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>>> WELCOME TO "RED EYE."
I'M GREG GUTFELD IN FOR THIS
SPECIAL MAY DAY.
THE THIRD STALL FROM THE
WALL.
FOLLOW THE ROSE PETAL.
LET'S GO TO ANDY LOOY VEE FOR
A PRE GAME REPORT.
HI, ANDY.
WHAT IS COMING UP ON THE SHOW
TONIGHT?
>> THE WALL ON WHICH THE
PROPHETS WROTE IS CRACKING AT
THE SEEMS.
OUR TOP STORY, MAY DAY, MAY
DAY, MAY DAY, AMERICA.
THAT'S RIGHT, IT IS MAY
DAY.
CLASSIC TEASE.
AND WHAT CLASSIC HORROR HAS
TAKEN A STAND AND THAT'S IF
THEY MADE RICH PEOPLE
EXPERIENCE THE MISERY OF
HIGHER TAXES?
WELL, STEVEN KING.
THEY ARE THE TITLES OF TWO OF
KING'S BOOKS.
AND FINALLY IS ONE OF THE
PROSTITUTES FROM THE SECRET
SERVICE'S COLUMBIAN SCANDAL
ABOUT TO POSE NUDE IN AN
AMERICAN MEN'S MAGAZINE?
THE SHOCKING STORY THAT
EVERYONE TOTALLY SAW COMING.
GREG?
>> THANKS, ANDY.
>> YOU BET.
>> NICE WORK WITH THAT STEVEN
KING TEASE.
>> I THOUGHT IT WORKED OUT
WELL.
>> CAME AS A SURPRISE TO
EVERYONE AT THE END THERE.
>> A SLOG TO THE VIEWERS, BUT
HAPPY FOR YOU.
>> NOTHING WRONG WITH A LONG,
HARD SLOG, GREG.
>> THAT IS TRUE.
>> GO AWAY.
>> LET'S WELCOME OUR GUEST.
SHE IS SO HOT THAT HOT WINGS
COME IN HOT, MEDIUM AND PATTI
ANN BROWNE.
THE NOTORIOUS PAB.
AND SHE IS FUNNIER THAN A
CLOWN SMOTHERING A MIME WITH
CONFETTI.
AND BILL SCHULZ IS OFF GETTING
DE LOUSED AND FILLING IN WITH
HIM IS A JERK NAMED GAVIN
McGUINESS.
YOU CAN FIND HIM ON A WEBSITE,
AND HIS BOOK IS CALLED HOW TO
BLEEP IN PUBLIC.
I SAID BLEEP SO WE DON'T HAVE
TO BLEEP IT AFTERWARDS.
IT SAVES EDITING TIME.
AND IF INSIGHTFUL COMMENTARY
WAS A DRUM I WOULD *** HIM.
AND HE HAS A BOOK TOO.
IT IS NEW AND SWRUS -- JUST
OUT AND WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT
CALLED THE TIERNEY OF
CLICHES.
THEY ARE AVAILABLE A ANY
BOOKSTORE.
>>> DID THE MAY DAY PLAN
INCLUDE DESTROYING A SPAN?
ON TUESDAY A BIG DAY FOR
ANTI-WALL VETTERS WORLDWIDE A
GROUP OF MEN CONNECTED TO THE
OCCUPY CLEAVELAND GROUP WERE
ARRESTED FOR PLOTTING TO
BLOWUP A BRIDGG TO THE FBI, THE
SUSPECTS SHOWED INTEREST IN
CAUSING FINANCIAL DAMAGE WITH
ONE SAYING, QUOTE, MAY 1st
IS GOING TO BE CRAZY.
I PREFER OFF THE HOOK.
ANYWAY, ON THIS DAY OF
PROTEST, HEY MEME REINED, SORT
OF.
THE ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT A HOLES
SMASHED WINDOWS AND THREW
PAINTBALLS.
THE POLICE STATION COULDN'T
FIGHT BACK.
AND ENVELOPES WITH WHITE
POWDER WERE SENT VIA MAIL WITH
MESSAGES LIKE, QUOTE, THIS IS
A REINNED MOOER THAT YOU ARE
ON -- REMINDER THAT YOU ARE
NOT IN CONTROL.
THE SAMPLES TESTED NEGATIVE
AFTER BILL SCHULZ SAID HE
TESTED ALL OF IT AND FELT
NOTHING.
WITH ALL OF THE STRIVE HE WILL
PROTECT OUR BIKES.
>> I GUESS OBAMA ORDERED
TAKEOUT.
JOKES LIKE THAT NEVER GET OLD,
OR PERHAPS THEY DO.
GAVIN, AFTER THE SHOW YOU ARE
ACTUALLY GOING DOWNTOWN TO THE
EAST VILLAGE TO AN OWS
BENEFIT.
THESE PLOTTERS HERE ARE
SELF-DESCRIBED ANARCHISTS AND
PART OF THE OWS GROUP.
SHOULD YOU BE ASHAMED OF
YOURSELF SOME.
>> LOOK, I WILL DEFEND THESE
KIDS TO THE DEATH, EVEN IF
THEY BLOW ME UP.
THEY ARE WHAT I WAS WHEN I WAS
THAT AGE AND I LOVE ALL OF
THIS STIRRING IT UP, STIRRING
UP THE POT.
THE TRUTH COMES TO THE TOP.
>> BUT SO DOES THE [BLEEP].
>> THEY ARE YOUNG.
GIVE THEM A BREAK.
>> THIS IS NOT A WET T-SHIRT
CONTEST, AND YOU WERE CHERRY
PICKING THE WORST OF THEM.
I WAS WITH THEM TODAY, AND
THERE ARE A LOT OF STUPID,
YOUNG PEOPLE, THERE WERE
PEOPLE OUT THERE TRYING TO
EXPOSE CORRUPTION.
THE BANK THING, I LIKE THAT
BEING EXPOSED BECAUSE --
>> WITH POWDER?
>> I LIKE PEOPLE TALKING WITH
THE BANKS.
THEY SAY WHY ARE THEY MAD AT
THE BANKS?
THEY SAID DID YOU KNOW THEY
FORECLOSED ON HOMES WHEN
SOLDIERS WERE OVERSEAS ?
WHAT?
WE ARE STIRRING IT UP JIE.
EVERYBODY HAS HATED BANKS
SINCE BANKS WERE AROUND.
BANKS ARE IN TROUBLE BECAUSE
OF THE MORTGAGE MESS.
WE WON'T GET INTO THAT HERE.
>> THEY ARE SHINING A LIGHT ON
THAT.
>> THAT LIGHT HAS ALWAYS BEEN
THERE.
YOU CAN'T SHINE A LIGHT BY
SENDING PEOPLE POWDER AND
SCARING THEM AND HAVING THE
POLICE COME TO YOUR BUILDING
INSTEAD OF GOING TO SOLVE REAL
CRIMES LIKE THAT SHIRT THAT
YOU ARE WEARING.
>> ARE YOU CONTRIDICTING ME?
WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE
FRIENDS.
>> I AM A LITTLE ANGRY AT YOU
RIGHT NOW, BUT THAT'S OKAY.
JONAH, ISN'T IT A BIG DEAL
TRYING TO BLOWUP A BRIDGE?
>> NEVER MIND WHAT HE SAID.
>> I AM WITH YOU ON ALL OF THE
STUFF AS LONG AS IT IS FREE
SPEECH AND SHOCK FEEDER,
THAT'S FINE.
LET THEM MAKE IDIOTS OF
THEMSELVES AND IT WILL HURT
THEIR CAUSE.
IT IS A FREE COUNTRY.
BUT BLOWING UP BRIDGES IS
BAD.
BLOWING UP BRIDGES IT IS A
THING THAT IS A CRIME.
