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WHAT WE DO IS WE CREATE SOMETHING OUT OF NOTHING,
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES CHICAGO.
THIS IS A CITY. I CAN'T SAY ENOUGH NICE THINGS ABOUT IT.
SO BECAUSE IT WAS FLAT,
WE BUILT THE TALLEST BUILDINGS IN THE WORLD.
IT'S ALSO A CITY
WITH ITS OWN DISTINCT ACCENT AND SENSE OF HUMOR.
BECAUSE WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE,
WE BUILT THE BUSIEST AIRPORT ON EARTH.
THEY DON'T PUT UP A LOT OF BULL (bleep).
IT'S LIKE IT'S YOUR CITY,
(woman) TOTALLY YOUR CITY.
EXACTLY. IT'S YOUR CITY, TOO.
IT'S HER CITY. IT'S MY CITY. IT'S OUR CITY.
IT COULD BE YOUR CITY, TOO.
♪ 24 HOURS TO GET BACK TO YOU ♪
Closed Captions provided by Scripps Networks, LLC.
Captioned by Closed Captioning Services, Inc.
THE FIRST THING IS, UNFORTUNATELY,
MOST LAYOVERS IN THE GREAT CITY OF CHICAGO
ARE INVOLUNTARY,
BECAUSE THERE ARE FEW AIRPORTS YOU WANT TO BE IN LESS.
THE O'HARE EXPERIENCE
USUALLY KINDA SUCKS.
(Anthony) O'HARE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT.
DUE TO ITS SIZE,
ITS IMPORTANCE AS A HUB,
AND UNPREDICTABLE MIDWESTERN WEATHER,
IT'S AMONG THE MOST LIKELY TO BE LAID OVER AIRPORTS
IN THE WORLD.
IT BLOWS.
NO OTHER WAY TO PUT IT.
IN ITS FAVOR, YOU COULD DO A HELL OF A LOT WORSE
THAN FIND YOURSELF STUCK IN CHICAGO.
NO MATTER HOW GREAT YOU THINK YOUR CITY IS,
CHICAGO IS ONE IMPRESSIVE (bleep) CITY.
IT SHOULD BE NOTED THAT CHICAGO'S MIDWAY AIRPORT
IS A SMALLER, MORE REASONABLE OPTION.
O'HARE AND MIDWAY BOTH HAVE THEIR PROS AND THEIR CONS,
BUT DRIVING FROM O'HARE TO THE CITY SUCKS.
A 45-MINUTE CAB RIDE IS ABOUT 40 TO 50 BUCKS.
NOT CHEAP, BUT TRAVEL CHANNEL IS PAYING MY FREIGHT,
SO I'M NOT DOING THE MASS TRANSIT ROUTE.
SO ON THE NORTHWEST SIDE IS O'HARE.
TAKE THE BLUE LINE STRAIGHT DOWNTOWN.
IF YOU FLY INTO MIDWAY, YOU TAKE THE ORANGE LINE
STRAIGHT INTO DOWNTOWN. IT COSTS $2.25.
IT'S SUPER EASY.
I HAVE 43 HOURS IN CHICAGO THIS TIME AROUND.
I PLAN TO SPEND NONE OF THEM AT O'HARE.
IF YOU'VE EATEN IN THE AIRPORT,
BRING AN EXTRA PAIR OF UNDERWEAR, I GUESS,
IN CASE YOU BROWN OUT YOUR SHORTS FOR SOME REASON.
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK ON AN AIRPLANE
WITH A PANTLOAD OF CRAP, THAT'S FOR SURE--
I MEAN, NOT THAT THAT COMES UP,
CERTAINLY NOT WITH ME, BUT...
CHICAGO IS A CITY OF NEIGHBORHOODS,
DISTINCT NEIGHBORHOODS,
EACH DIFFERENT FROM THE NEXT,
BROKEN UP INTO A GRID ONCE DELINEATED
BY ETHNIC GROUPS WHO CAME HERE
AT VARIOUS TIMES IN HISTORY TO WORK.
THEY INITIALLY STARTED BASED ON NATIONALITY.
THE ITALIANS ALL STUCK TOGETHER. THE POLISH ALL STUCK TOGETHER.
THE GREEKS ALL STUCK TOGETHER. THE JEWS ALL STUCK TOGETHER.
CHICAGO IS A NEIGHBORHOOD CITY.
IF YOU LIVE IN THIS CITY, AND YOU DON'T EXPERIENCE
THE ECLECTIC CULTURE HERE,
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU, MAN.
TO ME, CHICAGO IS THE BEST CITY,
BECAUSE IT IS SO MUCH ABOUT ALL OF THESE LITTLE COMMUNITIES.
TWO OF OUR NEIGHBORHOODS GOT VOTED
AS THE MOST DEMOGRAPHICALLY MIXED
AND INTEGRATED NEIGHBORHOODS IN THE ENTIRE U.S.
IT'S BUILT UP OF LITTLE POCKETS EVERYWHERE,
NEIGHBORHOODS ALL OVER THE PLACE,
AND THEY'VE ALL GOT KIND OF THEIR OWN LITTLE CHARACTER.
SWANK AS ALL GET OUT, THE INDUSTRY GOLD STANDARD
IN BIG-***, COMFORTABLE BEDS--
I'M STAYING AT THE FOUR SEASONS, (bleep).
YOU MIGHT TRY LONGMAN & EAGLE
IN LOGAN SQUARE.
IT'S TOO YOUNG AND TOO HIP FOR ME,
BUT IT'S GOT AFFORDABLE ROOMS AND THE ADDED BONUS
OF 38 DIFFERENT WHISKEYS AT THE BAR.
HEY, BUDDY, MAKE ROOM FOR AN AMERICAN CAR.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT. MOVE OVER.
MOVE THE (bleep) OVER.
YOU NEED A BIG (bleep) CAR FOR A BIG TOWN.
WHENEVER I'M IN CHICAGO,
"CITY OF BIG SHOULDERS" AS THEY CALL IT,
I NEED A BIG-***, GAS-GUZZLING, MADE-IN-AMERICA VEHICLE
TO DRIVE IN IT. MAYBE THAT'S JUST ME.
IN FACT, GOOD LUCK DOING THIS YOURSELF.
THIS IS ONE OF THE TRULY MOST AWESOME CITIES IN THE WORLD.
THEY DO NOT (bleep) AROUND IN CHICAGO.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER IT'S PHYSICALLY THE BIGGEST
OR MOST POPULATED,
BUT REALLY, I DON'T CARE WHAT THE NUMBERS ARE.
IT'S THE SECOND GREATEST CITY IN AMERICA.
IT'S A TRUE METROPOLIS.
I MAY LOVE SAN FRANCISCO AND NEW ORLEANS AND AUSTIN
AND A FEW OTHER CITIES FEROCIOUSLY,
BUT THEY AREN'T MEGALOPOLISES LIKE THIS.
THEY DO THINGS BIG, BIG I TELLS YA,
MIKE DITKA BIG, MICHAEL JORDAN BIG,
BILL MURRAY BIG. OPRAH.
ONE CULTURAL MOUNT EVEREST AFTER ANOTHER.
AND YET, INEXPLICABLY,
IN SPITE OF THEIR GENERAL EXCELLENCE
IN FOOD, DRINK, MUSIC, EVERYTHING REALLY,
THEIR MOST FAMOUS CULTURAL EXPORT
IS THE APPALLING DEEP-DISH PIZZA.
