a month
and I'm gonna own
Where are you gonna get
$2,400 a month?
What, do you think
I cook for free?
Okay, so Johnny's got his plan.
Turtle's got a plan.
What's your plan, Manager?
I'm working on some
things, Vince.
You may wanna work on calling
Emily back. She left three messages.
What am I gonna say,
"I'm an idiot"?
"l shouldn't have promised you
the print of a movie I can't get?"
I like the idiot part.
Why don't you call Walsh?
Ah, see, here's the thing
you don't seem to be grasping.
- I don't make the calls.
- He don't make the calls.
- I make the movies.
- He's the movie star.
And I make the money,
or at least I used to.
Till he hired this guy.
- You wanted to hire me yesterday.
- That was yesterday, bro.
I'll make some calls.
Hey, the manager's working.
Go get 'em!
Eric, do not fear.
I got my top lieutenants meeting me
in the war room in 10 minutes.
Ari, I'm getting killed over here.
Vince isn't happy.
Course he's not happy. Nobody's happy
in this town except for the losers.
Look at me, I'm miserable,
that's why I'm rich.
Cut the ***, I'm serious.
Vince needs a job.
Sounds like you might too.
I tell you what, Domino's is hiring.
Why don't you put that little pizza sign
on top of your Maserati?
Now that is comedy.
Getting dragged through your office
in front of your entire staff
by a guy half your size,
now that's tragedy.
Okay, people,
cancel your lunches.
We are going to close
The lvy today
'cause no one is leaving this room
until we score a big payday
for my boy Vinnie Chase.
Who wants to be a hero?
Liz?
David E. Kelley's got
a terrific new pilot.
Television?
Lots of movie stars are doing
TV now, Ari. Gary Sinise--
Well, when Vince looks like
Gary Sinise, he'll do television.
Peter Gallagher,
Anthony LaPaglia--
Get out.
Seriously,
get the *** out.
Don't even grab a bagel.
Next!
- Davies, what've you got?
- Tobey just fell out of something.
Could probably get Vince
half what they were gonna give him.
All right, that is
what I'm talking about.
You, my friend,
deserve some very expensive lox.
Would you tell Mr. Wick
that Eric Murphy called again?
Murphy, M-u-r-p-h-y.
Yeah, I'm Vincent Chase's manager.
Look how puffy
his eyes are.
Damn, I'm telling him
to get more power on my hooks.
Check this out.
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Oh, I think you knocked
his molar out. Look at this.
If only life came with
a joystick, huh, Turtle?
Yeah, I know.
- Anything?
- They won't call me back.
It's like they don't believe
I'm your manager.
We don't believe it.
Why should they?
I do like the action
you're gettin' off this thing.
I know, it's like
I'm superhuman.
I know 250 bucks is a lot to spend
on a controller, but you know what?
*** it, it's a tax
deduction, right?
You have to have an income
to have a tax deduction.
Where's Vince's income, player?
This controller,
a bag of crip weed
and I'm walking
away with the belt.
Uh, Turtle, about the weed,
I forgot to tell you.
I spoke to Scott
over at E.A.
He says this year at the tournament
they're drug-testing people.
- That's funny.
- I'm dead serious.
And don't embarrass me.
I don't want them taking me
off the players' club list.
Are you *** with me?
Turtle, I got no money,
I got no job,
I don't have the energy
to be *** with you.
Don't *** around.
Hey, Ari.
Eric, I got the cash
you wanted.
Yeah? Did you dust off your tranny
gear and hit Santa Monica Blvd.?
That's not bad. Meet me
at Earth Cafe in 20 minutes.
- I'm with Vince.
- Perfect, he'll love this.
- Mike Hyer's on line three!
- Does it look like I'm here?
- We got a gig.
- What kind of gig?
Chaing Chung.
- What?
- Chaing Chung.
Do you know what
he's talking about?
No. What the ***
are you saying, Ari?
Chaing Chung is the hottest
director in Hong Kong.
Tarantino has already decided he's
the next guy he wants to steal from.
Cool, the guy must be good.
Tarantino only steals from the best.
- That's right, baby.
- So what's the movie?
Not a movie.
- What is it? Is it a TV show?
- No.
Let me guess. Does it rhyme with
what the *** is it, Ari?
- Tell us.
- It's a commercial.
If you can't protect yourself,
the referee
has to do it for you.
You're dropping your guard.
You're dropping your guard.
I can't play when I'm not ***.
Well, smoke a joint then,
'cause you can't win like this.
You heard Vince,
I gotta be drug-tested.
Weed stays
in your system for 30 days.
Nobody says you've got
to quit smoking.
You just got to find
yourself some clean urine.
It's the Chinese
*** Red Bull.
They guzzle it over there.
