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Good evening everybody.
This is FTM Motivational Coach Jack Ori and I want to welcome you to
Own Your Body and Make It Yours.
This teleseminar is going to be
about body acceptance
for the transgender community. I have a lot of information that i want to share
with you and i also want to give you
the opportunity
to ask questions
if needed
at the end of the program.
Well, before we begin I just want to do a couple of housekeeping things.
Number one, as i mentioned there is a question-and-answer opportunity
if you are listening via the webcast
you can
put in a question where it says ask a question
and i will receive it. I will be able to check that
periodically to see if anybody has any questions to ask.
If you are on the phone right now, I'd like you push star
six to mute yourself
and later on when its time for questions and answers you can push
star six again to unmute yourself.
So other than that, that's the only housekeeping things. Sit back and relax and
we're going to begin talking about
owning your body
and making it yours.
i want to talk a little bit about what body acceptance is
and how important it is both for me personally and to people in general.
as you can see if you're on the webcast
via the slides, body acceptance
problems are extremely important.
There are all sorts of negative consequences to if you don't accept your
body
If you are having difficulty with body acceptance,
a lot of time it can cause depression -- I know it did
for me and i went through a whole stage prior to my transition where
i didn't want to
look in the mirror, I didn't want to...
but it went beyond that. I didn't want to admit I have a body!
as far as I was concerned, I was purely spirit. I didn't think about my body
I didn't look at it, I didn't take care of it.
i didn't try to groom myself, I didn't try to look nice...
all because i felt like i could not accept or stand the body that i was in.
so i was trying to act like I was bodyless.
That doesn't work.
Depression is only one of them things that can happen if somebody
doesn't accept their body.
A lot of times people have eating disorders. We read about that in
the news especially among young people but it can happen to anybody
You can
become anorexic and not want to eat at all or think you're fat when you're
actually extremely thin
or you can eat too much and then
purge it, which is bulimia or other eating orders
happen as well and as
some of you may know some of these eating disorders can be fatal.
Depression can also be fatal.
because it
can lead to feeling suicidal. 41 percent of the transgender
community
have considered or attempted suicide at one point so one of the reasons I want
to talk about body acceptance tonight
is in order to inspire you
to keep moving forward and to feel a little bit more comfortable in your life
and in your body.
The main reason that body acceptance
so important and affects us so much is because
our bodies are our tool for interacting with with the world.
Now i believe that we are all spiritual beings and that the body is the outer
shell that houses our spirit...
...but without a body
our spirit can't do anything in this plane of existence.
you need your eyes, your ears, your mind, your lips...
your body in order to accomplish anything that you want to accomplish in
the world and that's true whether your transgender or not transgender and
so
another reason that I want everybody to feel more comfortable with your body is so that we
can successfully interact with this world. We can accomplish our personal
goals.
We can accomplish a larger goal to make a difference in this world of ours.
I know that for many of us especially in the transgender community
there is so much
discrimination, there's so much hatred there's so much
feeling like we don't fit in.
There's so much depression, there's so much healing that needs to be done.
and it starts with interacting properly with the world and that requires body
acceptance.
Speaking of which,
Iknow that a lot of you
probably feel the way i felt when i first heard about body acceptance.
Prior to my transition which has been about a year ago
I could not think about body acceptance. I was sharing with somebody today
that
I
was...
It was suggested to me to do some
work about loving my body and at the time i thought
what you're talking about how can I love this body, how can I look in the mirror when
I have a female body and i'm male??
and
so
a lot of times we feel like
I'm going to transition and then I'll accept my body
and that's not actually how it works.
Accepting your body doesn't have to do with abandoning
gender transition
but it does have to do with accepting who you are
you can then move forward and decide what you want to do with your body.
Now that being said I do want to share a little bit more about why I'm
doing this particular workshop tonight.
I was a couple weeks ago doing some research on body acceptance.
I was going to post some articles and resources for all of you before I even
thought about
doing the teleseminar and I found that that there was
nothing...
