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I've had a question that's been on my mind
through the silent retreat,
but it's a little bit complicated, maybe, to explain.
Since I met you a year ago, something changed
in my meditation. I followed these instructions
to stay with this unassociated I Am,
and it brought some subtle joy for me, and . . .
After seeing you in Stockolm for the first time something,
for the first time something kind of changed
in that I had some, a few insights.
There was some kind of seeing that,
this awareness that came when I was being very quiet
was actually something I was looking for
was actually what painted everything in my day,
everything was basically this awareness and also
that this I Am was just another subtle vibration
within this awareness and for the first time
the joy disappeared.
What disappeared?
The joy
The joy disappeared.
If joy disappears in this direction (points towards his chest)
then must be something higher than that joy must be there.
If joy disappears in that direction (points away from his body)
then something different . But if joy disappears in this
direction (points to his heart)
something higher must come.
What joy were you speaking about?
You speak about the joy arising out of
the unassociated state I Am.
And what it means for those of you maybe it's not so familiar
with this type of term, what it means is that
first, the first knowledge, you may say,
the quintessential knowledge
is that basic intuition, the sense, "I exist, I am. I AM."
And that I Am sense is in all the sentient beings.
Nobody gave you that taste I Am.
It arose spontaneously, and after it arises,
then somehow it needs an instrument
through which to express
and to have the taste of experiencing
and to experience this diverse manifestation, you see?
But somewhere along the line,
identification arose with the instrument,
and the I Am, which is not a person,
it's not a man or a woman.
It has no religion, it has no belief.
Somehow it sprang forth and identified with the body
and then believed, "I am the body."
When it believes, "I am the body,"
then all the other conditioning that arose
inside the body became its.
It embraces all these conditioning, think, "I am these also."
Then confusion arose for the being.
Touching the body - the body is a time-body.
It has a birth, date of birth, date of death.
Neither of them you will know.
Neither of them you knew.
You did not experience your date of birth,
and you will not experience your date of death also, you see.
But then somehow because this beingness
touched the time-body, it came into time,
and then some trauma entered into beingness.
It feels, "One day I am not going to be here
anymore to enjoy in this body," so some pain come.
Now you have, somehow, the exercise, you may say,
or inquiry, is to help the beingness which fell into
this state of hypnosis that, " I AM the body."
It believes, "I am the body." All true spiritual
practices or sadhana is helping to remove this
accumulation of concepts which is not original
to your being. So that you again shine
only as that feeling I Am without any association.
Then that one says, that's the state they call,
"satchitananda" - the perfume of the being,
when you are not anymore associating.
Of course outwardly, someone will still call you
son, or daughter, or wife, or girlfriend, or husband, or whatever.
But inwardly you are without identity. That's your secret.
You don't have to speak about it.
And somehow you're able to function beautifully in this world.
Outwardly you carry on, something carries on.
And there's an awareness, there's a harmony also.
Even maybe an increased harmony, because now
there's a sense of detachment
from the outer role we play.
Inwardly you're in pure serenity, you see?
This is the aim of all true disciplines,
to come back to that original place,
the sense I Am. I AM.
Beyond - not I am man or woman.
Not I am Muslim, Christian, Hindu - nothing.
Just that taste I Am. That's the beautiful state
and as far as your exercises, your practice can go.
For some beings, even this taste, I Am
the taste of existence, becomes also a phenomenon.
This will not be your everyday consciousness.
Some rare beings, they are now beginning to feel,
but even this taste of existence came also.
And what comes, also goes.
And each day we are experiencing the waking state.
Prior to the waking state, you were in a
state without even I Am.
Then waking state come,
then the feeling of existence come,
then relationalship to the world and otherness
come and time come. All these things come.
And sleep comes again, and everything is laid to rest.
And you again, your identity in the waking state
cannot come into deep sleep with you.
So now I am returning to the point you make.
He says, "I have now had this experience where
first I came to the place only of the feeling, I Am.
It is not attached to anything else.
And I found joy, found peace, find joy."
Many other beings will envy you.
"How did you find joy?" Don't associate with anything.
I am not suppressing the senses.
I'm not repressing emotions.
They can happen, but I am not identified with them.
This is coming to the pure state of being. Clear enough?
Then he says something, he says,
"But then I saw even this being."
Then I am seeing even this feeling I Am, that Holy taste,
that which is referred to as the Godly principle,
the divine principle in the body,
that also was watched.
So the very fact that that was watched,
places the watcher beyond,
beyond even the field of I Am, even, the unspeakable.
But he says, "Joy also went."
If joy went what, now, what was left, was there?
I want to ask you this.
If joy went then what?
Some sadness replaced joy, or what?
Initially I had some kind of excitement, I think.
That day, there was some kind of change
in my experience, and in the morning I woke up
and I just felt that I should forget about
all this practice. That there was no. . .
You actually felt, "Forget about practice?"
