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I heard you got a sweet tooth /i
You got a sweet tooth /i
Huey: In Riley's defense, it
didn't seem like a big deal to me,
but maybe I'm desensitized.
Watch me shake my sugar /i
Riley: Ugh, ***! That's gay!
- Cut that out!
- [Kids gasp]
[Music stops]
Thank you.
Is this the new face of hate?
That video, which has already been
viewed 4 billion times online,
shows Riley Freeman's cruel
verbal assault on a classmate,
apparently for no reason whatsoever.
Condemnation from
gay-rights groups was swift.
Walter Sweetlove,
national director of Yes-***,
vowed he would be investigating the matter.
But almost immediately, people
started using the "b" word.
We should call this Riley
Freeman what he is a bully.
So, to all of the bullies of the world,
all of the Rileys, we say "no.
"
Audience: No!
And in honor of that beautiful young boy
who was sharing his love of dance
with his classmates in that video
Shake my sugar shaker /i
- Watch me /i
- [Cheers and applause]
Meanwhile, a day after
the controversy broke,
the 8-year-old at the eye of
the storm remained unrepentant.
Riley: I ain't no bully, and all
y'all out there saying that is gay!
All y'all got outtie buttholes!
That prompted an immediate
response from "No Probe,"
the national organization providing
research for outtie buttholes.
Stereotypes the language of hate.
In Woodcrest, tensions were
high, their chants were clear
Crowd: Bully, bully, stay back!
Gay is the new black!
Their signs crystal clear.
Ruckus: Uncle Ruckus ain't
got no dog in this fight.
I hate ***, and I hate ***.
And I especially hate when
they both combine together,
like that damn rupaul
Two things I hate in one.
[Laughs]
[Sighs]
Seriously, only kind of white man
I can't respect is a gay white man.
Them and the average white band,
'cause they make *** music.
Crowd: [Chanting] Face of hate!
Face of hate!
Huey: As the gay occupation
of our front yard
moved into its second day,
granddad started to panic.
Granddad: Oh, no!
I can't believe it!
How can something like this happen to us?
Riley: Stuff like this happens
to us all the time, granddad.
Granddad: We're done for.
Why gays?
Why couldn't it have been
Mexicans or Indians from India?
Everyone makes fun of them.
Riley: Now, granddad, before
you go crazy, let me explain.
Granddad: Yes, please
explain yourself, grandson.
The video was deceivingly edited.
This is all just some crazy
misunderstanding, right?
Riley: But it really was gay.
Granddad: Oh, no!
That's your explanation?
Do you know what you've
done to us? We're doomed.
We'll be blacklisted in Hollywood.
Now I'll never host the Oscars!
Riley: But it was gay!
Why should I have to apologize?
I saw gay, so I said "gay.
"
That ain't bullying.
That's an astute observation.
Did the laws of the universe
change and nobody told me?
***'s got to apologize for being right?
Granddad: I'm gonna get my belt
and change the laws of the
universe on your narrow behind.
I know that.
Riley: If I'm not allowed
to call gay stuff "gay,"
then what
am I supposed to call it?
What's the okay word for "gay"?
Granddad: You call it nothing!
From now on, you see something gay,
I don't care how gay it is
it could be gayer than a San
Francisco butt-plug convention
you look the other way.
If it's gay, look the other way.
Got it?
[Doorbell rings]
Aw, damn it.
That better not be one of them damn
protesters wanting to use my bathroom.
Riley: It was gay, is all I'm saying.
[Door opens]
Granddad: Oh, hell no!
[Door closes]
What are you doing here? Nobody called you.
God called me, brother Robert,
and told me to come stand shoulder to
shoulder with you in your hour of need.
Hey, li'l ***.
Huey: Rollo goodlove?! That's it.
Now we really are doomed.
You know he's only gonna
make it worse, right?
Worse?! How am I make it worse?
You done pissed off the ***.
They don't never forgive!
