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- My Will-o'-Wisp.
- How on earth did you find me?
So we maybe shouldn't have
taken her out of rehab.
- I don't want to do this.
- So, you're dumping me?
You can't break up with me, Ray.
I wouldn't be eating pizza in front
of you if I actually liked you.
Adam, can we see you for one more second?
Congratulations.
You got it.
That was my boyfriend, and
he just got cast on Broadway.
Wow! Well, good luck,
'cause I'll tell you what.
He's going to need you to
support him and forgive him.
'Cause he's gonna be an ***.
Grandma's going to die.
What? But I thought it
was just a broken femur.
No, now she has pneumonia.
The doctors don't think
she's gonna make it.
Well, can't they do something about that?
Hannah, Grandma's dying.
You have to come see her before
she dies, if that matters to you.
Of course it matters to me.
Then just get here now.
Okay.
Okay, I'm coming.
I'm really sorry I can't come.
I really understand.
It's not
a great time to leave town.
I just can't miss the
first week of rehearsals.
I think it sets a really bad precedent.
Yeah, I totally get it.
I really do.
I just hope I have a chance
to say good-bye to my Grandma.
It's not like we were that close.
She was a really good Grandma, and she
always cut out the "Cathy" cartoons for me
and mailed them to me on Fridays.
The only thing I remember about my Grandma
is she had really rough
skin and she spit a lot.
My Grandma's, like, very neat, and
she had skin like a kitten's ear.
I miss you even when
you're gone for a night.
Yeah, but you're gonna have so much
fun with all your new theater friends.
- But I can't do this
- No!
With my theater friends.
No.
Hi, aunt Margo.
- Oh, thank God you are finally here.
- Hey.
I'm losing my *** mind over all this.
You okay, aunt Margo?
Am I okay? That's a strange
question, Hannah, considering
No, I'm the one that's
gotta keep it all together
so that everyone else can fall apart.
Look, just be prepared.
She looks terrible.
And for God's sake, please don't cry.
Okay.
- Hi.
- Hannah.
Hi, Grandma, hi.
Well, you look nice.
What did you do?
I gained 15 pounds.
Grandma Flo, you look great.
Well, I don't know why that would be.
And, besides, it stinks
to beat the band in here.
It really does.
It smells like
pee? Can we talk to a nurse about that?
Oh, okay.
Okay, Grandma, how's your femur?
I have two rods in my
leg.
Do you believe that?
No, you do not seem like the two-rod type.
Yeah, now they're telling
me that I have pneumonia.
***.
Grandma, that's the worst.
I had pneumonia when I was little and
I had to watch TV for, like, two weeks.
Well, it's not the same
at all when you're my age.
Can you tell me where your
femur is so I don't touch it?
Hey, Sweetie.
Hi, Mommy! Hey, how's it going?
- Hi.
- Hi, aunt Sissy.
Hey.
Oh, it is so great when
you all come to visit.
She just lights up like a Christmas tree.
What are you talking about?
We're here all the time.
I was here for her last two MRIS.
Which I wanted to come
to, but you told me not to.
- Exactly.
- Well, I honestly don't keep track
of the comings and
goings of the both of you.
I saw your calendar in the kitchen.
- You know what? I must look like a fright.
- Mm-mm.
Dipping your filthy fingers into mom's
only water source isn't gonna fix that.
- Oh, God.
- Loreen.
- No, I'm fine.
- Oh.
Just didn't feel so
great there for a second.
You've barely eaten today.
Hannah, why don't you take your mom
somewhere to get something to eat?
Well, she can just eat what's on the tray.
- Honey, let's go have lunch.
- Okay, got it.
- Be right back.
- Get her a sandwich.
Okay.
Oh, boy.
You think that you've accepted
that your mother wasn't that good
And then you realize that
you've always had this hope
that there'd be a conversation
where the two of you would
have some kind of breakthrough.
When they die, that
conversation can never come.
I don't totally understand
what made her such a bad mother.
I mean, like, she was
always very loving to me.
That's not true, not about your weight.
She ruined Margo and Sissy's lives.
