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Pam, line three.
Okay, thanks.
New york, as it turns out,
is very expensive.
And i ran out
of money.
I thought about selling
a kidney,
But michael offered to get me
a part-Time job at corporate.
Hey.
* pamela-A-A *
Of course,
Now michael knows where to reach me
Hey, michael.
* pamela-A-A *
Miss, you, kiddo.
Miss youso much.
office
season5 episode04
- Hey.
- Hello.
That was really fun
last night.
Yeah, it was nice.
I'm actually thinking about getting
my own set of put-Put golf clubs.
Oh, that would be great.
You need that.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, it would help.
Well, i, uh
- I let her win.
- No, he didn't.
So
When, um,
can i see you again?
Um, tonight.
I'm free tonight.
Is that too eager?
No.
I don't care.
I'm free tonight.
Okay.
Oh, wait.
Oh, tonight's no good.
Because i am busy
taking you out.
Oh, i just remembered.
I can't tonight.
Why?
I'm going out with you.
Wow.
Oh, wait a second.
Oh, i can't tonight.
- Tonight's--
- No more.
- No more.
- All right.
Too many times.
It's all good.
Um, all right,
so good.
So have a nice day.
Thank you.
You too.
You're welcome.
In my opinion,
the third date is traditionally
the one where
You have sex.
Does holly feel that way?
I don't know.
I will probably find out
tonight.
If she starts having sex
with me,
I'll know for sure.
That's for you.
And, uh, oh.
I am right in assuming that
Dwight is short for d-Money.
'Cause that's what i wrote
on your save-The-Date.
You set a date?
J-Money.
Or should it be t-Money,
for tuna?
Receptionist-Money.
K-Money.
What are you making?
A knife.
You're making a knife
with a knife?
You got a better way?
You wanna talk about it?
About what?
You know I know.
You know they know.
I know none of that.
And if i did,
you'd be the last to know.
Oh, the mall could be fun.
Yeah.
We could go to the food court,
get different foods.
You could get
chicken teriyaki.
I could get a hot dog.
Some of what we order depends on
whether we're having sex after.
Oh, my!
Wow, elephant in the room.
Are we, do you think?
Do you think
we're gonna have sex tonight?
Hell, yeah.
Okay, so we do
the restaurant thing,
And then--Then--
Then we can do--
We'll just do
the restaurant thing first.
Yeah, that's good.
Probably get soup
or something light.
Hi.
She introduced me
to so many things.
Pasteurized milk, sheets,
Monotheism
Presents on your birthday,
Preventative medicine.
It's nice to learn
new things.
- I was talking to myself.
- Okay.
I just don't get it.
What don't you get?
Why is she marrying Andy?
Angela's not really
a risk taker.
And Andy's not really a risk.
That's really fattening.
No, it's lettuce.
- It's time to go?
- No.
No.
Reservations are at 8:00,
So we've got, like,
an hour 45 minutes.
I'm a crazy 8.
I'm crazy.
You're crazy.
Go crazy.
Oh, I forgot my keys.
Do you need 'em?
- Yeah,let's go grab them.
- All right.
Oh, after vous.
Thank vous.
What?
Oh!
I didn't forget my keys.
I just didn't want
to make out with you
In front of the cameras.
Do you think they can hear us?
Not if we turn these dials
All the way down.
Now they can't hear us
at all.
Oh, good.
We're totally alone.
Yes, that's correct.
I need to cancel checks
from 10,001 to 90,000.
Great, they stole
my laptop.
Yeah, well, they stole
my surge protector.
How does that even compare?
Oscar, i'm now going
to be prone to surges.
Oh, my god.
What happened?
We were robbed last night.
Bravo, Watson.
Looks like a classic
seven-Man job.
Okay, security tapes
were stolen.
Motives--Financial,Or possibly
vintage HP computer collectors.
Hank down at security
had clocked out.
And that is all we have.
Can i talk to you
for a second?
Yeah.
Oh--Oh!
That wasn't us, right?
You remembered to lock
the doors?
No, did you?
Michael, I think this
is our fault.
- Oh, no.
My god.
- No,no
Oh, my god!
So much for sex
without consequences.
You are such a dork!
Shots!
So apparently Pam went out
last night
And accidentally called my work phone
at 3:00 in the morning.
So
I'm not drunk.
I'm on minute six
of this message.
Okay, i do not sound
like that.
You can take the girl
out of philly
Scranton.
The future mother
of my children.
I never felt safe here.
You're always safe with me.
I'm a very good screamer.
And one day,
We're gonna move to disney's
celebration village in florida
And leave all of this behind.
