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因為我們之前提到 We have mentioned before,
所謂疾病跟身心症狀的爆發 Those so called outbreaks of diseases and bio-psychological symptoms
來自負面能量的壓抑 累積 扭曲 變形 all come from the suppressions, distortion,and transformation of (your) negative energy
還記得嗎 Remember?
負面能量為什麼會壓抑 累積 扭曲 變形 Why would (your) negative energy have been suppressed, accumulated, twisted, and transformed?
各位 因為常常你累積負面能量的對象 Dear Listeners, because those persons you have your negative energy accumulated against,
常常讓你最討厭的人 those you hate the most
也許就是你最親近的人 are those who are the most close to you.
常常你最恨的人 也是你最愛的人 Usually, the person you can least stand is the person you love.
常常你最覺得受不了的人 Usually, the one you cannot stand
可能也是你最依賴的對象 is the one that you depend on the most.
比如說 我常常在輔導很多的學員 For example, during my counseling, many of my clients
常會提到 每次想到某某人不好的事情 would mention that every time when he/she thinks of someone’s bad
或是他做了一件讓你憤怒的事情 or that he did something that made you angry
你可能會因為幾個部份把它壓抑下去了 he/she might, out of certain reasons, suppress the emotions triggered by those things mentioned. .
第一個你想到了你的宗教修行 First of the reasons, you may think of your religious practices.
你覺得你不應該有憤怒心 You feel that you should not possess anger
不應該有嗔恨心 should not possess hatred,
你不應該有這樣的負面情緒 and you should not possess such negative emotions
各位 你壓下去了沒有 你壓下去了 Dear listeners, haven’t you suppressed them?
這第一個 You did! This is the first reason.
第二個 你可能想到了這個人 Second, it might come to your mind that this guy
今天做了一件讓你很生氣的事 had done something brought you much anger.
可是你又覺得 哎呀 也不能怪他啦 有沒有 But you might think: “Well, it was not all his fault.”
你過度的濫用你的同理心 Isn’t it so? You abuse your empathy!
好像也不是他的錯 “It seems not his fault”
他也不是願意這樣子 “He didn’t mean it.”
他之所以沒有辦法給你愛 You think that he cannot give you love
是因為他之前 他的爸爸媽媽 也沒有愛過他 because his parents never loved him before.
各位 你太快的用你的理性來壓抑你的情緒 Listen, you just repress your emotion with your rationality too soon!
你把你的情緒合理化了 You have rationalized your emotions,
甚至為整件事情 Even to the whole problem,
為對方找了一個合理的藉口 you found a reasonable excuse for him!
再來 你可能會想到 And then, you might think:
哎呀 他這次這樣對我 “Fine, he did this to me now.”
可是之前他也幫助過我啊 “But he helped me before.”
他之前也對我很好啊 “And he used to treat me nicely.”
你所有的對這個人的憤怒跟生氣 All your hatred and anger against this person,
你可能會用之前他對你的好 and all the emotions you have, may be repressed
他對你的照顧 by you with
或是你還得必須依賴他的這件事情 You might suppress them with his earlier good,
把你的情緒 把它壓下去了 his care, or your reliance onto him
各位仔細聽 Listen carefully.
所以你從來沒有容許你的情緒完整的去感受 allow your emotions to be felt completely
完整的去面對 甚至完整的去表達 to be faced completely, even to be expressed completely
因為你常常把它妥協掉了 Because you have them compromised so often
把它對沖掉 對沖掉 You have it offset and offset
那我要說的是 很多的疾病 I mean. Many diseases
都是負面情緒的壓抑 come from the suppressed negative emotions
因為你們沒有做到一碼歸一碼 Because these separate issues have not been handled separately by you
比如說 爸爸媽媽從小把你養大 For example, your parents have raised you up
對你恩重如山 沒有錯嘛 Such obligation! That’s true.
他可能把你視為比他的命還要重要 They might consider you more important than their own life
那後來爸爸媽媽可能很關心你的婚姻 However, they might concern about your marriage later on.
於是自己做主把你嫁給了 Then they decided your marriage to
他們認為的比較有錢的人 someone they considered richer
可能是馬桶小開 什麼之類的 Maybe the heir of a toilet company, someone like that
當藝人的不好 馬桶小開比較好 An entertainer is bad, a heir is better
好 比如說 各位 All right. For example. Ladies and gentlemen.
那你可能一方面 In one word, you might be,
第一個 很憤怒 很生氣 first, very angry, very upset.