>> WHAT ABOUT NELSON MANDELA.
>> THE CAUSE IS NOT NELSON
MANDELA'S CAUSE.
WHEN YOU LOOK AT THESE GUYS, I
HAVE NEVER SEEN PEOPLE WHO
MORE CLEARLY -- YOU CAN SMELL
THE URINE AND THE POT SMOKE
OFF THESE GUYS FROM THEIR MUG
SHOTS.
I TELL YOU WHAT GETS ME IS
WHEN THE TEA PARTIES USE
INFLAMMATORY RHETORIC THEY
WERE CALLED TERRORISTS.
WE WERE WARNED THAT THEY WERE
DOMESTIC TERRORISTS.
THESE GUYS ARE DOMESTIC
TERRORISTS.
AND I READ A BLOOMBURG STORY
AND IT DIDN'T MENTION THEY
WERE PART OF OCCUPY WALL
STREET.
IT DIDN'T MENTION THE
PROTEST.
IT WAS FIVE RANDOM DUDES WHO
UNFORTUNATELY SOME DO LOOK
LIKE YOU.
YOU WERE THE ONE WHO GOT
AWAY.
>> BY THE WAY, DO YOU LOOK
LIKE A RINGLEADER.
BUT THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S A COMPLIMENT.
>> DO IT NOW, DO IT NOW! GET
ME OUT OF HERE.
REVERSE A TRUCK NOW!
>> WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
>> THANK YOU.
TO BE FAIR THEY WERE ONLY
CONNECTED TO THE OCCUPY
MOVEMENT THROUGH FACEBOOK.
THERE WAS MENTION OF IT.
THEY MENTIONED ON FACEBOOK
WHICH I DON'T KNOW WE CAN GO
OFF OF MY PROFILE IS FULL OF
LIES.
IF YOU LOOKED AT IT YOU WOULD
THINK I HAD A VERY ACTIVE
SOCIAL LIFE WITH LIKE
ATTRACTIVE MEN.
>> OH I KNOW.
>> YOU CAN'T GO OFF FACEBOOK.
IT IS LIKE WE SHOULD CONNECT
THEM TO FARMVILLE TOO THEN.
THEY ARE VERY ACTIVE ON THAT.
>> IF THEY WERE CONNECTED TO
FARMVILLE THEY WOULD BE
BLOWING UP THE FORM.
THAT'S THE KIND OF PEOPLE THEY
ARE, PAB.
AREN'T I RIGHT?
DON'T THEY DISGUST YOU?
DON'T YOU WISH THEY WERE
LOCKED UP?
THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE SAYING IN
THE GREEN ROOM.
>> WELL, I READ THE WHOLE
COMPLAINT.
THEY HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE HECK
THEY WANTED TO ACCOMPLISH.
THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT
BLOWING UP CARGO SHIPS AND
BLOWING UP TUNNELS UNDER
CLEAVLAND.
ACCESS TERROR DURING THE NATO
SUMMIT AND BLOWING UP THE
BRIDGE.
BUT THEN ONE GUY SAYS, WAIT,
THAT WOULD *** OFF THE PEOPLE
WHO TAKE THE BRIDGE EVERY
DAY.
THEY SAY WHAT ABOUT DERAILING
A TRAIN?
WELL THAT WILL INTEREST FEAR
WITH THE PEOPLE RIDING THE
TRAINS AND NOME IMPACTING THE
1%.
AND NOT IMPACTING THE 1%.
ALL RIGHT, CLARIFY THINGS.
AS LONG AS THINGS ARE F-ED UP
I WILL BE HAPPY WITH THE
ACTION.
THAT'S THE GOAL.
>> THE FACT IS THEY WANTED --
IF THEY WERE BEING CHASED THE
GUY SAID HIS NAME, BRANDON
BAXTER WHO IS 20, PROVING HIS
POINT, A LOT OF THEM ARE
YOUNG.
IF THEY ARE CHASING US WE WILL
THROW TACKS OUT OF THE BACK OF
THE CAR.
>> I LOVE HOW IT IS GOING TO
GET CRAZY.
I THINK THEY WERE TALKING
ABOUT CRY NCO-DE -- CINCO-DE
MAYO.
>> THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE
GOING TO GITMO.
THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE GOING
TO BE TREATED DIFFERENTLY SO
IT WOULDN'T BE SO BAD.
BUT THEY ARE GOING TO GO
AWAY.
THEY WILL GO AWAY FOR 20
YEARS, 30 YEARS.
AND THEY WILL COMPANY OUT AND
HAVE CAMPAIGN FUNDRAISERS FOR
PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATES.
>> IN QUEBEC THEY BLEW UP ONE
BUILDING AND CHANGED THE
COURSE OF HISTORY FOREVER.
THEY MADE ALL OF CANADA BUY
LINGUAL FOREVER.
HE WENT TO JAIL FOR EIGHT
YEARS AND IS A LEDGE END NOW.
>> I AM JUST SAYING THAT WE
SIT HERE AND GO, HOW CRAZY
THEY ARE TO COME UP WITH A
CRAZY IDEA.
BUT THERE IS ALL OF THESE
IDEAS OF PEOPLE BEING
EFFECTIVE.
>> THEY KILLED 300 INNOCENT
MOTHERS AND FATHERS AND ALL OF
THE REST.
>> IT IS HORRIBLE.
I WOULD BE TOTALLY AGAINST
IT.
ALL I AM SAYING IS WE LIVE IN
A CLIMATE WHERE THESE YOUNG
PEOPLE KEEP SEEING IT WORK
EFFECTIVELY TIME AND TIME
AGAIN.
THE IRA, THE FREEDOM
FIGHTERS.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IT IS?
IT IS ROMANTICIZED BY THE
MEDIA.
WHY ELSE ARE THEY WEARING
SCARFS AND MASKS?
IT IS IN MOVIES.
THEY WEAR THE STUPID MASK AND
THEY HAVE THE SCARFS THEY SEE
IN WHATEVER SCARF STORE THAT
THEY HAVE.
>> IT IS CALLED BLOOMING
DALES.
>> THAT'S HOW THEY FOUND OUT
ABOUT ME.
I WENT UNDERCOVER AND WORE A
BLOOMY'S SCARF.
I WONDER WHAT HAPPENS TO THE
CITY WHEN THE COPS ARE
CONCENTRATED ON THESE GUY
EXPRUZ WALKING HOME LATE AT
NIGHT AND, NICKY, WHERE DO YOU
LIVE?
>> QUEENS.
>> WHICH STREET SPECIFICALLY?
YOU COULD BE JUMPED BECAUSE
THERE IS NO POLICE.
>> BUT THEY PULL IN EXTRA
COPS.
HE SAYS, TODAY IS MY DAY OFF
AND I HAVE TO BE THERE, BUT I
DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS.
>> YOU DID EXTRA RESEARCH?
>> YES, I DID.
I TALKED TO THE PEOPLE.
>> HE IS A METHOD ACTOR.
>> THAT'S HOW HE SPOKE TO
HIM.
>>> FROM MAY DAY TO PAY DAY,
THE BURDEN IS TOO LIGHT
ACCORDING TO THE MASTER OF
FRIGHT.
STEVEN KING HAS JOINED THE
RANKS OF THE RICH BEGGING FOR
MORE TAXES ARGUING THE ONE
PERCENTERS SHOULD PAY IN THE
SAME PROPORTION AND CHARITY
ALONE IS NOT ENOUGH.
THE STUPID AUTHOR WRITES,
QUOTE, WHAT CHARITABLE 1
PERCENTERS CANNOT DO IS ASSUME
RESPONSIBILITY OF THE REPAIR
OF THE FAILING INFRASTRUCTURE
AND THE STARVING.
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
KING NOTES THAT HE IS PAYING
TAXES OF 28%.