I would very much
like that.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
* CONSIDER YOURSELF *
* AT HOME *
Ugh.
Ugh
Get in.
Where are we going?
I know she loves me,
phyllis.
I am sure of it.
She practically told me so.
Then you need to give her
an ultimatum.
Tell her
she needs to make a choice.
You or Andy.
If she picks you, great.
If not, you can move on.
Are you sure
that's gonna work?
It did when Bob said
I had to stop talking
to my sister on the phone
so much.
Wait--This isn't our floor.
Dwight.
How's everyone doing?
My door is always open
If anyone wants to talk.
I don't want to talk.
I want my laptop back.
Nobody steals from Creed Bratton
and gets away with it.
The last person to do this
disappeared.
His name?
Creed Bratton.
We're gonna make everything
all right.
All right?
Conference room,15 minutes.
All right?
To recoup their losses,
I am planning
a little charity auction.
Where people from all over
scranton can come
And bid on our goods
and services.
I'm calling it crime-Aid.
It's like farm aid.
But instead of farms fighting
against aids,
It is us fighting
against our own poverty
I think it's a fun idea.
Thank you.
We could auction off things
that we do for each other,
Like cleaning
or tennis lessons.
My sorority did it
all the time.
Okay, i'm gonna have to
stop you right there.
Was this a sorority that you
didn't get into a real sorority
So you had to kind
of form your own?
- Move on, michael.
- Okay.
Okay, well, come on!
Let's have an auction.
Let's do this.
We'll auction off people,
Like in the olden days.
So in order to recoup
the value of items we liked,
We have to spend more money
on things we don't want.
Who would ever come to this?
I don't know.
It could be any number
of people.
It could be a pedestrian.
It could be a old person.
It could be a lookie-Loo.
Or it could be
A bruce springsteen fan--
What?
Who said that?
I did.
Why did i say that?
Oh, i think you know why
i said that.
I think it is very apparent.
I think it goes without saying.
Bear with me.
There's a point there.
But what is the point?
I don't understand
what he's saying.
It seems a little shady.
It seems a little foggy.
Well,it's not a little foggy.
There's really something
going on here--
Do you need us
for any of this?
Do I?
Michael scored
the big ticket item.
Springsteen tickets.
The boss scored the boss.
Yeah, i think
that's pretty boss.
He knows how to get things.
He got me.
Whoa!
Sorry.
Twice.
- Right?
- Mm-Hmm.
Listen to me close,
'Cause i'm only
gonna say this once.
You either break off your engagement
with that singing buffoon,
apologize,and then date me.
Or you can say good-Bye
to this.
I think you have me confused
with another person.
I said i was only
gonna say it once.
You have until 6:14 p.
M.
I heard you.
Pump it up!
Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
Pump up the volume.
Thank you very much,
everybody.
Thank you,Mr.
Springsteen.
And welcome
to C.
R.
I.
M.
E.
-A.
I.
D.
Crime reduces innocence.
Makes everyone angry,I declare.
It is not known
How many office robberies occur
Every second
Because there is no wikipedia entry
for office robbery statistics.
However, tonight,
its victims
Are standing together
and standing strong
In the form of song,
Cooking lessons,
And hugs.
Really, phyllis?
You're auctioning a hug?
Okay, so with no further ado,
Lights, camera, auction!
Take it away,Bruce!
Mike gave me a list of
his top ten springsteen songs.
Three of them were
huey lewis and the news.
One was tracy chapman,
fast car.
And my personal favorite,
Short people.
Okay, this is the moment
that you have all been waiting for.
Our first item
up for bids tonight
Is something I consider
to be very boss indeed.
It is a yoga lesson
from Holly Flax!
Yoga!
And I would like
to start the bidding off
At $300.
$300, do i hear $300?
$300.
Hey, batter, batter.
Hey, batter.
Swing, batter, $300,
$300, $300.
Anybody, $300.
$400.
Do I see somebody in the back?
Is there somebody in the back?
Do i see somebody in the back?
400--$450.
Sold for $300 to me!
What the hell is that?
It's the only gavel
I could find.
It squeaks when you *** it.
That's what she said.
Let's hear it for me!
Right?
A bargain at any price.
Hey, mike, do my thing.
Oh, yes, great.
Very good.
Um, so, Darryl and the boys
in the hood in the warehouse
Have graciously donated
to,uh,go out
for a beer with them right now.
You know what?
I'm actually going to
bid on this.
I'm gonna start the bidding,
Because this is something
that I've dreamt of.
Mike, you can't do that.
It's conflict of interest.