They're very misshapen people.
Will you do me a huge favor?
Anything.
Will you tell Grandma
that you're marrying Adam?
What?
It's just not much is doing
romantically with her grandkids.
I mean, Rebecca is severely arrested.
- I love her so much.
- But, mom, I'm not marrying Adam.
She's going to die soon.
What does it matter?
Mom, that's insane.
- Just consider it? Please.
- Mom, no.
No.
Mom, I really thought you were
more progressive than that.
No, I'm not.
What are they even talking about in
your women's book group? That's crazy.
Fine.
Can I eat the rest of this, please?
You never seem to get
that it was inappropriate
to tell your cousin
that her father was
convicted of insider trading.
- Yeah, but he was.
- She didn't need to know.
She was six *** years old.
Yeah, well, I was seven,
so why did anyone tell me?
You insisted.
You've always
insisted about knowing everything.
And the worst part was when you told
her she was never gonna see him again.
But she didn't, um, ever see him again.
Sissy, what's with you?
You haven't said a word
since we left mom's room.
I was praying, if you must know.
Oh, Jesus *** Christ.
Hey.
Hi, Hannah.
Hey, Rebecca.
Hi.
How's Grandma Flo?
Oh, the old Flo-job.
You know
her.
Just sluttin' 'round.
I don't think that's a
funny nickname for Grandma.
Okay, sorry.
I was just really
trying to lighten the mood.
Why weren't you at the hospital?
I left because I just want
to remember her as she was.
Yeah, totally.
I'm, like, having a lot of
memories of her, definitely.
Okay, well, I think I have
to go to a Starbucks to study
because I'm, like, in the middle of exams
and I just, like, can't work here anymore.
Yeah, and Starbucks are usually
really, like, calm and quiet places.
Great about Med School.
So exciting.
How are the, like,
hot doctors-to-be?
I always watch "Grey's Anatomy.
"
I've never missed an episode.
I'm not, like, really
going there to meet a man.
I actually really hate when people say that
because I feel like it
diminishes what I'm doing.
And, like, I'm becoming a doctor
myself; I'm not trying to marry one.
Like, I'm not becoming a nurse.
- Do you know?
- Okay, sorry.
I didn't mean to make your
life ridiculous and about sex.
We really are very proud of you.
It's, like, a big deal to
have a doctor in your family.
And, anyway, now I'm fulfilling my
dream of having someone I can text
with my medical questions at all hours.
I'm not really studying 15 hours
a day to fulfill your dream.
It's a lot of really hard work,
but I guess I wouldn't expect anyone in
this family to understand that.
If nothing happens later, do
you want to go get a drink?
Do you want to get a drink with me?
Yeah, that's why I'm asking you.
Sorry, but you're just not really acting
like I'm someone you'd
want to get a drink with.
Um, no, it's really not about you.
I just, like, have a lot of studying to do
and I'm kind of on a schedule and
I feel like maybe you're not
Sure, let's definitely have a drink.
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.
- Okay, so I'll see you later.
- Yes, a drink.
Yes, yeah.
- Okay, all right, bye.
- Bye.
***.
Okay, one for you, one
Oxycontin for you, one for me.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
Does anyone want some Demerol?
She *** has Demerol?
Can I have more of the
Demerol? It's for Joe's knee.
I think you need to lay off,
Sissy.
You're a little spacey.
Oh, "Sissy Spacey.
" That's so funny.
You know, I have been giving
her her drugs this whole time.
I know how to administer Oxycontin.
I know.
Why don't you just take a rest?
I mean, we're here now.
We we got this.
All right, let's put some
more post-its on things.
Mm, I have somebody great
that can do the Estate Sale.
You know what? I don't want anything.
- You don't want anything?
- No.
Okay.
I mean, I know you always loved
that painting with the snow on it.
It doesn't matter.
She's going to be gone.
- It doesn't matter.
- Oh, just put a post-it on something.
Well, okay, fine.
I'll just take the ring.
- What?
- Which ring?
The engagement ring.
Well, that's all I'm asking for.
I'm not asking for anything else.
