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'Sup audience? I'm Molly Rantin
and I'm here to rant about feelings.
You know what I can't stand, besides Nutella?
I can't stand the societal implications of crying.
So here's the thing. I think crying is kind of an amazing
experience. Crying gives me this beautiful outlet in which every
overwhelming, heartwrenching emotion inside of me is released
through tears, kind of like a bizarre sadgasm. For me, it's
incredibly freeing to cry because I don't have to carry the full burden of
my emotions anymore. Everyone's coping strategies are different, but for me,
crying works really well. So when some well-meaning person comes up to me and
tries to make me feel better with the words, don't cry . . . get out. Don't
tell me not to cry. Don't tell me that I have to keep the emotions trapped
inside of me. That doesn't work for me. I'm not a person who can do that.
When you tell someone to stop feeling the way they feel, what you're
basically saying is, Your feelings aren't important. You have no right to
react in this way, and you need to grow up and get over it. But emotions aren't
a childish thing. They're a very real part of every person. Unfortunately,
society has taught us that emotions-- that honesty--are uncomfortable and
should be pushed to the side. We're all brought up with it. Why do you think I
have so much trouble ranting in real life?
So when you tell someone to stop crying, it's not to make
that person feel better. It's to make YOU feel better.
And yes, it's true that witnessing these emotions
can be extremely uncomfortable, but guess what? When someone else
is expressing emotions, it's not about you. You need to be a better friend.
I get that a lot of people who do this don't actually intend to be hurtful,
but--and I'll likely say this a lot on this vlog--a lack of bad intentions
does not erase pain. Just because you don't mean to hurt someone, doesn't
mean you didn't do so. Don't try to defend your actions with
I Didn't Mean To. Accept that you did something wrong, apologize for it, and
do better next time.
So people should always be able to express their feelings, right?
Actually, I do have one exception. Unfortunately, this exception applies
to a lot of things. The only time that I'm inclined to tell you to shut up
about your feelings is when you're using them to hurt other people.
Literally, this applies to being careful with the actions that go
along with your emotions, such as, like, punching someone in the throat--
unless it's a self-defense move. There are a lot of ways to oppress people
when you express your feelings. Do you express emotions that are attached to
stereotypes about a marginalized group of people, such as fearing people of
colour more than you do white people? Then expressing those feelings would
be oppressive. That doesn't work the other way around, though. If you're
straight and or Christian and someone who's gay says that they hate it when
straight and or Christian people say things or do things that are
oppressive to gay people, now would not be the time
to say, But We're Not All Like That. No one is saying
you're all like that, and you going on about your hurt feelings just derails
from an actual expression of pain. It's not all that different from
telling someone to stop crying, really. In both cases, you're saying
that you would rather be comfortable than allow someone to convey real
emotion. That all kinda got very convoluted, and it just goes to show
you, as I said last video, that we don't live in a simple world.
But here's something that I consider to be pretty clear: Even if expressing
your feelings to other people is oppressive, your emotions are still
real. All emotions are real, and they're important. That doesn't mean
you should be living with those emotions. If they're oppressive
emotions, they need to change immediately. Educate yourself. Google
is undoubtedly on, like, ninety percent of your sidebars. Even talk
to a professional if one's available to you. If you're feeling negative
emotions that don't actively oppress someone, expressing them is extremely
important because doing so legitimizes your problem and can even
help you move past them. And if you're feeling positive emotions,
don't feel ashamed about shouting it to the world if you want to. There's
nothing wrong with being happy or excited or peaceful or whatever.
Thank you for watching. I'm Molly Rantin, and I have just one more
thing to say. If you or someone you love might be experiencing
Depression or other similar psychological disorders,
I strongly suggest finding help if possible.
Many communities have facilities that can help at little to no cost wherever
you are in the world. The negative feelings that accompany illnesses like
Depression are as real and legitimate as anything anyone else experiences,
but that doesn't mean that they have to be a part of your life, and it doesn't
even mean that they should be a part of your life. I strongly encourage help for
anyone who needs it. And if you need someone to talk to and you think I'm
that person, my inbox is always open. Every single one of you deserves
to be happy. Again, thanks for watching! Toodles!