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(Thump Thump Thump Thump ahh, Thump Thump Thump Thump ahh) (Playing with spoons music.)
This week's Music Monday will have you defending the universe with TVXQ's Human noise "Humanoids".
(Watch Humanoids here: left upperhand corner) [TVXQ] 'Cause we are humanoids!
What's this? TVXQ is in first place on our Kpop charts? And we're not in another country?
Could this... finally... be a review for TVXQ?
(Record scratches) Or perhaps you'd rather watch ten minutes
of my cat with his head in the water.
(Sound of running water)
Ha! You would kill us if we didn't give you a review of TVXQ after being unable to review "Catch Me".
We just wish we could have reviewed catch me,
which had one of the coolest dances of the year,
as well as, one of the grossest abuses of milk that we have ever seen.
But, we're really quite happy with this song, which we liked more than "Catch Me".
Humanoids was actually quite simple in comparison to some of their other songs,
like for example, "Keep Your Head Down", which was very bombastic with the horns,
and "Catch Me" which was very, I don't really know how to say this in any other way,
but like Japanese Jpop-y sounding.
This song, though, was more up our alley.
We like the really clean beat with the quick, computer-esk, robot sounding synthesizer in the background,
and the chorus is really epic. Perfect for one of those car chase scenes
where the car goes over a ramp (Huuuuuuumaaaaanoooiiiids!)
and then flies through the air in slow motion.
Fast and the Furious 7, time for you license this song.
But on that note, this video was a huge let down.
It's not the dance parts that bother us,
we've grown to accept that SM (Entertainment) likes their bands to dance in weird rooms.
It was the non-dance related parts of the video that we're disappointed by.
It had so much freakin' potential.
It started out really cool with the weird gears and the grungy looking, futuristic feel.
Max walks around with like a glowing, golden, baby pizza cutter,
and looks confused while U-Know walks around in a business suit covered in tin foil
and rubs an old pocket watch. What time is it? U-Know time!
Then, he looks behind him to see like a giant game of futuristic Tetris being played.
His watch then glows, Max's pizza cutter glows,
and then he gets transported to the same bizzare Tetris room as U-Know.
Then they look at each other... with the emotional range of a potato (Hurrrrr Durrrrr),
realize they're holding weird, ugly crap, drop it, and without saying a word,
stare at the giant Tetris game, and then teleport away... with potato face. (Hurrr? Durr!)
Really? What was the point of all the those weird gear rooms and weird props?
It's like they just started writing a plot
and then they're just like naahhhhh. F*ck it. (Bleep)
They did the same thing in Super Junior's "Sexy, Free, and Single" with that weird CGI hexagon thing
that like, broke apart (Crappy CGI, not always worth it) and never made an appearance again.
Listen, hey! Hey. Listen, hey! Music video writers.
Drugs are soooo bad!
Since TVXQ became a two member band,
SM always wants to end their videos with either explosions or teleportations or exploding teleportations,
but it's getting a bit silly here now. It's even getting to the point that TVXQ are bored with it
because... let me tell you something. If I was holding a weird glowing gear thing
that transported me into some special location with a gear building,
and then my friend just randomly teleported right beside me,
I'd be much more freaked out than U-Know's and Max's reactions.
What the? I don't remember having this.
(Click, click, click, click) (Schoop)
Ah Ahh Ahhhhh. What the? (Dramatic Dun duh)
(Screams like a little girl)
(Echoing voice) Hush, stop making that human noise, man animal.
Oh my god! OK! Where the f*ck am I? And who are?
And why are you wearing tin foil?
(Echoing voice) Hush. There's only one question to be asked.
Man animal. (Dun) Would you dance with me?
Hold on to that thought. Ok, I've got to get this thing working.
Oh, my god. Someone get me out of here. Someone get me out of here.
Hugh. Got it. (Whoosh)
I miss Max.
But maybe they're just so famous and all BFF (Best Friends Forever) with EXO,
and their magic transportation abilities, that nothing can impress them anymore.
I imagine people with magical abilities are probably like the worst one-uppers you've ever met.
(Pleasant uplifting music) Why, hello, you know.
