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Man. I need something to offset the weirdness of Hamster Thursday. My body wasn’t ready.
So let’s go with... um... STRANGE ANIME LICENSE FRIDAY! Yes, Strange Anime License
Friday, because when Felicity in Worcestershire sent that huge box of hamster games there
were a few hangers-on like Mon Colle Knights and a Cardcaptor Sakura... thing... that I’m
sure would make my face melt all Raiders-of-the-Lost-Ark style on a day like today. So instead, here’s
Bad Badtz-Maru, that weird Penguin-lookin’ dude who apparently busted out his basketball
skills when Japan hosted the 2006 FIBA World Championship, but who spends most of his time
in the shadow of his despotic overlord, Hello Kitty. And now he’s in a board game. That’s
also an RPG? Wait, what?
As is a shocking trend in portable gaming franchises, Badtz-Maru falls into the deep,
dark void of Robo-Battling, pitting his digital homunculus against... well, mostly his father’s
henchmen, as they train him to take on his eternal rival (and sometimes sweetheart) Pandaba.
But this isn’t your daddy’s Monopoly. Or Chutes & Ladders, or Itadaki Street, or
Mario Party, or any of those other things. Nope, this is FULL-ON COMBAT. With equippable
weapons and armor. And dice. You chase your opponents around the board, switching direction
if need be, gaining the occasional cash or a stat boost (or decrease) from the panels
on which you land, until you land within a space of a foe. Then you THROW DOWN. And roll
dice, and attack each other based on the stats of the stuff you’re wearing. Okay, so it’s
not the rich tactical action of Fire Emblem, but it’s still damned impressive for a Game
Boy Color board game! Heck, there’s even vocal clips. On the GBC. This is, like, Pokemon
Yellow levels of innovation.
Mouth-frothing hyperbole aside, Bad Badtz-Maru Robo Battle is a very unique experience, but
it’s not without its drawbacks. A single match can take quite some time, especially
if your AI opponents are content to just run around a loop, buffing their stats and awaiting
your arrival. Plus, there’s no way to skip this pre-confrontation data screen, which
gets tired really fast. DUDE’S GOT TWO HIT POINTS LEFT. JUST LET ME WING HIM. Y’know,
‘cuz he’s a penguin. With wings, prehensile though they may be. But the added layer of
strategy - do you stay and fight, or do you take your chances rolling to try to get to
an HP-restoring space - coupled with the standard roll-move luck makes for an entertaining,
if sometimes frustrating, time. Still, for the initial installment of STRANGE ANIME LICENSE
FRIDAY, it’s an impressive showing. Imagineer have managed to take a property from Sanrio,
infamously the most shameless of the licensing world, and turn it into a creative and worthwhile
gaming experience. I’d say this beats a quote-unquote “Personal massager” any
day of the week. Suck it, Hello Kitty.