That is a family heirloom.
- We have daughters.
- We need to pass that on.
Like I wouldn't pass it
on to one of the daughters.
- That is Rebecca's ring.
- What?
So because I don't have
children, I don't deserve a ring?
You know, when Jerry Milburn
didn't show up for my prom
Oh, Jesus.
Mom promised me that ring.
She did.
Oh, stop.
So dramatic.
Is your mom okay?
Yeah, I mean, she's
fine.
I mean, like, sad but fine.
You know, it's some, like,
real circle-of-life ***.
Hey, weird thing
- My mom wants me to tell my Grandma
- Yeah?
That we are getting married.
What?
You know, she just wants me to
make her happy before she dies
by letting her know that one of her
grandchildren is gonna have a good life.
I mean, like, you know, a
good life by her standards.
Why would she want you to lie?
Well, it's not, like, a flat-out lie.
Mm, well, but we're not getting married.
Do you mean, like, ever?
Uh, do you want to?
Uh, no.
I always promised myself
I wouldn't get married
until I had a swimming
pool in my living room.
But I just felt like, at some point,
I don't know, I thought
that it was something
- Hey, we're back in.
- That you were thinking about, too.
- She wants to read act two.
- Oh, yeah.
Okay, yeah.
Cool, thanks.
Thanks.
I have to get back.
Okay, just forget we
ever talked about this.
Okay
I guess I just thought that
you were thinking about this
in a more committed way,
so I'm feeling a little
I am.
I am very committed
to you at this time.
Okay, this is a conversation
that I never, ever wanted to have,
and it might seem like
I was angling to have it,
but I really was not, and it's
making me extremely stressed
and a little angry for
reasons I don't understand,
so I actually have to go now.
Bye.
***.
Blah!
You see, this is why I started my
Advocacy Group for the childless.
I have the oldest granddaughter.
That's who gets the ring.
That's who gets the ring.
- What, are you kidding? That's medieval!
- No.
Can we just table this
for a second and move on?
What is Hannah gonna
do with an engagement ring?
She is going to wear it on her
*** finger when she gets engaged.
She's practically engaged now.
Rebecca doesn't even have a boyfriend.
- Oh, really? You
- This is stupid.
Our mother is dying.
This is dumb.
Hey.
Wow, don't you look all fancy?
Oh, thanks.
I'm just
going out with Rebecca.
Uh, Rebecca's studying.
She can't.
Well, she invited me, so I don't know.
I just love that.
Are you sure I can't get you a drink?
Yeah, I don't drink on weeknights.
Then why did you want to go to a bar?
Because I feel like a bar is the right
place to go with a person like you.
A person like me?
Rebecca, I don't know if you even
know this, but you're very rude to me.
You have been ever since
we were little kids.
You mean since you told me
the truth about my father?
Oh, come on.
Do you really think you
would've avoided knowing otherwise?
He insider traded, okay?
It wasn't like he sex trafficked.
Okay, well, I
Ugh, I don't have very many friends.
Well, I wish that surprised me more.
I'm sorry to hear that.
It's actually okay.
I don't really have any time for friends.
I have a boyfriend.
His name's Dane.
- Hot name.
- Thanks.
- Is he nice?
- Yeah, he's great.
He only wants to see
each other on wednesdays,
so I'm missing our night this week.
Well, what does he do on the other nights?
He has a different girlfriend.
Are you *** serious, Rebecca?
- That's horrible.
- No, it actually works really well.
I mean, I don't have a lot of time.
Okay.
Anyway, he's better
than my other boyfriend.
Rick was a writer, and he just,
like, made everything about himself,
and he was exhausting to be around,
and it just made me realize that writers
are, like, this ridiculous class of people
who just make everything about themselves
and they tend to have really
strange, bizarre eating habits
Rebecca, if you hate me so much, then
why did you want to hang out with me?
I don't know.
I just
thought it would be fun.
I would really like it if we
could be the kind of cousins
who, like, spend time together and
sleep in the same bed in the summertime
and, you know, jump in a lake and
have inside jokes about our grandmother
and were molested by the same person,
but we're not.