我的終身幸福 How can my marriage
怎麼能由我的父母決定呢 be determined by my parents?
可是各位 你還來不及處理完你的憤怒 However, you haven’t dealt your anger all over yet.
你可能又會很善體人意的說 You might be considerate again:
反正父母親從小這麼愛我 “At least they have loved me so much since my childhood,
他們這麼照顧我 they have taken care of me so much.
所以我還是不要對他們發脾氣算了 So, I would rather not lose my temper.”
各位 這樣對不對 Is that right?
錯 Wrong!
按照剛才一碼歸一碼 你要怎樣 Because these two separate issues have to be handled separately. What are you going to do?
表達憤怒 誓死抗爭 Express your anger. Fight until your death.
因為不是你要的婚姻 Since it is not the marriage you want
你不應該聽任何人的 you should not listen to anyone!
不論這個人對你是不是恩重如山 No matter how much obligation you own to this person.
各位 這是兩件事 Dear listeners, they are two different issues!
恩重如山有另外的報答方式 Favors got other ways to be returned.
這樣 各位 完全聽懂我的意思嗎 So, ladies and gentlemen, do you understand completely?
你不能因為這個人對你恩重如山 You cannot just bring a tremendous favor a certain person gave you
但是他做了一件事情 and another thing he does
你覺得很憤怒 很生氣 which makes you outraged and angry 82 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,000 讓你覺得完全不對的事情 (even) something you feel totally wrong
可是你把兩件事情 作對沖跟抵銷 on the table and make it even
各位 如果你這樣處理事情 Dear listeners. If you are going like this,
你一定會生病 you must get ill.
因為你的憤怒 負面情緒 Because your anger, and those negative emotions
絕對沒有辦法處理 cannot be processed, definitely
你應該要表達你的憤怒 You shall express your anger.
告訴你父母親 Tell your parents:
我的婚姻由我自己決定 “I decide my own marriage.”
或是我的生活作息 “Or my lifestyle
我要做什麼 不做什麼 由我決定 I got the words on what and whether to do.
你們再怎麼愛我 再怎麼照顧我 The love and care you have shown,
這是另外一件事 it is a different issue.
這是另外一件事 It is a different issue.”
各位 這個東西 你們一定要學會 Dear listeners. You must learn it through.
因為智慧乃斬斷痛苦的良方 Because wisdom is the cure to all pain.
智慧乃斬斷煩惱的利劍 Wisdom is the sword to cut off all the worries.
大多數的人都會 算了 算了 Most people will say “Forget it, forget it”.
用這一筆帳抵那一筆帳 Then make it even inside.
各位 情緒不能這樣被抵掉 Dear listeners, emotions cannot be made even like that!
聽懂了沒有 Understood?
情緒不能這樣被抵掉 Emotions cannot be made even like that!
這個人縱使過去對你很好 有恩於你 Even if this guy used to treat you well, did you a favor,
對你很付出或是給你很多的支持 幫助 devoted so much to you, or shown you lots of supports, help,
或金錢上的援助 or financial assistance.
可是你不能夠把後來你對他的很多的憤怒 But you cannot suppress your anger
或是後來很多的壓抑跟委屈 or lots of tolerances and grievance
把它壓下去 later on.
要一碼歸一碼 These two separate issues must be handled separately
因為你必須容許你的情緒 Because you have to allow your emotions
走完它自己的道路 to complete go through its own way
任何的情緒 去表達 面對 溝通 Every emotion once has been expressed, faced, communicated,
去詮釋 最後一定會回到愛 or interpreted must come back to love.
你不要擅自做主 Don’t be monarchical
自己妥協掉 各位了解我的意思嗎 and compromise it by yourself. Do you understand?
你不可以這樣做 不可以這樣做 Don’t do that. Don’t!
因為當你這樣做的時候 Every time you do that,
你不斷的壓抑所有你的負面情緒 you keep suppressing all your negative emotions.
變得你對所有你親近的人 It becomes that when you face all your close persons
你的負面情緒起不來 起不來 Your negative emotions cannot rise. They just can’t.
你對於所有為你付出的人 愛你的人 Towards all those having devoted to you, loving you,
曾經對你好的人 or having treated you nicely,
你沒有辦法對他起負面的情緒 you cannot come up with your negative emotions.
因為你會覺得人家對我這麼好 Because you might feel: “he was so nice to me.”
有沒有 人家以前幫助過我 Isn’t it so? “He helped me before.”
我怎麼可以對人家生氣 “How can I cast my anger onto him?”
人家以前對我有恩 “ I owe him.
