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Switzerland
My name is Martina.
We live in Greifensee and have 2 children.
lven is 4 and Sina is 2.
When l met maria my head was spinning and l could see stars.
For me, maria is full of surprises.
As a partner she's really encouraging
and as a mother l think she's very close to the kids and recognises their needs.
You can share this for dessert.
Sina, will we set the table?
Who is the fastest?
Who is the fastest? Me.
Well then, take this.
Let's see. Can you manage 2 together?
About 10 years ago we were like ... kids, kids, kids ...
and then one day we realised the biological clock was ticking.
So we thought, ok, now is the time and we faced up to the situation.
martina was studying then so we decided that
l would carry our first child.
Oh, how l regretted it during the delivery.
ltaly
How about if the 4 of us head out?
Dad. l'm going to watch Pingu for a bit and we can go later.
Andrea, have you eaten or not? lf you have then you can't have more.
Lia, l'll take it to the table.
my name is Tommaso Giartosio, l live in Rome,
l'm a writer, a teacher and l also work as a journalist.
l'm married to Franco and we have 2 kids.
We met in 1995
and have been living together since then.
We got married in 1 998 in a private ceremony without any legal status.
Andrea.
Oh my god.
Andrea, come here now.
Have you brushed your teeth? Yes.
Keys ... and mobile.
Come on, chin up, ok.
l never thought when
l was younger that one day l'd be a father
and have a life partner.
lt was the 1980s and homosexuality was a thorny issue.
All that l have now comes from projects that started after getting to know Tom,
not really from a strong desire or anything like that.
my name is Sylvie d'Orleac
and l have a civil partnership (PACS) with Karen Arman.
We have a 4 year boy and his name is Anton.
We met each other on January 1st, 2003.
How? Online,
on a dating site for women.
Sylvie posted an ad, l replied, and we met the next day
lt was New Year's Eve and we met the following evening.
Can l screw it in?
No, you have to... look, that's it. l've started and you can do it now.
Like this? Yes.
Luckily we had these batteries.
We spoke for 3 hours next to the Beaubourg in Paris ...
and it was difficult to say goodbye.
l couldn't understand why but it was just that l felt so good
and so calm by her side. l wanted to talk more and get to know her.
But, tell the truth too... explain it properly.
Explain what?
She arrived after me,
had a look and thought: hmm do l go, or not?
That means that based on appearance it wasn't love at first sight for either of us ...
Catalonia
l'm Jacint and l've been married to Carles for 5 years.
We have 2 kids, Arnau is the older one and then there's Nora.
morning, sweetheart.
Carles is the good guy.
Nora, here comes the bottle.
Come on. Here you go.
He suffers a lot and is always watching everything.
Everything has to turn out ok. He's a great dad.
Do you want your sandals? Ok. No.
But they're really cool. No.
Which ones do you want?
Do you want these? Yes.
When l was 16 l decided to come and live in Barcelona.
l was living with my 2 brothers and my widowed father who were all very macho.
Dad, no. Yes, of course.
No, Nora is better. Ok.
The time has passed now, it's been 40 years,
it's been a long and difficult process
but you arrive to a certain moment and think,
was it worth all this effort and struggle.
And look at me now, married, with my husband and 2 kids.
Who would have thought?
Greece
Come on Lea.
Come on.
my name is Grazia and l met Stella 5 years ago.
And although we've tried living together
we haven't always managed it.
l'm 53 and have 3 kids from my previous marriage.
l really needed to fall in love with a woman.
l longed for a woman.
This took some time to develop within me.
l saw Stella and what she wanted.
l saw her desire to be a mother.
And this is what attracted me most, her desire to have kids.
l had the need to be with a woman, to be with a mother.
When l met Grazia l had already decided
and had started the process to have a child.
lt wasn't exactly a consensual decision as we didn't decide together.
But Grazia decided to back my decision
and we've been together ever since.
Spain
my name is merchi and l'm married to mónica. We have one daughter and her name is Arantxa.
l met mónica when l was 1 7.
l came to live with my sister and l saw her one day in a shop
and l liked her. Then one day she spoke to me.
And from there we started talking and going out.
