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Hey all you moms and dads,
does your child like to argue?
Does he like to boss his younger siblings around?
Does he love the sound of his own voice? If you answered yes to any of these questions
your child is a natural born politician!
But to ensure his success in the political world, send him to Camp Politics for our 3-
week intensive training program. They'll learn how to woo voters.
- Alright kids when kissing the baby you're gonna aim for the middle of the forehead just like this. Kiss!.. Kiss! ..
Kiss!...Kiss!
How to survive scandals.
-My wife has forgiven me for this terrible indiscretion.
It's time to move on and get back to working for the American people.
How to write legislation.
-This bill looks pretty good to me - any comments?
-What? There aren't enough earmarks for my district.
Damn it, Jim, you know I'm facing a tight re-election race!
How to maintain proper nutrition.
-Now remember kids
there's
always room for more pork.
-Pork! Pork! Pork! Pork!
-Of course the
most important thing for any politician to learn once he gets into office,
is how to stay there.
-Alright kids, so once you're elected
you're gonna face all kinds of threats to staying in office. So what you need to do to protect yourselves is you need to silence the
people that are going to speak out against your reelection.
-But how can we do that?
The First Amendment is supposed to protect
everyone's free speech.
-If the public can use free speech
to kick us out of office and stop our agenda then we're doomed.
-Sally, calm down, calm down. We figured out a surefire way around the First Amendment
that ensures that politics will remain
a game for political insiders
just like you and me. -How's that?
-A little thing called campaign finance laws. -What are those?
- You see, speaking takes money,
and the only way ordinary Americans can speak out effectively about politics is by pooling their resources
with their friends and their neighbors.
But campaign finance laws
limit the amount of money people could spend on political ads and organizing, and they wrap people
in so much red tape
that they can't even speak!
-So,
when you can limit
what people raise and spend on political speech,
and make the laws on political speech so complicated,
-Limit the speech on anybody that wants to kick you out of office,
and you get reelected.
-Who has two thumbs and gets reelected? This guy.
-That's right, Timmy. That's right.
If your child shows signs of being a politician
enroll them in Camp Politics today. It's the best decision you'll ever make
for your child's future.
Who wants more pork? -Meeeeeeeeee!