Did you happen to hear by chance that I happened to get the new limited edition Lamborghini?
It goes from 0 to 60 in two seconds.
Good for you, Allister. I suppose that's a good car.
Forgive me, I have no knowledge of cars since I can transport myself anywhere in the universe
in a second and have no need for cars,
but good for you.
Well, that's all very nice and good, but did you happen to see my magic dog?
You can rub its tummy and it gives you a wish and you can fly upon its back like Falkor or Appa.
Well, that's nice. (Swoosh) Well, have you seen my new leprecorn dog? (A cross between leprechaun and unicorn)
He grants me wishes when I rub his tummy, and I can fly on his back like Appa or Falkor.
(Gasps) Teleportation skills, Allister. I can take anything that is yours.
Remember that, ya besh! (You ***)
Come tiny animal, fly me away.
Laaahhh, la la la. U-Know time!
(Spoon playing music) (The dance)
So, besides the half-hearted attempt at a plot,
a brunt of this video was really the dancing.
Although Max and U-Know aren't our favorite dancers, we love love the originality of the choreography.
Max and U-Know work with their backup dancers like one great big clockwork unit.
Most backup dancers are just like in the background, flailing around, (So many bonks)
but TVXQ usually incorporates their backup dancers into the main parts of the dance. (Simon did fart, yes)
(Bonk, bonk, bonk, bonk, bonk, bonk.)
And the result is fantastic.
I'm pretty sure that I even recognized some of the dancers from past TVXQ videos,
but correct me if I'm wrong, I could just be a backup dancer racist,
but one of the things I did notice with the dancing is that it is sooooo dramatic.
There's no like smiling or smirking. It's just really really serious,
which makes me think more and more
that Max and U-Know are actually superheros, (Superhero pose.)
and all of these music videos are just fronts for their secret identities. (Practicing for battle.)
Think about it: we've got fighting, we've got fire, magic transportation.
(Gasp) Wait! The same thing happened to Sailor Moon!
The Jpop group called the three lights were just pretending to be pop stars
as a way to cover up their secret identities as the Sailor Starlights! (Gasp)
Except, they transformed from being male into female,
when they became superheros. (Crickets chirping) But, you know.
(Little Kid crying out) Did you hear that?
[S] Oh my god. Somebody needs our help!
[M] Quick, we have to transform.
Ungh. Max time! [S] U-Know time! [Both] TVXQ!
[M] U-Know time!
Max time! (Bonk)
(More spoon playing music) (The English)
As for the English of the song, I'm giving this a...
3 out of 5.
They've got some English phrases in there like, this is the future,
and here we go baby, and everything is grammatically sound
but the chorus, the actual title of the song is mispronounced.
Humanoids has a "d" in it.
All I hear is "human noise", and then they tell me to make some noise.
I'm not sure if they're trying to say "noids" or noise.
How do you make "noids" anyways?
I'm confused and for that I gave TVXQ a 3 out of 5.
(Even more spoon playing music) (The showdown)
Last week, we asked you whose singing you preferred:
The Hunky One's in "Love Love Love" or the Snuggly One's in "60 sec"?
And the clear winner of this showdown was...
the Snuggly One. I'm very very very suprised,
possibly because I am really biased to the song "Love Love Love".
His voice is so great and this video's so sad, and both of the dolls just burn on fire.
For this week's time dance showdown, we ask you which clock dance you preferred:
TVXQ's "Humanoids" or U-Kiss's "Tick Tack".
Both so clocky.
Leave your votes in the comments, and we'll announce the winners next week,
also if you haven't seen from the eighteen other videos we posted over the course of last week,
we've got the first annual Eat Your Kimchi awards going on right now,
and all of the nominees have been announced.
So, get voting. If there's a video you want to see us do for next week's Kpop Music Monday,
could this be the first time that we review a Secret song?
Head on over to the website and vote there.
Lastly, don't forget to like and to favorite this video
and to subscribe for more Music Mondays.
Take it away, indifferent Spudgy!
(Last week) or (Bloopers) (Eat Your Kimchi) (Subscribe if you love Kpop)
Thanks for watching Kpop Music Mondays of EYK! (The end of the spoon playing music)