Huey: Maybe because you
keep calling them ***.
But that's what they are!
Why can't I call a *** a ***, huh?
Riley: See? He gets it.
Do you know you can't even
say *** on TV anymore?
You can say "***" all day,
but you can't say ***.
Say *** and they'll bleep it.
Say "***" no problem.
Watch.
***, ***, ***!
[Bleep] [Bleep] [Bleep]
*** [Bleep] *** [Bleep]
***, ***, [Bleep], [Bleep]
Riley: Thank God for uncensored DVDs.
See, they know *** ain't down
with that *** business.
No, sir.
That's why they're gonna come hard
after you to make an example.
Granddad: What's the worst they can do?
What them homos gonna do is extort you
shake you down for a "donation.
"
- Granddad: Extortion?
- Oh, yeah extortion!
Huey: Wait.
You used to
extort people all the time.
Damn shame, isn't it?
They stole my whole playbook and
kicked me right out the game!
I used to extort these
crackers all the time.
***, too.
I didn't care.
Then the homos came along
and took everything over.
Huey: But it was okay
when you were doing it?
I extorted for the people, Huey!
Black folks have earned a full-time
extortionist on their side.
Homos ain't earned that yet.
They ain't suffered like we have.
Huey: So, we can't pay
the "donation.
" Then what?
They gonna find some way
to get that pound of flesh.
I'm telling you, your best
chance is to stick with me.
I know this whole game inside and out.
Them homos can't get nothin' over on me!
Huey: And what's in it for you?
***, I just need attention.
They canceled my sitcom.
I'm moonlighting for peta,
for crying out loud!
I ain't had *** to do since Trayvon Martin.
Thank God they still shoot ***, or I
wouldn't even be able to pay my car note.
[Telephone ringing]
Riley: Why are you wearing so much pink?
Taking it back from the homos.
- [Telephone beeps]
- Granddad: Yeah?
Robert Freeman? Walter Sweetlove.
I'm the founder and president of Yes-***.
I believe you've met some of our supporters.
I think it's time I stop
by for a little chat.
[Sniffs]
Mmm.
[Slurps]
Granddad: Well, uh, welcome, Mr.
Sweetlove.
As you see, I broke out my good China.
I know your people appreciate girly things.
You know, Waiter here
was my former apprentice.
Granddad: Really? You don't say.
It's true.
I got my start as an intern
in the summer of 1998 at Rollo Goodlove's
"Jambalaya of Justice League.
"
I never should have let you into my
race-baiting seminars all those years ago.
I didn't know you were still in the biz.
Aren't you a sitcom actor now?
A B.
E.
T.
Award-nominated
sitcom actor, thank you.
Well, Rollo, I'm not here
to start any trouble.
Unlike you, I don't hate.
I mediate.
See? Rhyming that's my thing!
As I said on the phone,
Yes-*** is an organization
of LGBT unity, and
Granddad: "L-G-B-T"? What is that exactly?
Riley: It means "lettuce,
gay, bacon, and tomato," granddad.
It means "lesbian, gay,
bisexual, and transgender"
The people you so callously
Riley: What's "bisexual"?
Granddad: That's when they go both ways.
Riley: Oh, man! That's gross!
You mean like they kiss a girl,
then kiss a dude,
then kiss a girl, then kiss a dude?
Granddad: Mm-hmm.
The people you so callously
offended with your hateful words.
Using the term "gay" when you
mean something is stupid or dumb,
that's offensive.
Riley: I didn't say "gay" to
mean "stupid" or "dumb.
"
I said "gay" to mean "gay.
"
My granddad always told
me to tell the truth.
Granddad: That's a damn lie.
I never told him to tell the truth.
I always taught my kids
the proper way to respect
people of homoerotic descent
is to lie and pretend they don't exist.
Mr.
Freeman, now that you've
had time to think about
the seriousness of what
your grandson has done,
I'm sure you'd agree that the best way
to make amends with the LGBT community
is a donation to support the
fine work we do at Yes-***.
