Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
This is Cordell Davenport
or introduce your partner to our community here
we can all take broke free color
for her with her eric larsen
providing roberts our relationships consider the hero
you're all personal story
yeah
course claire
uh... reached out to her
order welcome
or border worker workers who purchase coverage here
so clear call perot cookbooks curator curator
for twenty-plus years claire is critical to cooperate with the pressure
drive the air improvement
carcass work fireworks were part of children
health clinic these women and better patient with a report card
because she was hit it off
grafton here to focus for a couple of conflict
committees uh... where register took a three could be overwhelming
uh... contrite what your marriage contract
carriers which are on their who helped to coca-cola marriage
discussion truck in a couple coupled with me
but there are copyrighted thank you for connections back
they are looking clearer yeah i could tell you
your great your
and a happy to be talking here today
fear here
satire to character about my papers
value
secured
researchers in moscow
uh... from river so
molly all at no men treatment made every day
corroded
speaking even harder introduction but i i i gave her what else can you know that
there's about explorer movement
but you know in a way i'm one of the world's most unlikely marriage
experience
uh... of my own parents were divorced by the time i was a bit more
and that i can engage in a felony when i think we can all agree that we expect a
commitment in long-term relationships with that an all-time low
uh... vote you know i do think we grew up with a bad attitude toward marriage
m
that when i was working and in a different role for you just described
and i i want to cut and ironically i was uh... i've been trying to and mediation
and conflict resolution and but i did like the couple i think you have a
natural field barack
so
uh... unanimous no well i could get a kick *** and i met mister reagan by
tomato
and uh... started to feed the the potential of marriage and you know what
it could really be
and cabinet have all came together and focusing on marriage counseling
just with a natural
now could have been doing a defect in the left and i guess it's eleven years
now
but i've had my counseling practice apple cooking on couple
kirker
there
with sort world
artful
sony bought a book
uh... up with that
newton
but you know
sometimes i think about and
but the thing that happened
and when my stepdaughter c sixteen oh when she would let alone
do without your dad and help with the computer game when they were having
trouble getting it to work in
she's got really frustrated in fact i don't know
if it's just the really bad bug that won't get out
and
you know resentment can be that bad by their that won't get out of a
relationship
and they have people calling after help you know probably twice a week
and i have a time when you coming in who has been dealing with a resentment
that's been building for
maybe canyon
thirteen years
even twenty five years
and either they've you know they tried to talk about it and think about it out
or
uh... they just
you know i have avoided it completely but either way
uh... if you can't x
breadth and depth understanding p resentment it's a ticking time bomb for
your relationship
well
wife
or call
but private jet that that that that's a great question
uh...
you know that that that as actually different that anger
i love the way i a i'll define it
inspect resentment his anger about arron
whether real or imagined
that nobody in your mind
because it's not expressed and it's not understood
energy comes the dragon
uh... website
that with a purple heart elect officers
uh...
he had quietly without it
appeared it up
yes here at the link below to with uh... here
it
yet that play that that would be like
women other remember resentments martin maybe play them are in their mind
uh... you know
also user capital and at
so i know it wasn't you know
you know
with uh... we operate differently
yet uh...
artist a little construe
but the title of mexico
if they would feel
mhm mhm
uh... whistler
in
yet
a lot of time women think that manners suppressing their feeling
you know their but they're gonna
an ex-husband
like emotional damage and that can happen
but
not and implicated you know when in fact about their feelings connection and talk
about their doing too little
mini-academy somewhere in the middle brow optimal mental health
but uh...
you know it is to batman sometimes they just
simply can redirect their attention
and and let gardening
uh... you know it's interesting people have actually been researched on why
that is
uh...
that henry picture if you think that you'd have to do with my brain
uh...
you know for example one explanation is that the ending dylan
which from time to call the fierce center of the brain
uh... the area that activated by strong emotion
uh... that part of the brain is involved in including memories
in women
but not in men
so right so it became part of the brain is
it including memories and also you know involvement on the motion then it makes
them threat that limited and i remember that the motions
and tend to remember positive emotions as well you know very charges
positive event more than men as well
uh... another theory is that women
tend to be picky
and revolutionary anything
you know that the overriding
bullet both men and women and current unit in an evolutionary point of view
it to make sure that they're on spring survive
and freemen met marvin uh... you know
quantity
game unfair for women it's more of a quality
and now you know women have been supplying screening
uh... intended
uh... habit
and you know they're looking for a good bothered for their children
and they capture turn-off that
you know hardwired kicking in
when and when they're in the long term can committed relationship you know that
that that
that taking a continue that
you know they have a high standard you know they which is not not only the bad
thing but you know to keeping an infant end it
you know that uh...