This one we took with the self-timer.
This is very cool too.
To print it.
Here is seems more artificial, as if it was retouched. lt looks much better.
We met here in the neighbourhood and started going out together ....
And after some time together,
well she got pregnant unexpectedly and we weren't married.
l didn't care if we were married or not.
l knew what l had to do.
We spoke about it and decided to do it in a Catholic ceremony
and after in court, which is more common here.
l'm going to win.
Oh no you're not, l am.
l always wanted to have a child but not on my own.
So l started to talk it over with Karen.
Physiologically we couldn't have kids but we knew we'd find a way.
lt was very emotional
when l saw his head coming out
l started to cry and yet
l was surprised that he was really here.
He's real, a baby boy and he's ours. l couldn't believe it.
This is the book we bought before Anton was born
to help explain our relationship and his birth.
We've been writing in it bit by bit since 2005,
that was 2 years before he was born.
When we left the gynecological clinic in Barcelona
l realised we were in front of the Sagrada Familia church.
Fantastic.
Our family had been created, l smiled and looked at Sylvie
and she said to me, our family will be sacred,
but in our own way.
How does it work?
Ok, let's have a look.
Ah, alright. Can you see it?
You have to... where's the screwdriver?
Go get it.
Look, the screw is there.
Like this? Perfect.
Press the button right to the bottom of the cross.
And here we have the initials in English.
Ah. Look it works.
They are the small stars, and over there the bigger ones.
mum, can you see me? Blue, green and red.
No, not like that. That's it.
We started thinking about kids in 1999
and Lia arrived in 2006
so we had 7 years of reflections, discussions and some tension...
When they told me, we were sitting here at the table.
They were there ready and with the food waiting:
''We have to tell you something'', they said. And, well, l was left speechless.
Tommaso and Franco would have loved to adopt,
as they would also have resolved the life of a child without any family.
But this wasn't feasible.
So they had no choice but to opt for surrogate pregnancy.
Lia was born first in 2006 and Andrea in 2008.
Thanks to the two different egg donors and Nancy, the carrier,
who we care about a lot and see almost every year.
We have a great relation with her and her family.
One more, that's it. Enough.
One more.
No.
Hey mister. mister.
mister. The last bag.
ln Switzerland the law explicitly prohibits artificial insemination
so we started to investigate and see how we could get the ***.
One possibility was to go to a clinic in Denmark
and do it there.
Another option was to ask someone here if they were prepared
to give their *** to help us start a family.
You know l can...
Ok, now stop and get off.
But we're not at the road yet.
The road is here in front of us. Please get off.
We decided together to ask someone we knew.
This way, if our child
wanted to meet the donor one day,
it would be possible.
Once upon a time there was a goat with not 1 , not 2 but 7 kids.
One day the mother goat wanted to go shopping so she gathered all the kids together and said:
''l'm going into the woods and l want you to stay at home alone.""
When l came to Greece first
l met a man, who would later become my husband
and with our different sexuality
we decided to get married to have kids.
We had 3 kids in 18 years of marriage.
Are you ready? Ok, all together.
That's it. And now the other side.
Agay guy and a lesbian prefer to have a false relationship
that really doesn't exist but where there is friendship
and they can start a family that protects them before the eyes of their families,
their parents and society.
many people have children in this way
but keep their sex life separate
from the home, the family and the children.
Did you give Nora mushrooms? No, not yet.
Ok, let's eat.
Let's see... Who is hungry?
Ok, it's hot, blow on it... a bit more.
Excellent.
We've had to live in secrecy, creating a double life.
You moved in different environments: family, work, leisure...
it was part of your life and then there was another separate part,
which was your sexuality that was on the other side.
Ok, let me see if it's too hot...
No, it's hot but it won't burn you. Come on.
ln a way, we didn't really discuss it seriously until it became legally possible.
lt seemed very harsh to have to do it separately
pretending we were not together and having to do the entire process as a single person...
and that's why we didn't do it until it was possible at a legal level.
Helene Elisa maria Faasen Do you want to marry Anne marie? Yes.
And if you connect with Wi-Fi what happens?
Does this appear again? Yes, look.
l've already connected and if l open Google now...