What'd I tell you, huh?
You're wasting your time!
These people got no money
and no reputation to ruin!
- Granddad: Sorry.
- You know what? You're right.
Donations are so impersonal.
I think it means so much more
when we give of ourselves.
Granddad: So What do you want?
I want Riley.
- Oh, lord Jesus!
- Riley: Oh, gosh!
Granddad: Hey!
I'm not giving you my grandson's
*** hole in place of a donation.
Ugh! No! What is wrong with you people?!
I mean that I've talked
with my P.
R.
Committee,
and we want to use young
Riley in our youth campaign.
Riley: Why me? I ain't even gay.
No, but you're hip.
You're urban.
You'll make gay tolerance cool,
help Yes-*** reach a
younger male demographic.
Riley: What if I say no, ***?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did you
think that was a request?
I've destroyed lives way bigger than yours.
Just relax and do exactly what I tell you.
It may hurt a little at first, but
it'll be over before you know it.
Huey: Sweetlove had three demands.
The first was that Riley
undergo sensitivity counseling.
Riley: I'm just gonna
go ahead for the record
and say a "no, ***" over
this whole conversation.
O kay.
Well, that's a great place to start,
but here, we don't say "no, ***.
"
We say "yes-***"! Let's try it.
Riley: Whatever, ***.
"No ***" over this whole conversation.
Right.
Right.
Huey: The second demand was
that Riley appear in a Yes-***
PSA advocating tolerance.
Okay, people, we are going in five.
"Gay PSA," take 1.
Riley: So, the next time you say "gay"
to refer to something that's gay,
don't, because
[Snickers]
"Gay PSA" take 2.
And action!
Riley: So, the next time you
say "gay" to
[Laughs]
Cut! [Breathlessly] Take 5.
Riley: So, the next time you say "gay"
to refer to something gay, don't.
It's not cool
[Laughs]
Cut!
Riley: I'm sorry.
Take eighty *** six.
Riley: So, the next time you use "gay"
to refer to something gay, don't.
It's not cool.
It's offensive to ***.
Cu-u-t!
Huey: The third and most
important demand was,
of course, the public apology.
Breaking news in the
Riley Freeman bullying story.
It seems like the Freemans are
about to give their official apology.
For days now, we've been wondering
if there would be an apology.
It appears now it's going to
happen in just a few minutes.
We're going live right now to Woodcrest.
Crowd: [Chanting] Gay basher!
Gay basher! Gay basher! Gay basher!
Gay basher! Gay basher!
Boo! [Crowd booing]
[Camera shutters clicking]
Thank you.
My name is Rollo Goodlove.
I'm a dedicated crusader for justice,
as well as a B.
E.
T.
Award-nominated
actor and producer.
We are assembled here today for
an important announcement
regarding Riley Freeman and
his so-called bullying incident.
But first, I'd like to talk
briefly about my mixtape.
Granddad: You read what's on the page,
and that's it.
Got it?
Riley: Huey, what about you?
Don't you believe in my
right to tell the truth?
Huey: Just read what's on the damn page.
And a cameo by coko from SWV.
So, without further ado, here is
Riley Freeman!
[Silence] [Feedback]
[Camera shutters clicking]
Riley: [Clears throat]
Gay is gay.
Thank you.
- What?! No!
- Huh?!
- Huey: [Sighs]
- [Crowd booing angrily]
- Hatemonger!
- Boo!
Granddad: Please! Everyone, settle down!
Look, on behalf of Riley
and the whole Freeman clan,
we apologize for ever saying
anything is gay.
Riley's not a normal child.
I don't think he's a bad kid.
He's just kind of touched,
you know in the head.
He's special.
Uh, special how?
Like "special needs" special?
Granddad: Hmm.
I-I guess.
He got a bunch of special needs.
He needs an ***-whupping twice a day,
he needs to not drink anything
past 8:00 P.
