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{voice scrambler} At first it was harmless...
Joseph was feeling rough, and your little cult
seem to make him happy. I also enjoyed the
handwaxing he gave our floors every week. But now....
things have taken a turn. So I'm gonna make this simple...
you need to tell me what you did to him and how to undo it...
or...things will get....
inconvenient
for you. ---Hi Joos! ---Aww girl, come on!
It's Jude! Juuuuuude ----Jooooooozie
Okay question 1: After I left the party
The party...? Oh the New Years Eve party. But you never responded to my E-Vite!
Yeah, I mean nevermind. It was a mess. There was a very thirsty leopard
Insatiable! He came and drank all of the Courvoisier!
Yeah we had to shut down early. Can you imagine that!? For a New Years Eve!
No. Your engagement party. ---Oh the one that was co-hosted by ConEd?
No. ---Oh uh. Mark Hamill and Amanda Lepore making a panakuchen!
No, you creeper! It was the one that where you were engaged
And turned Joseph into a Moonie!
Uh. Strawberry shortcake! That was a fun party, man!
How is Joseph? ---He's awful
He's technically
on the surface of things and possibly
in his soul he's incredible
horribly incredible.
Lecker! ---No! Not lecker. He gave away our apartment!
and he sold all his possessions and my cart business
and now we're living in a canoe on the Gowanus Canal
next to an angry duck family infested with the previously undiscovered strain
of Gonorrhea!
And it's all your fault! ---Wow congratulations on taking that first step
of throwing off the shackles of success
I can't take credit for that! ---Wait so, a
baby pink shawl robe just appeared out of thin air
and told Joseph to be woefully helpful and
generous? ---What color thing did you say?
like Ahi tuna with a BĂ©arnaise sauce. ---Grilled? ---No, seared.
What? We would never choose pink. My lover? No lecker.
Jonas, what are you doing here? ---Oh I'm sorry. I thought we were done
So I called him for a ride home. ---So, none of this rings a bell?
Nothing odd happened with Joseph at that party? At all?
{mumbling}
Put him on the phone. ---He was talking.
Hey Jude, It's me, your brother Jonas.
Cut the ***!
Jonas told me everything. ---You hungry?
I have a cigarette butt chai and I think there's the back-half of a Snickers
You know, I thought your brain got *** up because the cult and you didn't know what
you were doing
but now I find out that you invented
all of this just to become altruistic?! You have hit...
the dirty basement your rock bottom. ---It's all real.
As real as God's sky water that came down from the heavens this morning and ruined
my cardboard duvet.
I don't know what I have ever done to you...
Well, you did, I mean give me that mega-syphilis smoothie...and I was
in a coma for a few weeks, and I still can't really think. ---But what is this? Is this
some sort of
passive-aggressive revenge? I mean, YOU
were unhappy so then we both have to be unhappy?
No. No. I found
the light truth we kissed...
with tongue.
okay no more doublespeak our entire relationship is built on a foundation of
authentic-sounding lies
so if you can't be real or fake-real with me then
I don't think we can be friends. ---Well we're not really friends it's like
more of a brother thing.
Brothers! Anymore. ---What are you saying? ---Here's two hundred dollars I found in your wallet
last week
Take this. Go somewhere and think about what you've done to our family
But this is MY hovel. --Ok, Enough!
Go!
Joseph. No, no. Don't be greedy
One.