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It's cold, isn't it cold? It's bitter out.
So it's Christmas, a great time of year
when we spend hundreds of pounds we haven't really got on piles of cr@p that nobody wants,
to give to a ton of people we don't really like in celebration of a god we don't believe in.
And it's just a huge kind of retail opportunity isn't it? In my hospital there's a jewelers now
and I swear to god, those guys, if they could have done they would have put a Sock Shop in Auschwitz.
Right so it's Christmas and Christmas has been hijacked by the past, hasn't it,
it's all about Bing Crosby and all those guys,
we don't have any new cultural artifacts that belong to us,
so I though I'd just *** an old one.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring... nothing... zip... naff all...
The stockings weren't hung as is usually the norm But worn by the children to keep their feet warm.
The house was no longer all centrally heated And up to the attic we all had retreated.
I lay in my overcoat, a shivering mass, I stared at the rafters and cursed British gas.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed, my teeth all a-chatter.
I pressed my nose to the window in fear, I thought that the bailiffs were finally here.
I guessed by the reindeer it must be St Nick But seeing the driver I changed my mind quick.
For he was be-suited in pinstripe I swear And he whistled, and shouted, and called to them there!
"Now Klienwart! now, Benson! and HSBC! On, Morgan! On, Stanley! On, Lloydes TSB!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now cash away! Cash away! Cash away all!
And then, in an instant, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
And looking around just as quick as I might Down the chimney came something that wasn't quite right.
The suit said Armani, the tan St Tropez And clearly he had a time-share in LA.
'Twas then that I knew that he must be a banker, "I recognise you, you mercenary...
...chap."
His eyes how they twinkled, he said, "You're quite right, And I have a mission this Christmassy night.
We know life is difficult now you're quite poor, But we've spent all your money - I've come back for more."
"I'm taking your credit card, taking your house, I need to take everything, even a mouse."
"But my equity's negative, credit card maxed, You already own it all, these are the facts."
"Don't look so worried, it isn't that black, We'll lend you the money to buy it all back.
Then when you've got it, we'll take it away, This is how banking works every day."
I knew that he had me, I knew that he'd won, He'd mortgaged my daughter, my mother, my son.
You can try to escape, but without being rude, With bankers in charge we're pretty much screwed.