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I don't have a nice day anymore...
I don't bother much with that...
I think I'm beyond that now, I think I've outgrown the nice day...
I think I've had my share...
Why should I be hogging all the really nice ones?
Let somebody else have a few!
Of course, everybody still wants me to have one...
Eveybody wants me to have a nice day!
"Have a nice day!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah..."
"Wanna give me my *** change, please?"
"I'm triple parked!"
Some of them are really insistent: "I SAID HAVE A NICE DAY!"
"Alright, I'll get out there and give it a shot!"
That's the trouble with "Have a nice day!" It puts all the pressure on you!
Now you've gotta go out and somehow manage to have a good time!
All because of some loose-let cashier!
"Have a nice day...!"
Maybe I don't feel like having a nice day!
Maybe, just maybe, I've had 116 nice days in a row...!
And I'm ready, by God, for a crappy day!
I never hear that! Let them wish one of them! "Hey, have a crappy day!"
"Thank you, and to your wonderful family as well!"
A crappy day! Hey, that'll be easy! It's no trouble at all! A crappy day...
...just get up!
There's no planning involved for a crappy day!
I know what it is that bothers me about the whole thing, it's the word "nice".
It's just a weak word! Doesn't have a lot of character, you know? "Nice..."
"Isn't he nice...?"
"Oh, he's so nice...!"
"And she is nice, too!"
"Isn't that nice?" "How nice they are!"
I never cared for that, you know? It's like "fine".
There's another word! "How are you?" - "Fine!"
***!
Nobody's "fine"!
Hair is fine.
- "How's your hair?" - "Fine!"
That makes a lot more sense to me!
Some guys are "Great!"
Ever meet those guys? "Great!"
"Isn't this great?" "***, this is great!"
"Look, they're gonna kill that guy!" "Ain't that great?"
"That's great!"
No, not me. I'm not "nice", I'm not "fine", I'm not "great"...
People ask me how I am, I say I'm "fairly decent".
I don't get too many superlatives, nothing to gossip about: "Relatively OK!"
Sometimes I'll say: "I'm moderately netto!"
If I'm in a particularly jaunty mood, I'll say "I'm not unwell, thank you!"
That pisses them off, 'cause they have to figure that one out for themselves!
So...
Reminds me of something my first grade teacher used to say to me...
A little lady. She used to say...
"You show me a tropical fruit, and I'll show you a *** from Guatemala!"
No, that was someone else...