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Chapter XXIX.
THEY was fetching a very nice-looking old
gentleman along, and a nice-looking younger
one, with his right arm in a sling.
And, my souls, how the people yelled and
laughed, and kept it up.
But I didn't see no joke about it, and I
judged it would strain the duke and the
king some to see any.
I reckoned they'd turn pale.
But no, nary a pale did THEY turn.
The duke he never let on he suspicioned
what was up, but just went a goo-gooing
around, happy and satisfied, like a jug
that's googling out buttermilk; and as for
the king, he just gazed and gazed down
sorrowful on them new-comers like it give
him the stomach-ache in his very heart to
think there could be such frauds and
rascals in the world.
Oh, he done it admirable.
Lots of the principal people gethered
around the king, to let him see they was on
his side.
That old gentleman that had just come
looked all puzzled to death.
Pretty soon he begun to speak, and I see
straight off he pronounced LIKE an
Englishman--not the king's way, though the
king's WAS pretty good for an imitation.
I can't give the old gent's words, nor I
can't imitate him; but he turned around to
the crowd, and says, about like this:
"This is a surprise to me which I wasn't
looking for; and I'll acknowledge, candid
and frank, I ain't very well fixed to meet
it and answer it; for my brother and me has
had misfortunes; he's broke his arm, and
our baggage got put off at a town above
here last night in the night by a mistake.
I am Peter Wilks' brother Harvey, and this
is his brother William, which can't hear
nor speak--and can't even make signs to
amount to much, now't he's only got one
hand to work them with.
We are who we say we are; and in a day or
two, when I get the baggage, I can prove
it.
But up till then I won't say nothing more,
but go to the hotel and wait."
So him and the new dummy started off; and
the king he laughs, and blethers out:
"Broke his arm--VERY likely, AIN'T it?--and
very convenient, too, for a fraud that's
got to make signs, and ain't learnt how.
Lost their baggage!
That's MIGHTY good!--and mighty ingenious--
under the CIRCUMSTANCES!"
So he laughed again; and so did everybody
else, except three or four, or maybe half a
dozen.
One of these was that doctor; another one
was a sharp-looking gentleman, with a
carpet-bag of the old-fashioned kind made
out of carpet-stuff, that had just come off
of the steamboat and was talking to him in
a low voice, and glancing towards the king
now and then and nodding their heads--it
was Levi Bell, the lawyer that was gone up
to Louisville; and another one was a big
rough husky that come along and listened to
all the old gentleman said, and was
listening to the king now.
And when the king got done this husky up
and says:
"Say, looky here; if you are Harvey Wilks,
when'd you come to this town?"
"The day before the funeral, friend," says
the king.
"But what time o' day?"
"In the evenin'--'bout an hour er two
before sundown."
"HOW'D you come?"
"I come down on the Susan Powell from
Cincinnati."
"Well, then, how'd you come to be up at the
Pint in the MORNIN'--in a canoe?"
"I warn't up at the Pint in the mornin'."
"It's a lie."
Several of them jumped for him and begged
him not to talk that way to an old man and
a preacher.
"Preacher be hanged, he's a fraud and a
liar.
He was up at the Pint that mornin'.
I live up there, don't I?
Well, I was up there, and he was up there.
I see him there.
He come in a canoe, along with Tim Collins
and a boy."
The doctor he up and says:
"Would you know the boy again if you was to
see him, Hines?"
"I reckon I would, but I don't know.
Why, yonder he is, now.
I know him perfectly easy."
It was me he pointed at.
The doctor says:
"Neighbors, I don't know whether the new
couple is frauds or not; but if THESE two
ain't frauds, I am an idiot, that's all.
I think it's our duty to see that they
don't get away from here till we've looked
into this thing.
Come along, Hines; come along, the rest of
you.
We'll take these fellows to the tavern and
affront them with t'other couple, and I
reckon we'll find out SOMETHING before we
get through."
It was nuts for the crowd, though maybe not
for the king's friends; so we all started.
It was about sundown.
The doctor he led me along by the hand, and
was plenty kind enough, but he never let go
my hand.
We all got in a big room in the hotel, and
lit up some candles, and fetched in the new
couple.
First, the doctor says:
"I don't wish to be too *** these two
men, but I think they're frauds, and they
may have complices that we don't know
nothing about.
If they have, won't the complices get away
with that bag of gold Peter Wilks left?
It ain't unlikely.