But don't use the Google app
and it will be ok.
merchi and l got married in 1991 and had our first child a year later.
Everything was normal, like any other family,
until l began my gender reassignment process in 2001 .
This is when we started to have doubts about what could happen,
2 women
with a daughter.
What could happen? Was our girl's custody going to change?
Did we have to change our legal situation? Or, would it change automatically
when making the transition.
Back then the law on gay marriages still hadn't been passed.
The family is a natural and fundamental group unit of society
and is entitled to protection by society and the State.
When the marriage law was passed in 2005,
you finally think: l have the same rights as everyone else.
l can get married and be the same as my co-workers.
lt's an amazing feeling:
we fought for our dreams and we're advancing with society and the world.
lt's incredible, a real feeling of complete happiness.
The rings you are about to exchange represent your joining together.
l declare you united in marriage.
Oh, we can't close it now.
We want some light and fresh air.
Come on, give me a hug. See, that's better.
Being gay or lesbian in Greece is very difficult.
lt's basically as if you don't exist.
So a young girl or boy
who slowly discovers their *** orientation
and that they are different
really believe they are the only ones in all of Greece.
To live through this is extremely difficult and hard.
The supermarket, but which one?
Let's walk in the shade to marinopoulos.
For example, we've been here for many years,
Grazia more than me,
and people don't speak to us. They never say, hello, how are you?
To a certain extent we're isolated.
lt's really hot.
lt's horrible. And if l try it?
What are you going to do? Drink it.
l'll put it in your ear. No, no, no.
No you won't.
No, it's only for you to listen:
''l'm not very hot""
lt said it's not very hot.
l heard it, what a beautiful voice.
The legal situation in ltaly
for LGBTs is dreadful.
ltaly is a country with very few recognised rights for LGBTs:
we can't get married, there are no civil ceremonies,
not even for heterosexual couples.
Then place yourself...
Extend the pool to the fullest.
What does maximum mean? lt just means all you can.
Very good.
At this rate Anton, we'll be here for 10 days.
ls it ok? Yes.
ln France, PACS was something very controversial
that came into effect in 2000 or 2001 .
lt's a civil solidarity pact that allows people living together
to assist each other economically
and be supportive of one another.
lt could be 2 brothers, a grandmother and her grandson,
or 2 women.
So, as you see it's not exactly a romantic story.
Will we throw the ball to Chico?
Ok. Take it out. Shall we go over there? There's more shade...
You have to loosen it. Ah, of course.
ln Switzerland we have a cohabitation law for lesbians and gays
since 2007.
lt regulates certain issues but also prohibits other.
For example in articles 27 and 28
it states we can't adopt stepchildren or children
and artificial insemination is also ruled out.
There is no law here
to protect homosexuals.
lt's impossible for us to hold hands or kiss in the street.
At the very least 5 or 6 people
would give you a beating.
Are you ready? Yes.
That's it. Now you're moving. That's excellent Giannis.
Although the lion was injured it continued running in the jungle.
And the horse ran too. Run horsey, run.
So it's really very difficult for people to openly come out of the closet
and say ''l'm gay.''
And the family often sees it as having a sick person in the house.
lf something happened and l ended up in hospital
Tom wouldn't have
any right to be heard by the doctors.
lt would be my father or my sister who would decide on my behalf,
even though l've been living with Tom for 16 years.
There's no law establishing what we are,
or the rights and obligations we have.
And here. mummy. mummy.
mummy, say ""spaghetti"".
Can you pass me the cream?
lt was in the registry office in 2007.
We were completely alone, we didn't bring anyone
and we thought the day we receive
the same rights as heterosexual married couples
we'll throw a huge party and invite everyone.
Even though it is recognised that we live together,
this is only a small part of the road we still have to travel
to get anything that is equivalent to marriage.
She said it to me before,
but we had it a little hidden until
our daughter was a bit older
as we didn't know how she would react with the family and all that.
What we want is something plain, that's what we're more used to,
that's why l said this one first because we don't care about the fabric too much.
lt comes in black too.
That's great quality.
But it's more expensive than the other light canvas.
What do you think?
