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Captain's log:
The year is 3013.
Man has been in deep space for 300 years.
We've journeyed to distant planets,
signed a treaty with the moon people,
and established peace in the Middle East.
Now whenever mankind encounters universal threats, they rely on one team to stop it.
This team is led by a man who laughs in the face of danger
and eats fear for breakfast.
This team is humanity's only hope for a safe and peaceful existence-
CAPTAIN!
The microwave is on the fritz again!
Oh, Red Shirt!
Yes sir, I'm on it!
Welcome aboard our spacecraft, the Triumph!
We are the Space Cadets of West Seattle,
or Space C.O.W.s for short.
Let me show you around.
Here we have the command center for our vessel of truth and justice.
Here we have the ship's pilot, Officer Alan Anyguy.
Hi there Captain! Want me to tell them about what I do?
No, I think they get it. You push the buttons and, you know, make the ship move and stuff.
All I've ever wanted was to press and destroy!
It's thrilling adventure each time I've deployed!
If you ever need explosions involved in your plan,
don't ask for any guy- ask for me!
I'm your man!
And here we have Dr. Scott, the ship's medical attendant.
I'm quite the accomplished doctor.
I have 2 M.D.'s-
one from the University of Mars,
and the other from the University of Texas.
He gives one heck of a foot massage!
...and I'm hopelessly in love with the ship's first mate.
But Romeo won't ask her out!
But I can't ask her out yet...
I'm the same since we first met!
I've earned all these degrees for you...
maybe one day I'll know what to do.
Which leads me over to Commander Walker, my second in command.
I know what you're thinking. How does she do it?
How does she stand being the only female officer on a ship full of IDIOTS?!?
Well, ladies, here's my secret:
A lot of Febreeze.
Men whose heads are full of girls, explosions and playing Space Ball
Sometimes I wonder if I weren't here how quickly the ship would fall apart!
All the places I could be, all the sights that I could see-
I love my crew, I really do!
But sometimes I want to escape...
AND I'M!
No one cares!
Finally, the most important member of the crew...
The single thread that holds this ragtag band of heroes together...
A man so wildly intelligent,
so immensely strong,
so deeply passionate,
and so- well, incredibly beautiful...
that mere words cannot do him justice.
The catch of a lifetime.
Ladies~!
Captain Glenn Majors!
That's me.
You may ask...how does one look this great??
It takes hard work,
and three hours straight...
in the mirror.
While danger draws ever nearer...
You sit, and sip...
a beer or two.
or three, four, five, six even, depending on the day and the amount of danger...
And if you do this every day,
then you'll be well on your way
to being great!
and handsome like...
Me!
Me!
You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome, and you're very welcome!
and as Space C.O.W.s,
it is our solemn oath
to protect the universe from all threats across the galaxy!
Because when we band together, we are unstoppable!
Everybody has a place
in our family
Celebrating unity, it just comes naturally
Although things can get heated,
Our spirit cannot be defeated!
Long live in Purple!
You'll always have a home!
You'll never be alone-
Sir! We are receiving a transmission from an alien planet known as...
"Rekcabeur".
What?
It means we're getting a phone call, Captain.
It's a trap-
Oh, this better not be another prank call.
Great Scott!
Yes?
What?
Huh?
What?
Wait, what?
...great scott...
CAPTAIN! That sounded like a distress call.
...what should we DO?
Well, isn't it obvious?
No, not really.
I thought you were supposed to be the smart one on the ship.
DAMMIT ALAN I'M A DOCTOR, NOT A SCIENTIST!
We need to go down to their planet, and blow stuff up!
Now Alan, let's not get hasty.
We will go down to their planet, and we will try to HELP whatever creature seems to be in need.
We shall to the best of our ability provide this service on behalf of the universe.
Remember kids, it's better to use our words than our fists.
Violence is never the right answer!
...who are you talking to?
I don't know!
I guess we can try it... it worked on those circus freaks from the last planet we visited.
BUT if they refuse, it's ON!
Fair enough.
Alright, crew, set a course for- what was it again?
Rekcabeur.
Reck-a-boo-boo! Full speed ahead!