Now if we look up body image or body acceptance will find lots of things
about
how women can accept their body more
or about
how you don't have to be thin to be beautiful or don't have to be a certain
color certain height or certain
anything but nothing specifically for the transgender community and I'm not
saying that the other things aren't important because they are
So if you're on the call because your
in one of those groups are not because you are in the transgender group you're
still totally welcome here and i hope you get
a lot
out of it. But there is nothing for us
and
when i tried to look up transgender
body issues all i found were some sites with wrong information like
calling a trans woman a man and misgendering people and a
couple of things from religious sites saying being transgender is wrong, which by the
way it's not
in case
anybody was wondering
but nothing that can actually help us rather than hurt us.
and
I want everybody
more comfortable in their own skin and i want people to be able to
succeed and thrive and do all these wonderful things that we are able
to do
and so
if I have to be the first I'm happy to be the first because I want to be
somebody
who is the one of those resources who can help you navigate
through
the whole process of transition including
body acceptance.
I'm happy to do that that was something I do as a life coach. I do one on one
sessions too. But tonight
i want to talk to all of you
and to guide all of you towards greater body acceptance.
As I shared a little bit earlier
I was very depressed before I started transition.
because I felt my body identified me at the wrong gender.
No matter how I dressed,
no matter how male I thought I looked,
I was invariably called ma'am or miss or she...
and
it was driving me crazy and I felt like
no matter what I did it was always going to be that way and I was always
going to be invisible and that i could never be seen
and
I even considered suicide! Fortunately I was not one of the ones
who considered it seriously. I never had a plan or anything like that...
my thinking never went further than that,
thinking i wish i could just cut out all the male part of me and be female like
everybody expects me to be and everyone sees me as.
i did have both thoughts and who knows
without the proper help how far it would have gone.
and I'm here tonight because I believe that body acceptance can save
lives
and
I just wanted to share with you that I have been down that road
so I am not just
saying things because intellectually they seem right or because
i think that's the way it like for trans* people.
I have experienced it myself and so I want to share
not only my journey but I want to help guide you on your journey.
Some of the issues that transgender people
face are a little bit different than that the issues that other people
face when it comes to body image. Everybody who deals with a body acceptance issue
deals to some degree with looking in the mirror and not liking what they
see and wishing it was different
and that's true whether transgender, cisgender
or agender
and even if you basically have
a good sense of your body and you have
the kind of acceptance of your body that you want
very often
there's something about it you want to change.
but when it comes to transgender people i think that's another layer involved
i think that our anger and our disgust and our
uncomfortableness with our bodies
have to do with the fact that our bodies don't matter our identities.
As I shared a little bit earlier
i wanted to pretend that my body wasn't mine. I wanted to pretend I didn't have a
body because
my body as far as I was concerned concerned was betraying me. Here I was a male and my body
was screaming to the world that I was female and it was driving me insane..
so
I was disgusted by it . I remember
trying to do a body acceptance
exercise which is similar to one I'll share with you all in just a little bit
in which
i had to look in a mirror
and look deeply at myself and breathe deeply and
smile and feel comfortable and i could not do that. Even the thought of doing it
disgusted me because i thought how am I supposed to look in the mirror
when don't youunderstand, I'm transgender and I have the wrong body and though I
think that's an issue that our
community often faces
in fact
it's such a widespread issue that
it has a name.
A lot of people call it
gender
dysphoria
and
what gender dysphoria means is
you
do not
feel like you
body matches
your insides and so
as a result you feel a lot of discomfort and a lot
of
inability to
deal with your body and as a result for a lot of us we just can't
look in the mirror
at all
and I think that it's important to acknowledge that
it's something that's real; it's not something that's just in our heads.
A lot of times we approach body acceptance as the idea that
I just have to accept that I have a female body or a male body and
that's the end of it.
So I want to reassure you that acceptance is only the first step.
Acceptance does not mean that
that we
feels so totally comfortable with our body that we don't need to transition any further. It
could mean that for some people.
I know that for me now that I'm on hormones i feel so comfortable my body that I
don't feel like I want to go further.