THAT IS ON HIS INCOME AND
ADDING HOW COME I AM NOT
PAYING 50?
HIS LATEST BOOK HAS TURNED TO
ANOTHER MOVIE.
CAN WE SEE A CLIP?
>> YOU DIDN'T SEE PART TWO.
THE DOG WAS PUT DOWN BECAUSE
OF THAT.
IT IS TERRIBLE.
IT IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE.
>> NICKY RUSHES FILTHY RICH.
SO YOU MUST AGREE WITH
MR. KING.
>> I MEAN, I JUST LIKE THE
QUOTE HE SAYS -- I HAVE KNOWN
RICH PEOPLE.
I AM ONE OF THEM.
THE MAJORITY WOULD RATHER
DOUSE THEIR BEEP WITH LIGHTER
FLUID AND STRIKE A MATCH AND
SING DISCO INFERNO THAN PAY
ONE MORE PERCENT TO UNCLE
SUGAR.
CAN WE JUST HAVE THEM DO
THAT?
I AM ON BOARD WITH THAT.
>> BY THE WAY, UNCLE SUGAR?
>> HE GAVE UP.
>> PAB, AS MOST PEOPLE DON'TS
KNOW YOU WERE THE INSPIRATION
FOR "CARRIE."
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF KING'S
ARGUMENT?
>> WITH ALL DUE RESPECT TO
ANDY LEVY, I THINK HE MIGHT BE
DELIRIOUS FROM INSOMNIA
BECAUSE THE STAND HE IS TAKING
WOULD LEAD TO MISERY AND
DESPERATION FOR US ALL.
HIS DARK VISIONS WOULD FORCE
THE RICH TO CARRY -- CARRIE
MORE OF THE BURDEN.
>> WE GOT.
IT.
>> IT WOULD BE OKAY IF IT WENT
TO THINGS LIKE PAYING FOR ROAD
WORK ON THE NIGHT SHIFT.
>> HAVE I TO SAY THAT WAS MUCH
BETTER THAN WHAT ANDY DID,
HOWEVER I AM SURPRISED YOU
WENT THROUGH WITH IT ANYWAYS
SINCE HE ALWAYS DID IT.
>> I AM NOT A COMEDIAN, BUT I
KNOW IF THE OPENING COMEDIAN
DOES A JOKE, AND IT IS YOUR
JOKE YOU PROBE BLEE -- YOU
PROBABLY WON'T DO IT.
>> I HAVE ONE TOO.
>> HE CALLED THE PIECE TAX ME
FOR BEEP SAKE.
I THINK IT WOULD BE BETTER IF
HE SAID, COME PAY WITH US.
ISN'T THAT IN "THE SHINING"?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> THIS IS CALLED LEAVING WELL
ENOUGH ALONE.
>> DO YOU THINK HE IS
ACTUALLY -- STEVEN KING HAS
SPENT TIME ANALYZING THIS
PROBLEM?
SAYING YOU KNOW WHAT, IF WE
PAID MORE THIS WHOLE DEBT
THING WOULD GO AWAY, OR IS
THIS SOME KIND OF ECHO CHAMBER
FROM BEING AROUND PEOPLE WHO
ARE SUPER RICH?
>> I THINK HE IS TOO STUPID TO
BE A SPELL CHECKER AT AN M AND
M FACTORY.
I DON'T THINK HE KNOW WHAT'S
HE IS TALKING ABOUT.
YOU THINK RICH PEOPLE DON'T
DESERVE WHAT THEY HAVE SO THE
GOVERNMENT SHOULD TAKE THEIR
MONEY AWAY AND SPEND IT ON
PEOPLE WHO DESERVE IT.
IT IS A WALKING CLICHE.
>> HERE IS THE THING, GAVIN,
THE THING THAT TICKS ME OFF IS
THAT HE SAYS WHY SHOULDN'T I
BE PAYING 50% 1234* HE COULD
JUST AS EASILY SAY WHY
SHOULDN'T I PAY 90% BECAUSE HE
IS SO WEALTHY.
IT IS NOT RICH, BUT IT IS
SUPER RICH.
IF THE GOVERNMENT TOOK 95% HE
WOULD STILL HAVE $50 MILLION
OR $20 MILLION.
WHAT HE IS DOING IS PUNISHING
PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY ARE WELL
OFF , BUT MOTT LIKE HIM.
BUT NOT LIKE HIM.
HE SAYS LET THEM EAT CAKE
BEUSCAE I CAN AFFORD CAKE.
>> I THINK THESE GUYS WHEN
THEY GET THAT RICH THERE IS
SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS TO THE
MATHEMATICS IN THEIR BRAIN AND
THEY CAN'T DO THE NUMBERS
ANYMORE.
THEY SEEM TO THINK THAT THERE
IS THIS MAGICAL -- I THINK
THEY THINK THE DEBT IS $4
BILLION AND IT IS A MATTER OF
A BIT OF CHARITY AND THERE IS
SOME ASSUMPTION OF A VALID
DEBT.
IF WE BAN TOGETHER WE COULD
GET THAT DONE AND WE WOULD BE
GOOD.
BUT IT IS LIKE A SHOP UH HOLE
LICK GOING TO -- A SHOP UH
HOLE LICK SAYING YOU COULD
PAYOFF MY CREDIT CARDS WITH
ONE SNAP OF THE FINGERS AND HE
SAID I WON'T DO THAT.
I KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN
TOMORROW.
YOUR CREDIT CARDS ARE ALL CUT
UP.
>> AT ONE POINT THAT MAKES
PERFECT SENSE AND THEN YOU GO
TO THE OWS BENEFIT.
>> I JUST WANT -- I AM LIGHT
BRIGHT BART.
BREITBART HE SAID -- WELL HE
DID SCREAM AT THIS ONE TIME.
HE SAID "I LOVE THIS.
I FEEL LIKE I AM AT A RAVE."
I JUST WANT TO GET DIALOGUE
OUT.
DISCOURSE.
>> IT IS A GUY IN NEED OF A
THERAPIST.
WHEN YOU HAVE ALL OF THIS RICH
GUILT.
IT IS RICH GUILT.
>> THEY SAY IT ALL THE TIME.
IT IS A EARTH MA OF ONE
BILLIONAIRE LEAVING HIS
FORTUNE TO THE GOVERNMENT.
>> RICHARD KIND, THE MOST
ANNOYING ACTOR ON THE PLANET.
>> WHO IS THAT?
>> HE WAS IN "CURB YOUR
ENTHUSIASM" AND HE WAS IN"
LUCK" THE TV SHOW WHERE ALL OF
THE HORSES DIED.
AND IT WAS BECAUSE OF HIM.
>> A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE,
HORRIBLE VOICE.
>> HE WAS IN "MAD ABOUT YOU."
>> I HATE HIM ALREADY.
FROM CHARITY TO CHEROKEE.
IS ELIZABETH WARREN
EXAGGERATING HER ORIGIN?
A MASSACHUSETTS DEMOCRAT IS
UNDER FIRE AFTER IT WAS
REVEALED THAT FOR YEARS HE
CLIMBED MINORITY STATUS
BECAUSE OF HER NATIVE AMERICAN
HERITAGE.
SHE IS RUNNING FOR SENATE
AGAINST THE GORGEOUS SCOTT
BROWN, WE CAN ADMIT AND
INSISTS SHE NEVER USED THIS TO
HELP HER GET A JOB.
BUT THE BOSTON HARELDS SAID
SHE LISTED HERSELF AS A
MINORITY IN THE DIRECTORY OF
LAW PROFESSORS AND HARVARD LAW
SCHOOL USED HER TO TOUT THEIR
DIVERSITY.
