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-(ENGINE REVVING) -I think the engine needs a tune-up
No, that was my stomach.
Do you know how long its been since we ate?
We gotta to eat soon.
Otherwise, I cant be responsible for my actions!
-Hmmm... -(STOMACH GROWLING)
Theres a planet, at three oclock.
-Look good to you? -Looks delicious! Give me a spoon.
ZOSKY: (LAUGHING) Maybe they'll have some take-out.
KAPUT: Yeah, yeah. Wait! I havent got any napkins.
KAPUT: Oh! Here we are!
ZOSKY: Tremble, good folk! We have come to enslave you.
But first! Wheres the nearest fast food joint?
BYURK: (STAMMERING) Long-long-long...
Long...long live our visitors. Fallen from the sky...
BYURK: (STAMMERING) Like the go-gods...
BYURK: (STAMMERING) We've b-been w-wai-waiting for.
Oh, boy, hear that? They think were gods!
Im not a god. Lord of the trigger, maybe, but...
-Oww! -Cant you stop and think for even half a second?
(CLEARING THROAT) Mortals, you are correct!
We are your gods!
Not a bad plan! Yeah! Yeah, what he said.
And, were really hungry, so, move your butts.
Here! What do you think about that, Jack?
J-J-Jack... Thank you, my lord, thank you.
Here! What do you think about that, Jack?
(KICKS HIM HARD)
(BYURKS KICKING EACH OTHER)
Know what, Kaput? I dont think these are the smartest fellows in the universe.
BYURK: Chief! The gods have arrived!
Their name is Jack. And this is how they salute each other.
(STAMMERING) What a strange c-c-custom!
All right, all right! Thats enough small talk, Pops!
Were starving, here. We demand something to eat.
(STAMMERING) Welcome to my h-h-humble dwelling...
O, J-J-Jack!
Who is this J-J-Jack?
Just play along.
(STAMMERING) The Flabyurk!
Bring in the Flabyurk!
(CHATTERING)
-(CAULDRON BUBBLING) -Eww...
Here, let me taste it for you.
(MUMBLING IN AMAZEMENT)
Oooooooohh...
Really. Youre too kind. You could have left me a little!
Sorry, it went down all by itself!
(STAMMERING) He has drunk the Flabyurk!
He truly is a god!
(CELEBRATIONS ERUPT)
(WEIRD RUMBLING)
Kaput?
Kaput? Say something!
What have you done to him? What was in that slop?
(GASPING)
(STAMMERING) The Flabyurk!
He has desecrated the Flabyurk!
Seize him!
(ANGRY VOICES)
Where am I? What's going on?
Kaput! At last! How are you, old buddy?
Where did you go? We have to get out of here! Quick!
(STAMMERING) What do you think about that, Jack?
Whats the matter with you?
And why are you stuttering? Kaput?
J-J-Jack. M-my name is J-J-Jack
Hmmm, you look strange. Whats with the silly costume?
(STAMMERING) I-I-I- a-a-a-am th-their g-god.
Right! Well, onward and all that.
Lets get out of here. Ive had enough of this planet.
Lets go dominate some where else. Like in the good old days...
No! You have desecrated the Flabyurk.
You shall be bo-boiled in it to purify your soul.
Boiled in that stuff? Have you completely lost your mind?
Kaput! My friend!
Call me "Your Divinity", l-like everybody else.
Why you idiot!
You selfish twit! You, you... two-bit god!
(PUNCHES BEING THROWN)
Come on, Jack, were leaving this dump!
S-s-s-someones kidnapping J-J-Jack!
Were done for, the ship is too far!
T-t-too far?
N-not at all! We j-just have to f-f-fly to it.
Fly? And how would we go about doing that?
With those magnificent cardboard wings?
I-I-I am a g-g-god
All g-g-gods c-can fly.
Kaput, no!
J-J-Jack ! My name is J-J-Jack.
And Im fl-fl-fl-flying!
(THUD)
J-J-Jack doesnt kn-kn-know how to f-f-fly.
Jack is n-not a g-god!
(ANGRY MURMURS)
Back off, or Ill disintegrate you.