It's on every corner.
I can't believe you want me
to do a commercial.
Ari, I started in this
business peddling Mentos.
I don't wanna go back.
Vinnie, all the big shots,
all of them, do foreign commercials.
You think L. Ron pays for
Travolta's planes? Please!
Big John has been pumping
the *** full of Sanka for years.
Ari, come on,
my grandfather is Japanese.
What I say, ***?
Is that derogatory?
If you call Wick,
set up a screening--
Are you kidding me?
I'm not gonna call Wick
because I do not want
James Cameron to see the movie.
I'm still working on getting
the meeting back that you *** up.
You let Rumplestiltskin
run your career.
Oh, like you're doing
so *** great, Ari?
I mean, you promised the guy a statue,
I guess you meant the Clio, right?
Ari, I don't want
to do a commercial.
Vinnie, it will never appear
on U.S. soil, all right?
It is one day's work.
He said he doesn't wanna
do a commercial.
For half a million dollars.
What was the director's
name again?
Cha-ching! I'm sorry,
Chaing Chung, boom!
We should do 100 of these a year.
That's 50 million.
Take the other 265 days off.
That's better than
a teacher's schedule.
What do you think, E?
No more movies, no more critics.
Why be a movie star when you can be
an international spokesperson?
Yeah, I remember
my first national commercial.
Oh, what was that,
Valtrex?
Yeah it was,
so *** what?
It got me my Fiat.
Plus I got a *** from
the makeup girl putting my sores on.
- That's nice.
- I wanna live in China.
Hey, Vince, why don't we replace Olga
with one of these hot geisha girls?
Geisha girls are
from Japan, ***.
My point is we should have
a hot cleaning lady who ***.
- Then she'd be a ***?
- Yeah, a *** who cleans.
Oh ***,
it's Emily again.
You can run,
but you can't hide.
I'm stalling till Wick
calls me back.
No, I hate it when people tell me
they can't get my agent on the phone.
Don't let me start hearing about
my manager too. Answer the phone.
No, you know what?
I'll take it.
Come on, I'll tell her
you're immersed in meetings.
- Emily.
- Vince, hi.
- Hi, how are you?
- Good.
Oh my God, wait--
no, stop!
Stop! He's trying to rip the phone
from my hands, can you believe it?
Oh, Jesus, relax!
God! Oh, take it.
Hey, Emily.
Eric, do not make like you haven't
got my last 20 messages.
Uh, well I'm having
a hard time getting the print.
What you mean? How hard can it be
to get a print of a movie?
The director is a bit
of an egomaniac.
Does he know James Cameron
wants to see his movie?
Yeah, that didn't
really impress him.
Eric, I cleared James'
whole schedule for this.
Don't make me look
like an ***.
If you can't get it to me,
let me know as soon as possible.
Okay.
Mr. Chase?
I'm Li Lei, Mr. Chung's
technical advisor.
Yeah, Li Lei, you did
all the fight sequences
in Lau and Mak's "lnfernal Affairs."
Those scenes were amazing.
Wait till you see what Mr. Chung
has in store for you,
even more amazing.
Follow me this way.
Trying to tell me
you wouldn't want her
technically advising us
on how to clean the house?
Chung's vision is based
firmly in wu xia pian.
But he will incorporate kung fu
as an homage to Chinese
new wave cinema. A sort of wire fu.
He will draw
from Chinese mythology
and esoteric aspects
of the martial art.
Chung sees you
as an heroic knight
fighting to uphold justice
in a mystical realm
where you fight powerful clans
of villains who dominate society
and vie for control
of the martial world.
It will include swordplay, flying,
magic and weapons.
Chung wants to know
if you've ever seen
"Chinese Ghost Story"
or "Swordsman."
Yeah, tell him Tsui Hark
is one of my favorites.
Now imagine Tsui Hark
on three bottles of Red Bull.
Very exciting stuff.
Now we drink.
Cheers!
As long as the interpreter
wasn't making up her own stuff,
- this guy's got an interesting vision.
- I think it sounds amazing.
Maybe we should hook up
with this guy after and do a movie.
Now you're talking.
That's a good idea.
Does his vision include any roles
for anyone else who might need a role?
Johnny, you know
I always take care of you.
- Yeah, our man.
- Yeah!
Hey Vince, Chaing loved you.
- He's very excited.
- Oh great.
He wants you and l
to get together immediately
so I can work you
through some moves.
Yeah, I taught him
a few things.
Brandon Lee and l
used to train together.
In fact, I had a small part
in "The Crow."
Yeah, he was the bird.
The Lee clan practically
adopted me.
Me and Brandon used to go
to Mandarette twice a week.
Why don't you meet me
at gym today?
