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Well since I became a widow a lot of people at first I found they were a bit sensitive
around me. I felt that they didn't know quite what to say but I understood that because
unless you are in that position you don't know how other people feel. Shirley and I
had a wonderful life, we went to school together. We had a wonderful wonderful married life.
We had two boys, one girl all nice kids. All grown up now with families of their own. About
two years ago would of been out 60th anniversary but unfortunately tragedy hit very hard. Shirley
was diagnosed with lymphoma. It then became a coincidence of tragic events at the same
time my partner now Julie, her husband was also diagnosed as a cancer patient, both at
the Mater. Well I was only 18 when I was married and I had four children, I had three sons
and a daughter. Well I think because I was married so long it certainly did affect my
identity to a certain extent in that all of a sudden instead of being one of two people
I was on my own. After the initial shock which was very hard for a while. It was different
because you sort of look and think well I've got to get out there and interact with other
people and live a life you can't just sort of hang around. Until I met up with Julie
being on your own is very very lonesome. The first six months great had the family around,
friends around, people coming in to see you everyday. I found it very hard after that
you're definitely on your own. I'd wake up in bed at night and got up to go to the toilet
and I'd look at the bed and I would call out darl where are you it was still very emotional.
I met Mervin in a grieving session at the Mater hospital, his wife died the day after
my husband died and it was really wonderful, you realize everyone's the same you know you're
not something wrong with you the way you feel. My family has been supportive of my new relationship.
I think at first they might of been a little bit hesitant but just worried about me that
I was making the right decision but no they've been very supportive. I think my youngest
son, I think he's still a little bit touchy on the subject, mainly I think he lives in
Queensland, he's yet to meet Julie. I've life long friends from the day that she found out
about Julie, came out for the comment I don't know how anyone could think of getting with
somebody else. This was rather a hurting statement. I think some people are judgmental about sexuality
in the older generation but I think it's only because there the younger people mainly that
don't understand, they've never been in that position but then again some older people
too their a bit judgmental. I think some older people think if you've been married that long
you're doing the wrong thing by your ex partner by finding someone else. I know my husband
wouldn't of wanted me to become some vegetable sitting at home mopping. You know he'd want
me to get out and live my life yeah. There's a feeling some people that once you get to
a certain age you've had it, you're on the tip. You shouldn't be doing things that you
did 20, 30, 40 years ago. I've been fortunate I've found that's not the case. Life hasn't
ended. There's not a cut off point. I'm fortunate I'm physically active, I'm physically well
now and I'm content and I think we're entitled to be able to accept these things ourselves
without criticism.