M.
or he'll wet the bed,
he needs to stop walking right
next to you before he passes gas.
Hmm.
Let me think.
Yes! Riley is a special-needs child.
He has a number of behavioral
and developmental issues.
Granddad: He does? He does!
- [Crowd booing]
- Oh, no! That's lame!
We don't accept that!
We don't accept
Riley: Did he just call me retarded?
Listen, we ask that you respect
the privacy of the Freeman family,
and I am morally compelled to say
shame on Walter Sweetlove
for the pain he has inflicted
on this brave, sweet little boy
in a tragic unspecified
mental affliction, thank you.
No! No! You're crazy!
[Camera shutters clicking]
Who knew? Oh, the poor kid.
Oh! Well, no wonder!
Uh-oh.
And that's why I would like to
extend a sincere, heartfelt apology
to Riley Freeman, his grandfather
And the other one.
I forget his name.
Is this the new new face of hate?
Walter Sweetlove, under fire at this hour
for inciting hatred between homosexuals
and the cognitively impaired
It's not?!
Well, what is the ***
correct term, then?
[Crowd booing]
Their chants are
garbled and unintelligible
[Crowd chanting indistinctly]
Their signs difficult to read.
But their anger was clear.
Ruckus: [Laughs]
This is a good day for me, 'cause I love it.
Nothing makes me happier than to see
the *** and the benders
tear each other down.
But one thing Uncle Ruckus will
not tolerate
and you may
write this down
is disrespect to the mentally afflicted.
And sometimes with ***,
it can be difficult to
spot mental disabilities,
'cause let's face it
suffering from brain damage is
something *** do very well.
That's why all the best mentally
challenged men have always been black
Michael Clarke Duncan in "Green Mile,"
Cuba Gooding Jr.
in "Radio,"
and that big black ***
from "The Blind Side.
"
Sandra Bullock was good in that
movie don't get me wrong
But that big, dumb football ***?
Ohh.
Ohh.
He was a natural.
Didn't I say "trust me"?
Now we got them gay boys
right where we want 'em!
Riley: Why y'all tell
everyone I'm retarded?!
Granddad: Because you are.
All you had to do was
read what was on the page!
Now we go on the offensive
Lawsuit, damages!
That gay gold is right
there! I can smell it!
Granddad: I don't know.
Maybe we
should just quit while we're ahead.
Now's no time for retreat! We won.
We got 'em on the ropes.
Robert, they humiliated
your retarded grandson.
Riley: Hey! I ain't retarded!
Point is, we ain't doctors.
How do we know for sure?
Riley: I know for sure
I ain't retarded!
You're retarded!
[Knock on door]
You expecting somebody?
[All gasp]
[Slowly] My name is Filbert Slowlove.
I am the president and
the national director of
the Specially Abled
Alliance Against Defamation.
Riley: The what?
Huey: S-a-a-a-d?
Saaad.
Huh.
Never heard of you.
We the one that got the *** off your ***.
We got business.
Granddad: Thank you very much, Mr.
Slowlove,
for helping us with our little, uh
[Chuckles] *** problem.
Can I offer you anything?
Strawberry milk.
Granddad: I'm afraid we don't have that.
What'd you say the name
of your group was, again?
The Specially Abled
Alliance Against Defamation.
Riley: "Specially abled"?
Aw, here we go again.
Is that what *** is calling
the short-bus kids now
"Specially abled"? ***,
ninjas are specially abled.
Luke Skywalker is specially abled.
You *** is just retar Ow!
That *** ain't specially abled!
Granddad: Technically, no.
But he is a dumb-***.
Y'all think this is a game?!
You think you can just use our
cause and not cut us in?
Granddad: No, that wasn't the plan at all.
If I don't give you some money,
I'm gonna call them ***
back and tell 'em you lying!
Huh?
Wait, wait, wait, wait! I mean,
if you don't give me some money.
You mean extortion?
Yeah, but we gonna make it like a donation.