IRONY BEING IN A TOWN WHERE EVERYTHING IS GREAT,
THEY'RE MOST FAMOUS FOR SOMETHING THAT SUCKS.
IN CHICAGO, WHEN IT COMES TO FOOD,
WE LIKE DEEP-DISH PIZZA. THAT'S WHAT WE INVENTED.
WE LIKE ITALIAN BEEF DIPPED WITH EVERYTHING.
WE LIKE A HOT DOG WITH EVERYTHING.
THE FOOD IN CHICAGO IS, UH, PRETTY INTENSE.
CHICAGO STAPLES-- YOU GOT THE DEEP-DISH PIZZA,
HOT DOGS CHICAGO STYLE, YOU KNOW, NO KETCHUP.
THEY HAVE THE FINEST (bleep) HOT DOG IN AMERICA HERE.
ITALIAN BEEF--
ALSO AN OBJECT OF COMPLETE
AND TOTAL AWESOMENESS.
THEY HAVE GREAT CHEFS, GREAT RESTAURANT SCENE,
GREAT MUSIC SCENE.
IT'S A GREAT DRINKING TOWN.
THEY'VE GOT GREAT, GRANDIOSE ARCHITECTURE,
FANTASTIC HISTORY OF CRIME AND CORRUPTION.
THIS IS A CITY WITHOUT AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX.
THIS IS NOT A TOWN FOR (bleep).
NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH BEING A (bleep).
JUST DON'T DO IT IN CHICAGO.
(laughing)
ON A QUIET CORNER IN THE OLD TOWN NEIGHBORHOOD
SITS ONE OF THE MOST STORIED,
LEGENDARY DRINKING ESTABLISHMENTS IN THE NATION,
A TOUCHSTONE OF OUR COUNTRY'S CULTURAL HISTORY,
A ROMAN SENATE OF ENLIGHTENED DISCOURSE.
MANY ICONIC FIGURES OF LITERATURE,
COMEDY, THE STAGE AND SCREEN,
ALONG WITH PHILOSOPHER POETS FOR WHOM RECOGNITION
NEVER CAME.
ALL HAVE AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER
RESTED, HOWEVER BRIEFLY,
THEIR NOBLE BROWS UPON ITS BATHROOM WALLS.
HEY, FAGGY PANTS, COME HERE. LET'S SING.
COME ON, LET'S SING FOR JIMMY, GET HIM UP.
♪ THEY ALL RAN AFTER THE FARMER'S WIFE ♪
♪ SHE CUT OFF THEIR TAIL WITH A CARVING KNIFE ♪
♪ DID YOU EVER SEE SUCH A SIGHT IN YOUR LIFE AS ♪
(both) ♪ THREE BLIND MICE ♪
THERE WE GO. NOW YOU'RE COMING ALIVE.
THIS IS WHERE A GENTLEMAN OF THE WORLD
MIGHT FIND A PROPERLY POURED BEVERAGE
ACCOMPANIED BY SPIRITED ARGUMENT
OVER IMPORTANT MATTERS OF THE DAY.
WHAT IS YOUR OFFICIAL POSITION
MY OFFICIAL POSITION
IS THAT, UH, MY EX-WIFE OWNS THIS BAR,
AND I HAVE SEX PRIVILEGES WITH THE OWNER.
THAT'S, UH, THAT'S MY STATUS.
PRESIDING OVER ALL THIS,
THIS KINGDOM OF GREAT MINDS AND *** JOKES,
IS AUTHOR, WORLD-FAMOUS PAINTER,
GOLF HUSTLER, RACONTEUR, ENABLER, AND BLOGGER
BRUCE CAMERON ELLIOTT.
STEERED TO HIS GOOD WORKS BY ROGER EBERT,
I FOUND MYSELF HOPELESSLY CAUGHT UP IN THE LIVES
OF THE ALE HOUSE CUSTOMERS,
LIKE REUBEN NINE TOES, CLOWN,
MRS. CLOWN, HAWKEYE, AND OTHERS.
IT'S EARLY, SO THE REGULARS HAVE YET TO ARRIVE.
BUT BRUCE'S CLOSEST PROTéGéS, KNOWN TO THOUSANDS
AS FAGGY PANTS AND STREET JIMMY,
ARE GOING ABOUT THEIR DAILY CHORES.
THOSE WERE NOT THEIR GIVEN NAMES AT BIRTH,
BUT THAT'S HOW THEY'RE KNOWN, IN THIS TOWN ANYWAY,
BY JUST ABOUT EVERYBODY.
YOUR PERSONAL PREJUDICES,
LIKES AND DISLIKES, FEATURE HEAVILY
IN THE POLICIES OF THE SALOON.
WOULD THAT BE FAIR TO SAY?
ONE THING I SAID, FRANK SINATRA WILL NEVER BE ALLOWED
ON THIS JUKEBOX AS LONG AS I'M ALIVE.
BUT I MEAN, DUDE, IT'S-- IT AIN'T THAT PERSON.
YOU CAN'T EVEN LISTEN TO HIS MUSIC 'CAUSE HE WAS AN (bleep).
NO. WELL, IT'S NOT THE-- I DON'T LIKE HIS MUSIC EITHER.
I MEAN, THAT HELPS.
OTHER THAN GREAT COMPANY, WHAT MAKES A GREAT BAR?
A GOOD JUKEBOX, FOR ONE.
YOU'D BE AMAZED. WHEN YOU GET A GROUP OF PEOPLE
RIGHT.
AND START REALLY GETTING ROUGH
AND STARTING TO CAUSE PROBLEMS.
YOU JUST WALK OVER AND PUT ON OPERA.
RIGHT.
AND THEN PRETTY SOON ALL OF A SUDDEN,
THEY JUST START, "I HATE THIS (bleep) BAR,"
AND OFF--YOU KNOW, OUT THEY GO.
SO WE ALWAYS KEEP AN OPERA ON THE JUKEBOX.
(opera music playing)
YOU COULD, IF IMMUNE TO WORKS
OF INTERNATIONALLY RENOWNED MAGNIFICENCE,
BELLY UP AT HAPPY VILLAGE IN THE EASTERN PART
OF THE UKRAINIAN VILLAGE.
PING-PONG?
EH, NOT ME.
AT THE ALE HOUSE,
FLOOR TO CEILING--
BRUCE'S WORLD-RENOWNED PAINTINGS,
CHARACTER STUDIES, AND HOMAGES
MEMORIALIZING REGULARS PAST AND PRESENT,
LIVING AND DEAD.
ALSO POLITICAL FIGURES, SOME QUITE FAMILIAR.
THIS ONE BROUGHT BRUCE INTERNATIONAL FAME
AND DEATH THREATS.
MY ONE CRITIQUE OF THE PALIN PICTURE
IS I'M GONNA SAY WITH A REASONABLE DEGREE OF CERTAINTY
THAT SHE WAXES.
WELL, I CAN SAY WITH EVEN MORE CERTAINTY,
NO? REALLY?
OLD-SCHOOL '70s BUSH?
REALLY?
NO, YOU DON'T SEE IT ANYMORE.
YEAH. YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T. YOU REALLY GOTTA TRAVEL
FAR AND WIDE, SO TO SPEAK.
HUMORLESS RADIO HOSTS, BE ADVISED,
(bleep) OF ALL POLITICAL STRIPES
ARE FAIRLY REPRESENTED.
DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN,
YOU CAN EASILY FIND YOURSELF DEPICTED
IN A LESS THAN FLATTERING LIGHT.