We do not get along.
I really respect you, but even Grandma
says you don't have a great sense of humor.
Do you think you're that funny?
- You're not that funny.
- Well, that's crazy.
I didn't even know that your work
was, like, trying to be funny.
That's because I sent you the less funny
pieces because I know you're not funny
so you wouldn't understand
my funnier stuff.
Why would I have to be
funny to understand them?
I just knew that if I
sent you my funny stuff,
you'd be like, "what is this, Martian?"
You don't understand funny.
Oh, okay, well, Grandma also said behind
your back that she thought you were loose.
That's what she said to me.
I don't want to fight with you, okay?
- I respect you.
I do.
- Oh, really?
Is that why you made me
touch my chachi with you?
Wait, what?
When we were seven, you made me
sit in a room and touch my chachi.
Wait, does "chachi" mean
what I think it means?
- Yes.
- 'Cause I never did that.
You said you'd learned a cool
new trick and we should both
lie under the covers and
touch ourselves for
- I never said that! I never did that!
- Yes, you did!
Oh, my God, I can't believe you.
"Chachi"?
Do not check your texts while we drive.
It's mom.
Grandma has a fever.
Well, we're almost there
so don't answer her.
You're gonna be a doctor and you
don't know how *** up it is
to check your texts while we drive?
Oh, my God, I'm just texting my mom
to tell her that we are almost there.
- Let me answer it for you.
- No, I don't want you touching my phone!
Oh, you don't want me touching your
phone with my *** chachi hands?
- Is that the *** problem?
- Yes, that's exactly right.
- Yes, that is exactly right.
- There is chachi all over my hands.
Ew, get off of me.
You're disgusting.
You're insane.
- What did you do?
- How'd you get here so fast?
I borrowed Desi's
motorcycle.
What happened?
Okay, don't only text me "car crash," okay?
- Scared the *** out of me.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
- Careful of my head.
- I've got some mother hens following me.
Oh, my baby.
Holy ***.
Holy *** ***.
What the *** happened?
What the *** did you do?
What did I do? She was the one driving.
- We're fine.
- Mm-hmm, we're fine.
But you are *** crazy.
- How's Grandma?
- Her fever has spiked.
She's resting, but it's not good.
Actually, I have something to
bring up now regarding mom
- What?
- Which is if she does slip into a coma,
she has made it very clear to me that
she would like us to let her go naturally.
You mean unplug her life support?
Well, sweetheart, to give her a
different kind of life support.
The support to help her
end her life peacefully.
Are you *** kidding me?
No, I'm not kidding you.
Is that why you didn't take
anything from the house?
Because you knew soon enough mom would
be dead and it would all be yours?
Oh, my God, that is a filthy
- and ludicrous thing to say.
- Is it?
- Margo, shut up, please.
- Oh, you shut up.
Loreen, you're not *** Switzerland.
Tell us what you really think.
I think that you both resent me because my
life is in order and my marriage is intact.
Oh, I am deeply in love with Joe and
we do not need a marriage license.
Joe has a plate in
his head, and you can tell.
No, you're right, Loreen.
We
are eating ourselves up inside
because you nabbed tad Horvath.
Tad Horvath, catch of the *** century.
Body like a little gymnast,
brain like a toy poodle.
Don't talk to me about my husband.
You think you'd be with Gary if
he wasn't pulling in six figures?
Why did mom say that Sissy
gets the *** house?
- What?
- Because you already have a house.
Oh, well, maybe you would, too,
if you would get a *** job.
Our mother is upstairs naked and dying.
She is naked and dying!
- Do you even know what that looks like?
- Please!
- I don't want to kill mommy!
- You have got to be quiet.
I'd love to be quiet.
Not
an option with these two.
Shut up, Margo.
- You shut up, Loreen!
- No, you shut up.
You both shut up! Just shut up!
Guys, please
- You're leaving the floor now.
- Mama's
Don't you dare.
I am so sorry you had to see that.
No, it's like enchilada
night at my parents' house.
Let me go fix this.
Hi.
Hey.