The cheaper one is better for doing the sofas and everything else.
l simply took her in here and tried to explain it as normally as l could:
''Listen Arantxa, this has been going on for a long time
and l'm going to start the gender reassignment process.
l'm going to have to go to hospitals, take medication, my appearance is going to change...""
l remember being worried,
l was afraid something would happen to her.
For me it was the same, she was happy like this... and she's my mum.
She has to be happy, if not l wasn't going to be either.
When people ask you why you want to adopt a child with special needs
it's difficult to explain as there are no clear reasons.
For sure it's a question of feelings,
the desire to be parents during such a long time meant we really wanted it
and thought it would be great to offer our family
to a child that really needed it
Are you going to be alright? That's it. Perfect.
But you look great.
Goodbye. Bye, bye.
l was at home alone and they called me and said:
Carles, you have to go to Barcelona tomorrow as they will make a proposal for your son.
l was alone, Jacint was working, and l thought, who do l say it to now?
So l called Jacint and said: ""listen, we have to go to the interview on Tuesday''.
And he said: ""Ok, relax, l'll be home after work.""
The next day we went to hear the proposal.
And we accepted it the same day.
We went to meet Arnau on Wednesday and on Thursday we were home.
lt was 4 very intense days.
Do you want dad to carry you? No. You have to walk.
No, stones, no. They eat carrots.
He's beautiful.
Pegaso is the best, he's really beautiful.
We were quite calm...
and then Nora has provided us with the feminine touch.
l think she'll have us dancing more than we've done in the last 50 years.
Hi sweetheart. Can you hear me? l've just seen another email...
it says we're leaving at 1 :30pm.
With the authorization and the registration numbers. Did you receive it too?
Being here is very important as it's a big party
but especially because it's a demonstration of our rights.
We're worried about our kids' rights,
because in ltaly the children of homosexual couples or singles
have far fewer rights than those of heterosexual families.
We're going now to the Supreme Court in Toulouse.
lt deals with family matters
and they've called us in for a hearing today
to study our custody request.
We presented a record of letters and explanations
about our day-to-day life and also the fact we have educated Anton
for the last 4 years.
Today is the day; the judge has received the file,
and so, l'm a bit nervous.
What we did with the anonymous donor for the artificial insemination
is only possible for married couples here in France.
lt's not recognised here, so to a certain extent it's illegal
When l got in touch with the doctor for the in vitro fertilization
l never mentioned anything about relationships with women, or that l was a lesbian.
l went as a single mother.
Only one of us is recognised as the legal father in ltaly.
So if we separate our child wouldn't have
any right to maintenance from the non-legal father.
We are two single mothers.
martina only has legitimate recognition for Sina
and l have legal recognition for lven.
We're heading to the Swiss Federal Court in Lausanne
to attend the public judgement on our daughter's adoption.
The response was that we do not meet the formal requirements for adoption.
They said maria does not comply because we are only living together 4 years
and the law demands a minimum of 5 years. This is ridiculous,
we've been living together much longer but it was impossible to register our union
earlier as the law didn't exist.
We voted in 4 referendums today.
lt's incredible that
we can give our opinion about
very important issues but we can't get married.
When it comes to participating in public life we have rights
but we are denied the basic right of marriage.
Where's Lia?
She didn't come. Really?
Why can't we?
We're educated adults, suitable and with work...
Why can't we decide what's best for us?
Where's the limit?
ls it just *** orientation?
We won.
We still haven't received written confirmation
but the judge said, everything is clear. lt's all ok.
The dossier was great.
We now have joint parental rights,
so it will be a yes.
We've taken one step further. This is great. Yes.
Come on, let's go to school. Look in front of you.
lt was unimaginable when we were 20, 25 or even 30.
To think that one day we could have
an open and shared relation was impossible...
and the idea of being parents was unheard-of.
Relatively speaking, in a very short time it has all been very quickly.
This is our family book after my changes in the registry had become effective.
Both of us appear as Arantxa's mothers
without any distinction being made.
Of course she has changed physically. She's changed both inside and out,
but for the better.
We get on much better now.
She was being held back because she didn't want to be the way she was.
