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>> ...over and over again.
Welcome back, Internet people. My name is Ryan.
>> This next test is very dangerous.
To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death,
smooth jazz will be deployed in 3...
2... 1... [smooth jazz]
[smooth jazz ends]
>> [laughs]
I'm so glad that we have smooth jazz.
I really like it how they decided to make it the original test.
I think that's a very, very smart idea.
Like it's all very familiar
yet different.
Like we can... >> Great work. Because this message is prerecorded
any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part.
Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
>> [laughs]
Do I want to go out?
I want to go out. I want to see what's up here.
Unreason...
Cat is... jumping out of a box. Cat cube?
Cat cube!?
Cat cuuube!!?
Oh my god, there's more. There's more!
>> If the enrichment centre is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites or other
objects from space please avoid unsheltered testing areas whereever a lack of shelter
from space debris does not appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
>> OK. Will do.
Oh, this is...
This is a new testing area.
This is... or have I been here before?
I don't believe I've been here before.
OK, so... where is the exit? The exit is that way.
I must get...
this block on this button?
So if I go, if I do this...
and then...
OK. That was pretty simple. Now I have another button.
Oh, OK. I see.
There we go. Look at that. I'm figuring it out.
>> Well done. The enrichment centre reminds you that although circumstances may appear
bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional
in apolocyptic low-power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
>> Sweet.
>> This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of
physics no longer apply in the future, god help you.
Oh, I need a button from somewhere. Er, a block.
Yes, I do.
Where can I get a block from?
Oh, there's one.
How can I procure you?
So I suppose I would just do that.
Just carry it with me I guess.
There we go.
>> If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilisation,
welcome and remember, testing is the future and the future starts with you.
>> Gee, thanks!
OK, so what have we got? We've got...
block dispenser, button for block dispenser, thingy that'll come down when I push a button...
thing down there... OK.
So, first thing's first, let's...
get up here.
So I need to get the button there.
If I...
did that would that work?
Oh no!
My block!
OK, but that's definitely the right now.
Got it that time.
I'll just plop you down
and then instead we'll go there.
>> Good work getting this far, future starter. That said, if you are simple minded, old or
irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your
primitive tribe and send back someone better qualified for testing.
...Sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
The enrichment centre respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
>> Hey! Oy oy! I'm up here!
>> Oh hello. >> Oh brilliant! You did find a portal gun!
Oh, th... You know what? This just goes to show people with brain damage are the real
heroes at the end. Aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave. Pop a portal on the wall
behind me there and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
OK, listen. Let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy.
>> OK. >> They told me never, never ever to disengage
myself from my management rail or I would die but we're out of options here so get ready
to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
On three. Ready?
One...
Two...
Three! That's high. It's too high for me really, that.
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's go on one
this time. OK, ready? One. Catch me! Catch me! Catch me! Ow.
>> I tried. >> I... am not dead! I'm not dead! Ha ha!
Plug me into that stick on the wall there, yeah, and I'll show you something. You'll
be impressed by this.
Um, yeah I can't do it if you're watching.
Seriously, I'm not joking. Can you just turn around for a second?
>> I'm turned around, OK.
>> Alright, you can turn round now.
Bam, secret panel. Got it open while your back was turned.
Pick me up and let's get out of here. And off we go.
Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go. Oh, this is brilliant. We can go whereever
we want. Just hold on there, where are we going? Seriously. Let me just get my bearings.
Um.
Just follow the rail actually.
>> There's only really one way to go there.
>> Oh no. Yes, hello. We're not stopping.
Don't make eye contact whatever you do. No!
Thanks! We're good. Appreciate it. Keep moving, keep moving.
Probably got to bring you up to speed on something right now. In order to escape we're going
to have to go through her chamber
and she will probably kill us if she is awake. Do you want to just call it quits and we could
just sit here forever, that's an option. Option A: Sit here, do nothing. Option B: Go through
there and if she's alive she'll almost certainly kill us.
>> OK. I'm all up ons! Let's do everything! Woo!
>> OK, I'm going to lay my cards on the table. I don't want to die. I don't want to go in
there. Don't go in there! She's off. She's off. Don't panic over it. She's off. All fine.
Here we go.
There she is. What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly.
Like a proper maniac.
Do you know who ended up taking her down in the end?
You're not going to believe this. A human. I know!
I wouldn't have believed it either. This human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
Been sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping
now so... that's pretty much the whole story. You're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
>> Well now I just have to.
This is really weird. This is so strange. Oh gosh.
Oh gosh.
This is so... epic right now. I think we're going to make that an episode, Internet people.
So thanks for watching.
Next time we'll continue on. Portal.