Other people may not feel that way. They may feel they want to get
top or bottom surgery and that's okay
because
body acceptance does not mean abandoning transition
and if you think about it logically
it can't mean that because if it was true that all we had to do was say
that we're comfortable with our bodies
and
it's okay for me to be male in a female body or for you to be female in a
male body
then
there'd be no need for anyone to transition. That's getting dangerously close to
what some people think
when they think that they can talk people out transition or give them
therapy
to accept the gender they were born as and so on and so forth.
so that's not what we're talking about here.
we are talking about three things
number one
acknowledging your body is yours. I'm going to keep saying that over and over. Your
body is yours and i think that at the most basic level
this is what's important
because when we're dealing with gender dysphoria and that we're dealing with
the idea that
we
feel alien in our own body there are two ways to go with that
well three with the acceptance but there are two ways we can go with that until
we figure out how to achieve
the acceptance that we need to achieve
one-way
do what
i was talking about earlier pretend our bodies are not our own
and that
is a really weird state of mind -- it's hard to explain -- where you feel like
completely alien and alienated from your body
and
as far as you're concerned you don't really have a body; you don't want remember
that you have a body you don't want to
do even basic grooming; even things like brushing your teeth can be uncomfortable
because that would mean acknowledging that these teeth belong to you which belongs to this
body which you don't like.
and so it is very important that no matter how much we hate our body
we acknowledge that our body is ours.
The other way to go if they think okay is that the body and in nablus angled
keeps changing
that body
al
that's a step above not even acknowledging your body is yours and it
does show a minimal amount of acceptance m_f_n_ federal transition is but i do
want to offer alternative perspective
and the
the alternative perspective that i want to offer
is
we are not changing to a different body we are
if we use hormones or surgery or any other means of difficult transition or
medical transition
we are modifying our bodies comfort them more in line with
what we want to fee in the mirror
but we are not putting our spirit into a different body of his still my body
even though it had even though it's a different than it was before i started
hormones
it's still my body and modifying it and the return i want to make that change in
perspective and we'll discuss this away in a little bit more in depth
a little later armor
into that
i did
i feel that body
saying
hunting team led by unseating into a different body and sinking into amana
body orange changing my body to a female body
in some way we are denying that
our identity that were real before we
started transitioning and
i don't think the proposal tradition is to govern ourselves into a man or woman
i feel
or or into a denver *** person i think
that we are already are who we are i'd think that i was now
long before i'd started transitioning
uh... the purpose of transition for me is to d evil to look in the mirror and c
what's looking back at me
matching the vision in my head of who i am
and that further proof that the transition as reflecting kind of basic
level we do want to accept
the body we have now is ours by transitioning we have to think of
modifiable we are not switching bodies or anything like that
abadi some big part of body acceptance that i keep reading up over an over over
is the ability to look in the mirror
ideals short little third day of
some tram folks before i could just tell us how men are and when i asked them how
they felt about their body
one of the most common answers what i can you can look in the mirror and
identified with that because that's how i felt win i
and not transition yet
uh...
island terrible period of time where i
swept in my clothes that night because i couldn't deal with the vintage num off
because then
i would feed money
i would arlette
my female
uh... staff that would bother me
and so i don't even want to be do that much and i certainly can never look in
the mirror and look at that shift for any length of time because that really
really bothered me and upset me
and
it may be very uncomfortable so part of
what it was for me cannot accept my body was i hid from errors sometimes if i did
look in america i would have a feeling of that's not me
um... other times i would just want to walk away and discuss and i know a lot
of trans people are feeling that way
i know a lot of you are feeling ellie into your body to relate you don't
belong in that spot any i do want to reassure you
that that can change
the way to make it seem to different for every person and though with this is not
uh...
