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It takes one to see one. It is one of the most important principles of an awakened being.
You don't know what a golden heart unless you have one. You don't know what arrogance
is, you don't know what a snob is unless you have that energy within you.
Does that make sense? So, I’d a very cool mentee and was having
this discussion and she was doing her PhD exam. She came up to me one day; we had a
session and she was very upset. She goes, "Sidra, I lost my first class because of this
girl who lied to the teacher and got more marks than me, she got the top grade and I
got the second top. She was such a lying and deceiving *** and I hate lying". I said,
"Okay, relax. Are you honest?" "Yes, honesty is my key value and I am always honest about
things". I said, "okay". So, she was having an affair with somebody. So, I said to her,
"okay, if you are having an affair and you're really enjoying this and your mom asks you
if you are having an affair. What would you say?". She said, "I can't tell my mom" and
because it wasn't in her value in the studies to lie, she didn't like it, so, she judged
the other person for lying. But, on the other part of her life, other facet of her life,
she couldn't be honest. So, honesty didn't matter.
Does that make sense? And the minute I said, "ha ha, okay, now I
have no charge around her". Does that make sense? Because she was not honest in the other
part, so she had issues with lying. She wasn't aware that she wasn't honest. So, you might
not be that person in that facet of your life, but from the other facet of your life, you
are definitely being that way, especially, if it gives you a charge and if it upsets
you. So, I want to create a distinction, saying, for example, you can identify arrogance, you
can identify snobbishness, you can identify stealing or anything if it doesn't give you
a charge or upset you. It's cool .. only if it gives you a charge and if you are really
upset, something requires attention. Yes?
Sorry, I did not understand that point. Did you mean, she dropped the lying or she dropped
the adultery? No, no adultery, it was just a normal affair,
thank you very much. That's judgement. Can you see that? He made it mean instantly. It
was a pure simple love affair but because of the culture she comes from, she couldn't
express it to her mom. So, it was just a love affair.
Yeah, random, normal. Oh, well, I don't know. Okay.
Can you see how easy it is - thank you for bringing that up, by the way; we are meaning
making machines. The minute we hear a word, we put a meaning behind it instantly, without
even thinking about it. The only meaning a thing has is the meaning we put on it. And
that's where most of the problems come in, by the way. In relationships, because two
people have associated different meaning to the same word, for example friends, so, my
definition of friend is 'when I see you, I'll be really great with you and we will have
a great time when we go off, we go off on our way, until we meet next time'. For me
that is a friend. For you, you could say, no, no Sidra, we have to speak every day,
we have to communicate every day, we have to go to lunch once a week and if that doesn't
happen, I am a bad friend. Yes? But for me I'm a perfect friend because that's my definition
of friendship. Your definition of friendship is completely different. It's the meaning
we associate with it. So, be aware of the meaning.
Thank you for bringing that up. Can we have your question now that we have it all sorted.
What did she drop? Did she drop the judgement about the .. ?
Perfect, she made peace with the fact that lying .. she's a liar as well; she lies as
well and it's okay to lie depending on your value - so maybe, getting a PhD first top
way wasn't really her value, so she didn't lie that way. But the other girl’s value
was no matter what it takes, I will get the top grade. It is all based on values. Values
are the only things that are important to you.
So, it is based on, weight by, according to the importance .. how much importance you
put on that event. So, it takes, she couldn’t recognize lying until she had that energy
in herself. But because she was aware that she had that energy in the other part of life,
she was judging lying as a bad thing and that was creating a charge and once she identified,
“hang on, I’ve lied in the other part of my life” and made peace with it, integrated
that shadow side, which is just a side of view that you can’t see by the way and universe
loves you so much, it puts you in front of you in the form of other people. So, once
she integrated that aspect of her, she had no charge around her. She goes, “it is what
it is. If she wants to do that, she can do that.”
“If she had a value of truth and she would value truth ..”
But truth is a point of view. Is it not? Does that make sense?
Truth is a point of view. Everything is a point of view. And truth is subjective as
well, by the way. So, my truth could be different from your truth. I will give you a very personal
example and I’ll share it in the radio interview as well. When I walked out on my marriage,
I was doing the right thing by me, which is true for me. I couldn’t leave someone else’s
life. I had to activate my truth. From their truth (perspective), I’d become westernised
and I’ve completely disowned my family and walked out. That was their truth as well.
Which was true. And we were both right in our own unique way.
Does that answer your question? Thanks.. (chuckles)
Give him a hand (applause) Because it is a point of view, it depends,
should to chose to take it on board. Yes?
And all this principle says is that integrate that part of view that you are unable to see
and other people are showing it up for you, so you can make peace with it. So, when you
really wake up to the truth of who you are, you realize that whatever it is – the fear,
the unworthiness – that’s all us as well. It is the plane of duality. The thief, the
abuser, everything, is within us. Otherwise, we wouldn’t know.