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Rise and shine ladies! Let's go... Rodriguez...
Demarcus....
He's a wild man...
Pitman? Hello Pitman.
Deoderant stick.... ipod phone charger...
blender...
and two ceramic cereal bowls.
You can keep those.
"ba da bum bum ba." Alright that's it kid.
Oooo I'd like to report a robbery...
do I do that now or come back later?
Stay out of trouble kid.
Dude, best rent free deal ever! I didn't leave the city, my stuff was safe, and I didn't pay a dime!
You pay taxes right?
Son of a...
ANNOUNCER: In the city that never sleeps
Hank and Alex are looking for a place...to sleep!
They made a bet to live rent free, but what they didn't know...
is what it would cost them.
3 rules: No paying for housing, No staying with friends and You can't leave Manhattan!
2 wiseguys...
1 stupid solution to a housing problem!
Squatters
I can't believe you didn't answer your phone
I didn't think it'd be that important.
THEY ONLY GIVE YOU ONE CALL!
I'll keep that in mind the next time best friend gets arrested for selling beer on a subway...
to a police officer!
You got locked up Hank?
Totally.
That is so bad ***!
I KNOW!!!
Don't encourage him.
I don't know what you're worried about. I was off the streets...
and I got a full nights rest.
You wouldn't get that at my place!
How do you do that?
I've very likeable.
So you're gonna take her home. Oh wait...
YOU'RE HOMELESS!
You're just jealous bubble wrap.
Hey, I've graduated to packing peanuts ***!
How's that working for you?
(snoring)
Smell my fingers...UGH!!!!
Were you sleeping?
Um, I was praying.
Uh, praying? Oh. You muslim? That's cool. Hey Jim!
This homeless thing is hard.
You don't know hard till you've done hard time.
You weren't even in real jail!
(O.S.) What they get you for?
I got busted selling to an undercover.
Pigs.
Tell me about it. I just got out of the bucket today.
You gotta be kidding me!
I still got good friends in there.
Me too!
(chanting) Do the crime...not the time!
You were there for one night!
You can violate my parole.
ONE NIGHT!
Easy little guy.
Ugh, I just need ONE good night of sleep.
You think you're the only one? The warmest bed I found had cold cell and toothless dominican
with night terrors....too soon?
Well you know guys if it wasn't against regulation, I could build ya bed under the bar.
Oh, we could make use of that.
Does she do this with everyone or do you have some sort of a magic wand I don't know about?
Want me to show it to you?
Could ya not?
Raincheck?
He's right, why couldn't I just put a mattress under the bar?
Rule number one man, technically we pay to be here.
C'mon man. Hypothetically speaking...
Just a little bunk under the bar..or under my cubicle...or...
Under my cubicle!
Yes you should!
Alright I'm cashing out, you coming home with me or what?
Yes he is!
(music swells) "Take me home tonight..."
"I don't wanna let you go till you see the light..."
"Take me home tonight..."
"Girl I'm gonna let you see it will be alright..."
"Take me home tonight..."
"I don't wanna let you go till you see the light..."
"Take me home tonight..."
"Listen honey just like Ronnie said..."
"Be my little baby..."
(music continues with dance beat)
(soaring orchestral music)
(O.S.) Hello?
Hello?!?!?!
Um, Hello?
Um..... Mister Stein, hey!
Alex, what are you doing here?
What are YOU doing here?
Well, I'm a partner Alex.
Oh, that's actually legit. I'm just working on this pie chart for tomorrow.
Yeah? Does it do that 3-D thing I like?
Ah, yes sir! Yes it does.
You keep up the good work Alex. You're the kinda guy we like to have around here...
You might not be stuck in that cubicle forever!
Oh no, no. I'm good. Night!
I gotta get a door!
(hand slapping noises, grunting)
Don't do the crime (laughter)
Um, DON'T do the time!
(hand slapping, grunting)
Don't... (laughter)
Here's how badly I want you to stay out of trouble...
If I find out you're in trouble again, I'm gonna come to your house and I'm gonna slap your mother...
and your girlfriend, assuming they're different people.
Uhhhhh, Oh! Hey Jim, you're fired. Just kidding.
Well guys, if it wasn't against regulation, I'd build ya bed under the bar.
We could make use of that
Oh, you want me to continue?
Uh, yeah.
(O.S.) As I run into you? (laughter)
(O.S.) Do the crime, not the tizzle.
Hold on (laughing)...you licked it like a ***.
You pay taxes right? Ouch!
Toad Hop.
Toad.
Hop.