THEY SAY WARREN NEEDS TO COME
CLEAN, BUT THANKFULLY THEY SAY
IT IS ALL ABOUT SEXISM.
ONCE AGAIN THE QUALIFICATIONS
OF A WOMAN ARE BEING CALLED
INTO QUESTION BY SCOTT BROWN
WHO DID THE SAME THING WITH
THE SUPREME COURT NOMINATION
AND IT IS OUTRAGEOUS.
INDEED MONDAY NIGHT AND GENE
YULE GISTS DON'T KNOW WHAT
THAT IS AND DON'T CARE.
HE SAID ONE OF HER GREAT,
GREAT, TBR GRANDMOTHERS WAS
CHEROKEE.
SHE IS 1/32 CHEROKEE.
SPEAKING OF FRACTIONS.
>> GOD BLESS PEOPLE LIKE THAT
FOR DOING STUFF LIKE THAT.
GAVIN, YOU ARE AN EXPERT
BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED TO A
NATIVE AMERICAN.
>> YES, I AM.
JOY GIVE ME YOUR --
>> GIVE ME YOUR UNIQUE
PERSPECTIVE --
>> KEEP DOING THAT.
>> NOT ONLY DID I MARRY A
NATIVE AMERICAN, BUT I MADE
TWO WITH HER FROM SCRATCH.
I LIVE IN A 75% INDIAN HOME.
I NOTICE WITH THEM -- WHEN
MONEY IS AT STAKE THEY HAVE A
CUTOFF POINT.
SO MY KIDS WILL BE 25%.
IF THEY MARRY OUTSIDE OF THEIR
RACE, WHATEVER THEIR RACE IS,
THEY ARE CUTOFF FROM THE
CHEC.KS
>> EXPLAIN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY CHECKS ?
>> CERTAIN TRIBES GET CHECKS
FOR OLD LAND DEALS AND CASINOS
AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
THEY HAVE A CUTOFF POINT.
WHEN IT IS CHEROKEES AND IN
THIS CASE I DON'T KNOW MUCH,
BUT THEY WEN YEAH, SURE,
1/32, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO
HAND OUT SO I AM NOT GOING TO
LOSE.
THAT'S WHY I BELIEVE IN THE
FREE MARKET.
IT GETS IN THE NOOKS AND
CRANNIES CRANNIES AND CUTS
PEOPLE OFF.
>> THE FACT WE ARE TALKING
ABOUT THIS, OUR SOCIETY IS
LOST.
WE ARE AIRING GAOING OVER A --
ARGUING OVER A FRACTION OF
SOMEBODY'S HERITAGE AND IT IS
MIND BLOWING TO ME.
>> IT IS NOT -- SOMEONE ELSE
DIDN'T GET A JOB BECAUSE THIS
WOMAN CUT TO THE HEAD OF THE
LINE CLAIMING TO BE SOMETHING
SHE WASN'T.
THIS IS PART OF THE PROBLEM
WITH THE DIVERSITY THING.
IT IS A WAY FOR THE GUYS IN
CHARGE TO GAIN THE SYSTEM AND
ORGANIZE THINGS ACCORDING TO
THE STUPID CHECKLISTS OF HOW
THEY WANT A SOCIETY TO LOOK.
WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN
CAMPAIGN -- WHEN DID SCOTT
BROWN SAY SHE WAS AN INDIAN?
>> I SHOULD HAVE CHECKED THAT
OUT FIRST.
>> WHAT I LOVE IS IT IS
IDENTITY POLITICS.
SHE IS PLAYING THE IDENTITY
POLITICS.
YOU CAN'T P OI NT OUT -- POINT
OUT THAT I HAVE ALL OF THESE
JOBS.
>> GENIUS THOUGH.
IT IS GENIUS.
YOU CAN'T POINT OUT THAT I
MADE UP THIS OTHER THING OR
ELSE I AM GOING TO ACCUSE YOU
OF SEXISM.
IT IS PERFECT.
NICKY, YOU HAVE DONE THIS TO
GET GIGS, HAVEN'T YOU?
>> YES.
>> AND I THINK SCOTT BRON HAS
EVERY RIGHT TO CALL HER ON
THIS.
HE IS 9-10 ***.
>> BUT A BEAUTIFUL ***.
>> HE IS GORGEOUS.
>> HE S. I MET HIM IN PERSON.
EVEN I WAS SLIGHTLY IMPRESSED
BY HIS --
>> I DO BELIEVE HE IS 50%
BROWN.
>> YES.
HIS NAME IS SCOTT BROWN.
I HAD TO POINT THAT OUT.
>> PAB, QUICKLY, HOW GREAT IS
IT WARREN'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER
TRIED TO MAKE IT ABOUT
SEXISM?
>> IT IS THE MOST BIZARRE USE
OF THE GENDER CARD THAT I HAVE
EVER SEEN.
SCOTT BROWN HAD EVERY RIGHT TO
CHALLENGE HER ON DISMRKS THIS
PREP -- AND THIS PREMISE HE
WOULD NOT HAVE CHALLENGED HER
IF SHE WAS A MAN, WHERE IS THE
EVIDENCE FOR THAT?
IT IS A LOW, LOW TACTIC.
>> ON THAT LOW, LOW TACTIC WE
HAVE TO MOVE ON.
IT THAT WERE A SQUIRREL YOU
WOULD SAY THAT IS AN
IMPROBABLE SQUIRREL.
WHAT IS NEXT FOR THE
*** AT THE CENTER OF
THE SCANDAL?
MOVIE, DRINKS AND THEN YOU
HAVE TO PAY FOR SEX.
LOOK AT HER.
>>> HAS SHE TRADED TRICKS FOR
PICKS?
THE ARGUMENT OVER A BILL WITH
THE SECRET SERVICE AGENTS
CAPTIVATED AND DARE I SAY
CHARLED THE WORLD AND IS THE
BULL'S EYE OF *** MAGAZINES
EVERYWHERE.
SHE HAS ALREADY TAKEN IT ALL
OFF FOR A PHOTOGRAPHER AND
LOOKING TO SELL HER BODY IN
PRINT.
THAT'S HER WITHOUT EYES.
ACCORDING TO AN UNNAMED
OFFICIAL, QUOTE, THIS IS THE
WAY THIS IS GOING ON TO END.
SHE IS GOING TO POSE NUDE IN
"PLAYBOY" WHERE RENOUNED
JOURNALISTS WILL INTERVIEW HER
AND WRITE AN ARTICLE TELLING
YOU WHAT HAPPENED.
THAT IS A PRETTY GOOD
SUMMARY.
"PLAYBOY" DENIES SPEAKING WITH
HER WHILE" HUSTLER"'S LARRY
FLINT SAYS SHE POSED FOR
PICTURES, BUT A DEAL IS YET TO
BE MADE.
WHILE THEY ARE TURNING NORTH
AND SOUTH AMERICA UPSIDE DOWN,
JAPAN REMAINS JAPAN.
>> WHATEVER, MAN.
THE *** IS GOING TO MAKE A
FORTUNE WHILE THE EXSECRET
SERVICE GUY IS JOBLESS AND IN
HIDING.
DO WOMEN COME OUT AHEAD IN
THESE SCANDALS?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
BUT WHO IS SURPRISED BY THIS,
FIRST OF ALL?
I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE IS
ACCEPTING THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS
TO POSE NUDE.
TASTEFUL PROBABLY COMPARED TO
WHAT SHE IS USED TO.
IT IS STORIES LIKE THIS.
SHE IS 28 -- SHE IS MY AGE.
I'M LIKE, WHAT AM I DOING WITH
MY LIFE?
I LOOK AT THAT AND SAY WHERE
DID I GO WRONG?
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HER EYES
THOUGH.
>> THAT'S WHAT WILL HAPPEN.
THAT'S GOING COME OFF IN
"HUSTLER."