我怎麼可以這樣子跟人家理論 So how should I argue against him in such manner?”
人家曾經過去這樣對我 我怎麼可以這樣 “He used to treat me like that. How can I act like this?”
各位 Dear listeners?
你記得情緒不能夠妥協 You shall remember emotions cannot be compromised.
情緒不能夠這樣處理 Emotions cannot be dealt in this way.
要一碼歸一碼 Different issues must be handled seperately.
感謝歸感謝 Appreciation is one thing
我們對人的 受人點滴 報以泉湧 “To whom much is given, much should be given back.”
沒有錯 That’s right.
人要感恩 要惜福 沒有錯 It’s right to be thankful and grateful.
可是感恩跟惜福 Despite thankfulness and gratefulness,
受人點滴 報以泉湧 Giving back much to whom much is given,
跟你當下的不爽的 憤怒的 受委屈的 Your present emotion about being irritated, angry
那個情緒要怎麼樣 and grievant shall be……?
走完 要走完 Gone through. It must be gone through
走完那個情緒了 Only was the emotion gone through,
你才會神清氣爽的 you will come back, freshly
回到你身心靈的安頓 to the settlement of your body, mind and spirit
就像我跟各位講 Just as what I said before,
之前我在輔導一個異位性皮膚炎的一個患者 once I was counseling a patient with ectopic dermatitis
因為最干涉他的 讓他最討厭的 The one who interferes with him the most and makes him so uncomfortable
就是最愛他的爸爸 is his father who loves him the most.
於是他每一次有一個對爸爸的憤怒 Therefore, every time he got a feeling of anger against his father
對爸爸的一個不能原諒 對爸爸的一個討厭 a feeling that his father is unforgivable, a feeling of loathe,
他馬上轉念 he made a change in mind immediately,
爸爸也是愛我的 “My father still loves me.”
爸爸也不是故意的 “My father didn’t mean that.”
爸爸可能也許可以犧牲生命 “My father may be willing
為我付出都願意 to sacrifice his life for me.”
於是他所有的憤怒 根本出不來 Then, all his anger has no way out.
有沒有 各位 Right? Dear listeners
生病了沒有 生病了 Did he get sick? Yes!
後來我跟這個個案講 Afterwards, I told him:
你爸爸愛你 沒有錯 “It is true that your father loves you.
你對他的感恩 也沒有錯 Your gratefulness for his obligation is also right.
但是一碼歸一碼 But different issues are different issues.
當你爸爸以違背你的意願 讓你很憤怒 When your father violates your will, makes you angry,
干涉你的功課 干涉你的生活作息 interferes with your homework, or interfere with your lifestyle
你要為這件事情嚴重抗議 You shall protest against it seriously!
嚴重抗議 是呀 Protest against it seriously!. That’s right!
這件事情是很重要的 很重要的 This is very important, very important.
因為大多數的人都是把自己的情緒 Because most people would ignore
唏哩呼嚕 甚至把它對沖 沖掉了 or even flush it away. Flush it away.
就覺得算了 算了 有沒有 Most people would just forget it, forget it. Don’t they?
反正他曾經也對我很好 “At least, he used to treat me so well”
反正他曾經也有恩於我 “At least, he gave me a favor before.”
是啊 Yes.
所以這東西 各位 你們要學習 So this is what you guys should learn.
學習你能夠容許你也能夠發脾氣 Learn to allow yourself to be angry.
對於最為你付出的人 你也能發脾氣 You can show your anger to the ones who treat you most nicely.
對於對你最好的人 你也能對他發脾氣 You can show your anger to the ones who treat you most nicely.
可是這個發脾氣不是要破壞喔 But this is not going to destroy.
不是要造成衝突 各位 不是 This is not going to bring up conflicts. No!
是你真的覺得你是平安的 It is going to let you truly feel you are safe.
你真的覺得你可以展現你自己 Let you truly feel that you can express yourself.
而且真的發完脾氣了 If you really go through your temper
也許你會明白自己好像太衝動了一點 you may realize you were a little bit too impulsive
或是當負面情緒體驗完了 Or after you get to experience your negative emotions
他一定會回到愛 Everything will come back to love
因為他表達出來了 Because the emotions are expressed,
才有機會去澄清 then get a chance to be clarified;
才有機會去達到更深的一個交流 Then get a chance to reach a deeper communication.
各位了解嗎 Do you understand?
所以在我們這裡的賽斯家族是 So the Seth family here are
我們不怕起衝突 not afraid of conflicts
我們不怕起衝突 Not afraid of conflicts.