seminar on the how the transition and i really can't make an hour long seminar
on how the transition because that is something that's very
individual and very different for each person
but i cannot i'm sure you
that transition actually start with body acceptance and know that sounds
paradoxical on some of you may be saying i don't want to accept my body because
of
it having the wrong things on it
but again
on the potty acceptance need to dig knowledge saying that this is the body
that you have right now this is what it looks like right now
i want to acknowledge that you can make the decision to change it but when we
are
facing transition that we're thinking about transition
we want to come from a firm foundation
you don't want to make decisions about transition out of pain or fear because
then you might make
a decision that is not what you really want flake before act or hormones i
definitely want to go all the way i wanted to have top thirty area i want to
have a hysterectomy
identified about general surgery down there because that
didn't seem like something that
was really realistic but i wasn't sure
now that there are four months for a year i don't feel like taiwan pop
surgery
i and i don't want a hysterectomy an act of course
again everyone befitting the different and i'm not saying you're captive going
to be the same as my path
but and saying that
acu transition
part of your transition is really is psychological and carter transition is
getting to know more
what kind of body you really want to add how far you want to take things
at the very personal decision until we want to start on a firm foundation we
don't want to start by
immediately saying i want to fifteen minutes
and
jumping into it and i think that body acceptance is part of being able to slow
down and make that decision
i think that's
by
slowing down relaxing trip night what my body is now
you can take one step at a time of death retake every step that once and you can
make the decisions that are right for you
and so
i really encourage you guys to be able to work in the mirror a little bit and
to everything molitor body of your even if you can't
quite fathom it even if you don't like it
acknowledging that the mutilating it just means enlarging it just means
saying this is where i am
and it is what i want to go
we can't start from
typically other go where we are
and so tonight is about
learning to accept this is where i am
the third thing about body acceptance
is by the acceptance and this is really important to me
needs refraining from unhealthy or destructive treatment of your body
there are many many many trans people
who
use alcohol or drugs or other unhealthy thing
in order to numb the pain
and
yeah i
monthly bill just a little bit into what
but that doesn't
uh... at a later date i may do one shift on the they've done they do a tougher
the largest are addictive and uh... composers because i think that's a big
problem in our community and i know that it's a challenge that i can help people
list
but rebels
home
what happens is sometimes we feel
so much keener over who we are as opposed to what our body looks white
we don't know how to file for and so
instead of
trying to
he move towards better feelings if we feel like me the motions are forever and
we can't do anything about it we don't that we feel powerless
the only chile
left to listen to numb the pain and a lot of time
what we do is alcohol
drugs
other addictions some people may
sapa compulsively or gamble compulsively or
do other things that the felt destructive thorough as far as our body
acceptance goes i've believed that
that negative treatment a lower body and i don't think that because that's a
value judgment but negative in the fence that smaller best interest of the can
physically affects a logically harm us
um...
i believe that some part of body acceptance issue because i think that if
we know
that this body is hours and it's the only
they know how to their spirit in this particular wife and matched armor
we cannot survive in our spirit cannot continue to function in this clean of
existence without
our body
then i think we tend to treat our bodies better and we tend to of waiting blake
alcohol drugs cutting although things they can harm our bodies
so anchor to
iffy anchor to if you are struggling with any of these negative or
self-destructive behaviors
to stop for as long as you can
i know that it's not something that you can just stop automatically and i went
expect anyone to with usually something that does require
help from a therapist or coach and
uh... i'd be very open to talking to people one-on-one about that but
stop for as long as you can because
you've got to start eating your stuff respect for your body somewhere
in order to build greater acceptance so that you can make the changes that you
want to make
and again the remember we're not talking about abandoning transition we're not
talking about
i'm going to except this is the body i have uh... i'm not going to modify it
and all i'm saying is that we're going to start for a foundation of the few the
body that i have right now and this is where i want to go with that
okay
fellow
now that we're about the halfway point and i've been talking about
what body acceptances
family law might be wondering okay the file found great
now what do we do
and know that the next thing i want to talk about it i want to share with you
some of the strategy that i have used in order to increase by owned by the
acceptance
the very first thing that i'm going to recommend
is that
you arms
set timer
because one i about to tell you do into look in the mirror and i know some of
you with any other dot i can't work in the mirror
as i scared of how i felt when i look back to work in america lake
doesn't get and transgender
so if you're thinking till you get and transgender yes i did get it and that's
exactly why i'm telling you this
the first thing i want you to do with look at the mirror in the mirror and i'm
not saying look
for ten minutes or twenty minutes or our order today
or anything like that starfish shortest period of time
if you don't think you can event all try thirty seconds if that's too much go
back twenty second ten seconds even if it's just for a second
where what i what you do is
use the same amount of time eats
days per week
maybe when you're about to take a shower or where you're getting ready for bed at
night or something like that