it did make a relationship that a *** content they the keeper of
you know the goldfinger what would we want to do you know what you want to be
but uh... you know a lot of plans that have men well many many times they have
meant that you know what
american population
you know if we have sometime from companionship
and back in europe and other than web it
yahoo in in women often have a whole long list of things they want
used to
yaaro
workdays though
here live
a little bit
well you know
amount that it was a pretty
your card over the world the
separate it's just something i previously
uh... skied welfare q
when the little allotted time thinks that if i thought that waiting day
yet uh... or other family ko week suit
what will be spared his her kayapo over the mighty mary yes but they all rocks
when she walks in a role to play pictures of her that you know it's life
credit that i'll put orders are up there
uh...
yeah that's interesting for that feel anything in fact cultural reality
and could contribute eighty ten years and years and visioning
at least the wedding and then perhaps uh...
their relationship as well
uh... you know playing house something with dalton fell for it
so yeah that might
that might vary much contributed to
and having more of a vision that how they want thing
uh... if that's what you do
o'connor research here
you know i want to read entertain widely in making out in canada diamondback
thinking that's out there
and and then and if you've got it the background atoning for emmy-winning
sitting with a couple
uh... i think you know a lot of the best idea the coming year
you know you're trying to apply it to real life in your sitting with a couple
in pain and thing okay
you know what do they need right now
uh... you know reading i helped me
understand that the whole question of why do women feel
amai resentment than men
and help me come to that definition of you know what's the difference between
anger and resentment
uh... yes i a combination of
you're reading other people's work in my own experience uh... in counseling
discourse others what is the best that it will go to work readers
and
at characteristic of investment edit it makes people feel like a dictum
you know it it make them feel captain controlled and one down
uh... back
it's often not really an open-and-shut case to being wrong
views eliminate that can be to sometime somebody is just
you know done something really agree jia and and it really at the cape of right
and wrong
and i'm not much else but generally speaking
uh... resentment built in the fight cold at both both people have created but
snowball
and that all of those even operate through
mum from
and and aid bill clinton predictable stages in that way i created that
michael model
that when you
when you look at that moment the fickle
then you have a mindset change and you have a change in your call
you know it's not
how can i show you you're wrong
you know and maybe even how can i get back to you uh...
you know how can i attack you
but it smart how can we understand fifteen gather
so i call that having a dialogue instead of the debate
that so it's not so that you would like to feel this way
yet
uh...
into when people describe unable to describe their their thoughts and
feelings and desires
and that contributed to at the building of the resentment
uh...
and it's much more it's much easier to be heard
gather what the way i i'd like to go through this is
you've got out yet
you know very simply and it really
and enough saying what it is
that upset you know i call that the trigger event
uh...
but yet you don't you don't do well in harp on that
you need it
here ideal here's the deal
and then you know
again and then very important the next gauge in the buildup of resentment is
desire actually
you might think it's anger
but at the very important filling twentieth identified the triggering
pants
then
you know what is the burning desire
that was left unmet by that event
that might be the most important questions
give it to you when you talk about your desire thinking of going back to a
talking about women having a lot of defense
uh...
you know for example well in their lipstick romances union
it's great to be there in america that so important
united impede you hear a woman you know you're in a relationship with a woman in
into that tell you what you did wrong you know
w didn't remember that we didn't show up for the ticket you know you didn't
uh... independent attention
if you need when we were at a party or you know whatever a definite west a true
graphical usually vis-a-vis heat for it
accorded at
yellow in oral more alike than we are different
so
uh...
