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forty to sixty percent of kids in Connecticut will go to bed tonight
without their father at home with them
and research shows that children securely connected to their father's
succeed socially emotionally and academically that's from Doug
Edwards he is the founder and program director real dats for ever
a fatherhood strategies development organization in manchester connecticut
he travels all over New England talking about parental involvement with a focus
on getting
dads more involved and their families thanks so much for joining me
today dad doubt tell me what are some of the biggest reasons for
absentee fathers well first of all
I'll let me just talk about present fathers because there's a vast majority
of them
and did really doing a great job with kids in with their families
and without what they do life would be pretty difficult in our communities so
big kudos for debts that are present for actually doing the job
whether they're in a love relationship or not
if their co parenting that's very significant in the lives of children
but arm we have what we called generational
father absence and a lot of young man who
have grown up without a dead end up
growing up absent in their children's lives
on in their many reasons for that on
sometimes it's just that they feel that that's normal
other times they feel that the pain
I've addressing that issue in their own lives is so very difficult
that they find ways to avoid it and as a result
harm they're not connected with their children as much as they could be
is also an acceptance on the part I'll
moms that this is normal there many
young women who grew up without their debts as well and to have a man
absent is it feels kinda normal for them a very often I see
young people are where the young lady
hasn't grown up with her dead and the young man has grown up with his dad and
they somehow find each other
and get into our relationship that may or may not be lasting
and %uh the dead ticks off after the child was born
so there are certain things that just keep happening
and somehow we have to find a way to on
to break that cycle it's difficult to change behavior
it's really really hard for
in is their child's father relationship but very important
every are social indicator
that we use I'll where there's problems in the lives of children
can be ameliorated with the presence of a father
so the statistics can change if data involved
a.m. week for instance we play with children differently we use our bodies
for play
I am and we don't play by the rules
we make up stuff we make up dump stuff sometimes
and a we encourage kids to use their imagination
and that that stimulates them to be creative
%uh moms do more structured type of play with children
I'm book reading and puzzles and games
that kinda thing and dads are more kinah outdoorsy you know we don't have any
problem talented your out you lost I'm it's that kinda thing that
gets children ready for the real world and helps to build their confidence
and that's really important so this huge differences between
a.m. dad mom we also do the affirmation thing
on just the present sometimes they don't use a lot of words
but our presence in the lives of children is
affirmation for them that's that pat on the back that look across the room
that high five arm that
them being present at a football game or a basketball game or some kind of
activity that the child is doing
very very significant in terms of affirmation and when boys especially
don't get affirmation from a dead the turn
somewhere else to get it from many young men who have been involved in gang
activity
get affirmation from gang leaders is the wrong kind about formation
but they get it nevertheless so there's a hunger for that on
in the lives of all children a young girls who
are don't have that kinda relationship with their dad who should be
their first male love if they don't get the affirmation from there to look for
it someplace else
and it just makes life very difficult so I'm it's very important even
academically
to have been studies that show that as early as eight weeks when the dead is
involved in a lot from a child
they end up handling stress better in their later years
now talk about some other work that you've done with we'll dance forever all
across
New England Connecticut mass all parts have
New England what are some other goals that you have in minor things you like
to see accomplished
I'm gonna change the world tell you
but a mars substantively and more realistically than that
are my goal is to get dead's
to understand their unique and specific value
in the lives and their kids and to be able to articulated
and change their behavior so that
I their relationship is meaningful to their child
home and that's a tough job to do
the wave father absence is almost epidemic
so then there lotta guys out there who just need a tap on the shoulder
arm to iron arouse the interest in being connected with their child
arm
the a.m. they have been
developments in the father
arm the father field love fatherhood field
that are helping
art helping us to improve on
and what workwear trying to do more is to get the word out there
get dads involved I get agencies to realize that they have
arm a significant part in encouraging and supporting dead's
we did a father friendly site survey to number agencies recently
been found out for instance that are less than 30 percent of them
when they're enrolling moms in whatever program is whether a school weathers
maternal are maternity
I'm they are not asking for the father's name
less than 30 percent asked for the father's name
so that that's arm you know we don't
encourage them to step up and then we wonder why they don't show up
so it's just to try to change the environment
encourage I'm the community
to embrace fathers damn many many programs out there
from Mom's and somehow fathers have been neglected
to the detriment up the development of children
I'm so many other things we're presently in connecticut we to
we have a fatherhood home initiative
that's been active since 1999 in all our state agencies are involved in that
all the state agencies have done for the friendly site surveys
so that the know what's going on within the agency's as it relates to fathers
and they know what they need to improve
arm presently we are doing a strategic plan for the first time which is
great very very encouraging for me having been involved in it since the
inception
arm and hopefully we can make some big changes we have this big huge
bureaucracy called
arm it's called a child support enforcement
and that's about money we don't have child
relationship enforcement and that's more significant to children
if there's that relationship developed especially emotionally
you can make a huge difference in the lives of kids great thank you so much
dad for coming on board in talking to us about that
my pleasure thank you