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As we find ourselves on the cusp of another year without hockey, we can take solace in
the fact that there are, at least, really good hockey video games out there... such
that we don’t have to spend this winter sobbing uncontrollably and hiding in corners
clutching enormous stuffed Pokémon. Play some footage of the game; I’m gonna try
to compose myself.
I know what you’re thinking: What’s the RPG guy doing talking about a real manly sports
game? Well, I could cite Kari Lehtonen’s infamous Final Fantasy X-2 goalie mask what
he wore for part of his tenure with Atlanta, but the more important reason is... we here
at CGR tend to take our hockey seriously. Sure, we have an intergalactic space arcade,
but we’re still working on time travel so we can go back and remake history in our own
image. Starting with fixing the 2011 Winter Classic such that A) the Pens win and B) Sid’s
brain doesn’t get turned to ‘nilla puddin’ in the process. But if maintaining the status
quo - and/or re-living great moments in history - is more your forte, there’s the scenario-based
NHL Moments Live campaign, which promises to let you reenact outstanding plays from
the 12-13 season, if that’s actually a thing that happens. (Fortunately, you also get a
full slate of moments from the 11-12 season and earlier, so the mode’s not a total wash.)
Perform well in these scenarios, and you win pucks to give in the Hockey Ultimate Team
mode, to build your dream-team and crush the dreams of those around you. Or, you can dig
into the extensive customization features and create your own bad self (or awesome self,
if you feel like maxing out every stat like a weenie) or even create your own team. Y’know,
if you’re the kind to try to rebuild the name of the 1966-67 Calder Cup champion Pittsburgh
Hornets.
But the greatest innovation in NHL13 is... role-playing. Kinda. With the GM Connected
feature, You can be a player, a coach, or a GM in a massive, 750-player league. It’s
an MMOHLS? Massively Multiplayer Online Hockey League Simulation? I guess that’s a term
now. Add to that a re-vamped True Performance Skating system more accurate to, y’know,
actual physics, and you get a product that’s dangerously close to overshadowing the league
it’s based on. Or one of them, at least. There’s enough European, National, and Canadian
Junior leagues in here to choke a well-practiced camel, though unfortunately the East Coast
Hockey League isn’t included so you can’t be the Toledo Walleye or the Orlando Solar
Bears. Though that may be one of the only missing leagues. This is a placebo, but it’s
a really good placebo. Sure, there may not be any NHL hockey this year, and that makes
TJ an unhappy spaceman. But, in lieu of epic Pens/Flyers tilts... we’ll always have the
Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins versus the Hershey Bears. It’s the next best thing,
and 50% more chocolatey.