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My pants seem to be in a weird relationship
with my sofa slip-covers.
Which are not really slip-covers, but some random bed-sheets that we found here in the apartment
when we moved in earlier this week.
And we still haven't been to Ikea
so we haven't figured this out.
So...
deal with it.
Today I'm gonna be reviewing the Golden Globe Awards'
Red Carpet Fashion!
Because I'm obviously the most appropriate person for the job!
Just look at me!
I scream style!
Fashion!
This is a lady here.
First lady: Drew Barrymore!
What is this...?
It's like... a bunch of kindergarden kids
were left alone around the dress and
(were) allowed to play with glue and
papers of different colors...
and this happened.
And she still thought it was a good idea
to wear it for the Golden Globe Awards!
... Of course!
Uhm...
The shoes are pretty, I guess...
Next: Zoe Saldana!
Oh... what are you wearing?
This is what happens when you
try to make a dress out of leftovers.
And you combine that with
very poor taste.
The shoes are... ugh, no
not even the shoes are pretty.
Her smile is pretty.
Let's give her that much.
Jennifer Lawrence!
Okay, all the possible jokes here about her dress
have already been made.
So I'm just gonna say:
Only she could manage to wear
curtains wrapped around her body
and tied with two black belts
and still look *** amazing.
Next: Uma Thurman!
She looks so defying... and threatening... and...
... ready to kick ***
if anyone so much as...
comments on her choice of clothing.
And she does a very good job at it.
Beautiful!
Next: Sandra Bullock!
More like Sandra '***'
because you really have to be *** to
wear that dress and still
be able to put on a smile on the Red Carpet
with all your dignity and...
Mila Kunis!
I'm not gonna say anything
I'm just gonna take the time
to stare at the beauty
and the gorgeousness of my wife to be.
She doesn't know it yet.
We're in love!
Suck it up.
Next: Sofia Vergara!
What is happening around your neck?
You look exactly like the evil witch
from the Little Mermaid.
Just three words:
over the top.
Olivia Wilde!
More like why did you think
this was a good decision to make?
You look like
a Christmas tree decoration.
Or just a stick made of glittery moss...
But you're so pretty...
that you're forgiven.
Alison Williams!
Where did her neck go?
It ran away with her feet, apparently...
and her dignity...
Moving on!
Kaley Cuoco... Cu-co... Cu-o-co...
I don't know how to pronounce your name.
There's a lot of art going on here.
I guess this is the result of trying to wear
a canvas for a dress.
Not necessarily a good idea.
But her hair is pretty.
Isn't it?
Next: Edie Falco!
Wha-...?
The ribbon and the fabric...
and the color... and...
She just looks like a present
you really do not want to unwrap.
Next: Emilia Clark!
The dress is horrible but she's just too *** beautiful.
So... if things don't work out with Mila
she's my second wife.
Berenice Bejo!
Or however you pronounce your last name.
You look like the encarnation of that time of the month
when women go crazy and
"period-zilla"
and she seems to be very satisfied with the role.
Good for you!
Next: Sarah Paulson!
She looks so sad...!
It's like a crying ballerina...
Poor thing...
That's all I'm gonna say.
Next: Mike Tyson!
What's happening in your blazer? Seriously, what's with the flowers?
And everything on your person...
The girl behind you is clearly
as unamused as I am...
Next!
Elisabeth Moss!
She looks thrilled...
... to be wearing a blackberry pie for a dress
Next...!
Lena Dunham!
Why did you do that to yourself?
Who told you this looked good on you?
Because you should really sue them.
Last, but not least:
Lupita Nyong'o!
Was the cape really necessary?
She seems to love it, though.
And that's it for my Golden Globe Awards Red Carpet Fashion review!
Such a long title and I said it all in one go!
I'm so proud of myself!
I am gonna celebrate it.
Bye bye!
I just cracked my fingers.