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GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
THE PROGRAM IS OMINOUS,
AND I AM YOUR HOST, ARISTOTLE COOKIE.
TONIGHT, WE'D LIKE TO TURN OUR OMINOUS SPOTLIGHT ON MUSIC,
MORE SPECIFICALLY, THE MODERN SCHOOL OF JAZZ,
AND TO HELP ENLIGHTEN US,
WE ARE PROUD TO HAVE WITH US THIS EVENING
ONE OF THE FOREMOST AUTHORITIES
IN THE NEW SOUNDS IN JAZZ.
HE HAS GONE FROM THE HOT JAZZ TO THE COOL JAZZ
AND NOW DEVELOPED IT INTO THE FROZEN SCHOOL OF JAZZ.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MR. PROGRESS HORNSBY.
MR. HORNSBY.
[APPLAUSE]
GOOD EVENING.
YES. WELL, GOOD EVENING, MR. HORNSBY,
AND WELCOME TO OMINOUS.
HOW ARE YOU, COOKIE?
LET'S SAY WE CUT OUT THE FORMALITIES,
AND YOU JUST USE
THE FIRST 4 BARS OF MY NAME,
PROGRESS.
YES, WELL--
MMM, I THINK I'M FLOATING AROUND.
PROGRESS, I UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU USE THE NAME PROGRESS
AS BEING SYMBOLIC OF THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT EVERYTHING.
MAN, I'M FOR MOVING AHEAD, CONSTANTLY FORWARD.
IF I HAVE TO BACK UP MY CAR, I SELL IT,
BECAUSE GOING TO THE REVERSE IS THE WORST, MAN.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
THEN YOU'RE REALLY IN DANGER OF EVERYTHING.
I SEE.
ARE YOU REALLY HERE?
YES, YOU ARE, AND I'M HERE.
THAT'S FANTASTIC.
PROGRESS, I COULDN'T HELP NOTICING
YOUR MOST UNUSUAL--
YOUR MOST UNUSUAL HAIRDO.
OH, YOU LIKE IT?
IT DOES HAVE A DASH
OF THE MING DYNASTY IN IT, DOESN'T IT?
IT DOES. WELL, TELL ME, PROGRESS,
HOW DO YOU GET YOUR BARBER
TO CUT YOUR HAIR LIKE THAT?
I INSULT HIM,
AND THIS IS HIS REVENGE.
NOTICE HOW THE HAIR GOES FORWARD,
ALWAYS, ALWAYS FORWARD.
ARE YOU MOVING, OR AM I?
NO. BUT YOU ARE, SIR.
I WAS MOVING, YES.
I MUST SAY, PROGRESS, THAT YOUR CLOTHING
IS RATHER UNUSUAL.
OH, YOU DIG MY DRY GOODS, DON'T YOU, EH, MAN?
YES.
IT'S A LITTLE THING I PICKED UP IN ROME.
ITALY?
IF THAT'S WHERE ROME IS,
THEN THAT'S WHERE I PICKED IT UP.
I MUST SAY, PROGRESS, LIKE YOUR MUSIC,
IT IS A MOST UNUSUAL--
IT IS A MOST UNUSUAL SUIT.
OH, MAN, THIS IS NOT THE SUIT.
MY SUIT IS OUT BEING FED.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MOVE WITH ME?
I'M GOING SOMEWHERE.
I IMAGINE--
WITH YOUR--PROGRESS,
WITH YOUR BIZARRE APPROACH TO MUSIC,
YOU HAVE DEVELOPED QUITE A CULT OF FOLLOWERS.
MR. COOKIE, YOU AIN'T JUST WAVING YOUR TONGUE
IN YOUR CHOPPERS.
I HAVE FOLLOWERS IN EVERY ONE
OF THE GLORIOUS 49 STATES OF AMERICA.
MR. PROGRESS, I'M--
I'M OFF-BALANCE, AND I'M GOING.
I AM SURE YOU'RE AWARE OF THE FACT
THAT WE HAVE 48 STATES ONLY.
HAVEN'T YOU HEARD, MAN?
BIRDLAND HAS BEEN RECOGNIZED.
OUR FIRST OFFICIAL ACT
WAS TO BREAK OFF SYSTEMATIC RELATIONS
WITH GUY LOMBARDO,
AND WE HAVE RECALLED OUR AMBASSADOR
TO WAYNE KING.
I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT.
WOULD YOU TELL US
WHAT THERE IS ABOUT YOUR MUSIC
THAT ATTRACTS THE VAST--
I WOULD BE--MY THROAT'S HYDRAULICALLY PERCOLATED
TO SHOW YOU WHAT IT IS.
I HAVE BEEN GIVING THE CATS A NEW SOUND.
EVERYTHING I DO HAS BEEN AMPLIFIED.
IN FACT, I HAVE MY SAXOPHONE
ELECTRICALLY SOUNDIFIED.
YOU MEAN YOUR SAXOPHONE IS PLUGGED INTO THE WALL?
NO, I AM PLUGGED INTO THE WALL.
ER, NEAR ME,
PROGRESS, TELL ME,
YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING A GOOD NUMBER OF YEARS.
I'M HIP. YES, SIR.
HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED EUROPE?
WHO PUBLISHED IT?
PROGRESS, I MEAN ONTINENT,
THE OCEAN ACROSS--
OH, YOU MEAN EUROPE ACROSS THE OCEAN.
MANY TIMES BY BUS.
PROGRESS, YOU CAN'T CROSS THE OCEAN BY BUS.
THAT COULD BE.
WELL, TELL US, PROGRESS,
WHAT IS YOUR LATEST MUSICAL VENTURE?
WELL, WHEN I CAME BACK FROM EUROPE BY BUS,
I WENT INTO MY LATEST BIG ADVENTURE,
WHICH IS RECORDING.
I MADE A RECORDING ON THE CONDEMNED LABEL.
I IMAGINE IT'S A PRETTY WILD SOUND.
WILD? IT'S THE WIL
THEY HAVE TO PUT THE RECORD IN A CAGE
WHEN IT COMES OUT.
YOU CAN'T BUY IT WITHOUT PTION,
YOU UNDERSTAND?
EXCUSE ME IF WE BREAK OFF THIS TALK.
I HAVE TO GO NOW AND FEED MY SUIT.
YES. WELL, BEFORE YOU GO,
I WONDER IF YOU COULD GIVE US
A SAMPLE FROM YOUR NEW ALBUM.
I CERTAINLY MOST HABILIT
YES, SIR.
WOULD YOU WAIT A MOMENT?
WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
HE IS GOING TO GIVE US AN EXAMPLE,
BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY--
WOULD YOU HOLD THIS THING FOR ME?
AUSE YOU'RE UTED.
I'M GONNA PLAY NOW WITH MY BAND.
READY, BOYS?
I JUST WAS EXPLAINING TO THE PEOPLE
THE BAND ISN'T HERE.
OH, NO, THE BAND IS IN CHICAGO.
BUT THEY'RE THINKING HERE, YOU UNDERSTAND?
ARE YOU READY, BOYS? 1, 2.
[JAZZ PLAYING]
[APPLAUSE]