She is much happier now after fulfilling her dream. She's happier and so am l.
l think having a father or mother figure is stupid.
lt's about having 2 people who love you, care for you and worry about you.
This is a family and not the father and mother figures people talk about.
We shouldn't think about it,
but what if the biological mother dies.
What will happen to the kids? Greek law would consider them to be orphans.
The father who held the baby in his arms at birth
wouldn't be recognised before the law.
We've told our friends, the godparents and grandparents
what we really want so our kids can stay together.
She has stated that if she dies and Anton is still a minor
she wants him to remain with me. But it's not automatic.
ln the unfortunate event that this happened it would be subject to the judge's decision.
And that causes some uncertainty which is always frightening.
Lia, stop. What's this?
This is impossible.
Europe is not a country, but a group of countries.
While the EU government is very decided
about respecting economic parameters for all member States
it fails to respect the same civil rights
for all member States.
We have all these obligations with Europe, we even have the Euro,
but we don't have the same laws.
Come here. l don't want to.
Look, do you want to put it on your ears?
Where do you put it? Ah, on the legs.
We can't really say we are European citizens
when we are denied the right to exist as ourselves.
Unfortunately at present there is no desire by the governments
of the members States
to ensure the same social rights throughout Europe.
On paper there is a treaty that has a Charter of Fundamental Rights demanding this right
but in practice when this is reflected in the laws each State has its own individual policy.
Some are more ambitious, and others are clearly restrictive
or directly violate the principles of the treaty
and in many cases we are obliged to report it.
l'm not interested in moving to another place where life is better.
l'm thinking more about what l can do to improve things here
so my kids are accepted
and there are laws to protect them
and to ensure they live
in a different way to the way l've lived.
Listen, we need a few more bowls.
The first thing you have to put is... Separate.
No, the chocolate.
l see it as, maybe, an unresolved issue,
but more than just legally speaking because the law is trying to advance
and it's the same for gays, transexuals or lesbians
but the real question... is a social one.
Fortunately, the policies want to see this disappearing.
And, bit by bit things are changing.
10 years ago it was impossible to even speak about it,
However, it's true that Spain has advanced a lot.
Now you have the same rights as your neighbours or colleagues
and you feel equal.
Hello. How are you?
How was it?
Very good. We had baths.
Baths? Wow.
And we have the bag with the towel here. Show it to dad.
We're going to collect Nora now.
We're privileged to be where we are today.
Hi Nora
How are you? Hello.
And of course we are aware that this has come from the effort
and tenacity of the people who have fought hard for our rights.
lf we look at the path towards legal equality then
we're in the last few kilometers of a very long journey.
l always make the comparison with women's rights.
There was a time when women couldn't vote anyplace in the world.
New Zealand was the first to change that in 1 893
and slowly but surely all countries are moving in the same direction.
We're going to take this photo now...
and l want everyone to stay still...
after we'll place the flag behind us as a background
and then we'll grab it and lift it up. Ok?
The FLG began in 2001 as an idea from a few families
who saw that lesbians and gays with kids didn't really know who or where we were.
And the need for an association was noticed very quickly.
Why? Well, because our children didn't have any rights.
Now suddenly we've realised that
we've been fighting and working hard for 10 years and we've achieved many things
so we're celebrating.
Say yes, they're free and don't cost anything.
Ready, ok...
l think about what we still have to do and we can't lower our guard.
lt's what makes us visible at a social level.
That at a social level our kids, our family model are really recognised,
and integrated into this society.
Anton will know, in fact he knows already, that he was wanted, desired
and that he already existed in our minds before being inside Sylie's womb.
What really annoys me is that we are denied the right to raise our children
with the assurance, comfort and recognition of others.
lt's clear that the State prohibits
lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transsexuals from being parents
and this is discrimination beyond belief.
l don't understand why it's not acceptable for me
to have the possibility to marry
and choose the life l want
with the same possibilities as a heterosexual person.
That's all we want, the possibility to choose.
maybe the Declaration of Human Rights states
that all people are equal before the law, etc.
But, for sure, here in Greece we aren't even considered 2nd class citizens,
but often 3rd, 4th or even lower still.
To all those who've struggled to have their family recognised.