you know you yell you're gonna start putting up both love near to the started
audio
and you know
may be attacked sympathize
and also your not necessarily going to understand
exactly whether it is that she wanted
but if you really take from time to burrow into her desires
and not just on a country level but on an emotional level as well
then
then
youtwo you want to be left for the fans
you'll get a window into understanding her experience
and then she will get that etc
period of feeling understood
low
hope that the person
of a copper or the other server wound for uh... or answer
uh... locally reserved for
we've been about or
uh... favorable outcomes are implicates are different
mhm vermont
with that will work with her to its roots
eat chinese
them
you know what happened i understand how people in that
you need that really
you know fee
payroll
ten-fifteen understood to parents
back your first job
and then yes second job is to make a good paper alberto let go and do it
what let people up and get into with this
tentative meltdown which spiral uh...
you know why can't you let go of it
and planned tomorrw
that person here at that
uh... welcome that crater they cling on into whatever they're dealing
and and it sounds like they're just trying to hold onto the negative you
know a lot of men did not go my god you know
redeployment around the negativity in in your calendar year
that really whether that whether they know it or not
you know what they're doing it is just
clinging on to that need to be understood superficial
moon room
yeha
and felt that's why i mean that's why i developed this cycle ethic guide
because when you walk through these six pages of the buildup of resentment
and you apply it to your amex
period
and you described to each other
you know what your experience was in each page
you you automatically
uh... get and very thorough and tipping anders
and then you know once you've got that
um...
you know then you know like if i'm working with a couple example
nineties somebody just
you know can you really
you know really
seeming to want to hold onto the path to hold onto the negative
you know the night many will nudge them a little bit you know
inflict in-and-out now where now are working on letting go
and then the other important thing of course
and ideally defending you track record in the future
you notify me too
really understanding is the big need
and it's not too much about changing behavior
that but a lot of time he wanted to thumping different going to be forwarded
you know though
you know if for example uh... you know
women often complain that men don't remember special occasion friend
yeah so you know if that in fact what there is that the news about then
you know you've got to you've gotta change that you know you've got to get a
little more conscientious about that
if you don't expect you to hammer that we're going forward
hurt order
your favorites are wise
mood
uh... wealthy on the one hand alone
i think chapter four which is when you get the step-by-step instructions about
how to bring up your defendant and talk to your partner about it
you know that's really what the call it the whole book is
uh...
but then on the other hand
uh... chapter two
in where you first just walk through the factory and get a better understanding
of yours
salad
and you're dealing with and bath footprint q in the mindset
uh... to have that dialogue in
how'd it go well and
uh... get that understanding so it would be hard for me to fame
you know which one of those but most important
i which one of my favorite
hoooo
or electrical audit
they come together
that that that they intent that that that they get care
uh...
yes exactly uh... chapter to have a series of question
unesco
if you look at the triggering event and used it in writing about that and then
you have two questions about your desired
and you have taken questions about that
and then you go on to negative conclusion
painful feeling reactions in new desires and for each
gauge
you you're going to flat continue thinking you you know you look into your
company and you write down some answers
and it's really that uh... active process you know i don't i don't think
anybody can
just read the book
without doing the extra classes and really get that my infection with you
know that the hot *** when you
really engaging you can be executed
earlier or exeter workers
worker triple record for you know i got elected or coppola sof
um... market without
a corporate lawyer or if you know that one of the welcome comparable corpora
what
allotment letter
threshold concerning if you've got a facebook interest at heart
okay separation date of birth
the court
every word is the author
right
called or paramount
either
for it looked for extra for approval recorder
old hanoi
here
seriously it really is not really
burkhart recruiter occur for a creator or competitors attitude
from cookbook cart before the property out the vote
uh... hardier workers too
interesting or khobor
hoon
electrical worker if you are good for you
you know
say that it was one couple
uh... and you know that anytime i have a somebody coming in
and
it's been a really long time
it
you know like maybe a decade period
graduating from high school ear and they're struggling with something that
happened twenty years ago
it makes a big impression on me
and you know i really think well you know how could this have been prevented
you know how could they have been prepared all the pain
uh...
and then the other thing anthony also i think a fair amount about
you know what about the people who don't make it to my office
you know could have a lot more of them
nine we need a lot i think have to come together and print them but you go to a
counselor
you know they have to have
you know that my in fact they have to have the money the time
and then they have to find somebody in their area that they really quickly
and so you know i don't think that
that that can happen for everyone
uh...
