Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
jbjb My name is Ann Edmead. Em m sixty eight. I look younger. Em a *** and I m proud
of it. Er I was brought up in children s homes as my parents couldn t look after me and on
top of that I had yeah, tuberculosis, so, doc is it tuberculosis? Yes! Tuber, my mother
died of tuberculosis and I head tuberculosis and my brother had tuberculosis. So we were
taken away and put in children s homes and eventually landing up in Tower Hamlets where
I am now in their children s home St. Leonard s in Hornchurch. There I stayed from about
four or five years of age and em I was brought up within the home with lots of other boys
in the home. And while being in the home things happened to myself and to my brother. Er,
abuse started from a very early age and em I didn t know about my brother until years
later. But he, er, it was happening to him as well. Em me personally, I, everyone thought
that I was so feminine that I would be the one who will cave in eventually. My brother
was the, the butch. Very male and everyone thought he would be a great success. But it
turned the opposite way. I ve become the stronger one and learnt through what had happened to
me. My brother eventually married and everything. He couldn t take it. Em, er, what happened
to him, em, destroyed him. Totally destroyed him and eventually, he died. Er through suicide
in my garage. Now, going back to myself which I think this is what s all about, is, when
I was being abused in a children s home, you learnt very fast that er, you have a weapon.
By being abused by mean having a weapon means that the people who want you, you can use.
At the beginning, when you re very young, you, you, you ll be saying, you, you can t
say no. Because they would do it anyway. You re too young. And er, besides, if you refused,
your life became very hard. So you just shut your mouth and let them do what they wished.
But then you come to a certain age where you could say, That age, I learnt fast that if
they wanted me, they must give me something. So I learnt to cigarettes, money, going to
Saturday morning pictures. All these things I learnt to let them have me because I, in
a way, I enjoyed it then er because I was getting love. Looking back now, I knew that
I wanted the, the feeling of love. So giving myself I became, I was being loved in the
way, the only way I know how. But I wanted something for it so I, I offered what you
call it, I would say, alright then you know, I would do this, I would do that but you must
er, er get me to go, to go to pictures, you pay for it, that and the other. So eventually,
I became like that. I became very strong. And em this went on to the age of fiftee,
er fourteen. Fourteen and the half. And they decided that er, er it was time for me to
go into the world. I knew nothing of outside the gates of the children s home. Tower Hamlets
do not prepare you for outside. So I was told, with my little case, my cardboard case with
socks and my trousers and my underwear which I hated. Oh, by the way, I would never, even
as a child, pee standing up. And they, in the children s home, because I used to go
into I wouldn t allow to stand next to a person, I would go into a toilet. It got known. So
they used to hold me under my arms and tried to make me pee standing up. And I wouldn t
I would keep pulling my legs up. And this cause quite a lot of trouble in the children
s home. That s very important because I was girlish then, you know. And I felt I needed
to pee sitting down. Not standing up. I didn t think it was normal standing up. Anyway,
leaving there, I was told to meet my social worker under the clock at Liverpool Street
station. Er I went there. I was very frightened. The train. I d never been on a train anything
like that. I got to the station. It was crowds of people going past and I was small funny
enough. And I was very frightened and also excited. I stood under the clock and the hours
went by and at fourteen, you you get really quite scared and while in the station I thought
I d try and phone the children s home and say, look, no one s come to collect me. So
I got, went into a telephone box but I didn t know how to use a telephone outside the
gates. All I know is inside the gate, you pick it up, a woman you know will answer and
they would put you through to wherever you want. So when outside the gate, when I got
the phone, it says, dial what number. I wouldn t know. I would, I said a name. Anyway, I
remember a man getting into the telephone box with me to show me what you d do. But
it was also a come on sort of thing. And he wanted me to go to the toilet with him and
I refused that. I was, I was too upset. I was too frightened anyway. So anyway, we couldn
t do the telephone. So I just stood there. And then when it came to about ten, eleven
o clock at night and this is early in the morning, all night. I didn t leave under the
clock, all those hours right until eleven o clock at night. I got behind a waste paper
basket, very tall waste paper basket and I got behind. I fell asleep in the waste paper,
behind the waste paper basket. The police found me and took me over to Liverpool Street
station, police station, which is near by and em, I refused to talk. I would not talk
to anybody. But then a woman came in and I started to open up to her. Funny enough I
could open up to a woman but I could not open up to a man at all. Anyway, I could hear what
they were saying. And they were saying things like, Well, that s a poof. That s a ***.
And things like that. And the woman was defending me. So I liked her more. Eventually they did
find out where I belonged and they took me to Clapham Common. A hostel for young boys.
In the hostel, I was very frightened. Em I was abused, not er, abused verbally immediately
I went into the hostel. People were saying things, Oh, really like a poof, and this,
that and the other and I, I very much learnt to stay on my own. And I remember one night
er re in cubicles. And one night, I, I, I was lonely. Where in a children s home, if
you were lonely or anything, you used to jump into bed with somebody else. And just sleep
with them. And I, I thought that was normal. So I did that same thing there. And I was
severely, severely beaten up. The police were called as well. I was beaten to a pulp and
it was awful. And they called an ambulance and everything. And from then, I learnt that
er ve really got to learn fast, you know. So eventually I got a job working in the Talbot
Restaurant in Moorgate. And I started waking up to people and learning fast about what
was going on and so on. I kept myself to myself though and learnt that way. Em if I need comfort
or anything, I would go to Clapham Park. But I was in full control, you know. If I needed
love or anything like that I would do that. And then, that went on for a while with the
Talbot Restaurant. The, the boss of the Talbot was wonderful. Mr. Talbot was he took me under
his wing because you had to hand your money into the hostel. All your money. And you got
ten shillings a week. and yet I earned four pounds a week. Do they took all my money for
food and rent. But Mr. Talbot learnt about it. So he gave me extra which was wonderful.