Go back to work. I haven't been working this year,
I've been sitting on the couch most of the year,
so there was a feeling like, "Just go back to work.
Get on with life."
Really? I want to know more about this.
Because sometimes two things happen.
Sometimes we feel, "Ok now, it's clear.
I'm not any of these things. All practices keep
me feeling like I'm a practicer or something,
and now I've seen none of it is true."
Maybe like this.
So, I go back to work. Work is true?
Ok. So even that, even this is OK.
Then also go to work, and work. Fine.
But inside what is your inner state?
So you go to work. You say, "I've seen all that
the eyes can see. I've understood as much as the
mind can understand. So no more I want."
So now I want to know what happened and you
say, "Well now I go back to work."
OK good. Go back to work. What is your inner state?
Even while working, I have no objection to this.
Of course work, in fact, very natural. Get on with it.
What is your inner state?
"Of course, it's been, especially this year,
a strong sense of transparency and detachment,
and I didn't go back to work actually.
I spent a week a little agitated
and I just went back to the practice which you gave,
and the joy came back, slowly came back,
this kind of subtle, subtle joy.
Yes, yes, which you still see,
but even now, even with the joy present,
which most beings would be very happy.
They say, "You're gonna give away your joy? Can I have it?
You go back to work. I keep the joy.
But you say now even this joy which is experienced,
it's there, but perhaps no excitement about joy.
It becomes a kind of grounded state.
It is there by itself.
There is not a desire to keep the joy
or to get rid of it. It's simply there.
It is the perfume of being. This joy is there.
What is your inner state behind the joy?
Because joy can be watched.
That which watches joy, what is the state of that?
Anything to say?
Does it say, "OK now I go back to work."
"Now I go back to practice." Does it say even this?
No, I think it's just there.
It's just there. A lot of people are curious about this stage.
This stage, let's not say state. Many people are
curious about this stage. What happens now?
Because many people ask,
"OK, then what to do now? What to do?"
And I'm asking, who is asking the question here?
Isn't it still the mind who's asking what to do? What to do?
And even this 'what to do?' mind is also watched.
Watch out, because even this 'what to do?' mind,
he may still catch you:
"What to do? Oh yeah, what to do?"
When you're in the position to be even aware of this -
because once you somehow have come back to your
pure being. Sometimes something says,
some visitors are going to come,
some visitors are going to come, and their voices
are going to say something like this -
either they will say,
"How can I keep this? How can I stay here?"
And you must not purchase this voice,
because if you purchase this voice, immediately you
purchase separation. You must watch this voice.
Another one will say, "OK, but what to do now? Mr. Holy?
Miss Holy? You've come to this beautiful place.
What to do now? Who is going to look after
your children? Who is going to pay the rent?"
And something starts to tremble. You must not
listen to this voice. Another one will come,
"Yeah, OK, that's it. I've done it. I've done it.
I'll open my own ashram now." [laughter]
You don't listen to this voice.
Many of you know these voices, they come,
and they are not easy to discern sometimes.
It's still early. Therefore I say: keep quiet.
Don't rush in towards any premature conclusions about anything.
Just keep quiet, and in your own solitude,
you will watch these energies coming up.
You will feel the pull.
Something says, "OK, you've seen now, you understand.
Then, let's get back to reality," whatever.
Who has come to that place?
You said you had a doubt. What is it?
There's been a lingering feeling that I should
have done some - made some change or done, , ,
not to have just gone back to the same practice
in some sense. But in truth, after the retreat
I had a strong sense of just surrender,
just whatever's left, surrender, surrender.
It's good, that is good. That attitude. Sometimes I put
it in a form that inwardly you say, "Yes."
Yes to what?
Yes to the opportunity to complete your seeing.
Yes to the opportunity of embracing the unknowable.
Yes to the opportunity of letting go of the fear of disappearing.
Yes to a kind of trust that if existence has brought
me here then it must take care of the rest of it.
You say yes to something. You don't have to itemize
what your yes is about, but maybe you know already.
That's a kind of surrender.
Yes to the introspection, or the insight
the journey into my own completeness.
Yes. That's also surrender. So that your
being can remain in complete solitude and peace.
Will the world stop? Will the world stop?
I can say yes and no.
Will you understand? Your senses will not stop.
They will continue functioning.
Thoughts may continue to come,
but something else is now here:
a stillness, an intuition, a presence, an absence.
Maybe you'll try to explain, and words will fail you,
and then you'll say, "Mooji did say,
'Keep quiet, keep quiet, keep quiet.'"
And don't wait, not waiting for something.
You have become pregnant with yourself.
You're giving birth to yourself.
Maybe if there's something more to find out
in this space, you'll come to complete clarity about it.
OK.
I'm leaving tonight, so. . .
You are leaving today?
so I really wanted to thank you for the retreat.
Very good. There's still some time left in satsang,
We'll see what happens.
Very good