HERE, ROD BLAGOJEVICH SUBMITS TO A CAVITY SEARCH
PRIOR TO HIS IMPRISONMENT.
AND THIS CLASSIC PASTORAL WORK
TITLED "NEWT'S THREE WIVES."
BEING RESPONSIBLE CITIZENS,
BRUCE AND I HAVE HIRED A DESIGNATED DRIVER
TO TAKE US TO OUR NEXT DESTINATION.
HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?
YES, INDEED.
I DO NOT ENVY YOUR WORK.
HOW MANY DRUNK-*** PEOPLE DO YOU HAVE TO DRIVE?
(groans) OH, MY GOD.
SO YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE THINGS THAT'S INTERESTING ABOUT CHICAGO
I NOTICED ON THE WAY FROM THE AIRPORT--
I'M IN A TAXI, AND THEY HAVE THE LITTLE THING THERE
GIVING YOU THE PRICE.
$50 CLEANING FEE FOR VOMITING IN A TAXI.
SO I WAS WONDERING. IT'S LIKE, I CAN AFFORD THAT.
YOU KNOW... (imitates retching)
(Bruce) WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT'S ONE OF OUR PROBLEMS IN THE BAR
ARE THE PEOPLE THAT, I MEAN, THROW UP IN THE URINAL,
CHUNKAGE.
SOMETIMES YOU DON'T HAVE THOSE OPTIONS, THOUGH,
WELL,
IT MEANS A LOT OF TIMES YOU DON'T THINK IT THROUGH.
BUT WHOSE BATHROOM IS MORE (bleep) UP, MEN'S OR WOMEN'S?
RIGHT.
THAT'S PROBABLY THE ONLY REAL DIFFERENCE.
SOME PEOPLE-- NOT ME, BUT SOME PEOPLE MIGHT,
INSTEAD OF SPENDING THEIR AFTERNOONS
IN DARK, BEER-SMELLING SALOONS,
WANT TO TAKE A BOAT RIDE.
AN ARCHITECTURAL BOAT TOUR IN CHICAGO ANYWAY
MAY ACTUALLY PROVIDE YOU WITH SOME IMPRESSIVE STUFF
TO LOOK AT.
THEY'VE ALWAYS DONE BUILDINGS IN A BIG WAY HERE.
ARCHITECTURE--IMPORTANT, PARTICULARLY TO CHICAGO.
JUST HAVE A DRINK FIRST
AND MAYBE A CHEESEBURGER.
OH, OH, THERE IT IS. THE BILLY GOAT.
THANK YOU, SIR.
THE BILLY GOAT IS LOCATED UNDERGROUND
AND DIRECTLY UNDERNEATH THE "CHICAGO TRIBUNE" BUILDING,
WHICH IS GORGEOUS, BY THE WAY.
SO EVEN THOUGH WE ARRIVE AT NOON,
IT ALREADY FEELS LIKE IT'S NIGHTTIME HERE--
NO WINDOWS, NEON LIGHTS,
OBVIOUS REGULARS ALREADY SETTLED IN AT THE BAR.
GIVEN ITS CLOSE PROXIMITY TO THE "CHICAGO TRIBUNE"
AND THE "SUN-TIMES" BUILDING,
IT ALSO MEANS IT'S BEEN GROUND ZERO
FOR DRUNK-*** JOURNALISTS SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME.
JEFF MAGILL HAS BEEN PROFESSIONALLY ENABLING THEM
FOR 31 YEARS AT THIS VERY BAR--
MIKE ROYKO, NELSON ALGREN, STUDS TERKEL,
ROGER EBERT-- HE REMEMBERS THEM ALL.
IT IS A GOOD AND WONDERFUL THING
TO BE POURED A DRINK BY A TRUE PROFESSIONAL.
WHAT--WHAT ARE WE GONNA BE EATING TODAY?
(Bruce) THERE WE GO.
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.
NO FRIES. CHIPS.
NO PEPSI. COKE. DOUBLE CHEESE THE BEST.
DOUBLE CHEESE THE BEST.
DOUBLE CHEESE.
I'M DRINKING A BEER ALREADY. FRIES GOOD.
ONE MORE DOUBLE CHEESE. ANOTHER DOUBLE CHEESE.
ANOTHER DOUBLE CHEESE. DOUBLE CHEESE.
DOUBLE CHEESE.
NEXT!
CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER, CHEESEBURGER.
NO FRIES. CHIPS. NO PEPSI. COKE.
DOUBLE CHEESE THE BEST!
DOUBLE CHEESE THE BEST!
IMPORTANT MOMENT IN MY LIFE.
IF IT'S NOT BURGER DAY FOR YOU,
YOU COULD GO TO UPTOWN'S ARGYLE STREET,
TO CHICAGO'S OWN TINY VERSION OF SAIGON
WHERE TANK NOODLE AWAITS.
PIPING-HOT BOWLS OF DELICIOUS PHO
GREET A STEADY STREAM OF REGULARS.
OR THERE'S THE LEGENDARY KUMA'S IN AVONDALE,
WHERE THE LINES MAY BE LONG,
BUT HEAVY METAL AFICIONADOS
CAN FIND THE BURGER OF THEIR DREAMS,
DEATH METAL AND GROUND BEEF,
TATTOOS, MORE FINE WORKS OF ART.
FRIED EGG ON YOUR BURGER? YES.
PROSCIUTTO? CAN DO.
AND WHISKEY ON TAP.
(Anthony) OKAY, SO WHO ARE--
IF YOU'RE LOOKING AT CHICAGO, ALL-TIME CHICAGO HEROES,
WHO'S THE PRESIDENT OF CHICAGO?
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING. UP UNTIL HIS ILLNESS,
I MEAN, EBERT WOULD DRAW AS MUCH ATTENTION AS...
I WOULD SAY SO.
HE'S GONNA WALK DOWN THE STREET, AND EVERYBODY'S GONNA SAY...
"YOU'RE OUR GUY."
"YOU--YOU ARE OUR GUY."
YEAH. I WOULD SAY SO.
THE BURGER WAS QUITE DECENT.
I THOUGHT--I THOUGHT YOU'D GET A KICK OUT OF THIS.
I-I'M HAPPY. IF I WAS PICKING A PLACE TO DIE,
IT WOULD BE PRETTY MUCH-- IT WOULD LOOK LIKE THIS.
I'VE GOT WHAT, 39 HOURS LEFT,
AT LEAST IF YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO BELIEVE
THAT STUPID TICKING CLOCK DOWN THERE.
THAT SHOULD, HOWEVER, BE ENOUGH TIME
TO DO WHAT I CAME TO DO.
FROM MY EXPERIENCE, A LOT OF CHICAGO PEOPLE
ARE THE "GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT" PEOPLE.
THEY DON'T LIKE A LOT OF FLUFF, NO PRETENSION,
JUST TRUE MIDWESTERNERS.
CHICAGO'S GOT, LIKE, THIS CAMARADERIE GOING ON.
YEAH.
UNTIL YOU *** 'EM OFF.
UNTIL YOU... (laughs)
IT'S NOT "NO (bleep)" IN A HARSH WAY.
BUT FOR THE MOST PART THERE'S DEFINITELY A LEVEL OF HONESTY,
UH, THAT SOMETIMES YOU GET SMACKED WITH.
(Anthony) OH, YEAH, HANDLES LIKE A SPORTS CAR.
LATE AFTERNOON, DAY ONE.
AFTER A NICE NAP, I FEEL SUFFICIENTLY SOBERED UP
TO LOSE THAT DESIGNATED DRIVER.
