Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
well I'm so excited to start this new series and the marriage prep & prenup
a little word about myself and
why I'm even doing this
well I'm a divorce mediator
in the seventh circuit court of Illinois and angraduate doctoral
student
at Nova Southeastern University study
conflict analysis and resolution and after I finished my course work
I decided I would go and actually
become certified me tournament schedule and then
freed up a bit on how go and practice I'm
been reading about this is Cyn thinking about it and turn in love with the
the practices so I am going to
become mediator well
in my area of Illinois, I don't live in the Chicago area but in my area
it's not as advanced
in the acceptance in the practice at mediation
everything is still very vintage is me 12 people desman
go to the courts in duke it out down here have
judge me decision the only way and could really become
be a real full-blown court approved
legitimate mediator is to become
a divorce mediator and so that's what i did
and I went to
Northwestern University I had to think about that for a minute
Northwestern University divorce mediation certification process
there I was
well, I will tell you, you know how they say like divorce is
contagious it definitely think that there's something to it
there is something very much into the mindset of being around
constant negativity about relationships in certainly just
it's very weary and I thought to myself you know
more people need to
more couples need to be better prepared
for marriage so that they can weather disturbance because I'll tell you
in my practice it's not a matter
couples not loving each other anymore a lot of them still love each other
they just stopped talking
stopped caring, just exhausted and alone in the marriage
incident was true about 90 percent
and the couple's isn't see so I thought to myself how could turn this around
and be part of the positive creative process right
so I decided
and then I was also trying to figure out what to do with my dissertation
and I just thought I would be so much more constructive to actually help
couples
start off having the conversations that you need
instead down winging it is you go
through life night there's a lot you have to wing because
life happens unexpected things happen but there are some foundations and
Fundamental things that you need to talk about her and get into the habit of
talking about
hashing out how you deal with it together because remember
marriage is more than just being in love and loving each other
its that but its awsome building your life together
you aren't like about to embark on the ultimate partnership
and so with that said I think there's some fundamental skills that every
couple
should get into the habit of
talking about and not being afraid discuss
and so that's what the series is about
it's about having those conversations and build on that foundation
you need now
there's a lot of debate about whether or not a pre-nup is appropriate
or that a pre-nup just sets you up to fail
I think it's on terms of how you look at your marriage
and I think it's all in terms of how you see
yourself listen if you two are committed to staying together to stay together
you know no piece a paper in the senses
is going to break that so if you wanna make that commitment to you and to your
family and society in general
make the commitment to stay together
but again I say there these foundation things that have to be covered in order for you to
navigate
lifes experiences together
the pre-nup is just
the treatment is just a legal document now when you sign you
your marriage license that's also a legal document so
you are entering into a legal partnership
and like any good legal partnership you would want have
certain things spill now and it's not just
who gets one if the marriage breaks but in fact it could be
this is what I'm bringing into the marriage
you could be children from a previous relationship or marriage
it could be property they could be debt
it could be a number of things that are unique to you
and your situation and to your relationships
so that's why I am saying the pre-nup is important
because it starts the conversation
now how you choose to use the prenup
and if you choose to go about formalizing it by having an attorney
review it
and Making it an official legal document is between the two of you
where you feel comfortable and what suits
your joint values and interests
but I'm I'm saying pre-nup because I
think that is where people start to have the uncomfortable conversations
about things like money and resources
now you can read almost any money magazine and you would realize that more
than sixty to seventy percent
at people have some level of debt
so if you think about it you know
most people walking around the nice size chunk of change that they owe.
now you have to talk about how you're going to deal with it
as a couple because now that debt
is a joint burden and that is part of marriage
you share burden but you will also experience tremendous rewards
so let's not lose sight is that and the series isn't going to lose sight of that
it's including the into the process
but again it is part of the the shared burden
and so you need to start having that conversation now
but I also want to make a note about the sad reality
you may through this process realize that
maybe you weren't meant to be
maybe aren't able to
work out the differences and that's not to say that you can't love each other
just because you love someone doesn't necessarily mean you should marry them
but if you love someone least gives you a
leg up in terms is trying to be understanding and empathetic
towards the situation there's a
shame that comes with debt and
I think it's unnecessary sometimes but none the less it's still there
this process is to help you see each other
for who and what you are
flaws and all hopefully through the series of conversations
and through the series of discussions actually your relationship could get
stronger
because you're both on the same page you're seeing the marriage in the
relationship what you're about ready to
walk into as a married couple with your
eyes open very realistic already to
take on the world and then when
unexpected things happen
you have a stronger foundation to whether those situations
so that's just a little bit about me and what I'm about
I look forward to sharing this information with you and until next time
be fair with each other who and don't forget to subscribe I don't want you to
miss it
so until time be fair with each other bye for now