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So what we're going to talk about today is this thing called I/R theory
How I feel about myself vs. how I perform in my role. And why do you always
smile on that back there? "'Cause I need this today." Yeah, this is-
Yeah I think- if you're familiar enough with Sandler, but Sandler
has got an analogy of listen, I'm not a, I don't want the hard sale, I don't like
selling, how do we get people to buy from us, and make those right connections, right
matches, and it's sitting with a psychologist who developed
the system. I don't know if the I/R theories came out
of that point. I don't know specifically, but it really is
when we take a good look at ourselves, we've gotta
be able, and folks that come every week have heard this over and over again
thus the reason we have those little black journals, that's the start of it. You know,
we're about four weeks in now. But, how do you feel about yourself
vs. how you feel your role. And we oftentimes allow our role,
how our day went, David went out and had a big opportunity today
didn't close it. For the next two days, people were like, David are you Ok? I'm not
picking on you. And he's going, Uh, I had a great opportunity and lost it
he's letting it affect, people were still seeing it for a couple of days later. I'm
not saying that that's your personality. It's just pretty natural right?
We all allow what happens at work to really impact our day-to-day
behaviors. And sometimes, it impacts us enough that we don't do the things that we're supposed
to do. So, Sandler kind of goes into this concept
of, boy we should always feel real good about ourselves. But over time
we've had all this noise. So I want- everyone has something to write on, or
at least jot down a piece of paper. I just want you to
on a scale of 1 to 10, nobody's a 0. Scale of 1 to 10 how you feel. Let's just
say you were on a plane, alright? And you sat down next to- one second, I don't
remember- Somebody's pretty young
30 years old. He's an engineer Alright, so he's just- you're in first class
this guy's sitting next to you, 30 years old, engineer, Harvard degree, owns his own business.
His wife, he's married, his wife is a doctor, graduated
from Harvard. They vacation all over the world, winter home
in Vail And this guy, he's an engineer,
he works for NASA, okay? You're sitting next to the person. Scale of
1 to 10- Why are you laughing? "Oh just nothing" Why
are you laughing? "I just had that visual, it's fine"
But you're talking really, super successful guy
Multiple properties, the whole nine yards Scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate yourself
against this person? Hmm? On a scale of 1 to 10
"How would you rate your-" How do you rate yourself? "against that person? Is that the
way you're supposed to rate yourself?" How do you feel about yourself?
"That's like my cousin". Hmm? "-" Okay "If he doesn't have it in Vail, it's in the Bahamas"
Okay. How do you- yeah? "That's hard for me, 'cause I don't compare
myself to people" Okay
"I mean, his success doesn't affect my success or who he is doesn't affect who I am"
Fair. "I just don't think that way." On a scale of 1 to 10, you're talking to him, how -
"I'm impressed by a guy like that-" You're impressed by him? "Yeah."
"But that doesn't make me feel insecure though, or like I failed"
"No, I sat next to a guy on a plane who was just like that" Okay.
"And he was asking me for relationship advice, because he couldn't find a woman, who wanted to stay with him"
Okay, so he had different issues "Yeah" But really, I would think you- how- is it tough
to have a conversation with that person "No" Probably not that, no? "No"
You don't have- you're not saying anything. "I would probably have some-" You might have
a tough time? Okay. "Yeah, and "I would have trouble trying to find a connection-"
Hmm "-between what I, my experiences and his- we're not playing on the same field in a certain way
Okay, he just starts- Yeah?
"Maybe if it was the same field, like, I dunno, maybe if he was an executive
producer of Hollywood or something like that, something I would , you know, had as a kid
that I wanted to be, and, you know, I wasn't. Maybe, maybe that would be a little, but
if it's different fields like everyone is saying, it's kind of a different story"
Okay, let's say he was in your field but he carried all those credentials
Multiple homes, multiple properties, we know it's not an issue for you.
It's not your cousin, able to have a conversation with him? He starts asking
you about your job, your properties. Everybody's looking, giving me a blank stare
Yes? "Well, it's a little different like, I'm a lot younger than, you know, people
who have all that stuff, so, I mean, I'm just kinda getting out of the gate. So, you know,
I would be a little, you know, someday I'll have, I'm still working to
get there, I'm not gonna have, you know, multiple properties while I-"