FOR A GREAT CITY,
CHICAGO IS ACTUALLY UNDERRATED,
PARTICULARLY, LIKE, AS FAR AS, LIKE, YOU KNOW, HIPSTER BUZZ.
I THINK THEY EAT THEIR HIPSTERS HERE.
YOU KNOW, IT'S A TOUGH TOWN.
THERE'S AN IMPLIED GREATNESS TO CHICAGO, A TOUGHNESS.
"I'M BRINGING MY PORTLAND CREW, YO,
AND WE'RE REALLY GONNA (bleep) THEM CHICAGO GUYS UP."
NO, PROBABLY NOT.
IT HAS BEEN OVERSTATED,
BUT IT'S STILL TRUE THAT IN CHICAGO
A WORKING-CLASS ETHIC PREVAILS.
YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING HERE.
PAUL KAHAN IS A HARDWORKING GUY.
ALONG WITH PARTNER DONNIE MADIA,
WHO YOU'LL MEET LATER, HE'S OPENED HALF A DOZEN IMPORTANT
AND AMAZING ESTABLISHMENTS OVER THE YEARS,
CHANGING THE WHOLE LANDSCAPE OF DINING IN CHICAGO
IN IMPORTANT WAYS.
HIS MOST RECENT IS PUBLICAN QUALITY MEATS
IN THE WEST LOOP.
BUTCHER SHOP, CHARCUTERIE,
CENTER OF BREAD-MAKING,
THEY SELL RETAIL CUTS OF MEAT
AS WELL AS SUPPLYING HIS GROWING EMPIRE.
WE DO.
SO I CAN COME IN HERE, AND HAVE, LIKE--
YEAH.
YEAH.
AND EAT SOMETHING FROM YOUR CHARCUTERIE PROGRAM.
WAIT A MINUTE, ARE THERE HIPSTERS HERE?
IT'S NOT.
IT'S NOT.
WE HAVE A FEW EMPLOYEES WITH TATTOOS.
CULATELLO, CHICKEN LIVER PâTé,
SPICY COPPA, HEADCHEESE,
SOPRESSATA, BLOOD SAUSAGE,
PORK, AND FOIE GRAS PâTé,
TESTA, PICKLED TONGUE.
I'M EXCITED BY THE BLOOD MORTADELLA.
MMM!
JUST A SNACK BEFORE DINNER, RIGHT?
CHEERS. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. IT'S BEEN A WHILE.
ACROSS THE STREET FROM PAUL KAHAN'S BUTCHER SHOP
IS PUBLICAN.
(woman) HOW ARE YOU?
VERY WELL, THANK YOU.
IT'S A BIG, LOUD, BEER HALL-TYPE PLACE--
LOTS OF COMMUNAL TABLES, FAMILY-STYLE PLATES,
AND A TENDENCY TOWARDS PORK.
WOW, LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
HEY, HOW ARE YOU, MAN?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
CHICAGO IS OR WAS A GREAT NEWSPAPER TOWN.
MARK CARO HAS BEEN WRITING FOR THE GREAT "CHICAGO TRIBUNE"
FOR OVER 20 YEARS.
HE'S DOING WELL.
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE, LIKE, A REALLY NICE GUY,
SERVE GREAT FOOD, AND MAKE MONEY?
YEAH, BUT A RARE ONE.
USUALLY ONE OF THOSE IS MISSING.
A PLATE OF BEAUTIFUL LAKE PERCH,
ARUGULA, RED ONION, PARMIGIANO.
AH, VERY NICE.
BOUDIN NOIR WITH SUMMER SQUASH
AND ROASTED PEPPERS.
OH, NOW THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING.
FRITES WITH EGG,
BECAUSE, WELL, BECAUSE YOU CAN.
THIS IS NOT A "GO TO THE DOCTOR,
GET YOUR CHOLESTEROL TESTED IN THE MORNING" DISH.
I TOOK MY LIPITOR TODAY.
NO.
POLITICAL CORRUPTION HERE TENDS TO BE...
IMPRESSIVE, COLORFUL, CREATIVE.
I MEAN, THE STUFF THAT BLAGO WAS DOING, LIKE,
IT WAS, LIKE, ENTERTAINING, YOU KNOW.
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE READING ABOUT IT, AND YOU'RE JUST LIKE,
"OH, MY GOD, HE SHOOK DOWN A CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL."
LURID, YEAH.
YEAH, I MEAN, EMBARRASSING.
ANOTHER SMART CHOICE WOULD BE TO GO AND TRY THIS PLACE.
CHEF BILL KIM IS A SOUTH KOREAN NATIVE,
AND HIS WIFE, YVONNE CADIZ KIM, A PUERTO RICAN
WHO DECIDED TO COMBINE THEIR CULTURES TO OPEN URBAN BELLY,
A DUMPLING HOUSE.
THEIR SIGNATURE DISH-- PHAT RICE
SERVED WITH BEEF SHORT RIBS AND PORK BELLY.
AND THERE'S BIG, STEAMING BOWLS OF DELICIOUS RAMEN
WITH MORE PORK BELLY.
I'M AT PUBLICAN, THOUGH, EATING CANTALOUPE SALAD
WITH CHICORY, PROSCIUTTO, AND CHAMPAGNE VINAIGRETTE.
SPECK, BURRATA, TOMATO, AND PEARS.
OCTOPUS WITH BARLEY AND WATERMELON.
I LIKE THIS.
GOOD. THAT'LL WORK.
THE SENSE OF HUMOR IS A PRIZED CHARACTERISTIC HERE.
DO--DO YOU HAVE TO BE FUNNY HERE?
TO BE A CUBS FAN YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.
SO THAT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE NORTH SIDE
OF THE CITY, RIGHT?
YOU HAVE TO HAVE GALLOWS HUMOR ABOUT THE WEATHER.
YOU HAVE TO HAVE GALLOWS HUMOR ABOUT THESE PEOPLE
YOU ELECT TO OFFICE.
THOSE ARE THREE PRETTY BIG PARTS OF YOUR LIFE.
I MEAN, THE PEOPLE YOU ELECT AND, YOU KNOW,
ALL THE TEAMS THAT YOU ROOT FOR ARE KIND OF A JOKE.
THE NAME "THE WINDY CITY" DOESN'T JUST COME
FROM THE TOTALLY BONE-CHILLING WIND
THAT WE HAVE ALL OF THE TIME.
IT ALSO IS BECAUSE OF OUR POLITICAL CORRUPTION.
IT'S ANOTHER GREAT THING ABOUT THE CITY.
IT'S A BIG DRINKING CITY. THERE'S A BAR ON EVERY CORNER.
I LOVE DRINKING. ARE YOU KIDDING?
I'M IN CHICAGO. (laughs)
IN CHICAGO, THE IDEA IS THAT A BAR IN AND OF ITSELF,
A TAVERN IN AND OF ITSELF,
WHERE PEOPLE CAN JUST HANG OUT AND HAVE A BEER--
THAT'S CONSIDERED A GOOD THING.
DON'T MOST REVOLUTIONS START IN BARS?
IT'S WHERE COMMUNITIES OF PEOPLE GET TOGETHER AND SHARE IDEAS.
CHICAGO DOES BARS RIGHT--
SOME OF THE FINEST BARS AND TAVERNS ANYWHERE.
AH, WONDERFUL.
(woman) HEY. HOW ARE YOU DOING?
GOOD, THANKS.