Well I have to pee.
That's my boyfriend.
- He's nice.
- Thanks.
Come on.
- Grandma, Grandma.
- Hmm?
- I thought we should go.
- No, she wants to meet you.
She wants to meet you.
Grandma, Grandma, Grandma.
Grandma, Grandma, Grandma.
- Hannah.
- Hi.
This is my boyfriend, Adam.
I'm not really up to meeting anybody new.
- Okay, nice to meet you!
- I'm not deaf.
Oh, sorry.
I'm a a loud person.
- Hannah?
- Mm-hmm?
I really don't want to
talk to strangers right now.
Okay, I just thought
Well, Hannah and I are getting married.
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- No, I'm
- Next year.
Well, that's nice.
Yeah, we're pretty happy about it.
- We're excited to finally lock it down.
- Mm-hmm, yep.
Have you got a good job?
- Yes, I'm an actor.
- He's an actor, Grandma.
He's an actor on Broadway, not just
Well, here's what I have
to say about being married.
Okay.
Someday you will look at him, hating
him with every fiber of your being,
wishing that he would die the
most violent death possible.
It will pass.
Oh, Loreen.
Hannah's getting married.
But I won't be there.
He finally did it.
And we're happy.
Old maid no more.
Thank you both so much.
Oh, yeah, no sweat.
She's cool as ***.
- Mm-hmm.
- She's a tough one.
I'm just glad she's not in any pain.
Well, I'm glad I got to meet her.
I have to head back to the
city.
I have rehearsal tomorrow.
I have rehearsal tomorrow.
Oh, yeah, congratulations.
Oh, thanks, yeah.
Thanks.
- Okay, bye.
- I love you.
Love you, too.
- Oh, bye.
- Oh, uh
Break a leg.
All right.
- Text me when you get home, okay?
- Yep!
He's a good dude.
I guess if Grandma lives,
we're gonna have to get married.
Yeah, keep the job, not the guy, right?
- Wait, what?
- You know.
You're so special.
You deserve everything and more.
He's really nice, but
You know, stay open to possibilities.
Mom, how dare you talk about something
you know literally nothing about.
No, you're right.
I
don't know him very well.
- I see certain things.
- Mm-hmm.
He's odd, he's angry.
He's uncomfortable in his own skin.
He bounces around from thing to thing.
- Again, you have no
- Just no, no, no.
Let me talk.
I don't want you to spend your whole life
socializing him like he's a stray dog,
making the world a
friendlier place for him.
It's not easy being married to an odd man.
It isn't.
Well
I don't know what to say.
He just did something very nice for
you and you're being very unkind.
Sorry.
Your granddaughter, of course.
You must be the granddaughter
we're talking about.
Doesn't Grandma seem like her old self?
- Mm-hmm.
- She's doing much better.
My girl's doing fine today.
See, that's so cool.
You're her girl.
She beat her pneumonia.
The doctor was very pleased
about this this morning.
Mom, I am I don't know what to say.
It's a miracle.
I ate one cheese sandwich
and I'd like another.
- Yay!
- Stat, right?
Cheese sandwich, stat.
You know, we should have an
old-fashioned easter next year.
I don't love easter.
I don't
like what it stands for.
But we have to be closer.
It's not right.
We have to be.
You know what, Sissy? You're right.
- Yeah.
I can travel.
- You are.
I mean, I barely know your
daughters, for God's sake.
And Rebecca's a very
good influence on Hannah.
As long as she doesn't drive.
Oh, Hannah, you don't look good.
No, I'm fine.
I mean, I'm just so glad you're
okay and that the doctors were wrong.
People aren't always right.
No, people aren't always right.
Your hands are so soft, Grandma.
I don't know what your secret is.
Hand lotion.
- Hey, Rebecca.
- Hannah, Grandma's dead.
What?
She had a heart attack just now.
- She's dead, Hannah.
- No, she's not.
She ate two cheese sandwiches.
You have to come back up here.
I'm already off the train.
I'm back in the city.
Well, get back on the train.
Everyone's on their way.
Hurry.
Bye.