what i want you to do
it i want you to fit their time reporter for time you've chosen let's say you've
chosen fifteen seconds
set your timer for fifteen seconds no cheating nabil started before you look
in america
and i want you to
look directly into america
looking here i a m
and i want you to move slowly
and look
as much of her body and period
and as you're doing that
i want you to breathe deeply
healthy each breath in the and what you feel yourself
fix fat
with each breath out
i want you to figure it out my body
and i want you to do that for a week now you may find it difficult to really find
it uti
after a week and what you to reevaluate if it's starting to get easier i want
you to increase a time
if you did fifteen seconds
this past week
then the next week i wanted to go up to thirty th second
now for some of you know
it may not be easy edaw followed you may feel like
even if mike is too much
and
it's makiel
i have to look like for you as well
an activist goes for everybody
as you're looking you may feel discussed
or
he created or lake you wish to procure body was different all of that is ok
because remember we're going for acceptance of acceptance means
not only by the acceptance but awful acceptance of our feelings
and fellow
why i want to do
i want you
to looked for something very specific
cific
in addition to looking at yourself i'm likely to be on the lookout for parts of
her body that do reflect her gender identity
because nobody
looks completely mellor completely female
and when you're transgender both little telltale sign
people who are sick and really like oh my god it makes it look like the other
gender
it um...
reversed for you
bulbule telltale signs of most people
that september people don't want to know once you do want
so what u when i want you to do it didn't look for them
imperative
something very mal
even if it's just
the your height is more like the height of your gender or the shape of your here
british shape in particular feather eyebrow or how thick your hair is or
isn't or house softer skin either isn't ordered away from ohio
for the way you hold your stuff when you're standing up for the fact of your
hand
i think a lot of all i think you will get the point
those kids show now mentor femaleness or other illness
as so what i want you to do you'd look for those
*** make a point of it
if you're feeling therefore today
ganic ghosts that you're timer for however long is the fact that set of
core
and make a game out of let me see how many parts of my body i can't find that
match my gender identity
might want to write some of these down
you might want to take your journal afterwards in fact anchored everybody to
have a journal
and i encourage you
uh...
too
right about your feelings after doing this exercise after you've done your
thirty second tormentor whatever take out your journal i'm don't interest
operate exactly how you felt
you hated the exercise do you wanna cursed me up brisbane for you to do that
that's okay
putting your journal
ahm after you felt like
fifteen-second lasted for three years
about a year ago
you with the prelude
to find that
you actually like the way you with today definitely put that your colonel
and when you're doing this second part of the feckless flies when you're
looking for body parts that reflect your gender identity
it's extremely imported state u
write about it afterwards because
these are the things that are they keep you going
if you write
in your journal about how you like the way your face what's become that looked
very feminine or very masculine to you
data on another day when you're feeling depressed
you can read it over
that before we can have your journal
i want you to have
a record of but you actually feel because our mind said the trick
our minds tend to make it
thinker everything is absolutely negative and absolutely that all the
time as but what happens is
when we
rethinking both of them papa below i will never be seen
bean as malam everything the female
after we need a reality check
sometimes part of a reality check your going back and looking at with what
we've read and down
and we welcome you to be saying i have
seven
things about me that show my actual gender back to really help
tip the balance so that you don't feel like everything is bad
i think you feel like this from hope again
once you feel like there's hope
there's nothing you can't do
well
well i i want q to encourage you do is again
summarized set your timer look in the mirror
notify you feel
if you're feeling very negative
spoke at the on parts of her body that
actually reflect your gender identity
make sure your breathing in and out
as you're looking and saying to yourself except
my body
accepted
my body
i keep doing that
then right in your journal about it how what you try that for at least two weeks
and see how it feels c l_ that improves your body acceptance
the next thing i want
to encourage everybody to do if indeed in greater self-care
now
if it something that i'm still learning even though a year and i'm getting a lot
better about my body during the whole time that i was
uh... the press i was a really taking care of my body very well
i was
souring once in awhile when it occurred to me that well i'd better do that
because you're supposed to
a look at you being very good food
i wasn't doing anything special to take care of myself
and
that that lead to more depression and more body rejection
quick update
opposite is true to when you take care of your body you tend to feel more do
you think that body
now
again i wanna empathize i'm not
saying
take a shower to be like yourself and forget that your mala forget that your
female we all know that's not how it works
but
what i am saying
if that's out there it's very important
there are certain things everybody should be doing no matter who they are
and no matter how hopeless the situation is
number one
it's important for us to be eating healthy food
uh... i went through a time where i don't have a lot of money
and i basically with eating potatoes morning noon and night because i do
think that i can afford better food
and that had an effect uh... means physically and a half day coming that
the lead when you don't eat the rate food
what happens the latvians that
you start having weird kind of
depressed thought because your body if this new create deficient in your brain
just as a running properly
so healthy food
uh...
