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My name is George.
I served in the United States Air Force.
I served in Lackland Air Force Base, Gulfport Mississippi
Naval station, and Randolph Air Force Base.
I was in San Antonio a for about three
months when 9/11 happened.
I'm was at Randolph Air Force Base doing my normal duties.
We did construction while I was in the military.
And we're out on a job site--
first notification came through that a plane had
actually hit the World Trade Center.
This is my first experience of ever having to deal with this
type of scenario where we're getting attacked
here on our own soil.
And actually it's probably the first
experiences for almost everybody.
I went and hid away, and one of my other buddies who
actually was in the Army came by and asked me if I
was doing all right.
And he could tell that I was a bit of a wreck at that point
because I didn't know what was about to happen.
And he looked at me and says look man, I've been in combat
before, he's like it's scary no matter what, he said.
So we're going to be all right.
We're all together.
So we'll all get through this together.
And went back to break room, tried to relax, and of course
they told us we're going to war.
And didn't know how to feel about.
All of a sudden the whole world changed in that matter
of one hour.
When I got out--
I actually got out on a medical separation.
And at the time that I was getting out I was going
through separation with my wife, ex-wife.
Then I found out she was pregnant with our first child.
I was scared because I didn't know what I was going to do
with myself.
I wasn't finished with my college, I didn't have a job
lined up, I'm going through divorce, and I'm also
expecting my first child.
How am I going to be a father, how am I going to
support this child.
I was scared.
And I was battling with other issues at the same time--
alcoholism.
Something huge in the military that I wasn't able to get help
with because of the fear of getting in trouble for the
problems that I was getting myself into.
Ten months after I'd gotten out I was involved in an auto
accident that involved alcohol.
And I lost everything that night.
I lost my vehicle, place to live, family cut me off.
And it was a moment that I had to realize what I
needed to do in life.
And I was confused.
Started having real bad anxiety attacks, which was
something that I've been dealing with for some years.
But I didn't know that they were anxiety attacks.
So I decided go to the VA.
I asked them, what do I need to do?
How do I get rid of this?
And they told me, you need to talk to somebody.
I started seeking help there.
And actually helping out a lot.
And to this day I still go on regular visits, go talk to my
therapist so that they can see what's going on with me.
What I really liked was there was options.
It wasn't you had to do this.
No, we have group sessions.
If you don't feel comfortable sitting in a group environment
we can do one on one.
We can make sure that the counselor that you're sitting
with fits with you.
It wasn't so much like it was in the military where it
didn't matter how you felt about the process, you had to
go through with it.
It was more along the lines of this is what
we can do for you.
This is what we want to do for you.
Will you accept that.
I didn't want to be in a group because again I still had that
fear of being judged.
And when they were able to match me with the counselor it
was much better for me because I feel
comfortable with that person.
I was able to open up and tell them everything that was going
on with me without having any fear of them judging me.
Or telling me what I was doing wrong.
Not once has my therapist ever told me you're wrong.
What you're doing is completely wrong.
What he's done is he's lifted me up.
He's told me about his experiences--
similar instances that he's gone through.
And what he's done to help himself.
They've given me a guide on how to live.
Because a lot of times with anxiety and with the anger
issues that I've had, it's stopped me from living because
I shut myself off.
I put a brick wall up.
And I no longer communicate with you, or
with the next person.
And that's a negative for me.
So they taught me just different techniques on what I
need to do to make sure that I don't come across those types
of situations.
And if I do, how to handle them and live a healthier life
because of it.
The way it's helped out with my family life is been great.
Because it's allowed me to open up, be more real with my
family, and explain to them what I'm going through and why
I feel the way I do.
I never actually saw combat.
And I feel guilty about that because I was in during some
of the most horrendous years that our country has seen, and
I feel like I wasn't a part of it.
I wore the uniform, I received the pay, I received the
benefits, but I never saw the combat.
And I feel like I let everybody down.
I feel like I let my family down because my uncles all
were in Vietnam.
And it was a big guilt trip.
But then people started telling me, especially at the
VA, the counselors told me, you don't have control over
what happened.
This could be a good thing for you.
The VA has helped me with the relationship with my daughter.
Being able to be more open with her and explain to her
what's going on and why I feel the way I do
about certain things.
It's built a pretty strong relationship with my daughter.
I think you have to sit down and be real with yourself.
We tend to worry too much about what everybody else is
going to think.
About how they're going to feel, because we
decided to get help.
Take care of yourself and seek the assistance that is
available to you.
It's out there, if you don't take advantage of it it really
only hinders you in the long run, and your family.
And you have to think about--
if you're not in a good state of mind, how productive are
you for your family.
And I know everybody wants to be a great family person, you
want to be able to provide.
And when you're not mentally stable you
can't be that provider.
And even if you don't have family that you take care, you
have to take care of yourself.
It's hard.
It's real hard to sit down somebody and tell them what
you're going through.
Because you're afraid of being judged.
Let go of that fear and look for that help.
Because there are people that want to help, it's just a
matter of you asking for it.