因為我們背後有更深的那份愛 Because we got the kind of deeper love inside
更深那份愛 That kind of deeper love.
當他能夠這樣做的時候 表示什麼 What is the meaning when one is able to act this way?
那個是更健康的 更健康的 That means a much healthier person. A much healthier person
所以各位 像你們跟你們的婆婆 So. Dear listeners. For example. Between you and your mothers in law,
跟你們的父母親 you and your parents,
你們跟對你很付出的那個夫妻之間 you and your couple who is so devoted to you,
你是不是經常都必須壓抑情緒 Do you usually have to suppress your emotions?
是 尤其是 Yes! Especially when,
當比如說 你是一個對這個家沒有在賺錢的人 for example, you are nonproductive in this family,
或是你是一個生病被人家照顧的人 Or you got sick and need to be taken care of,
你是不是會覺得自己 Don’t you feel...
好像不應該對人家發脾氣 you are not supposed to be angry.
對不對 或是你是這個家貢獻最少的 Right? Or you got the least contribution in the family.
像比如說 爸爸媽媽裡面有四個小孩 For example, there are four children from the same household
那每個小孩都是一個月 The other three
都拿個一 兩萬給公公婆婆 would hand in over 10 grand to your parents in law.
只有妳們家經濟比較不好 But your household got some economic difficulty.
所以妳就沒有辦法 Therefore, you (and your husband)
一個月一 兩萬給你公公婆婆 got no way to do the same.
可是每次家族聚會 永遠是妳被挨罵 Even more, you are always the one got something to be blamed on in every family reunion.
那妳就會覺得算了啦 Then, you will just ignore it.
反正我也沒有拿錢回來 At least, I haven’t handed in anything
被罵就算了 Some blaming is just fine.
各位 對不對 不對 Dear listeners, is it right? No!
妳要爭取妳自己的同等的被尊重 You need to earn the same kind of respect.
妳沒有拿錢回去 No money handing over?
那是一碼歸另外一碼 That is a different issue.
了解嗎 Got it?
一碼歸另外一碼 These two separate issues must be handled separately.
但是妳會怕 萬一跟他發完脾氣了 But you would be afraid. What if you showed your anger,
那他就說大家一視同仁 He would demand equality and say:
妳一 兩萬拿回來啊 “Bring me ten grand every month.”
說 好啊 等賺到錢再說啊 You just say “Sure. But wait for me to earn it.”
我不是不拿啊 “I am not avoiding.”
各位 聽懂沒有 Dear listeners. Do you understand?
是啊 你不要因為這樣子 Yes. Don’t be afraid just like that.
因為人為什麼害怕表達負面情緒 Why people are afraid of expressing negative emotions?
怕人家生氣 Because they’re afraid of others’ anger,
怕招來不好的後果 Of that some bad consequences would happen,
怕有損形象 Of jeopardizing their personal images,
怕因為這樣子 本來還可以這樣子 You think that if you keep being like this
悶著頭就過了 Things will be fine
現在這樣 人家可能要跟你計較了 and now you’re afraid of the loss of harmony then being treated harshly once you don’t tolerate anymore.
對不對 各位 把恐懼拿掉 Right? Everyone~
把恐懼拿掉 Throw your fear away.
當你能自由自在的去展現你的情緒 When you can express your emotions freely,
各位 你展現 人家可不可以展現 Everyone! You can express, how about others?
也可以啊 Of course they can, too.-
搞不好那時候妳婆婆就會跟妳說 maybe your mother in law would tell you:
哎呀 某某人啊 婆婆也知道 “Come on. . I know.”
每次回來都是叫妳做家事 “Every time you are back, I always demand you to do the housework.”
好像讓妳覺得說 “It seems to make you feel”
因為妳拿的錢每次都不夠多 “because you never bring home as much money as others do,”
每次都叫妳 “ you’re the one to be demanded to do the housework.”
其實我要跟妳解釋 “Actually, I got something to explain”
婆婆要跟妳解釋 “As your mother-in-law, I got to explain.”
其實婆婆不是那個意思 “I don’t mean that”
有時候婆婆叫妳 是叫給其他人看的 Sometimes I order you in order to show the others.
因為其他人都有拿錢回來 Because they all hand in the money.
他們覺得不平衡 and they feel some imbalance.
所以偶爾過年那一天 Therefore, on the lunar New Year ’s Day,
我就故意叫妳多做一點事 I put more duties on your shoulder on purpose.
讓人家覺得 哎呀 沒關係 It will let them feel “Oh, that’s fine.”