And I got on well with all the waitresses. I met families and so on. Er so life wasn
t bad at all. I was quite happy then. Then er, I decided, this was before Tony killed
himself, my brother em, he was at sea and er I decided to go to sea. So I went to Threadneedle
Street to, to take the tests and the exams to go to sea and I passed that. And then I
went into a training centre. Vindicatriz Training Centre. Oh god this will kill some people
in the merchant navy. But it s a training camp, you know and it s all billets and very
tough boys and things like that. And er, I went there. And out of, I think, thirty of
us were there, fifteen jumped over the wall. They couldn t bear it. It was too tough. But
I stood it, and em just before I, when I went there, just before I actually went there,
Tommy Steele, do you know about Tommy Steele, he was in the merchant navy. But he was training
there just before I took over his job, Tommy Steele s job, which was lovely thought anyway.
Anyhow, I did the twelve weeks training and then I got my first ship in the merchant navy.
It was tough, the first ship. It was Sugar Producer, the sugar refinery, in Silvertown.
Very tough life. I found it very hard. But, being I suppose, a homosexual in those days,
you re very young, fifteen year old homosexual, sixteen year old, er so called men, of course
took me under their wing. They loved it, didn t they. Young, young boy, pretty, reasonably
pretty feminine anyway. And em,,,so I had a lot of attention. But the main thing that
happened to on there was I was accused of stealing which affected me very severely.
This is my, where I was always very trusting. And I found, after a while, that trusting
somebody never works with me anyway. So I was very open and I put my trust in people
and they always let me down. Er, so, over a period of time I, I knew I had to be alone
always, you know. So anyway, I was on this ship and I was accused of stealing and it,
it was very bad. they had to take me off my duties and I was made to stay in the cabin
and I wasn t allowed to come out the cabin, only with somebody with me to walk on deck
for a little air and then go back to the cabin. My er the cabin I had, there was two berth
cabin and there was anther boy in there as well. Anyway the stealing was done, like money
whatever, from different cabins of the officers and they found the stuff actually in my cabin.
In my drawers. So I, I couldn t do anything about it. Anyhow, one night, I m in bed and
somebody put their hands over my mouth during the night. And they em they didn t talk, just
dragged me from the bed, and somebody kicked me and then he dragged me outside. They put
something over my head. Em the hand held me tight. And they all dragged me, whoever they
are there was mumbling and whispering but I couldn t hear a thing really cept that.
They dragged me and as I went up the, the, the companion way that is the stairs going
up, the metal stairs they were hitting me on the stairs, you know, banging me, because
I wasn t walking, they were dragging me. Got me, I felt the air, em, even with the thing
on my head, I felt the air hit me. And then I felt something go round my neck and em,
it was a rope. And they hanged me. Em I was unconscious and I was found by an officer.
This, luckily this was about two and three in the morning but I was found by an officer
and I had the marks. And em I was put in, the crew obviously didn t want, like me because
stealing at sea is a very serious thing. You re, actually this is a world you re in and
there are laws. And that s one of the things you never do is steal. Anyway, they put me
in a hospital wing so I em, was em, kept away from other thingibob. But then, after a long
time er, quite a few days, they found out that it wasn t me. It was my cabin mate. He
was the one. Anyway, they arrested him. And they kept him in. They let me go and the whole
crew sort of welcomed me back and they, I was, it was like I was I was wonderful. They
loved me. They watch, they looked after me. They were so apologetic for what they did
and all this and, and the rest of the ship was marvellous. The, the boy who did the stealing
was taken off and he was flown back to England. And I had one wonderful trip. PAGE PAGE &`#$
JACKY LOGAN Office 2004 Test Drive User Normal Office 2004 Test Drive User Microsoft Word
11.6.1 PICT' kZg9 g9kZ kZNsR g9o{ kZg9NsR kZNsR =NsR g9kZV g9g9JR NsNs kZNsV g9kZR F1kZV
kZg9Z Nsg9 g9kZg9R NskZR F1kZ^ g9NsR kZNskZV g9o{ g9JRV g9kZg9Nsg9V 6NsV g9Nsg9Z JRg9g9NsR
NsNsR g9Ns NskZ NskZ Nsg9Z kZkZR JRg9V Nsg9^ g9NsR JRkZ g9NsV =g9Z kZkZ^ g9kZNs Nsg9NsV
g9NsV g9Ns Nsg9Z g9JR o{NsR g9JRZ g9kZ =NsV NsNskZV g9JR Nsg9R kZNsV g9JR =NsV o{kZV kZg9NsV
g9NsR g9o{R kZkZZ NsNs o{o{Z kZkZg9o{ g9NsV Nsg9V g9kZg9g9V NskZZ NsNsV kZkZF1 g9NsV g9NsV
%NsR Nsg9 g9kZJRs g9NskZV g9JR =o{Z NskZV kZNsV JRg9V g9g9JRV kZNsNs kZg9Ns g9Ns Nsg9Z
NskZV g9kZV NskZ JACKY LOGAN Title Microsoft Word Document NB6W Word.Document.8