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Boy, you can tell this game was made in the nineties. How, you ask? Let us count the ways!
Uh, it’s a platformer, it says “radical” in the title, it’s about a dinosaur...he
rides a skateboard. Might as well have thought bubbles that say, “Don’t have a cow.”
“Because I’d like to eat it myself.”
It’s Radical Rex for the SEGA Genesis.
This game was released in 1994, during what scientists refer to as the “post Jurassic
Park period” of Earth’s history. Which is to say...we really liked that movie. And
so you know the drill...success, copycats, dinosaurs f*cking everywhere. Radical Rex
came both to the Genesis and Super Nintendo, an area long-claimed by a much cooler walking
dinosaur. Little territorial squabble.
My money’s on Yoshi. Anyway, so this mammal shows up and casts
a spell on the dinosaurs to make them destroy each other, that way mammals can rule the
world. Sorry, I’m supposed to take that as villainy? Because I take that as justice.
Hey, dinosaurs...while you were slowly killed by global climate disasters due to an asteroid
the size of a godd*mn town, we burrowed under ground, ate small bugs and 66 million years
later...we go to the museum to stare at your dead relatives.
Yeah. More like suck-it-saurus.
So clearly, this game embraces suspect science. Mammals are never evil, and the Tyrannosaurus
rex did not breathe fire. That’s just ridiculous. And what’s even more ridiculous is Radical
Rex’s gameplay. This is a horrendous platformer. Bad physics, clunky controls, imprecise everything.
Not just the science.
And the skateboarding element...you’d think that might be interesting, but it’s not.
It’s almost like the game was finished and some moron in a suit said, “Hey, the kids
like to skateboard. I need a skateboard in there pronto-saurus.” So they tossed in,
like, three parts in the whole game that use the skateboard. It’s not up to you...it’s
only during a predetermined part of the level. And that’s lame.
And it’s Apatosaurus, by the way. Brontosaurus didn’t exist.
It’s not like there’s much content here, either. Radical Rex has five levels, and unless
you give up early due to its awful gameplay, it only lasts two or three hours. I mean...unless
you’re really into 2D platformers, like, to the point that you even like mediocre ones.
Medioc-a-raptor. Declawed. It’s Radical Rex for the SEGA Genesis.