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When we conducted a bystander experiment with ITC actors
and real Carolina students, the actors displayed a range of common warning signs
indicating a *** assault may occur. After filming the experiment we got to
talk with the bystanders and actors about how they felt during the scenes.
They told us how being an active bystander is empowering, but isn’t always easy.
It’s a challenge that can be both awkward and intimidating.
“It was very uncomfortable. Like we didn’t know if the two guys enjoyed
that or if they didn’t enjoy it or”
“Yeah we really didn’t know what to do, because you didn’t want to be like
that ***-blocker, but then he really looked uncomfortable
“You still feel like you should go and check and maybe see what’s going on.
and like he didn’t know what was going on.”
But you don’t want to be invasive right? You feel like hey maybe I should learn
a little bit about what’s going on and try to figure it out,
and if not, not. If so, that’s the hard part.”
“There are less awkward ways to figure out the context of someone
being at a party. People can be real casual and be like ‘
Oh, do you two know each other? What’s going on? Let’s all be friends.’
And I think that the bystanders successfully
did that in some cases and not so much in others”
“We could have created a better distraction
like we could have gotten the dude up”
“Right, before it got to that point, before they started to go up the stairs,
because then it was too late to interfere”
“I’d rather be a little bit awkward and uncomfortable with someone
and do something than just sit there and not do something,
because that’s even more awkward.”
“I noticed that the times when people interacted
was when things were way more obvious like when he was
rubbing his arm up and down against me, or like pulling on my hair,
or like kissing my neck, like really obvious things.
But for the more subtleties, I don’t think they picked up as much.”
“I wish I would have found a way to like, kind of get her by herself
to gage her reaction. If I could change anything I
would change that. Just like talking to her
and maybe I could have been more sure about things that I have assumed,
and done something more overt to help.”
“She didn’t respond the way I wanted her to. Like
‘Hey, we totally know each other!’ and she just went ‘noo…’
or something like that. So it was like, oh crap,
I need another reason to know her, talk to her.”
“I think we could have been more direct. Just
straight up ask him ‘are you feeling uncomfortable?
Are you ok with this? Do you know him?’
certain things like that that we just didn’t think about
then trying to create a distraction that didn’t working
So we just, not gave up, but just let it happen.”
“You have to make him realize that this isn’t just a conquest
or another notch on the bedpost. This is a real person
who has feelings and emotions and whatnot. And who has some worth.
Either you get that across to the person,
or you totally disrupt their plans so they can’t do whatever they want to do”
Intervening can be challenging, but it’s worth it.
If you aren’t able to change a situation the first time you intervene,
try again or follow up at a later time.
If you want ideas about how to intervene in a specific situation,
submit questions about IPV prevention on our website.
A peer educator will respond directly to you via email.
And, with your consent, the question and response will be posted on our tumblr.
"I'm Amber"
-and what's your name
"Farhan"
-and you can look at me you don't have to stare at a camera
"This is rediculous."