KAPUT: Leave some of them for me!
Kaput ! Its you! Is it really you?
Yeah! Who else would it be?
Zosky, we need a plan.
-Hey...look! A god! -BYURKS: Huh?
ZOSKY: Move it! Move it! Start the engine, Kaput! Move it!
ZOSKY: You really dont remember anything at all?
-The Flabyurk? Jack? KAPUT: Who's Jack?
ZOSKY: You are. I mean, you were. When you were a god.
KAPUT: Zosky? Are you all right? Maybe it was something you ate?
ZOSKY: Here we are Kaput, my friend, Planet Mechanicus.
Lets plunk the ship over there on that building.
KAPUT: Yeah, yeah. Sure thing, Zosky.
Ill bring her in for a nice, smooth landing!
(NERVOUS CHATTERING)
KAPUT: Ow! Think I bit my shoelace.
You call this a landing?
I call it crashing, splatting, compressing...
(YELLING)
Whats going on here?
You need to be a little more precise, Kaput.
Do you want to know what is happening to us in this building?
Or do you want to know what is made in this building?
Zosky! This isnt a time to be thinking!
Were gonna be creamed!
Creamed? Do you mean ground or torn apart?
Move it, Zosky!
MACHINE: Sample analysis.
(LAUGHING) Ok! Its me! I did it!
Im guilty! Stop tickling me!
MACHINE: Soft object. Unsuitable.
MACHINE: Hollow object. Unsuitable.
MACHINE: Sub-standard raw material.
MACHINE: Reject. Reject.
Where are they taking us?
CAMERA: Two pieces of trash. Motor function intact. Extraction.
I am not a piece of trash.
HEAD: Language function saved.
HEAD: Warrior function saved. Classified substandard, level 3.
Examination complete.
Welcome to the trash heap.
Er... Hello there, trash.
Who is the boss around here?
MACHINE: Please define the word boss.
The one who slaps and kicks everybody else around.
The one who shoots the best, and fastest...
And the boss is also the one who gives orders,
and the one who everyone obeys.
You mean the Factory Manager.
He isnt here.
This is the factorys trash heap.
We are substandard, inadequate for android construction.
Let me get this straight.
If you're substandard, then where are the standard ones? The androids?
Outside! They are the ones who inhabit the planet,
as soon as they get out of the factory.
Right after their brain is implanted,
at the end of the assembly line.
Then, all of you here have been rejected before reaching the end of the assembly line,
so that would mean that none of you have a brain?
Of course we dont.
Do you?
Er, thats not the question...
Zosky, these substandard guys are boring.
Lets go find the real androids and take over this planet!
Thats exactly what well do, but without the effort.
Substandard threes, I feel your pain.
The hateful tyrant who has dared to exclude you,
to treat you like incomplete citizens,
to lock you away inside this trash heap...
deserves to be punished.
Together, we shall oust the Factory Manager.
Once we have accomplished this,
Kaput and I shall take his place and watch over you.
Yeah! We promise!
We will rule over you!
Long live Zosky!
Trash of the world, unite!
Come out of your ghetto! Revolution!
REJECTS: (ALL TOGETHER) Hear, hear! Revolution!
Follow me! Let's take this tyrant down!
Tyrant out, Kaput and Zosky in!
Tyrant out, Kaput and Zosky in!
Tyrant out, Kaput and Zosky in!
Tyrant out, Kaput and Zosky in!
(SIREN BLARING)
A revolution is such a beautiful thing.
Itd be even more beautiful if we were doing the exterminating.
Come, come now.
This is no way to affect change.
Back to your places, everyone.
Down with management!
ALL: Down with management! Down with management!
ALL: Down with management! Down with management!
Please calm down!
Revolt is not a component of your programming.
(SCREAMS)
Maybe I could lend them a hand.
-Nah. Our people need closure on their former oppressors. -Huh?
As long as theyre beating him, theyre not beating us up.
Come on, well stop the brains from being implanted in the androids.
Without brains, itll be like ruling over sleeping sheep.
Ah! There you are!