lots of fruits and vegetables after watch the carpet sugar i definitely like
any alcohol that you're drinking
because
if you put the right nutrition in your body it will help you feel better
admit when i found that the more that i take care of my body the more i_d_
properly and you feel the other things and i'm about to mention in the car
the more likely it is that i'd want to feel like a i really am workman
at the end of the day that football this is about
we talked about body except him
but i actually don't think that there to really get the bodies spirit split
yes we have a theory a_t_f_ the body have other spirit and yet to be in her
life her spirit you going to be ternal
even when the body no longer you functioning
black
high arctic don't believe
that
nobody in our spirit while we are living the flights in this plane of existence
arcana fused together
and fellow
and so i think
that uh...
i think that landed um...
we take care of our bodies
uh... we automatically start to feel like katya high at the complete person
i'm worth something
we don't feel like my body for thumping electorate isn't a record for something
that my body isn't
if the complete package info everything and encouraging you to do today
is really based on the idea that
we want
you to feel happy
healthy and peter who you are most important
padfoot fell fifteen at the lake
you're worth something and not feel i'm transgender storm worthless on
transgender selected impossible all both the press kind of things
and win
i found for me that were more like a care
of the basics like eating healthy food
drinking enough water for me that the big one nine
tend to forget the drink water and have to
remind myself arrest i want to remind me several times a day uh... in order to
make sure that drinking water
uh...
but that helped me feel moral
uh...
were worthwhile and
definitely
at n_p_r_ hygiene you know in addition to taking showers
do whatever date that you want to do to take care of your skin and take care of
your hair and
uh... both of you who like makeup uh...
farm a couple it
pretty or handsome
you know there are going back to where we can feel i'm not one of them black
calm
uh...
but that something that you're into deftly didactic you know the more
that you attend to this show
and you make yourself
what tonight to europe that affect him
the more you're going to feel
late you are worthwhile
and
uh...
difficult thing for if you're depressed because you feel like you can't accept
your body or feel like everything's impossible order trapped in your body
your
its body is just not right
you really may have to push yourself
uh... you may have to
deal a couple of things you know
*** supporters of the first you may have to well ag used to do with a
thoughtful magnify schedule
um...
and i had to
get up in the third time every morning and i had to exercise their neck
i had to eat you healthy breakfast and i have to take a shower and that was my
morning routine that i just made something that i just required to do and
after a while became taken major i i think about anymore
sometimes when you're depressed
because of her body acceptance or lack thereof
that's really what you need to do you really need to
push yourself
ania fuel are still not committing you're still a key employer my body is
just not right
i do want to remind you if you want to transition the you need to have a
healthy body because transition
in the medical thing and in order to be on hormones you have to have
that physical help their order with damaging things that your body's going
to go through
and a trend attacked them
bloodwork done everything club
to make sure that the liberals are not
interfering with my liver
four
my heart where my kidneys or anything else
i need to get my cholesterol checked and you get a whole bunch of things check to
make sure that i'm helping
your gas to do that too
because the hormone fixed uh... teacher physical hopper matter which way you're
going so if you want to transition safely you've got to be healthy enough
to do you feel
if your doctor dot the it visited a basic physical exam
and finds that you are not
uh... achieving a peace plan that helped you may not be able to transition
medically may not be able to take hormones any may not be able to after
surreal and i think i'll be a permitting that you do have to get healthy first
which is another reason why this so important to accept your body because
we cannot
um...