If these men ain't frauds, they won't
object to sending for that money and
letting us keep it till they prove they're
all right--ain't that so?"
Everybody agreed to that.
So I judged they had our gang in a pretty
tight place right at the outstart.
But the king he only looked sorrowful, and
says:
"Gentlemen, I wish the money was there, for
I ain't got no disposition to throw
anything in the way of a fair, open, out-
and-out investigation o' this misable
business; but, alas, the money ain't there;
you k'n send and see, if you want to."
"Where is it, then?"
"Well, when my niece give it to me to keep
for her I took and hid it inside o' the
straw tick o' my bed, not wishin' to bank
it for the few days we'd be here, and
considerin' the bed a safe place, we not
bein' used to ***, and suppos'n' 'em
honest, like servants in England.
The *** stole it the very next mornin'
after I had went down stairs; and when I
sold 'em I hadn't missed the money yit, so
they got clean away with it.
My servant here k'n tell you 'bout it,
gentlemen."
The doctor and several said "Shucks!" and I
see nobody didn't altogether believe him.
One man asked me if I see the *** steal
it.
I said no, but I see them sneaking out of
the room and hustling away, and I never
thought nothing, only I reckoned they was
afraid they had waked up my master and was
trying to get away before he made trouble
with them.
That was all they asked me.
Then the doctor whirls on me and says:
"Are YOU English, too?"
I says yes; and him and some others
laughed, and said, "Stuff!"
Well, then they sailed in on the general
investigation, and there we had it, up and
down, hour in, hour out, and nobody never
said a word about supper, nor ever seemed
to think about it--and so they kept it up,
and kept it up; and it WAS the worst mixed-
up thing you ever see.
They made the king tell his yarn, and they
made the old gentleman tell his'n; and
anybody but a lot of prejudiced
chuckleheads would a SEEN that the old
gentleman was spinning truth and t'other
one lies.
And by and by they had me up to tell what I
knowed.
The king he give me a left-handed look out
of the corner of his eye, and so I knowed
enough to talk on the right side.
I begun to tell about Sheffield, and how we
lived there, and all about the English
Wilkses, and so on; but I didn't get pretty
fur till the doctor begun to laugh; and
Levi Bell, the lawyer, says:
"Set down, my boy; I wouldn't strain myself
if I was you.
I reckon you ain't used to lying, it don't
seem to come handy; what you want is
practice.
You do it pretty awkward."
I didn't care nothing for the compliment,
but I was glad to be let off, anyway.
The doctor he started to say something, and
turns and says:
"If you'd been in town at first, Levi Bell-
-" The king broke in and reached out his
hand, and says:
"Why, is this my poor dead brother's old
friend that he's wrote so often about?"
The lawyer and him shook hands, and the
lawyer smiled and looked pleased, and they
talked right along awhile, and then got to
one side and talked low; and at last the
lawyer speaks up and says:
"That 'll fix it.
I'll take the order and send it, along with
your brother's, and then they'll know it's
all right."
So they got some paper and a pen, and the
king he set down and twisted his head to
one side, and chawed his tongue, and
scrawled off something; and then they give
the pen to the duke--and then for the first
time the duke looked sick.
But he took the pen and wrote.
So then the lawyer turns to the new old
gentleman and says:
"You and your brother please write a line
or two and sign your names."
The old gentleman wrote, but nobody
couldn't read it.
The lawyer looked powerful astonished, and
says:
"Well, it beats ME"--and snaked a lot of
old letters out of his pocket, and examined
them, and then examined the old man's
writing, and then THEM again; and then
says: "These old letters is from Harvey
Wilks; and here's THESE two handwritings,
and anybody can see they didn't write them"
(the king and the duke looked sold and
foolish, I tell you, to see how the lawyer
had took them in), "and here's THIS old
gentleman's hand writing, and anybody can
tell, easy enough, HE didn't write them--
fact is, the scratches he makes ain't
properly WRITING at all.
Now, here's some letters from--"
The new old gentleman says:
"If you please, let me explain.
Nobody can read my hand but my brother
there--so he copies for me.
It's HIS hand you've got there, not mine."
"WELL!" says the lawyer, "this IS a state
of things.
I've got some of William's letters, too; so
if you'll get him to write a line or so we
can com--"
"He CAN'T write with his left hand," says
the old gentleman.
"If he could use his right hand, you would
see that he wrote his own letters and mine
too.