Okay, beat it, well take care of the brain implants.
We no longer obey orders.
From now on we are an autonomous, self-managed group.
-What's the matter with him? -Success has gone to his head.
Wed better unplug him fast, or he could be trouble.
Get out, tyrants!
Freedom for the oppressed!
Just like that. Its always the same.
As soon as they start thinking, they think they know better.
How are we expected to work under these conditions?
I dont know what the universe is coming to.
ZOSKY: Revolutions are not what they used to be.
KAPUT: Yeah, just like sheep.
Sheep? What do you mean, just like sheep?
I dunno, I was just trying to say something smart.
Nice try, Kaput.
How about this one?
For all the extreme tourists out there...
I love extreme tourism!
Planet Heroica is definitely for you...
If they say so. Who am I to contradict them?
ZOSKY: Planet Heroica, here we come!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
ZOSKY: Well, its not the most welcoming place in the universe.
What are you talking about? Its lovely!
I already feel at home.
Come on, lets go have some fun.
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
PRISONERS: Help us... Water! Have mercy...
See, what did I tell you! Were gonna have a great time here.
-Water -Im busy, ya pile of crud!
-Got a rendezvous with destiny! -Evil being!
You flatter me.
Yoo hoo, castle dwellers! Anyone home?
Did you see that? Thats Marvin the Enchanter!
In person!
Kaput and Zosky! I know you wish to take hold of power on this planet.
Only you will have to prove that you are worthy of it!
Ah, beat it, Pops, youre slowing us down!
(ANGRY MUTTERING)
Are you nuts?
This guy is a really famous magician.
He can turn you into a killer snake with a flick of his wand.
Killer snakes are cute!
He can also turn you into a princess.
Puff! A princess!
Oh no!
(THREATENINGLY) Just try it you.
Wow, magic!
I hereby decree that your powers...
...will be at the disposal of your future king, that is to say, me!
You arent the one who chooses to be King,
Its Ex-Kaliput, the magical sword that chooses...
If you succeed in pulling it out,
you'll be the One we have been waiting centuries for.
If not...
All right, we accept the challenge.
Are you nuts?
Did you see all those cages?
Trust me, I have a plan.
(STRUGGLING TO PULL OUT THE SWORD)
I say, wait your turn like everybody else.
-(GROWLING) -I mean, be my guest.
What are you doing?
Well, since no one can pull the sword out of the rock,
I thought Id blast the rock apart to get the sword.
Zorgolum!
What were you thinking?
Blasphemer! Shooting at Ex-Kaliput!
Okay, now you quit scaring my buddy here, huh!
Ill pull your crummy piece of tin out,
and settle this once and for all.
Wow!
Long live King Kaput!
Ex-Kaliputs Chosen One!
I told you wed have a great time on this planet.
I dont know how you managed it. But congratulations!
Well worth being the chosen ones, isnt it?
(HEAVY FOOTSTEPS)
Do you get the feeling hes looking this way?
The time has come!
Er, what time?
The chosen ones time,
yours! You must fight the bloodthirsty Giorgos,
the dragon who terrorizes our land.
We have been waiting centuries for the chosen one,
the one who will rid us of this terror,
And at last, you are here.
Im not here, you old windbag!
Do you hear! You never saw me! Got that?
Ex-Kaliput chose you!
You have no choice.
Zurgazim!
Let me go, you brute!
Whoaaaaaaa!
-Stop! -Kaput, hold on!
Good luck, chosen boy!
(HOWLING) Somebody, help! Help us!
Yeow! Thats hot!
Will you stop breathing at me, Fatso!
(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)
All this is your fault, you crummy piece of tin.
(HEAVY FOOTSTEPS)
I dont know what your Chosen Ones point of view is,
but, I for one, as a mere mortal, would suggest a strategic withdrawal.
Zosky, Ive been thinking.
If I was the real Chosen One, I just might've gut the dragon.
I mean, I did get that sword out of the stone.
Do you want us to go back?
Nah. Not worth it!
KAPUT: I mean, just knowing I could have levelled that dragon with one punch.
Oh, absolutely.