>> IT IS THE EYE SHOT.
>> THE EYE SHOTS ARE AMAZING.
GAVIN, IN A WAY HASN'T THIS
MADE HER DREAMS COME TRUE?
SHE MAY NEVER HAVE TO TURN
ANOTHER TRICK.
SHE COULD MAKE MILLIONS.
>> MILLIONS ?
>> WELL NCOLUMBIAN MONEY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
>> I HATE TO SAY THIS, BUT I
AM AN EXPERT IN THIS TOO.
I HAVE A HOME IN COSTA COSTA
RICA AND SPENT MANY YEARS IN
-- THERE.
THE WAY IT WORKS WITH
PROSTITUTES, IT IS LIKE
EXPENSIVE DATES.
OH THAT WAS FUN LAST NIGHT.
HERE IS $100 FOR THE CAB.
IN THIS GUY'S DEFENSE, I AND I
WANT TO GO ON THE RECORD AS
THE ONLY GUY WHO DEFENDED HIM,
HE PROBABLY THOUGHT, THIS WAS
SOME HORSING AROUND.
AS SOON AS I PAY MONEY THIS IS
NOW A TRANSACTION AND THIS IS
PROSTITUTION.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
THAT'S PUTTING IT ON THE
BOOKS.
CAN WE NOT DO THAT?
>> THEY ESTABLISHED WHAT HE
WAS DOING AND THAT WAS JUST
ABOUT THE PRICE.
>> THE 28 COULD BE FOR
DRINKS.
AS SOON AS YOU GET FOR -- GET
INTO REAL FIGURES.
>> SHE IS THE SCOTT BROWN OF
CAR TAU HAIN YAW.
-- CARTAGENA.
>> THEY TALK ABOUT THESE WOMEN
BEING STUNNING, BUT I DON'T
KNOW.
DIDN'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME,
PAB, UNLIKE YOU, YOU DOLL.
>> OH, THANK YOU.
>> THAT WAS VERY CREEPY.
I WAS JUST A TRANSITION TO YOU
TO SAY SOMETHING.
>> PERSONALLY I THINK THE REAL
SCANDAL IS THIS AGENT INVOLVED
ARTHUR HUNTINGTON'S WIFE AND
SHE SAYS SHE PLANS ON STAYING
WITH HIM.
WHAT DO WE KNOW?
HE IS UNEMPLOYED BECAUSE HE
SUCKED AT HIS JOB AND SUCKED
ON THE JOB.
HE CHEATS ON HIS WIFE, AND HE
IS DIRTS CHEAP.
OH YES, I WOULD TRY TO WORK
THINGS OUT WITH THIS GUY,
ABSOLUTELY.
>> YOU DON'T STAND BY YOUR
MAN, THAT.
WELL THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW,
PAB.
I WON'T MESS WITH YOU.
>>> DO YOU HAVE A COMMENT ON
THE SHOW OR YOUR HUSBAND FOR
THAT MATTER E-MAIL US.
TO LEAVE A VOICEMAIL
212-462-5050.
STILL TO COME, THE HALF TIME
REPORT FROM ANDY LEVY.
HE SUCKS AT HIS JOB TOO.
>> TONIGHT'S HALF TIME REPORT
IS SPONSORED BY DONKIES, THOSE
SMALL, DOMESTICATED MEMBERS OF
THE HORSE FAMILY WITH A GRAY
OR BROWN COAT WITH LARGE EARS
AND A LONG
>>> WELCOME BACK.
LET'S SEE IF WE HAVE GOT
ANYTHING WRONG SO FAR.
FOR THAT WE GO TO ANDY LEVY.
>> HOW ARE YOU, GREG?
>> MAD AT THE COLLER.
>> I CAN SEE WHY.
IT IS GIVING YOU PROBLEMS.
>> I DON'T LIKE THESE SHIRTS,
BUT I WEAR THEM ANYWAY.
>> MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T.
>> I AM LIKE THE FLYING NUN,
THE FLYING NUN STRAPPED AROUND
MY NECK.
>> GOOD TALK.
GREG, YOU MENTIONED THAT IN
NEW YORK ENVELOPES WITH WHITE
POWDER WERE SENT TO SEVEN
BANKS, AND YOU SAID THE
SAMPLES TESTED NEGATIVE AFTER
BILL SCHULZ SNORTED ALL OF IT
AND SAID HE FELT NOTHING?
>> YES.
>> SO IT WAS BLOW?
GAVIN, YOU SAID YOU LIKE ALL
OF THIS STIRRING OF THE POT
AND WE SHOULD GIVE THE
PROTESTERS WHO ARE YOUNG A
BREAK.
I AM ALL FOR PROTESTING THE
WAY TOO CUSHY RELATIONSHIP
BETWEEN WALL STREET AND THE
GOVERNMENT, BUT THERE IS NO
EXCUSE FOR PLOTTING TO BLOWUP
BRIDGES AND WHITE POWDER AND
DRUM CIRCLES.
>> LET ME BE CLEAR.
I LIKE THE PROTESTS.
I LIKE THE FACT THEY AREN URGE
CKING PEOPLE TO TALK ABOUT
THINGS.
THAT'S ONE THING IN A BOX.
SEPARATELY, WE ARE TALKING
ABOUT THE KIDS COMING OUT WITH
THESE TERRORIST PLOTS LIKE IT
IS A CRAZY THING THAT MAKES NO
SENSE, AND WHERE DID THEY GET
THIS IDEA FROM?
HISTORY TIME AND TIME AGAIN
SHOWS TERRORIST ACTS BEING
REWARDED WITH FAME, FORTUNE
AND INCREDIBLE SUCCESS.
>> I DON'T THINK ANYONE IS
SAYING THEY ARE WONDERING
WHERE THEY ARE COMING UP WITH
THESE IDEAS.
>> YOU ARE RIGHT.
IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE IT
RIGHT.
>> I KNOW.
THERE IS AN INDIG NENS ABOUT
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
HOW DARE THEY?
>> WELL, IT WORKED FOR THE
FLQ.
>> I STILL THINK IT IS OKAY TO
SAY HOW DARE THEY?
>> IT IS OKAY TO SAY HOW DARE
THEY WANT TO BLOWUP BRIDGES.
>> YOU GOT ME.
YOU ARE RIGHT AND I AM WRONG.
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
>> I HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH
GAVIN IN THE SENSE THAT I
DON'T CARE ABOUT ROOT CAUSES.
I JUST DON'T.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT A ROOT
CAUSE.
>> ROOT CANAL THOUGH.
>> IF YOU READ THE UNIBOMBER
HE TALKED ABOUT HOW EFFECTIVE
IT IS AND EVERYBODY CRITICIZED
ABOUT IT.
>> HE WAS CITE SIZED ABOUT
BLOWING PEOPLE UP --
CRITICIZED ABOUT BLOWING
PEOPLE UP.
>> HE HAD QUITE A FEW
CRITISISMS.
>> YOU POINTED OUT THAT GAVIN
LOOKS LIKE THE PEOPLE WHO WERE
PLOTTING TO BLOWUP THE
BRIDGES.
I BELIEVE THE CORRECT TERM IS
RINGLEADER.
THAT'S THE TECHNICAL TERM.
NICKY, SHOULDN'T ANYBODY ECT
CKED WITH FARMVILLE BE THROWN
IN PRISON?
>> YES.
STOP THE REQUESTS.
I AM NOT GOING TO JOIN.
>> IT CUTS INTO YOUR MOFIA WAR
GAMES.
>> I AM A BUSY GAL.
>> I THINK THEY NEED TO START
5* SOCIAL NETWORK IN
FARMVILLE.
AND THEN INSIDE THAT SOCIAL
NETWORK START SOMETHING LIKE
FARMVILLE.