THE HIDEOUT BEGAN IN 1934 AS A FACTORY BAR,
LOOKING AFTER THE ALCOHOL NEEDS OF LOCAL STEEL
AND CABINETMAKING INDUSTRIES IN THE AREA.
NOW DUE TO ITS NICE OUT-OF-THE-WAY LOCATION
AND ENLIGHTENED HOSPITALITY POLICIES,
IT'S AN ECLECTIC REFUGE FOR A CROSS-SECTION
OF LOCAL CHICAGOANS
BLISSFULLY FREE OF IRONIC GOATEES OR HABERDASHERY.
NOW, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT DRINKING.
YOU DO IT, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
THE MUTINY IN BUCKTOWN
HAS BEEN OPEN 23 YEARS,
A DEEP, DARK CAVERN OF A PLACE WHERE MUSICIANS GO TO RELAX,
TRY OUT NEW SONGS AND IDEAS.
32-OUNCE BEERS FOR AROUND 3 BUCKS,
PUNK BANDS,
AND THE MYSTERIOUS CHICAGO MALORT--
A MUST-TRY.
SPIRITS HAVE CONTINUOUSLY BEEN SERVED IN THIS BUILDING
FOR 90 YEARS,
OFFICIALLY SINCE PROHIBITION.
OWNERS TIM AND KATE, TWO MAGNIFICENT EXAMPLES
OF CIVIC-MINDED AMERICANS,
HAVE BEEN RUNNING THE PLACE FOR 16.
AS A CHICAGOAN, YOU TEND TO IDENTIFY YOURSELF
OH, ABSOLUTELY.
YOU'RE USED TO MAKING THINGS HERE.
WE MAKE--THAT'S RIGHT. AND SO THE THING IS THIS.
CHICAGO IS NOT THE CITY WHERE YOU TALK
WE GET TO WORK.
YOU JUST, LIKE, FORM A BAND AND "LET'S DO IT."
SO HANGING AROUND, MOM AND DAD SUPPORTING YOU
WHILE YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO WITH YOUR LIFE--
(both) NO.
DAY ONE-- FINALLY OVER.
32 HOURS LEFT.
THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST CITIES IN THE WORLD.
IT'S 100% WORLD-CLASS.
YOU GET A BIG-CITY FEELING WITH BEAUTIFUL TREES,
BEAUTIFUL PARKS, A BEAUTIFUL LAKEFRONT.
(woman) IF YOU'RE AN OUTDOORSY KIND OF PERSON,
OUR BEACHFRONT OFFERS KAYAKING.
RECENTLY I JUST SAW SURFERS OUT THERE.
IT WAS REALLY GREAT TO SEE THAT HERE IN CHICAGO.
(woman) EVEN THOUGH WE'RE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MIDWEST,
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THE LAKE
THAT FEELS LIKE WE ALMOST HAVE THE OCEAN ANYWAY.
EVERYBODY'S WAITING FOR SUMMER. AND ONCE SUMMER HITS,
YOU DRIVING ON LAKESHORE DRIVE, AND YOU LOOK AT THOSE BEACHES.
EVERY BEACH JAMMED WITH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.
EVERYBODY'S HAVING A GOOD TIME.
(man) OH, NORTH BEACH VOLLEYBALL.
GUYS, FINALLY AN EXCUSE TO GET AWAY FROM YOUR GIRLFRIEND,
IF YOU'RE GOING TO NORTH BEACH VOLLEYBALL.
AND RENT A BIKE.
RIDE ALONG THE LAKEFRONT. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
LATE MORNING, DAY TWO.
A LITTLE OVER 22 HOURS TO GO.
GENERALLY SPEAKING, I DON'T GIVE A (bleep) ABOUT DOUGHNUTS.
I LIKE COFFEE FINE,
BUT NOT IN, LIKE, A CAST OF "FRIENDS" WAY,
WHERE IT'S AN AFTERNOON'S (bleep) ENTERTAINMENT.
BUT A COFFEE AND A DOUGHNUT TOGETHER IS NOT A BAD THING.
AND THE DOUGHNUT VAULT MAKES, I HAVE TO SAY,
EXCELLENT DOUGHNUTS.
MAPLE BUTTERMILK. OKAY, GOOD.
AND COFFEE. READY TO FACE THE DAY.
MY PERSONAL THEORY--
DOUGHNUTS WERE INVENTED BY STALIN
TO WEAKEN OUR COUNTRY FROM WITHIN,
ERODE OUR STATE OF MILITARY READINESS,
DESTROY THE FLOWER OF OUR YOUTH.
BY THE WAY, DO NOT PUT A BURGER
IN BETWEEN DOUGHNUTS.
JESUS DEFINITELY DOESN'T WANT YOU TO DO THAT.
IF YOU NEED SOMETHING MORE SUBSTANTIAL,
THERE'S THE MORE FULL-SERVICE SWEET MAPLE CAFE
ON THE WEST SIDE OF UNIVERSITY VILLAGE.
THEY DO BRUNCH EVERY DAY.
YOU CAN GET HOMEMADE CORNMEAL
OR SWEET MILK BISCUITS AND EGGS,
HOME FRIES, GRITS, CORNED BEEF HASH,
EVEN FRIED CATFISH NUGGETS--
A LITTLE BIT OF THE SOUTH.
AND HOLY (bleep), THAT'S A LOT OF PANCAKES.
ONE OF THE GREATEST THINGS IN MY MIND
THAT I GET A KICK OUT OF EVERY DAY WHEN I'M IN THIS CITY--
PAYING THE $2.25 TO GET ON THE "L."
YOU GET A GREAT TOUR OF THE CITY
BY NOT EVEN HAVING TO DO ANYTHING
OR KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
TAKE THE TRAIN AROUND THE LOOP DOWNTOWN.
PRETTY NEAT. RATTLE-Y AS HELL.
IT'S 100-AND-SOME YEARS OLD.
IT'S ALL THE SAME CRAPPY OLD TRACK
AND ANCIENT TRESTLES AND STUFF,
SO IT'S KINDA LIKE--LIKE RIDING AN OLD WOODEN ROLLER COASTER.
(man) TRANSFER TO RED LINE TRAINS AT STATE AND LAKE.
I AIN'T TRANSFERRING (bleep).
I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE TILL IT GETS COOLER OUTSIDE.
OH, YEAH.
LET'S JUST TAKE THIS AROUND ALL DAY.
SOMEBODY DIDN'T WANT TO, UH, PAY,
I'D TELL 'EM TO GO UP UNDER THE TURNSTILE.
AND YOU GET ON FREE.
I COULD SORT OF UNDERSTAND THAT.
NO, I THINK I COULD, ACTUALLY.
YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND NOTHIN'.
(Anthony) YOU SHOULD PROBABLY KEEP IN MIND THAT USING
STREET JIMMY'S METHOD TO SAVE A COUPLE OF DOLLARS
MIGHT WELL RESULT IN A SUMMONS FROM THE CHICAGO P.D.
BUT DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO.
I LIKE MUSEUMS.
I KNOW IT MIGHT NOT LOOK LIKE THAT,
AS I SELDOM AM SEEN GOING INTO MUSEUMS.
AND OF COURSE, I DO CONSTANTLY ADVISE YOU TO AVOID THEM,
BUT NOT IN CHICAGO.
THEY'VE GOT GOOD MUSEUMS IN CHICAGO, A LOT OF THEM.
YOU'VE GOT THE ART MUSEUM, WHICH IS GREAT.