$5.
Sold to Jim!
Okay, sold!
Have fun, you guys.
Well,this next item is sure
to spring steam from your ears
If you don't win it.
It just says creed.
Yeah, that's all-Inclusive.
She thought I was mcnabb.
I can see that.
Yeah, well,
whatcha gonna do?
Another round, boys?
Great.
Halpert?
What's up, Roy?
Hey, man.
Relax, man.
I'm not gonna hit you
or anything.
Oh, i wouldn't--
- You good?
- I'm good.
How you doing?
- I'm good, yeah.
- Okay.
Hey, Darryl,
what's happening?
Oh, what's up, roy?
Hey, what's up, guys?
How you been?
Hi, i'm kevin.
And i'll do your taxes.
Let's hear an opening bid,
everybody.
Who's first?
Kevin do your taxes.
He's the tax man.
Kevin, the tax man.
- Federal and state.
- Federal and state.
Fine.
Okay, all right.
Hey, you know what?
I would appreciate it if people would
stop storming off the stage.
We are getting there,folks.
Slow and steady.
Well,well,
have we been blessed today.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr.
David wallace!
Whoo!
- Thank you, michael.
Thanks.
- Oh!
Thanks, everybody.
I'd like to auction off a weekend
at my place in martha's vineyard.
Hey, hey!
$100.
$100.
Great.
$125.
- $125.
- 140.
Hey, phyllis.
Someone let the air
out of your tires.
Come quick.
Oh, dear.
Keep it going.
Hey, batter, batter--
160.
I had to get your attention.
This is an emergency.
Why couldn't you
have just said it?
Why did you actually do it?
Listen, she ignored
my ultimatum.
Now what?
Now you move on.
Okay, fine.
I've moved on.
Now how do i get her back?
Well, Dwight,
I don't think you do.
I think you've got
your answer.
Wait, that's it?
That's your advice?
I thought you had some kind
of big master plan.
Well,I just think
we all deserve to be
with someone
who wants to be with us.
Oh.
I get it.
You're trying to secure your place as
head of the party-Planning committee.
You're just being selfish.
And you slap like a girl.
What did Phyllis do wrong?
I'll tell you
what Phyllis did wrong.
She stuck her nose
into my business
And tried to help me.
What's going on with Pam?
- Oh, she's good,actually.
- Yeah?
She's, um,
she's in new york.
She's at art school.
Really?
Yeah, she's doing
really well.
Huh.
She's engaged, um
To me.
Congrats, man.
Oh, thanks, man.
Appreciate that.
So pam's happy?
Yeah, i'd say
she's happy.
I mean,
she loves her classes.
Loves the city.
Last night, she was out
with her friends
Till, like, 8:00 a.
M.
Wow.
What?
I thought you were
a friend.
I am going to see pam
Because I feel like
I should.
When are you getting
to Bruce?
Uh,just a few more items.
Bruce, bruce, bruce.
Bruce, bruce, bruce!
All right, all right,
all right!
Here we go, here we go.
All right, big ticket item.
All right, in my pocket,
I have
Two tickets
To Mr.
Bruce springsteen,
front
Oh, where are those?
Has anyone seen
An envelope with Bruce Springsteen
Front row tickets
And backstage passes?
Anybody seen something like--
Laying around?
Do you want us
to look for 'em?
No.
I think they were stolen.
I think they were stolen
And they're gone forever.
So
Oh, that was
the last good item.
So good job,everybody.
I have my hug.
Yeah, well, phyllis,
Nobodyreally wants a hug,
so.
I'll bid on a hug.
She's your wife,
you idiot.
$100.
Uh, what the hell
is happening?
What are you doing?
I need a hug, unless
you're gonna give me one.
- Not here.
- 300.
We have 300.
300, going twice.
300 and one penny.
- 325.
- 325.
- 350.
- 350.
- 400.
- 400, hey, batter, batter.
400 and one penny.
- 500.
- 500,500,500
$1 million.
- 700.
- 700
Humuna-Humuna-Humuna-
Humuna-Humuna-Humuna--
Eh, it's not worth it.
1,000, going once.
Sold for $1,000!
Nicely done.
No.
You know what?
No.
Because
I'm not that guy.
And we are not
that couple.
Hey, that looks good.
Listen, about the tickets.
It's sort of a gray--
Kind of a gray area
In terms of whether
i had them--
The springsteen tickets seemed
too good to be true.
But a lot of michael seems
too good to be true.
So far it's all true.
But yeah, those tickets
Really seemed too good
to be true.
No, I did not know
that michael was dating holly.