Bring your friends.
I show them moves too.
Sounds good.
- She's very dominating.
- I know, I like it.
You really gonna wear that color
like you earned it, huh?
What are you talking about?
I earned this belt.
In fact, I went
as high as a green.
I just like to wear the yellow
cause it makes my eyes pop.
Any luck with Wick?
I finally got his secretary
to tell me he's at home.
- Headed over there right now.
- Aggressive, I like that.
Hey, if you were as hot
as Li I might go with you.
Come on, Turtle, let's go.
Vince, if you don't mind, as much
as I'd like to see Li Lei sweating,
I gotta pass on the gym. Hack's got me
a lead on some clean urine.
I'll explain it later, bro.
You're gonna love it.
Looks like it's just
you and me, bro,
just like the old days
before these jerkoffs were around.
He's dropping bombs
on his opponent.
I see you in 'em hot-***
shorts you've got on.
Oh, ***, oh!
You're getting kind of good
at this ***, huh?
Good?
You're a heavyweight,
I'm beating your ***
with a 1 10-lb. Filipino, ***.
Don't get cocky, ***,
I'll beat your *** in real life.
I got the high score
in that ***.
Hey yo, Brandon, watch
your little fleshy ***, ***.
I don't want you to get a drop of ***
on my imported ltalian marble.
Oh, you're down, baby.
It's over! Don't even
bother getting up.
Hi, uh Eric Murphy.
Is your dad home?
My dad?
My dad lives in Tennessee.
You must be looking for
my daddy. Come in, he's at the pool.
Yo! Nunchucks, bro!
It's been a while.
See if I still got it.
I see you have had
some training.
Yeah, I wasn't
bullshitting you.
- How 'bout you, Vince?
- Uh, I'm a blank canvas.
I'm a little more athletic than Vince,
so you might wanna
demonstrate stuff on me first.
So you're the athlete
in the family, huh, Johnny?
Athlete with a nice
yellow belt.
I see so many American
wearing these belts
and yet they do not
earn the level.
What are you saying?
Nothing.
It is just in true kung fu,
we never show duan wei with belt.
It is not Chinese way.
So what is
the Chinese way?
This golden dragon
stands for jinlong,
ninth level,
the highest level.
Well look, little Lei Lu,
I earned this level.
And for your information,
we're in America.
Okay, so do you want
we spar a little?
Warm up?
Show Vince your moves?
No.
Oh, come on, I wanna see
your athleticism.
No, Vince,
I'm not beating up a girl.
Only girl in the room is
the one wearing pretty yellow belt.
You calling me a girl?
If the belt fits.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Oh, you want some of that?
What if I was to do
a little something like this, huh?
What if I was to do a little
something like that?
Okay, you wanna
play hardball, huh?
You want some of this, huh?
Go get her, Johnny,
come on.
Good athleticism,
Johnny.
I work with Vince now.
You go next door,
get dim sum.
Yeah, dim sum,
that's a good idea.
My blood sugar
is kind of low.
You know, I didn't have any breakfast
this morning, right?
- Take it easy.
- I'll see you later.
You think you can
do that to me?
No, you do it to me.
We need you to look
like the expert.
If you want to be
hard as iron,
you must first master
laying horse stance.
Yes, ma'am.
Sorry about
the son comment.
Oh, don't worry about that.
You know,
he still might be my son yet.
I can adopt him,
I just can't marry him.
Great country, right?
So, Eric, what's up?
You know Vince is up
for "Aquaman," right?
Hmm, it's a great script.
I passed on it
the first time around, you know?
And now that
Cameron's doing it,
don't I look
like the fool?
Anyway I promised him
a print of "Queens Boulevard,"
but Walsh won't give me one.
Oh, that Walsh,
he's such a brazen ***.
He's a very tough guy
to talk to.
Will you talk to him
for me? For Vince?
Vince isn't here.
But you are.
So if I do this for you,
my scrumptious little lrishman,
what're you gonna do for me?
Hmm?
I am *** with you.
I-- God, you should've
seen yourself.
Anyway, yes, I will call.
I will call.
- What position is this?
- I just invented it.
Do you think Chaing will let us
use this in the commercial?
He may.
He's very creative.
No problem.
All right,
let's get this over with.
Where do I take
the *** test?
- The what?
- The drug test.
I drank three bottles of water
in the car for this,
so could we just get this
over with, please?
This is X-Box, loser,
not the Olympics.
We don't give drug tests. If we did
we'd be out of business, idiot.
- Sucker!
- They got you, Turtle.
- What the *** do I do with this now?
- Drink it.
Aha, you're not
so tough now, huh?
Those games are *** ***.
Calm down, Li.
I can't believe they put me up
against a little kid.