他就比較沒錢 回來就多少幫忙做 “He is not so convenient but do help more or less”
所以我們不要跟他計較 “Therefore, let’s not care that much. ”
其實婆婆是為了安撫 In fact, the mother in law was meant to comfort
其他的兄弟姊妹的不舒服 the other siblings discomfort.
各位 妳不講出來 Dear listeners. If you don’t speak,
妳永遠覺得婆婆在歧視妳 You will always feel that your mother-in-law is against you.
搞不好人家是替妳在做人 Maybe she’s trying to do some public relation work for you
你聽懂我在說什麼嗎 Do you understand?
對不對 因為婆婆說 Right? She said that:
大家在計較 Everyone is .
她不要讓別人說 最疼你們這一房 She wants to prevent the gossiping about her favoring you
為什麼大房 二房 三房 “Why would the other three
一個月一 兩萬 hand in over ten grand a month,
你們第四房就不用 and you don’t?”
你們知道意思嗎 Do you know what I mean?
因為婆婆說 有啊 有啊 每年過年 Then she would answer: ”ya, ya,”
我都會叫他們來幫忙 “Every lunar new year’s day, I do ask them to help”
你沒看到你們都睡到幾點 “Don’t you see how late you get up?”
我都叫他們起來掃地 “and I always have them to get up and sweep the floor.”
婆婆就要做給他們看 Your mother-in-law is meant to make an exposition.
做給他們看 表示說 To let them know that
他沒有偏心你們這一房 she’s not favoring you.
可是你可能就會覺得說 But you might think
哎呀 就是這樣 “Come on, it is just the way it is.”
沒有拿錢回家就要做奴才啦 “Money do talk.”
每次過年回去就要給人家作賤 “Every lunar new year is the timeto serve them. ”
這樣子 就是沒有付錢的 That’s it. The one that give no money
就是比較不重用 幹嘛幹嘛的 has no value in the family. Bla,Bla,Bla……..
各位 這樣聽懂了沒有 Everyone, do you understand?
像有個學員也來跟我講 For example, a student came to me
她說有一種痛苦 She said she felt a certain kind of pain.
因為之前她理財 理得不好 Because she had failed in investment,
好像就是擔心將來女兒出嫁沒有嫁妝 She worried about the dowry for her daughter.
因為她知道自己家裡錢不多了 She knew they don’t have much money left in the family.
所以後來就跟女兒說 Then she asked her daughter:
那妳每個月賺錢 要拿一萬塊回家 “Bring ten grand home monthly from your salary.”
女兒就很生氣 為什麼人家不用 Her daughter was angry wondering why the others don’t have to do so.
可是媽媽的心意是什麼 But what the mother really means is
因為媽媽今天無能 “I failed”
將來不可能給妳很多嫁妝 “It would be impossible to prepare lots of dowry in the future.”
那媽媽現在強迫幫妳儲蓄 “Now I force you to make a deposition”
未來妳結婚的時候 “In the future, when you are going to get married”
我會把所有妳的錢 都給妳當嫁妝 “I will give you all your money(you have brought to me) as your dowry.”
媽媽是這個用心 That is the mother’s idea.
各位 這樣了解嗎 Everyone, now you understand?
所以很多時候 So, often,
你們的真實情緒沒有出來 When your true feelings are not shown,
就沒有真正的 真心的交流 There is no real and sincere communication.
所以如果一個人永遠沒有脾氣 Therefore, if someone got emotionless all the time,
各位 你也沒有辦法看到他的真面目 dear listeners, you have no way to know who he is.
我說真面目 是真性情 The one he is, I mean, is his real personality.
沒有辦法感受到一個人真性情 When there is no way to know someone’s true personality,
你怎麼都沒辦法知道 you cannot know anything (about him).
他什麼時候高興 什麼時候不高興 Which situation he will be happy, or which situation he will be unhappy
你永遠不會知道 You never know.
你永遠無法跟他達成真正的溝通 You cannot reach true communications between you two.
各位 這是不對的 Dear listeners. This is wrong.
這是不對的 This is wrong.
所以有時候情緒的表達 This is why sometimes the emotional expressions
它必須要遵循著一碼歸一碼 must follow such a thing as
這樣的一個東西 “two separate issues must be handled separately.”
恩歸恩 仇歸仇 Favors to favors. Hatred to hatred.
算完仇再來算恩 It’s fine
都可以 都可以 to solve the hatred first then return the favors later
情緒總是會神清氣爽的回到它自己 An emotion will always come back to itself freshly.