BUT YOU ALSO HAVE THE AWESOME MUSEUM OF SURGICAL SCIENCE
OF LAKESHORE DRIVE.
I'M OBSESSED WITH TREPANNING KITS.
I WANT ONE. THIS HEADACHE IS KILLING ME.
I HAVE AN INTEREST IN TREPANNING.
AND YOU ACTUALLY HAVE
WE DO, SEVERAL...
FROM ALL DIFFERENT TIME PERIODS. OH, GOOD.
BACK IN THE DAY, IF YOU HAD A BAD HEADACHE
OR WERE ACTING WEIRD OR JUST FELT OUT OF SORTS,
A POPULAR TREATMENT INVOLVED POPPING OPEN YOUR SKULL
LIKE A BEER CAN AND LETTING THE PRESSURE OUT.
FUN, HUH? SOMETIMES IT EVEN WORKED.
DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME, KIDS.
SO TREPANNING IS THE OLDEST KNOWN SURGERY.
AND IT WAS ORIGINATED IN PERU ABOUT 4,000 YEARS AGO.
SO AS YOU CAN SEE IN THE PAINTING,
THEY'RE KIND OF DRILLING INTO THE GENTLEMAN'S SKULL,
USUALLY WITHOUT ANY FORM OF ANESTHESIA.
UH, AND THIS?
THAT--THAT CAN'T BE GOOD.
BASICALLY, THERE'S A FEW OTHER DEVICES
RIGHT.
SO YOU HAVE A FEW CHAIN SAWS.
AND THIS IS ACTUALLY AN AMPUTATION SAW.
NOW I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR ONE OF THESE KITS, HONESTLY.
THEY DO POP UP ON eBay NOW AND AGAIN.
(woman) AND THERE'S ONE ADDITIONAL SKULL.
I'M NOT SURE IF YOU NOTICED IT.
BUT THE ONE ON THE TOP-- YOU CAN SEE BONE GROWTH.
SO WE KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THAT PERSON
AH.
THAT'S A NEAT, UH, A NEAT HOLE.
NO.
YEAH.
WELL, IT WAS NOT ALWAYS A GOOD THING
WHEN THE DOCTOR CAME VISITING
IN THE 19th CENTURY.
OOH, THAT'S NOT GOOD.
THAT'S A VAGINAL SPECULUM.
OH, MY GOD, IT LOOKS LIKE A PIZZA CUTTER.
OH, BLOODLETTING.
CAESAREAN.
OH, THERE'S A GALLERY THERE.
LOOKING AT THE BRAIN SLICES.
OOH, ARE THERE ANY SYPHILIS TREATMENT DEVICES
FOR CURING OF VENEREAL DISEASES?
'CAUSE THEY USED TO PENETRATE AND OPEN UP
THIS UMBRELLA-TYPE THING AND YANK IT OUT.
YOU KNOW, I'M THERE LOOKING AT, LIKE, TREPANNING KITS
AND SPECULI,
AND YOU KNOW, I SEE A JAPANESE FAMILY THERE
LOOKING THROUGH THE EXHIBIT.
AND I'M THINKING, WHAT KIND OF SICK (bleep) COULD THEY BE?
THINK I'LL HEAD BACK TO MY HOTEL,
BORE A HOLE IN MY SKULL, AND RELAX.
THE THING ABOUT CHICAGO IS THAT PEOPLE IN THIS CITY
WANT YOU TO LOVE THE CITY THE WAY THEY DO.
THERE'S SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE.
IF YOU WANT TO JUST GET LOADED, YOU CAN DO THAT EASY ENOUGH.
IF THAT'S NOT YOUR THING, AND YOU WANT TO GO
TO THE TOP OF A SKYSCRAPER, YOU CAN DO THAT, TOO.
(Anthony) YEAH, PICK A SCHLITZ.
YEAH.
(man) YEAH.
HEY, CAN I GET A SCHLITZ, TOO, PLEASE?
I'LL HAVE ANOTHER ONE OF THESE AS WELL. YEAH, THANKS.
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAD A SCHLITZ.
SIMON'S BAR
IN THE PREDOMINATELY SWEDISH NEIGHBORHOOD OF ANDERSONVILLE.
LIKE SO MANY BARS AROUND TOWN,
BORN AT THE END OF PROHIBITION IN 1934
AND OPERATING STEADILY SINCE.
DECORATED IN WHAT MIGHT BE CALLED MID-PERIOD VIKING.
OLD WOOD.
YOU WALK IN THE DOOR HERE, IT'S LIKE GETTING
A BIG, *** HUG FROM PIPPI LONGSTOCKING.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
SCHLITZ IS WIDELY AVAILABLE HERE,
SO I'M ON MY WAY.
FROM THE LOOK OF THIS PLACE COMING IN, IT WAS LIKE,
DID YOU SEE THE--
YEAH.
YOU GOTTA LOVE IT... (speaking indistinctly)
FLOWERS, THE VIKING SHIPS, THE, YOU KNOW...
WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT A DIVE BAR, YOU KNOW?
IT'S EITHER GOT IT OR IT DOESN'T.
YEAH.
SO LET ME ASK SOME OBVIOUS QUESTIONS.
RIGHT.
A FRIEND OF YOURS IS COMING INTO TOWN
WHO'S NEVER BEEN TO CHICAGO BEFORE.
UH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YEAH.
I WOULD ACTUALLY, IF YOU WANT TO REALLY GET
THE HUMANITY OF IT ALL,
I'D GO TO THE GREEN MILL AT 2:30 ON A SATURDAY NIGHT.
I AGREE WITH PAUL, AS ALWAYS,
THAT YOU SHOULD ALSO KEEP IN MIND THE TERRIFIC GREEN MILL.
AS PURE CHICAGO AS IT GETS.
MUSIC, OFTEN SWING BANDS OR JAZZ, ALMOST EVERY NIGHT.
A GREAT ECLECTIC, NON-*** CROWD.
AND REALLY JUST A MUST-GO CHICAGO THING.
THEY DON'T MAKE BARS THAT LOOK
OR FEEL LIKE THIS ANYMORE.
YOU HAVE PRESSED MEAT IN TUBES
AROUND THE REST OF THE WORLD.
WE DON'T REALLY CONSIDER THOSE HOT DOGS.
THOSE ARE WEAK IMITATIONS.
YOU HAVEN'T HAD A REAL HOT DOG
UNTIL YOU'VE HAD A CHICAGO-STYLE HOT DOG.
YOU GET MUSTARD. YOU GET ONIONS.
YOU GET THAT REALLY BRIGHT GREEN RELISH ON IT,
SOME SWEET PEPPERS OR SPORT PEPPERS,
AND YOU JUST DON'T GET KETCHUP.
DON'T ASK FOR IT, 'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT GONNA GIVE IT TO YOU.
BY MY WAY OF THINKING,
THE CHICAGO RED HOT IS THE FINEST EXAMPLE
OF HOT DOG ON THE PLANET.
THERE, I SAID IT, AND I MEANT IT.
NOW (bleep).
ME AND PAUL MEET UP WITH HIS PARTNER DONNIE
AT JIMMY'S RED HOTS IN HUMBOLDT PARK.
DONNIE IS AN AFICIONADO OF THE TUBULAR MEATS,
HAVING RUN HIS OWN CART BACK IN THE DAY.
I THINK EACH INDIVIDUAL, UM, CHICAGO NEIGHBORHOOD
HAS A FAVORITE.
AND THEY ALSO-- THERE'S VARIATIONS,
RIGHT. SO IS THIS AS FIERCELY CONTESTED
A NEIGHBORHOOD THING AS LIKE A WHITE SOX/CUBS THING?