and felt i wanted to put something out there for people that just
you know just meet some things that they can work on on their own
and also
against it to you you could call it to at break into the denial
because if you know if they don't resentment of the problem in your
relationship
you know whether your you're dealing there that man or whether you think your
partner is
you know if you recognize our other problem and
maybe our you're thinking about it and you're looking for a solution to it
at in effect you're way ahead of the game
because a lot of people
i think they have just second enabling the feeling in the background like my
you know
singer something's not quite right that they brush it aside
and fellow at helping to put something out there for people who were much and
it may be a map state
where they see that title and they go
oh
maybe that's me
where the brick earn rear roller coaster effect
uh...
welcome
one thing is that alan very romantic in the courtship today is a man that drop
out quickly
yeah so that's a big mistake uh...
do you know i think
not spain attention
add one client want an embarrassing that you know
and know that i'm important to my husband but
i think you can i just want to be around like
the chair of the lamp
meant
typically to me directly that much
so you know not taking that attitude apt
occur would be important
and i get up in your home page you fed him and for the decision
and i think that the great point
i think people do need to be michael they're good about it
we all have been for the fantasy missed it
and when we first met
you know romance just happened automatically and
it was totally fun canyon and
well it was evi because of the you know the power of that the feelings that you
have in that early stage
it wasn't nearly as spontaneously remember
and you know that a lot of planning
we did a lot of it being kenya we really wanted to impress the other person
here
yes uh... so it is a decision and it something you just need to consciously
focus on
in you know i'd also like to take right now that them i talked to a lot of man
going up very crowded into a woman's experience during back from
mhm
i mean i usually meet with people
uh... individually after the first couple impassioned
your sift again my fair lady standing up their perspective in
and when they have been sessions with men you know the burial often you tell
me oh we don't have packed up and you know
uh... and my first question is
or does she enjoyed sex with you
and i don't think that a blank look
he didn't know if they want to see i'd like to have them
and i get another going quit
you know it and maybe he has been doing it
here you can tell me this year
here and i bet you she's not enjoying it that way you wanted to know
authorities
and very
four players cheythu
u_n_ payment hell
firstly before uses yeah that's right that's right
internet connection and in the appreciation
uh... what had he should just leave him dinner wrote for the relationship
now the best thing i think i have given up hope but about exactly that bike that
hello woman can go about getting them and to listen to her
it abigail it make that he'd be will be a hero
you know it's easy it he tries ten bring up something even then she air is on the
friday being too critical
you now in if you can set aside that difference in bubbling up that happen
and you don't marry a company laptop and you don't know if you keep them to do
you in your state
well tell me what you mean
you'll really nailed her heart
and in your view can be a hundred meany degree government
but nonetheless emits cutler anyone in a relationship
you may step should be show you care
you know even account elliott out of an appeal to you
charity care
you know and the conflict alleyoop an understanding
enough that you don't get to express your own point of view you do
that everything up to show you care girls
work repair workers
work work work
lecturer for
well the book at amazon and and tao
gap amazon dot com
um...
and uh...
they can find out more about nuclear hats dot com
c l_ a_ irony a_t_t_ phoenix dot com
error
stryker course questionnaires proxy cleared
dot good go to discover since nothing regular identify reports
well you know one thing that really tell people if it you know and and have you
know i think the relationship problems can be found in wyoming
uh... but it is surprising helmets
jim grant
small steps can make
uh...
you know big fifteen doesn't necessarily mean bikini big changes
co i think people sit up and
you know what stuff
majlis muti picnic
in the direction of my understanding
when you're feeling overwhelmed
and i offered to help people
you know it's about course correction not perfection
you know you don't solve problems overnight but you can change the
direction of your communication
you know if they don't feel like you need to pick out in one evening and
totally hammer out an issue
curtain down to take a few steps in the direction of
more understanding a more openness
then you're starting to change that direction
pro
they take account a lot
and you know it's never too well he can be too late that had been dvd you know
if you're in a relationship it's like yes the best time to resolve the
resentment
you know might have been when it when it came out they may have been two years
ago that might have been left nine px
epixtech at that time is now
you know if we can't let go of that luigi are carrying
get back to dealing *** connected
groupware
cooper cooper man for decades
courier a corporation
uh... group
please pick up for a clerk robert
check out our book wherever check out our web site
egos
review
where appropriate hipolito three uh... afterward or cure for it
koro
for all your pedro retreat
or correct it
thank you greg allen ok
abang