Look at both, please--they're by the same
hand."
The lawyer done it, and says:
"I believe it's so--and if it ain't so,
there's a heap stronger resemblance than
I'd noticed before, anyway.
Well, well, well!
I thought we was right on the track of a
solution, but it's gone to grass, partly.
But anyway, one thing is proved--THESE two
ain't either of 'em Wilkses"--and he wagged
his head towards the king and the duke.
Well, what do you think?
That muleheaded old fool wouldn't give in
THEN!
Indeed he wouldn't.
Said it warn't no fair test.
Said his brother William was the cussedest
joker in the world, and hadn't tried to
write --HE see William was going to play
one of his jokes the minute he put the pen
to paper.
And so he warmed up and went warbling and
warbling right along till he was actuly
beginning to believe what he was saying
HIMSELF; but pretty soon the new gentleman
broke in, and says:
"I've thought of something.
Is there anybody here that helped to lay
out my br--helped to lay out the late Peter
Wilks for burying?"
"Yes," says somebody, "me and Ab Turner
done it.
We're both here."
Then the old man turns towards the king,
and says:
"Perhaps this gentleman can tell me what
was tattooed on his breast?"
Blamed if the king didn't have to brace up
mighty quick, or he'd a squshed down like a
bluff bank that the river has cut under, it
took him so sudden; and, mind you, it was a
thing that was calculated to make most
ANYBODY sqush to get fetched such a solid
one as that without any notice, because how
was HE going to know what was tattooed on
the man?
He whitened a little; he couldn't help it;
and it was mighty still in there, and
everybody bending a little forwards and
gazing at him.
Says I to myself, NOW he'll throw up the
sponge--there ain't no more use.
Well, did he?
A body can't hardly believe it, but he
didn't.
I reckon he thought he'd keep the thing up
till he tired them people out, so they'd
thin out, and him and the duke could break
loose and get away.
Anyway, he set there, and pretty soon he
begun to smile, and says:
"Mf!
It's a VERY tough question, AIN'T it!
YES, sir, I k'n tell you what's tattooed on
his breast.
It's jest a small, thin, blue arrow --
that's what it is; and if you don't look
clost, you can't see it.
NOW what do you say--hey?"
Well, I never see anything like that old
blister for clean out-and-out cheek.
The new old gentleman turns brisk towards
Ab Turner and his pard, and his eye lights
up like he judged he'd got the king THIS
time, and says:
"There--you've heard what he said!
Was there any such mark on Peter Wilks'
breast?"
Both of them spoke up and says:
"We didn't see no such mark."
"Good!" says the old gentleman.
"Now, what you DID see on his breast was a
small dim P, and a B (which is an initial
he dropped when he was young), and a W,
with dashes between them, so: P--B--W"--
and he marked them that way on a piece of
paper.
"Come, ain't that what you saw?"
Both of them spoke up again, and says:
"No, we DIDN'T.
We never seen any marks at all."
Well, everybody WAS in a state of mind now,
and they sings out:
"The whole BILIN' of 'm 's frauds!
Le's duck 'em! le's drown 'em! le's ride
'em on a rail!" and everybody was whooping
at once, and there was a rattling powwow.
But the lawyer he jumps on the table and
yells, and says:
"Gentlemen--gentleMEN!
Hear me just a word--just a SINGLE word--if
you PLEASE!
There's one way yet--let's go and dig up
the corpse and look."
That took them.
"Hooray!" they all shouted, and was
starting right off; but the lawyer and the
doctor sung out:
"Hold on, hold on!
Collar all these four men and the boy, and
fetch THEM along, too!"
"We'll do it!" they all shouted; "and if we
don't find them marks we'll lynch the whole
gang!"
I WAS scared, now, I tell you.
But there warn't no getting away, you know.
They gripped us all, and marched us right
along, straight for the graveyard, which
was a mile and a half down the river, and
the whole town at our heels, for we made
noise enough, and it was only nine in the
evening.
As we went by our house I wished I hadn't
sent Mary Jane out of town; because now if
I could tip her the wink she'd light out
and save me, and blow on our dead-beats.
Well, we swarmed along down the river road,
just carrying on like wildcats; and to make
it more scary the sky was darking up, and
the lightning beginning to wink and
flitter, and the wind to shiver amongst the
leaves.