BUT--SO THIS IS YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
THEREFORE IT'S YOUR DOG.
ONE PAYS ATTENTION TO THE TIME-HONORED DETAILS
WHEN TALKING HOT DOGS HERE,
EVERY ELEMENT,
THE GARNISH, THE BUN ITSELF.
NO ONE DISAGREES ABOUT THE KETCHUP THING.
THAT'S JUST WRONG.
OH, MAN, NOW THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL OBJECT.
NOT TOASTED.
STEAMED.
DOG BOILED, NOT DEEP-FRIED
OR SEARED ON TINFOIL.
IT'S ALSO ABOUT THE SNAP, TOO.
RIGHT.
UH, I'M THINKING THAT'S A (bleep) GOOD DOG.
THERE ARE MANY, MANY GREAT HOT DOG OPTIONS IN CHICAGO.
BUDACKI'S DRIVE-IN ON LINCOLN SQUARE--TYPICAL.
TINY SHACK SURROUNDED
BY AN ONLY SLIGHTLY LARGER PARKING LOT.
BUT MAYBE IT'S A TACO YOU NEED.
YOU'VE GOT THAT IN CHICAGO.
LOTS OF MEXICANS IN CHICAGO,
AND THAT ALWAYS MEANS GOOD FOOD.
AT TAQUERIA EL ASADERO THEY HAVE WHAT YOU NEED.
THERE'S BEEF OR CHICKEN BURRITOS, OF COURSE,
AND TACOS AND TORTAS AND THE USUAL FILLINGS.
BUT THEIR LENGUA TACO FILLING IS THE WAY TO GO.
THAT'S TONGUE, BY THE WAY, AND GOOD TONGUE.
IT'S A GOOD ARGUMENT TO HAVE, WHO MAKES THE BEST HOT DOG
BUT IN CHICAGO-- BUT THE FACT IS
YOU'RE GENERALLY TALKING ABOUT A VERY HIGH LEVEL
OF--OF MEAT IN TUBE FORM,
WHOEVER YOUR FAVORITE IS.
IT'S A PERFECT DAY FOR ME,
AND I'M--I'M HEADED STRAIGHT FOR A NAP AFTER THIS.
OH, YEAH.
I GOTTA REST UP FOR, YOU KNOW, ROUND TWO.
I SPENT THE DAY GETTING DRUNK AND EATING,
AND THEN, YOU KNOW, I'LL BE DOING THE SAME TONIGHT.
TOUGH JOB.
IT TAKES ITS TOLL.
PARDON ME? YEAH, I BELIEVE IT.
THERE'S TWO BASEBALL TEAMS IN THE CITY OF CHICAGO.
THERE'S THE CUBS ON THE NORTH SIDE,
SOX ON THE SOUTH SIDE.
I'M A CUBS GUY. WE WON'T EVEN MENTION THE SOX.
EVEN THOUGH I'M ON THE SOUTH SIDE, I'M GOING WITH THE CUBS.
YOU'RE GONNA GET ME BEAT UP AROUND HERE.
SOUTH SIDE--MUCH MORE SERIOUS ABOUT BASEBALL, I THINK,
BECAUSE THEY HAVE A WINNING TEAM MOST OF THE TIME.
FOR THE WHITE SOX TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES,
IT WAS AMAZING. WE DON'T EXPECT IT.
THE CUBS--THEY HAVEN'T WON A WORLD SERIES
I DON'T THINK THEY'VE EVER WON THE WORLD SERIES.
NIGHT FALLS.
I LOVE THE SOUND OF THAT. NIGHT FALLS OVER CHICAGO.
I'M HEADED TO MY FIFTH BAR IN TWO DAYS,
AT LEAST ACCORDING TO THAT BOGUS CLOCK ANYWAY,
A BASEBALL BAR DOWN THE STREET FROM WRIGLEY FIELD
DURING A NIGHT GAME.
THE L & L TAVERN.
GIVEN ITS PROXIMITY TO WRIGLEY FIELD,
YOU'D ASSUME IT'S A DIE-HARD CUBS BAR.
BUT IN FACT, THINGS ARE MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT.
TURNS OUT THEY PLAY BOTH SIDES OF THE CITY.
PROBABLY WISE, TOO, WHEN THE CUBS ARE GETTING
THEIR BRAINS BEAT OUT.
ALL RIGHT.
WHO ARE CUBS FANS, AND WHO ARE WHITE SOX FANS?
THE CUB FANS ARE THE SNOTTY NORTH-SIDERS.
AND THE SOX FANS ARE THE WORKING-CLASS SOUTH-SIDERS.
NOW THAT'S THE STEREOTYPE.
BUT IS--IS THAT BASED IN REALITY?
YES.
NO.
IT--IT'S AN EVIL, VICIOUS CYCLE.
NOW I'M SUPPOSED TO SHOW YOU A LIQUOR
THAT'S MADE IN CHICAGO CALLED MALORT.
ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH IT?
SOON YOU WILL BE.
REALLY?
IT IS A DIGESTIF
OH.
BUT DIFFERENT.
IT'S OLD GERMAN.
OH.
SO THERE'S A REMOTE POSSIBILITY
PERHAPS YOU COULD,
AND I'VE HEARD THAT'S NOT UNCOMMON.
THAT'S TRUE.
CHEERS.
ONE MIGHT--ONE MIGHT GO
TO THE SKYLARK IN PILSEN.
NOT ME. YOU.
WHEN I'M IN PILSEN, I GO TO THE SKYLARK GENERALLY.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE FRIENDLY, KIND OF A WEIRD, COOL PLACE.
I THINK IT WAS A BUS TERMINAL, ACTUALLY, IS MY UNDERSTANDING.
I'LL EAT THERE OCCASIONALLY. TATER TOTS ARE GREAT.
BACK AT THE L & L,
THE CUBS SITUATION HAS IMPROVED A BIT,
BUT NOT ENOUGH.
9-2, CUBS-- 9-2, CUBS LOSING.
BOTTOM OF SEVENTH.
BOTTOM OF SEVENTH.
SO WHAT--STEREOTYPICALLY, DEEP-DISH PIZZA--
IF WE WERE TO TAKE AN INFORMAL POLL OF THE BAR,
WHAT PERCENTAGE OF THESE PEOPLE
ACTUALLY LIKE AND EAT DEEP-DISH PIZZA?
HEY, HOW MANY OF YOU LIKE DEEP-DISH PIZZA?
(woman) YO.
THAT'S A BOLD--
RIGHT. SEE, THAT-- THAT WAS MY THEORY.
I BELIEVE-- I BELIEVE IT IS, TOO.
YES. THANK YOU.
GIVE THAT MAN A DRINK.
MY APPETITE SUITABLY ENTICED BY LOCAL ***,
IT'S TIME FOR DINNER.
THIS IS THE GIRL & THE GOAT,
OWNED AND CHEFFED BY THE RIGHTEOUSLY DESERVING
"TOP CHEF" WINNER AND ALL-AROUND AWESOME PERSON
STEPHANIE IZARD.
PICK UP SCALLOPS!
PICK UP SHISHITO SUGO!
AND PICK UP A TROUT.
TWO, FOUR,
6, 8, 10, 12--
THAT'S A LOT OF (bleep) COOKS IN THERE.
IT'S BIG, BIGGER THAN I EXPECTED.
BUT IT WORKS AND WORKS WELL.