- I don't know, he looks pretty tough.
- He's right.
Don't get overconfident.
You've got to respect your opponent.
I want you to go over there, look
the kid in the eyes and say good luck.
- lt'll shake 'em.
- All right.
Good luck, Turtle.
It looks like it's me and you
in the first round, kid.
I just wanna wish you
good luck.
Yeah, you too,
fat boy.
Ha ha!
Little wise-***.
Hey.
Eric, I tried.
I tried, but
Walsh is a Neanderthal.
- You look very nice.
- What'd he say?
He said that I should
go *** my mother.
He says it's his movie.
His movie! Can you believe that?
Oh, I swear to Christ,
if this movie isn't genius,
I'm gonna have him killed.
What are you talking about? You can't
get the print of your own movie.
- You're not having anyone killed.
- You're right, I know.
But I do have a guy who could
seriously destroy his credit.
Oh well then,
thanks for trying.
- Okay, now duck. You have to duck.
- Duck?
Yeah, you gotta learn
how to defend yourself.
Vince, can I talk
to you for a second?
This is important,
come on.
Okay, just keep practicing that
and you'll be a champ
before you know it.
Duck.
- Duck.
- Rematch?
All right, look,
I spoke to Wick.
Walsh says no go.
I'm sorry.
What are you sorry for?
'Cause I *** up. If you don't
get this movie it's my fault.
You don't really
believe that, do you?
Ari got you the meeting.
I told him to postpone it.
Ah, E
I mean,
the truth is, I *** up.
I shouldn't have bought the house
before I had the money.
Ari *** up because he shouldn't have
told me we had a deal when we didn't.
I mean you thought
the script was great, and it is.
James Cameron's doing it.
Yeah, you're right.
I didn't *** up at all. What are you
giving me such a hard time for?
It's my job.
Look, if James Cameron
wants me for the movie,
he'll set the meeting.
Or he'll see something I've done.
There's nothing we can do.
It's out of our hands.
- If he sees "Queens Boulevard" though--
- We're gonna make $500,000.
Half a mil for the day's
work tomorrow.
I'm not getting
myself down.
You know my father didn't make that
in in his whole life.
No, mine either.
He owed it though.
Yeah, so forget
about "Aquaman."
If it's meant to be, then it's
meant to be, otherwise *** it.
Hey, besides, worse comes to worst,
we always have Turtle.
Yeah, we always
have Turtle.
- Come on.
- All right, I'll call Emily.
- I'll meet you in there.
- All right, man.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Hollywood Circuit
and the X-Box and E.A.'s
"Fight Night" championship.
And now
Iet's get ready to rumble.
In the red corner,
from Queens, New York,
height unknown,
weight unknown,
fighting as Rocky Marciano,
introducing Turtle!
Turtle! Yeah!
Turtle! Turtle!
Turtle!
In the blue corner,
from the Sunshine State,
two-time X-Box
Southeast Conference Champion,
Herby Green!
You're a bum!
We go to first-round action.
Come on, Turtle!
One and two, kid!
Can't take it like a man!
- Oh!
- He's getting killed.
Yeah! Yeah!
It's all over
in the very first round!
The winner by a knockout,
Herby Green!
You guys think
I smoke too much pot?
Turtle, relax. You lost
a video game tournament.
Yeah, Turtle, in our eyes,
you're still the champ.
The kid obviously had some
kind of a cheat code, bro.
I heard he was a beta tester
for that game. Knew every in and out.
- I'm working.
- I'm working.
- Drama, smoke?
- What am l, not working?
We're ready
for you guys.
- Go get 'em.
- All right.
Guess who Cameron wants
to play Aquaman's mother?
I don't know, Ari.
Cloris Leachman?
Huh-uh, Sharon Stone.
Guess who represents
Sharon Stone?
- You do.
- Uh-huh.
Take a guess who Sharon Stone
is absolutely in love with.
It ain't you,
you little ***.
- It's you.
- Really, like love love?
Well, she told Cameron
last night at dinner
her favorite actor
in this town is you.
- Sharon Stone said that?
- Absolutely.
- She's still good looking.
- Yeah, in the right light.
- So what do we do now?
- We bundle up and hit the slopes
'cause James Cameron
is coming to Sundance.
What, just to see me?
And to see the prick director that won't
show him a print of the *** movie.
- It better kill.
- Chung's ready for you.
He says we're losing light.
Okay. Good stuff, Ari.
- Good stuff, Ari.
- Uh-huh, you see that?
Go get 'em, baby.
I've been looking for you.
I haven't been hiding.
It's too bad you came alone.
I am not alone.
Hey, bro!
Drink this!
Like I said,
too bad you came alone.
The Energy Drink.
Good till your heart pops!