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MARRIAGE, THAT BLESSED
ARRANGEMENT THAT DREAM WITHIN A
DREAM.
>> OH, THAT'S A SCENE FROM 20th
CENTURY FOX'S "THE PRINCESS
BRIDE."
MARRIAGE COULD BE A HAVE A
BIG PARTY.
THE HEART ACHE IS GOING TO BE
BAD LATER ON.
>> THAT'S PROBABLY THE BEST
ADVICE RIGHT THERE, AND IF
THAT'S THE REALITY, YEAH, I'M A
LITTLE SCARED.
LET'S BRING IN AN EXPERT TO TALK
ABOUT THE REALITY OF MARRIAGE
AND HOW TO KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE
STRONG.
IN NEW YORK, FAMILY LAW
ATTORNEY, VICKY ZIEGLER, THE
AUTHOR OF THE BOOK "THE
PRE-MARITAL PLANNER."
GREAT, GREAT BOOK.
VICKY, TELL ME STRAIGHT AWAY,
WHAT ARE SOME TIPS FOR HAVING A
GREAT MARRIAGE?
>> FIRST OF ALL, ALL THE PEOPLE
YOU INTERVIEWED READ MY BOOK,
THAT'S WHAT I SAY.
FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATIONS,
RYAN, IT'S AMAZING YOU'RE
ENGAGED AND I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.
FIRST OF ALL, PRACTICE
UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE
TOLERANCE AND PATIENCE WITH THIS
PERSON.
DON'T TRY TO CHANGE ANYBODY.
THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
LET THEM BE THEMSELVES.
I THINK PEOPLE GO INTO A
MARRIAGE, I DON'T LIKE THE WAY
YOU DRESS OR DON'T LIKE THIS,
THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, LET
THEM BE THEM AND ACCEPT THEM
UNCONDITIONALLY.
>> YOU GOT ON YOUR LIST HERE --
AND I WANT TO PUT THAT UP AGAIN
SO WE CAN READ THAT.
FIRST YOUR PARTNERSHIP FIRST,
VOW TO REMAIN LUSTFUL.
THAT'S INTERESTING.
TELL ME ABOUT THAT ONE.
>> OH, YEAH.
>> WHY IS IT I SAY THAT ONE IS
INTERESTING, SAYS ISHA.
GO AHEAD.
>> LISTEN, YOU'RE A MAN, AND
WOMEN ALSO, WE ALL LIKE
INTIMACY, AND I THINK IT'S
SOMETHING THAT WHEN COUPLES ARE
DATING, IT STARTS TO WANE AND
YOU GET MARRIED AND THAT'S THE
BIGGEST CHALLENGE PEOPLE HAVE,
SO I THINK IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT
TO REALLY FOCUS ON TOUCHING,
BEING CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER.
WHATEVER YOUR INTIMACY
DEFINITION IS, DO IT.
MAKE SURE THAT YOU'RE ALWAYS
BEING MINDFUL OF BEING NEAR
SOMEBODY, AND I'M TELLING YOU,
KEEP THE DATE NIGHT, GET RID OF
THE ELECTRONICS, AND IT WORKS
AND KEEPS THE *** ALIVE.
>> VICKY, IT'S ISHA HERE.
I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU
REGARDING THE BAD TIMES, BECAUSE
MARRIAGES DO TAKE WORK AND THERE
ARE UPS AND DOWNS.
GIVE US GUIDANCE AS TO HOW YOU
PUSH THROUGH THOSE BAD TIMES
WHEN THEY COME ABOUT.
>> I REALLY THINK YOU NEED A
STRONG MARITAL FOUNDATION.
IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT, YOU HAVE
TO BE ABLE TO WEATHER THE STORM,
SO REALLY COMMUNICATION IS
NUMBER ONE, NOT JUST SPEAKING,
BEING HONEST, BEING RESPECTFUL,
NEVER CHARACTER ASSASSIING
THE PERSON THAT YOU LOVE,
BECAUSE PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY
REMEMBER THINGS YOU SAY AND
HARBOR RESENTMENT AND THAT
DOESN'T DO LONG FOR MARRIAGES IN
THE LONG HAUL AND THAT'S WHAT
I'M TRYING TO PROMOTE HERE, FROM
A DIVORCE ATTORNEY'S
PERSPECTIVE, WHY IT'S IMPORTANT
TO DO THOSE CERTAIN THINGS TO
MAKE SURE YOUR MARRIAGE IS
STRONG AND SUCCESSFUL, SO YOU
KNOW WHAT, THOSE ARE SOME OF MY
MARRIAGE TIPS THAT I WANT FOR
PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT, AND ALSO
PRAISE YOUR PARTNER.
ALWAYS BE POSITIVE AND
SUPPORTIVE.
YOU KNOW, IT'S SO EASY TO SAY
NEGATIVE, BUT HOW
ABOUT SOMETHING NICE, DON'T JUST
THINK IT, SAY IT.
>> I LIKE THAT.
I LIKE THAT.
YOU MENTION MAKE TIME TO LAUGH,
I LOVE THAT EXAMPLE.
I WANT TO ASK YOU, KIND OF
SIMILAR WHAT ISHA WAS TALKING
ABOUT WITH THE TOUGH TIMES, ONE
THING I THINK IS SO INTERESTING
ABOUT YOU, WE'VE KNOWN EACH
OTHER FOR A COUPLE YEARS, YOU
ARE AN AMAZING DIVORCE LAWYER,
THAT'S WHY I LIKE THIS BOOK,
RESOLVING CONFLICT, IT'S THE
DAY-TO-DAY CONFLICT.
WHAT ARE THE THINGS PEOPLE NEED
TO DO TO STAY AWAY FROM, FOR
EXAMPLE, GIVING YOU A CALL AND
SAYING, VICKY, I NEED YOU.
>> RIGHT, I THINK PEOPLE USE
DIVORCE AS A WAY OUT.
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED, THAT'S
FINE, BUT I CAN CALL MY DIVORCE
ATTORNEY.
DON'T MAKE THOSE THREATS, TRY TO
WORK AT IT AND DON'T USE THE
BRAVADO YOU DON'T NEED THERAPY.
USE YOUR PASTOR OR RABBI OR USE
A THIRD PARTY.
IT'S SO EASY TO GIVE UP AND
THROW IN THE TOWEL, BUT YOU HAVE
TO REMEMBER YOU GOT MARRIED FOR
A REASON, AND IF YOU HAVE
CHILDREN, MORE IMPORTANTLY, SHOW
THEM WHAT GOOD ROLE MODELS LOOK
LIKE, HAPPY, MARRIED LOVING
COUPLE.
READ SELF-HELP BOOKS, TAKE TIME
FOR EACH OTHER, VACATION, MAKE
SURE YOU'RE PUTTING YOUR
PARTNERSHIP FIRST.
IT'S NOT ME, IT'S NOT I, IT'S
WE.
FORGET ABOUT THE NARCISSISTIC
VIEW, IT'S A UNION, A MARITAL
PARTNERSHIP, FOCUS ON IT
EMOTIONALLY AND FINANCIALLY.
>> TOUGH TO REMEMBER SOMETIMES,