I MEAN, I WAS EXPECTING, UH, A LITTLE PLACE.
THIS IS, LIKE, GIGANTIC AND AUDACIOUS.
I MEAN, IS AMERICA CLAMORING FOR GOAT?
I START WITH KOHLRABI SALAD, BLUEBERRIES,
AND GINGER VINAIGRETTE.
'CAUSE EVEN I, LIKE, NEED SOME ROUGHAGE NOW AND AGAIN.
ROASTED BEETS WITH GREEN BEANS,
KALE, AND ANCHOVY, WHICH IS PARTICULARLY DELICIOUS.
RAVIOLI OF ESCARGOT.
THIS IS INDEED A HAPPY PLACE.
SO IT'S JUST THE IDEA OF CLASSIC ESCARGOT,
BUT IT'S INSIDE THE RAVIOLI.
A LITTLE TAMARIND AND BACON.
YEAH.
WOW.
AS FAR AS FOOD GOES, YOU KNOW,
STEREOTYPICALLY, MEAT AND POTATOES--
PEOPLE WANT MEAT AND POTATOES.
BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT CHICAGOANS ARE, LIKE, JUST BIG FOODIES.
AND THEY WANT TO TRY NEW THINGS.
AND THEY'RE READY TO SORT OF GET PAST THAT OLD STEREOTYPE.
WELL, OF ALL OF THE CITIES IN AMERICA,
CHICAGO FOR SOME REASON
EMBRACED MODERNIST COOKING
TO A DEGREE THAT NO OTHER CITY IN AMERICA DID.
ROASTED CAULIFLOWER,
PICKLED PEPPERS, MINT.
GRILLED OCTOPUS WITH BEANS,
GUANCIALE, AND FISH SAUCE VINAIGRETTE,
WHICH IS INCREDIBLE.
YOU MUST GIVE, UH, FOOD WRITERS FITS,
BECAUSE YOU'RE VERY HARD TO P-PIN DOWN GEOGRAPHICALLY.
ARE YOU BORN AND BRED CHICAGOAN.
BORN IN CHICAGO. MY WHOLE FAMILY'S FROM HERE.
BUT RAISED ON THE EAST COAST.
AND I--SOMETHING, LIKE, BROUGHT ME BACK HERE
12 YEARS AGO.
YEAH.
THAT WOULD QUALIFY YOU AS A CHICAGOAN,
BECAUSE APPARENTLY THE QUALIFICATIONS
ARE PRETTY RIGOROUS HERE.
DO YOU KNOW YOUR NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR'S NAME?
SEE...
I LIVE A FEW BLOCKS AWAY. I WALK TO THE DOG PARK.
I WALK TO WORK.
IT'S THE FACT THAT WE'RE SET ON A LAKE,
AND IT SORT OF MAKES IT FEEL NOT THAT MUCH LIKE A CITY.
THERE'S JUST A LOT MORE OF A NEIGHBORHOOD, COZY FEEL,
AND I THINK WHEN I GO VISIT OTHER CITIES,
OH, NO. WHOA, WAIT, THERE'S MORE.
GOAT BELLY...
WITH LOBSTER AND BOURBON BUTTER.
OH, REALLY?
AND THIS--OH, LORD, HOW WONDERFUL THOU ART.
OVEN-ROASTED PIG FACE WITH, YES,
FRIED EGG AND POTATO STICKS.
JUST CUT IT UP AND GO CRAZY, AND JUST EAT IT.
NICE. OH, YEAH, LOOK AT THAT.
YOU GOTTA GET A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING.
I LOVE THE TASTE OF PIG'S FACE IN THE EVENING.
IT TASTES LIKE...
VICTORY.
CHEERS.
AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THE (bleep) BREAK.
(laughs)
MY FLIGHT LEAVES TOMORROW, NOON.
A LITTLE WHILE LEFT.
IN CHICAGO, I THINK WE'RE THE CITY
THAT INVENTED ITALIAN BEEFS.
AND THAT'S WHEN YOU TAKE THE SANDWICH,
AND YOU DIP IT IN THE AU JUS.
AND WHATEVER NEIGHBORHOOD YOU'RE FROM,
EVERYBODY'S GOT THEIR BEEF STAND THAT THEY GO TO.
MINE IS JOHNNIE'S, 'CAUSE I'M FROM ELMWOOD PARK.
AND I WILL PUT HIS BEEF AGAINST ANYBODY'S.
ON MY WAY BACK TO THE DREADED O'HARE,
I STOP FOR AN IMPORTANT STATION OF THE CROSS,
JOHNNIE'S BEEF,
WHERE THEY DO THE ALL-IMPORTANT CHICAGO STAPLE
ITALIAN BEEF RIGHT.
UH, BEEF,
(man) BEEF, SWEET, HOT.
AND A LARGE LEMONADE.
LARGE LEMON.
BELOVED BY CHICAGOANS AS IT WELL SHOULD BE.
SUPERBLY MOIST, SOME MIGHT SAY DRENCHED, AND DELICIOUS.
THIS TRANSCENDENTAL AMALGAM OF SLOWLY COOKED ROUND STEAK,
SWEET, SWEET PEPPERS, HOT PEPPERS,
DRIPPING WITH MAGICAL, GREASY BEEF JUICE.
AND I HAVE TO SAY, THERE'S SOMETHING A LITTLE AWKWARD
ABOUT GOING UP TO A GROWN MAN AND SAYING, YOU KNOW,
I'D LIKE SOME ITALIAN BEEF,
HOT, SWEET, AND WET, MY GOOD MAN.
TO WHICH HIS RESPONSE WAS "MAKE IT JUICY."
I DON'T KNOW.
LET US SEE THIS MAGNIFICENT CREATION.
FAVORITE SON OF CHICAGO-- OH, JESUS.
LOOK AT THIS. HOLY CRAP.
HOLY (bleep).
WOW.
IT IS A BIG, SOGGY LOAD OF AWESOMENESS.
ANOTHER EXCELLENT OPTION, OF COURSE,
WOULD BE THE LEGENDARY PORK CHOP SANDWICH
AT JIM'S ORIGINAL,
WHICH HAS BEEN MAKING THESE THINGS BRILLIANTLY
THE PREMIER PORK CHOP SANDWICH.
BUT YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL.
YOU DON'T WANT TO BITE INTO BONE.
THERE ARE TWO BEST TIMES TO EAT A PORK CHOP SANDWICH IN CHICAGO.
EITHER BEFORE OR AFTER YOU GO TO A WHITE SOX GAME
OR 4:00 IN THE MORNING.
AND WHEN YOU'RE WASTED IT'S A MUCH TOUGHER SANDWICH TO EAT,
BECAUSE AFTER ALL THERE IS THAT GIANT BONE IN IT.
I'LL TELL YOU, (bleep) THAT DEEP-DISH (bleep).
THIS--THIS IS A SIGNATURE DISH
THAT ANY GREAT CITY SHOULD BE PROUD
TO BOAST OF.
(sighs)
CHICAGO--
DONE RIGHT, YOU DRAG YOUR *** SLEEPILY OFF TO THE AIRPORT,
CHIN SMEARED WITH THE GREASE FROM AN ITALIAN BEEF SANDWICH,
BELCHING MUSTARD FROM LAST NIGHT'S RED HOT,
DIMLY TRYING TO REMEMBER TO WHOM YOU MUST APOLOGIZE
FOR YOUR PREVIOUS MISADVENTURES.
OH, CHICAGO, YOU ARE INDEED
A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL TOWN.