>> WITHIN FARMVILLE THEY
SHOULD START A THING CALLED
FARM BOOK.
WITHIN FARM BOOK YOU CAN PLAY
FACEVILLE.
>> FACEVILLE, YES.
IT IS LIKE A MIRROR AGAINST A
MIRROR.
DID YOU EVER DO THAT WITH A
MIRROR?
>> NO.
>> YOU JUST LOOK AT THEM AND
SMILE.
>> I DON'T SMILE.
>> NO, YOU DON'T.
>> GREG, YOU MENTIONED THE
PROTESTERS DO THESE THINGS
BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN
GLORIFIED BY THE MEDIA AND
PEOPLE LIKE GAVIN, OBVIOUSLY.
THEY WEAR MASKS BECAUSE OF A
VENDETTA AND THEY WEAR SCARFS
ON THEIR FACES BECAUSE -- THEY
TRAILED OFF.
I THINK IT WAS CALLED SCART
FACE.
>> YES.
JAY THERE WAS THAT --
>> THERE WAS THAT MOVIE
SCARFED! DO YOU REMEMBER
THAT?
>> I DON'T.
>> TED DANSON AND WHOOPI
GOLDBERG.
>> THAT'S WHERE THEY MET,
ACTUALLY.
>> THEY WERE A MILLION
LAUGHS.
SCARFED2 DIDN'T DO WELL.
>> THEY INTRODUCED THE DOG
THAT CAUGHT THE FRIES GEE.
FRISBIE.
>> STEVEN KING WANTS TO BE
TAXED MORE.
PAB, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU USED
THE TITLE OF HIS BOOKS.
>> I LEFT OUT THE BEST ONE.
IF THE GOVERNMENT KEEPS TAKING
MORE OF THE GREEN
MILE-E-CYRUS -- DID YOU SEE
WHAT I DID THERE?
>> NOT REALLY.
YOU SAID A BUNCH OF WORDS.
>> YOU MILT -- YOU MIGHT HAVE
MADE THE WORST JOKE.
THAT IS A GREAT THING IN THE
HISTORY OF "RED EYE."
SWREE BEEN ON FOR FIVE YEARS.
-- WE HAVE BEEN ON FOR FIVE
YEARS.
>> YOU MAY HAVE MADE THE WORST
JOKE TONIGHT IS A BAD THING,
BUT LET ALONE THE HISTORY OF
"RED EYE."
>> BUT LOOK AT HOW YOU ARE
LAUGHING.
I CAN TAKE IT.
>> I HAVE YOUR SHINING
REFERENCE.
COME PLAY WITH US FOREVER AND
OVER.
>> I KNEW IT WAS A THING.
BUT IT WASN'T FUNNY.
>> IT WAS FUNNY.
>> THANKS, ANDY.
>> HAVE I SAID IT BEFORE.
IF A JOKE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE
EXPLAINED, IT IS NOT FUNNY.
>> CONFUSED PEOPLE DON'T
LAUGH, SAYS THE GUY WHO WROTE
"GILLIGAN'S ISLAND" EXPLAINING
HIS ONE MINUTE INTRO TO THE
SHOW.
>> THAT EXPLAINS THE THEME
SONG?
>> AND "THE BRADY BUNCH" AND
THAT WAS HIS EXPLANATION.
CONFUSED PEOPLE DON'T LAUGH.
>> SHERWOOD SCHWARTZ.
>> I AM GOING TO START
THINKING THINKING ABOUT THAT
ALL OF THE TIME NOW.
>> LIKE YOU WEREN'T BEFORE?
>> NO, CLEARLY I WASN'T.
>> YOU SAID STEVEN KING IS
JUST A WALKING CLICHE.
DOES THAT MAKE HIM A TYRANT?
>> NO, BUT THE IDEA IS THAT HE
IS THROWING OUT T OUT THERE IS
TIE RAN NICK CAL.
>> I AM SKIPPING ALL OF THAT
BECAUSE IT IS BORING.
NICK GILLESPIE TOOK A GREAT
TAKE DOWN ON KING'S PIECE.
GO READ THAT IF YOU WANT TO
LEARN.
>> DID YOU JUST SAY DON'T
WATCH THIS CRAP?
>> YES.
>> YOU ARE LIKE A MORE AIR
BRUSHED VERSION OF PAUL
McCURIO.
>> THAT'S THE MOST DISTURBING
THING I HAVE EVER BEEN
CALLED.
>> YOU BOTH HAVE PROBLEMATIC
ARMS.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
ELIZABETH WARREN CLAIMED TO BE
1/32 CHEROKEE.
YOU SAID YOU MADE TWO MORE
FROM SCRATCH, MEANING TWO
KIDS, SO YOU LIVE IN A 75%
NATIVE AMERICAN HOUSEHOLD.
BUT SINCE THEY ARE 25% THE
MATH DOESN'T WORK OUT.
IF YOU ASSIGN A VALUE OF 100%
TO EACH PERSON'S HERITAGE.
YOUR WIFE GETS 100 AND YOUR
KIDS GET 50 AND YOU GET 0, SO
THAT COMES TO 200 OUT OF 400
SO MY PO NIE T IS STOP THE
LIES.
>> THE PREMISE FOR THE 75% IS
THE TRIBE RECOGNIZES YOU AS
ALL OR NOTHING.
EVERY ONE OF THESE INDIANS IS
CONSIDERED 100%.
AS SOON AS MY KIDS MARRY
ANYONE ELSE BUT THAT TRIBE,
THEY CEASE TO BE.
IN FACT, I LIST IN THEIR -- I
AM LISTED IN THEIR PAPERS AS
CAUCASIAN.
THEY DON'T HAVE MY NAME.
THEY DON'T RECOGNIZE MY
EXISTENCE.
>> YOUR KIDS THEMSELVES CEASE
TO BE CHEROKEE OR THEIR OFF
SPRING?
>> NO, MY KIDS WILL STAY WHO
THEY ARE, BUT THEIR OFF
SPRING, SORRY.
>> ARE THEY RENEGADES.
>> AND THEY ARE NOT CHEROKEE,
THEY #R* HOCHUNKS.
>> I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.
>> NO PROBLEM.
>> AND YOU SAID SOMEBODY ELSE
DIDN'T GET TO A JOB BECAUSE OF
THE JUMP TO THE FRONT OF THE
LINE AND THERE IS NO PROOF OF
THAT.
>> NO, BUT AT THE SAME TIME,
IF SHE GOT JOBS AS PART --
EVEN IF SOME OF IT WAS BECAUSE
SHE WAS A NATIVE AMERICAN, IF
SHE GOT ANYL, SHE
HAD SOME ADVANTAGE OVER SOME
OTHER PERSON WHO WAS VERY
CLOSE, EXCEPT THEY DIDN'T HAVE
THAT ADVANTAGE.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
I AM JUST SAYING AS OF YET
THERE IS NO PROOF SHE DID.
>> NO, BUT IF SOMEONE ELSE
LOSES --
>> SHE BEAT SOMEBODY WHO WAS
1/64th CHEROKEE.
>> LASTLY ON THE CARTAGENA
THING, COLUMBIAN MONEY IS
PESOS.
>> I KNEW THAT.
>> 1,7 FIVE 9 AND A HALF
COLUMBIAN PESOS EQUALS $1.
>> THAT'S HIGHLY SPECIFIC OF
YOU.
>> I LOOKED IT UP.
>> OF COURSE YOU DID.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO, PROFESSOR
LOOK IT UP.
>> CRUNCH NUMBERS.
>> BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING WITHOUT MY
WIKIPEDIA.
>> I DON'T USE WIKIPEDIA.
PEOPLE THINK I DO, BUT I
DON'T.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> DO YOU HAVE ASK JEEVES?