This was the most awful trouble and most
dangersome I ever was in; and I was kinder
stunned; everything was going so different
from what I had allowed for; stead of being
fixed so I could take my own time if I
wanted to, and see all the fun, and have
Mary Jane at my back to save me and set me
free when the close-fit come, here was
nothing in the world betwixt me and sudden
death but just them tattoo-marks.
If they didn't find them--
I couldn't bear to think about it; and yet,
somehow, I couldn't think about nothing
else.
It got darker and darker, and it was a
beautiful time to give the crowd the slip;
but that big husky had me by the wrist --
Hines--and a body might as well try to give
Goliar the slip.
He dragged me right along, he was so
excited, and I had to run to keep up.
When they got there they swarmed into the
graveyard and washed over it like an
overflow.
And when they got to the grave they found
they had about a hundred times as many
shovels as they wanted, but nobody hadn't
thought to fetch a lantern.
But they sailed into digging anyway by the
flicker of the lightning, and sent a man to
the nearest house, a half a mile off, to
borrow one.
So they dug and dug like everything; and it
got awful dark, and the rain started, and
the wind swished and swushed along, and the
lightning come brisker and brisker, and the
thunder boomed; but them people never took
no notice of it, they was so full of this
business; and one minute you could see
everything and every face in that big
crowd, and the shovelfuls of dirt sailing
up out of the grave, and the next second
the dark wiped it all out, and you couldn't
see nothing at all.
At last they got out the coffin and begun
to unscrew the lid, and then such another
crowding and shouldering and shoving as
there was, to scrouge in and get a sight,
you never see; and in the dark, that way,
it was awful.
Hines he hurt my wrist dreadful pulling and
tugging so, and I reckon he clean forgot I
was in the world, he was so excited and
panting.
All of a sudden the lightning let go a
perfect sluice of white glare, and somebody
sings out:
"By the living jingo, here's the bag of
gold on his breast!"
Hines let out a whoop, like everybody else,
and dropped my wrist and give a big surge
to bust his way in and get a look, and the
way I lit out and shinned for the road in
the dark there ain't nobody can tell.
I had the road all to myself, and I fairly
flew--leastways, I had it all to myself
except the solid dark, and the now-and-then
glares, and the buzzing of the rain, and
the thrashing of the wind, and the
splitting of the thunder; and sure as you
are born I did clip it along!
When I struck the town I see there warn't
nobody out in the storm, so I never hunted
for no back streets, but *** it straight
through the main one; and when I begun to
get towards our house I aimed my eye and
set it.
No light there; the house all dark--which
made me feel sorry and disappointed, I
didn't know why.
But at last, just as I was sailing by,
FLASH comes the light in Mary Jane's
window! and my heart swelled up sudden,
like to bust; and the same second the house
and all was behind me in the dark, and
wasn't ever going to be before me no more
in this world.
She WAS the best girl I ever see, and had
the most sand.
The minute I was far enough above the town
to see I could make the towhead, I begun to
look sharp for a boat to borrow, and the
first time the lightning showed me one that
wasn't chained I snatched it and shoved.
It was a canoe, and warn't fastened with
nothing but a rope.
The towhead was a rattling big distance
off, away out there in the middle of the
river, but I didn't lose no time; and when
I struck the raft at last I was so *** I
would a just laid down to blow and gasp if
I could afforded it.
But I didn't.
As I sprung aboard I sung out:
"Out with you, Jim, and set her loose!
Glory be to goodness, we're shut of them!"
Jim lit out, and was a-coming for me with
both arms spread, he was so full of joy;
but when I glimpsed him in the lightning my
heart shot up in my mouth and I went
overboard backwards; for I forgot he was
old King Lear and a drownded A-rab all in
one, and it most scared the livers and
lights out of me.
But Jim fished me out, and was going to hug
me and bless me, and so on, he was so glad
I was back and we was shut of the king and
the duke, but I says:
"Not now; have it for breakfast, have it
for breakfast!
Cut loose and let her slide!"
So in two seconds away we went a-sliding
down the river, and it DID seem so good to
be free again and all by ourselves on the
big river, and nobody to bother us.
I had to skip around a bit, and jump up and
crack my heels a few times--I couldn't help
it; but about the third crack I noticed a
sound that I knowed mighty well, and held
my breath and listened and waited; and sure
enough, when the next flash busted out over
the water, here they come!--and just a-
laying to their oars and making their skiff
hum!
It was the king and the duke.
So I wilted right down on to the planks
then, and give up; and it was all I could
do to keep from crying.