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-Ladies and gentleman, welcome to "The Love Game"!
That's where you are supposed to clap.
IF YOU DON'T *** CLAP, I WILL SHOOT ALL OF YOU!!
..Love Game. (audience claps) There we go, thank you.
Thank you, okay that's enough. That's a *** nough!!
So here today we have 1 man and 3 beautiful women, trying to
win his heart. Ladies and gentleman, welcome Shane Dawson.
Shane Dawson has been single all his life, and has never had
sex with a women before. The closest he's come was a homeless
who put on a wig, and told Shane it wasn't gay, if he closed
his eyes. Shane's favorite food is Apple Juice and he was just
released from prison for attempted *** and *** of an
elderly women named Hilda.
-None of that is true.
-But that's what my card say.
-Well, your cards are wrong.
-Your cards are wrong!
-I don't have cards.
-Then shut the *** up!
-Let's meet our lucky ladies, shall we?
-Bachelorette number 1, is Spiderwebz. Her favorite activity
is complaining and memorizing all the lines from "Nightmare
Before Christmas". She's also too cool to pronouncuate.
Spiderwebz, say hello to Shane Dawson!
-(sighs) Huh..
-Our next lucky lady is Barb. Barb is a 40 something
tatoo-artist from Kentucky, who in her free time likes to ride
dirt bikes, and kill anyone who looks at her in judgement.
Shane, meet Barb!
-Hey there Shane. Got a new piercing for ya'.
Our next lucky lady is Shananay. She's a ghetto princess from
the hood, who never graduated and still doesn't how to write
in cursiv. She can also put both feet behind her head.
Shane, meet Shananay! Allright Shane, you must ask them a few
questions, and then you get to pick your love match.
-Okay. Uhm, lady number 1. What's your idea of a perfect date?
-(mumbles not-hearing words)
-Okay.. Uhm, number 2.
-Well Shane, first you and me would take my motorcycle out for
a spin. Go around the block for a few times, shirtless, only
wearing dog colors made out of broken glass and sharp metal.
-Okay, that was graphic. Number 3.
-..Girl no, you need to go to the hospital, that sounds
infected. Girl, it ain't a pimple, if it smells like ***.
-Number 3?
-Sorry girl I gotta go, good luck, okay?
What was the question?
-What's your dream date?
-Uh, okay. First Amarion from B2K, you know the short little
middle one, with the breads. He would pick me up at his
escaley (car) right? We go down the Hollywood, maybe hit up a
comedy club, and laugh loud as ***, till we get kicked out.
Then we'd go back to his escaley (car)
and play naked twister till midnight.
-What about me?
-Oh, you could come. You could videotape it.
-Well Shane, time to make your pick.
-Okay, well they are all equally undesireable, and digusting
and unatractive. So I guess I'll just go with number 3.
-Number 3, you are the winner!
-I won!? Uh, uh. Girl, guess what, I'm a millionaire!
-No, you won a date with Shane.
-What the ***!? I thought this was "deal or no deal"?
-No.
-Then why do I have this suitcase?
-That's my suitcase! Where did you get that?
-I don't know.
-Allright Shane, try again.
-Uhm.. Number 2.
-Congratulations number 2!
-Allright!
Allright Shane, let's go get us some matching piercings.
-Wow, have fun with that. Ladies and gentleman, thank you so
much for watching, "The Love Game". And make sure to leave
a comment, or a video response, telling us who YOUR celebrity
dream date is. I will see you later, goodbye. (audience claps)
Allright, that's enough. Enough clapping. Stop clapping! Stop!
(audience stops clapping) (one man claps)
You clap 1 more *** time, I dare you! That's what I thought.
(1 clap) -Mother..!
(piercing rings) -Don't ask.
Captioned by ClosedCaptionsTV