>> WHAT'S THAT?
THERE WAS ACTUALLY A GUY WHO
WORKS BEHIND ME NAMED JEEVES.
>> AND HE AS YOUS THE ALTA
VISTA DIGITAL.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I REMEMBERED
THAT.
TOO MUCH CRAP IN MY HEAD.
>>> ARE GOATEES THE LATEST
AFRO DEASH YAK.
HE SAYS, LADIES LOVE MY
AWESOME CHIN CO SWREE.
DO ONION RINGS BELONG HERE?
YES, ACCORDING TO THE ANCIENT
GREEKS.
THANKS, ANCIENT GREEKS.
>> THEY DON'T HAVE ONION
RINGS.
>>> DO FAST-FOOD CHAINS ARISE
AT THE GAMES?
DOCTORS CLAIM THE ARCH
SHOULDN'T BE NEAR THE ARCH RE
RESAYING IT SENDS THE WRONG
MESSAGE TO THE FAT
POPULATION.
THE LARGEST FRANCHISE A
1500-FOOT PALACE AND THE
BURGER AND FRIES WILL BE THE
ONLY ONES SOLD AT THE GAMES.
SAYS ONE DOCTOR, QUOTE, IT IS
SAD AN EVENT THAT CELEBRATES
THE BEST OF ATHLETIC
ACHIEVEMENT ARE SPONSORED BY P
CS CONTRIBUTE -- CONTRIBUTE
TOGETHER OBESITY PROBLEM AND
UNHEALTHY HABITS.
THEY SAY WITHOUT SPONSORS THE
GAMES WOULDN'T HAPPEN.
SHUT UP, DOCTOR.
LET'S DISCUSS THIS --
>> LIGHTNING
ROOOOOUUUUNNNNDD.
LIGHTNING ROUND.
>> GAVIN, CLEARLY THE U.S.
DOMINATES THE SUMMER GAMES, AS
IT SHOULD.
AREN'T THE BRITS JUST JEALOUS
THAT HERE AGAIN EVEN IN THEIR
CAFETERIA THEY ARE DOMINATED
BY THE GREAT AMERICANS?
>> YES, I AM ACTUALLY AN
EXPERT ON THIS BECAUSE I WAS
BORN IN ENGLAND AND SPENT MANY
YEARS THERE.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> IF YOU ADD UP ALL OF MY
HOLIDAYS.
THERE IS DEFINITELY
ANTI-AMERICAN RESENTMENT --
THAT'S EUROPEAN WIDE.
REMEMBER THE FRENCH FARMER
PLOWING HIS TRACTOR INTO
McDONALDS.
BUT IN THIS ONE CASE THEY ARE
WRONG.
IT IS ACTUALLY GOOD TO HAVE
McDONALDS AT THE OLYMPICS.
IF YOU LOOK AT WHAT A SWIMMER
EATS OR PROFESSIONAL BOXER,
THEY JUST HAVE TO EAT AND EAT
AND GET IT IN LIKE FUEL.
THEY CAN EAT SAWDUST.
WHAT McDONALDS COULD BE
SAYING, AND WHAT THE OLYMPICS
COULD BE SAYING IS GET IN
SHAPE, PEOPLE.
IF YOU GET LIKE THIS SCELT YOU
COULD -- SVELT YOU COULD EAT A
CAKE AND BIG MACS AND BE
FINE.
>> THEY BURN LIKE 8,000
CALORIES, BUT THEY ARE PUTTING
THE McDONE NATIONALS IN THE
ATHLETE'S VILLAGE.
IS THAT A GOOD MESSAGE TO SEND
TO OUR NATION'S YOUTH?
>> I DON'T MIND THE
McDONALDS THERE, BUT IT IS
THE ONLY OPTION?
THAT'S TROUBLING.
BUT THERE IS ONE PSYCHOLOGIST
EXPERT WHO SAYS IT IS SO NANNY
STATE.
WE CAN'T DECIDE HOT TO PROCESS
AN AD.
THERE IS A SUB BLIP NATIONAL
ASSOCIATION MADE THAT MAY
AFFECT YOUR BEHAVIOR IN THE
FUTURE.
IN OTHER WORDS, IF YOU SEE A
COMMERCIAL, YOU WILL HAVE TO
BUY THE PRODUCT.
WE ARE SHEEP.
WE HAVE NO MINDS OF OUR OWN.
THAT PART IS TROUBLING.
>> NO NEED TO BRING SHEEP INTO
THIS.
IS IT A FACT THAT EVERYBODY
KNOWS BRITISH FOOD TASTES
TERRIBLE?
IT HAS BEEN PROVEN IN AND OUT
OF VARIOUS RESEARCH
FACILITIES.
DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING.
McDONE THALDS IS DELICIOUS.
IT IS THE BEST TASTING FOOD
EVER.
>> AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
UNHEALTHY AT McDONALDS.
THERE ARE SALAD OPTIONS.
ONE OF WHICH THE SOUTHWEST
CHICKEN SALAD IS ONE OF MY
FAVORITES.
I TRAVEL A LOT ON THE ROAD AND
I RECOMMEND THAT ONE.
DRESSING ON THE SIDE.
IT IS FANTASTIC.
>> YOU SOUND LIKE A YAW
HUE.COM NUTRITION COLUMNIST.
WHEN YOU ARE TRAVELING, YOU
CAN GO TO McDONALDS, BUT TRY
THE HEALTHY SIDE OPTIONS.
>> I SWEAR, IT IS REALLY
GOOD.
THE SOUTHWEST CHICKEN --
GRILLED CHICKEN SALAD AND
DRESSING ON THE SIDE.
THEY GIVE YOU THE CHEESE AND
THE BEANS.
IT IS FLAVORFUL AND HEALTHY.
>> I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE
SAYING THANK YOU, NICKY.
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
TABOOED MORNING -- GOOD
MORNING DAYTOMA.
I BT DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHERE
THAT IS.
>> I DON'T EITHER.
I WANTED TO BE SINCERE.
>> NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE
SNARKY, GREG.
>> I WAS WAITING FOR HER TO
SAY, AND THEN I SMEAR IT WITH
WHATEVER.
>> IT IS NOT GOING THERE.
I AM BEING HONEST.
>> EVEN THOUGH THIS IS ENGLAND
THIS IS OBAMA'S FAULT AND HE
SHOULD BE IMPEACHED.
>> IS THAT IT?
>> HAVE YOU 30 SECONDS.
>> THE CHINESE CHICKEN SALAD
AT McDONALDS IS A NICE,
HEALTHY WAY TO GO AT A
FAST-FOOD CHAIN.
>> I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE
WERE SALADS THERE.
I HAVEN'T TRIED THEM.
>> YOU REALLY SHOULD.
>> I LIKE THEIR BIG MACS AND
CHEESE BURGERS.
IF I WERE AN ATHLETE, I
WOULD.
>> TAKE THE BREAD OFF.
>> IF I WERE AN ATHLETE, I
WOULDN'T BE DOING THE SHOW AND
LOOKING AT YOUR BEARD.
>> OKAY.
>> ON THAT NOTE YOU HAVE TO
GO.
>> YEP.
>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE
RIGHT NOW, BUT YOU HAVE TO
PERFORM A SET IN THE EAST
VILLAGE.
>> PLEASE GET IN THE TIME
MACHINE AND CHECK ME OUT SIX
HOURS AGO AT THE 99 COMEDIANS
FOR 99%.
>> THEY D ONE MINUTE SETS.
EXCELLENT.
TIME TO TAKE A BREAK.
WHEN WE COME BACK, A
HARD-HITTING INTERVIEW ON
JONAH ON HIS NEW BOOKS.
DON'T YOU LEAVE.
>>> JONAH GOLDBURG'S BOOK
PASSES OFF AS WISE WEST DOM
AND -- WISDOM AND MEDIA.
