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Hello I'm Dr. Bernice Bernhard a New York State Licensed Psychologist practicing here
in New York City. In this clip we are going to be talking about where does insecurity
come from. I should first tell you that I am a great believer in biology. This is not
statistically relevant but if I had to choose I would probably say that it is 55/45 with
biology sort of beating out environment. If you ever went into a baby nursery you can
drop a tray of implements and one baby startles and wakes up and the other one kind of sleeps
straight through it. This is the way they are born and they are just easier children.
When you work with an infant as a special care taker what happens is that the most important
thing to make a child feel secure is that you know what they need. You don't diaper
them when they are hungry or feed them when they need to be diapered or diaper them when
they need to be played with. You are in tune with what their needs are and this is the
thing that causes the most emotional security as well as the affection and the bonding that
happens between the special caretakers. As a child gets older what is really important
to make them feel good is to be honest. If a three year old paints a picture and it is
a mess, don't say what a beautiful picture say something truthful like wow, you really
put the color blue in a perfect place. I think as they get older their peers are their second
family. Understand that they want the cool sneakers and the special jeans, that doesn't
mean that you have to buy it, just understand it. The more secure you are in infanthood
and childhood the more secure you are going to be when you lose that job or when you learn
that lover. So this is Dr. Bernice Bernhard suggesting that that early time in life is
most important.