But it's not really a donation,
because I'm taking it.
[Slowly] Yes, we understand
that's how extortion works!
Granddad: [Slowly] Unfortunately,
someone tried this already,
and we have no money.
Someone tried this already?
Was it the ***?
Y'all ain't got no money?
Well, what y'all got?
I ain't leaving here empty-handed.
Granddad: We have Riley.
He's urban, he's hip.
He's an excellent way for your organization
to reach a young male demographic.
Riley: Hey!
I have to talk to our P.
R.
Committee.
Y'all got any strawberry milk yet?
Granddad: No.
Damn! Y'all ain't never
got no strawberry milk.
[Door opens, closes]
Riley: Thanks for helping
the retarded bully, granddad!
I can't believe this.
Even the short-bus ***
is shaking us down.
Granddad: Hey, don't
forget how this started.
[Mockingly] "***, you gay.
"
[Normal voice] You and your
damn catchphrases.
Well, until this gets worked out,
***, you retarded.
[Knock on door]
I talked to the P.
R.
Committee.
This is what I want.
It's a poster to promote
the special Olympics.
This is just the drawing.
I want a photograph.
Did you just draw that
while you was outside?
Granddad: Wow!
Huey: That is a special ability.
Thanks.
You're gonna come to
the regionals in two weeks.
We'll take the photo there
and use it for the poster
for our national campaign.
Granddad: Sounds good to me.
Riley: It don't sound good to me.
You literally gonna make me a
poster child for retarded kids.
[Gasps]
Don't say the "r" word.
That's a very, very bad word!
Riley: Okay.
Granddad: Toodles! Pleasure
being extorted by you.
[Door opens, closes]
Congratulations, brothers! Crisis averted!
Riley: [Sniffles]
I don't want to be retarded!
Granddad: It's retarded or gay, damn it.
You take your pick.
Hey, fellas! Riley!
How's my favorite little
specially abled ***?
Riley: Oh, man! It's great being retarded.
I can't believe I never thought of this.
I thought people had low
expectations of me before.
Homework? I can't do homework.
I'm retarded.
"Riley, why weren't you in class?"
"Because I got lost.
I'm retarded.
"
There might a real future in this for me.
See, silly? I told you
everything was gonna work out.
Well, look who it is! What
are you doing here?
Who do you think paid for all this?
[Grunts] That retard thing was
a real *** move, Goodlove.
I'll take your word on how
dicks move, Sweetlove.
I told you this old dog's
got a couple new tricks.
Chalk up another win for the negroes!
[Slurps]
Y'all here? Good.
Riley: I'm all yours, big homey.
Let's get this shot.
Follow me.
[Cheers and applause]
[Slurps]
[Indistinct conversations]
- Rriley!
- Riley Freeman!
Yeah, Riley!
You want to be my friend, Riley?
Riley Freeman!
Riley: Ungh!
The man with the camera,
he's at the finish line.
Y'all just go up to the starting line,
and when I say "run," run!
- Yay, Riley!
- Here comes Riley!
- What's up, Riley?
- Riley!
- Riley!
- Yeah, Riley!
Look at me!
[Indistinct shouting]
Riley: No.
Sorry.
Can't do it.
What?!
Riley: No way, man.
Get me outta here.
I ain't trying to be around these retards!
- [Gasps]
- [Crowd gasping]
Riley: Damn.
Ooh.
[Grunts] Aaah!
That's a bad word!
You're not supposed to say that word!
Riley: [Grunts] [Groans]
Uh
[Chuckles nervously]
Stomp him in the nuts
Stomp him in the nuts
Stomp him in the nuts
- Huey: Oh, man!
- Granddad: Boy! Hold on!
- We're coming!
- Riley: Help!
Huey: Riley!
Ah, let's just call it a draw.
- Riley: Ow! Ow!
- Huey: Riley, run!
[Crowd shouting angrily]
Riley: [Panting]
[Camera shutter clicks]