I READ IT FOUR TIMES, TWICE IN
REVERSE.
IT IS CALLED THE ATTORNEYS OF
CLICHE.
JONAH, WELCOME BACK.
WHY AM I WELL COMING YOU BACK
WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN HERE ALL
THIS TIME.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT
LAST NIGHT.
PIERCE MORGAN INTERVIEW.
HOW DID THAT GO?
>> IT WAS BIZARRE.
IT WAS A COMEDY OF ERRORS.
THE GUY WAS LIKE A BULLY
CROSS-EXAMINE MINUTER WHO WAS
TRYING TO WIN IDIOTIC DEBATE
POINTS THAT HAD MOB TO DO WITH
ANYTHING.
IT WAS VERY WEIRD.
>> THIS MORNING EVERYBODY IN
THE OFFICE WAS SAYING, IT WAS
THE STRANGEST THING.
DID HE EVEN TALK TO YOU ABOUT
YOUR BOOK, OR JUST --
>> NO, HE CLEARLY WAS JUST
READING THE COVER.
IT HAS A PICTURE ON THE COVER
AND IT SAYS THESE WORDS HERE.
IT IS NOT A CLEAR SHEA IN THE
BOOK, BUT -- A CLICHE IN THE
BOOK, BUT IT SAYS JUDGING A
BOOK BY THE COVER.
YOU COULD MAYBE MOVE ON.
IT WAS WEIRD.
AND HE CAME OFF TOOLISH.
>> ENOUGH ABOUT HIM.
YOU GOT THE IDEA FOR THE BOOK
SPEAKING AT COLLEGE CAMPUSES
AND WHATNOT?
>> IN PRISON.
NO, YES, COLLEGE CAMPUSES, IT
IS AMAZING.
WE HAVE TRAINED WHOLE
GENERATION OF KIDS TO BE
SKEPTICAL OF IDEOLOGY.
YOU SAY SOMETHING AND THEY SAY
THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN I HAD
LOGICAL THING.
THESE CLICHES SAIL THROUGH OUR
MENTAL DEFENSES, AND SO THEY
WILL SAY BETTER 10 GUILTY MEN
GO FREE THAN ONE GO TO JAIL.
>> WHY IS THAT CLICHE WRONG?
>> FACTUALLY IT IS NOT TRUE.
WE ARE WORSE OFF IF WE LET 10
RAPISTS AND MURDERERS OUT THAN
PUT SOME INNOCENT ACCOUNTANT
IN PRISON.
>> I AM GLAD YOU SAID THAT.
I ALWAYS FELT THAT WAY.
SO THE GUY IN JAIL, YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT IS BETTER THAN 10
FREE WEIRD OWES.
I AM MORE LIKELY TO GET AWAY.
>> THE PRINCIPAL IS RIGHT.
THEY SHOULD EARN THE SIDE OF
THE ACCUSED, BUT THE SERIOUS
ARGUMENT IS WHY 10?
WHY NOT 20 OR 100 OR A MILLION
PEOPLE?
WHY NOT LET EVERYONE OUT OF
JAIL TOMORROW AND WE CAN BE
SURE NO ONE INNOCENT IS IN
PRISON.
>> IT IS A WAY OF WINNING AN
ARGUMENT UNEARNED BY REASON.
AND SO WORDS LIKE SOCIAL
JUSTICE JUST MEAN GOOD.
EVERYONE IS FOR SOCIAL
JUSTICE.
IT IS SOCIAL AND IT IS
JUSTICE.
WHO COULD BE AGAINST IT.
>> I AM.
>> I LIKE VIOLENCE NEVER
SOLVED ANYTHING.
WE CAN ADMIT THAT IS NOT
TRUE.
VIOLENCE SOLVES A LOT OF
THINGS.
>> IT SOLVES ALL SORTS OF
VIOLENT SITUATIONS.
>> POLICE HAVE GUNS.
THEY SEE A BANK ROBBER AND
THEY SAY, OH, DAMN.
IT IS USELESS.
MY POINT IS IT IS A RADICALLY
I HAD LOGICAL POINT.
WE JUST TREAT IT AS A TRUISM,
AND THAT'S HOW THEY SNEAK
THESE TROJAN HORSES INTO THE
DEFENSES.
>> ARE THERE CLICHES THAT ARE
DANGEROUS?
IT CAN STEER THE PUBLIC INTO A
DANGEROUS DIRECTION?
>> YOU MENTIONED ONE EARLIER
THE LET THEM EAT CAKE THING.
MARINE ANTOINE NET NEVER SAID
IT.
BUT IF SHE DID IT WOULD MAKE
SENSE.
SHE CHAMPIONED A SYSTEM THAT
SCRUZE THE POOR AND SHE
THOUGHT IT MADE SENSE.
A LOT ARE BAD ON ECONOMICS.
THE COMPETITIVENESS OR THE
CENTER OR THE SLIPPERY SLOPE.
24R* ARE ALL OF THESE THINGS
-- THERE WILL BE A GREAT LINE
THAT SAYS CLICHES DO OUR
THINKING FOR US.
I AM NOT AGAINST LIBERALS
BEING I'D LOGICAL.
WHAT OFFENDS THEM IS WHEN THEY
SAY I DON'T BELIEVE IN
LABELS.
I DON'T BELIEVE IN ALL OF THIS
PARTISAN STUFF.
JUST DO WHAT WORKS.
YOU NEVER HEAR ANYBODY SAY, I
DON'T BELIEVE IN LABELS.
LET'S GET BEYOND THIS PARTISAN
DIVIDE.
I WILL GIVE UP MY PRINCIPALS
AND AGREE WITH YOU.
THEY SAY IT WHEN THEY WANT YOU
TO SHUT UP AND GO WITH THEIR
PROGRAM.
>> IT IS CALLED THE TIERNEY OF
CLICHES.
IT IS AVAILABLE EVERYWHERE.
WE WILL CLOSE THINGS OUT WITH
A POST GAME WRAP UP WITH TV'S
ANDY LEVY.
HE IS A CLICHE.
GO TO FOX NEWS.COM/RED EYE.
>>> WELCOME BACK TO ANDY LEVY
WITH THE POST GAME WRAP UP.
>> DO YOU HAVE UPCOMING GIGS?
>> I WILL BE IN TACOMA THIS
WEEKEND, FRIDAY AND SATURDAY
AT THE TACOMA COMEDY CLUB.
>> WHERE CAN PEOPLE FIND YOU?
>> AT NICKY GLAZER.
>> EXCELLENT.
>> PAB ANYTHING SPECIAL ABOUT
TODAY?
>> YES IT IS MY EIGHTH WEDDING
ANNIVERSARY.
WE ARE GOING TO CELEBRATE ON
THE WEEKEND.
WEEK NIGHTS ARE NOT GOOD DATE
NIGHTS.
MIGHT AS WELL NOT SEE HIM AT
ALL.
>> WOW.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.
JONAH, ANY TRUTH TO THE RUMOR
THAT YOU AND PIERCE MORGAN
JUST BOUGHT A CABIN IN
VERMONT?
>> ONLY A LITTLE TRUTH.
NOT A LOT OF TRUTH.
>> WHICH PART WAS A LITTLE
TRUTH?
>> I WILL SHOW YOU THE
PICTURES ON TWITTER LATER.
>> VOW SAYING YOU DIDN'T JUST
BUY IT?
>> JOIN WHAT -- I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT MEANS.
>> THAT IS INDEED ALL YOU
HAVE.
I HATE THIS COLLAR.
BYE, ANDY.
A BIG THANKS.
I'M GREG GUTFELD.
I WILL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.
OH, YES, TOMORROW.
GEORGE BENEDICT WILL JOIN US.