transition without dealing with my physical body so
yet make sure that you're showing your stuff for your worth something you made
your body is worth something but i
taking care of her basic self-care
and made protecting your health so that you can transition there have a
happiness that you get there
though
i do want to talk a little bit more about what transition actually is
as i mentioned earlier
body except it has nothing to do with preventing your stuff you don't need to
transition
i know that uh... confused because there are so many people
in the world who think
stepping transgender is a mental thing
uh... and again
body spirit mind i think they're off to used while we were in the plane of
existence
and so
if not octane words like
wall one thing or another black
your body symptoms within importante part of your transmission
if not i think where you can wake up and say you know what i'd feel like a guide
but
i'm just going to work on that and the cliff i feel like a woman into the work
that way
so
when i'm tied up body except that i'm not talking about the names
call i'm glad that god gave me the body fell i'm not going to transition angle
to forget about you weird feeling fat male or female
that's not all that about
transition is actually about is accepting the future body now and
looking at where you want to go from here
and i keep saying that
over over during the famine or because it is that imported
uh... perspective that i want to offer you
is
transition into the battle
test your body
data anymore and it's about just a reminder chester spirit at the ballot
creating
comforted happiness for yours
uh...
when you transition what you're doing if you're saying
okay
i feel mellor female or
what it would gender *** or whatever
and in my head
this is what i want to fee when i look in the mirror
and now i'm going to modify my body to make that happen
what transition is about
i think a lot of time
for a lot of people we get confused because of the fact
other people don't yet that the gender that we are
and so it can get very confusing because
we feel like this all i need to transition because i'm tired of being
called mam or sir when that's not right
and people never see me at the gender that i am so i'm going to transition and
that is part of why we transition but that is not the main reasons
a lot i really encourage you to do
if it ain't your perspective a little bit
your body if you're in
and what you want to do if you want to modify at too
um... lake used up the in the mirror what you want
fifty
because alternately
it and not others people validated that they cut
transgender or not transgender
it is
what we feel inside
i'm not amand because i'm a hormone brenham amich nine of them
someone who is listening and tonight is
uh... trans woman he is not a woman because she had surgery
oregon hormones is a woman because that's who she is and that's true
whether or not anybody sees it
but
that being said
it's one of those things where bifid bility is in need
and what we need to do is we need to
become beatable to worked out yet that the first
step we need to validate ourselves and no deep inside that we are who we are
and i think that the most important part of transition
if you've received all of this and i think that body acceptance
or accepted our identity or whatever you want to call it
is really based on
accepting who we are inside and i felt acceptance of a big part of our
self-esteem
but
we do need
but that does not mean that we don't want our affect a matter of course it
hurts and it's in validating women
other people told
that we see ourselves
um...
and so that is something we want to considerable what i'm encouraging you do
tonight if teacher perspective it's just a little bit i want you
too
start faint here itself not
what do i need to do to make other people feeney of a man or woman
but what do i need to do to make
my image of myself in minor look like
also in the mirror look like what i feel my head
that's on the realtor beauty of transition if it's a very very
self entertaining and i'm not saying that you know
negative way i think it's very positive that we are
trying to be true to ourselves in a very on a very deep level
and
what i want you to think about i think sometimes thinking about that can help
body except of as well
sometimes if you're feeling depressed or who only because
you feel like nobody cv with the gender that you are in the wrong and they are
always going to get the standard
what i want you to do it i want to ask yourself
if i didn't care what anybody else bonafide only cared what i thought
how bite
i want to change my body
and if you do that
then you can get more of a handle on the recent public on the transition you do
want because
your transition may not be
to uh...
to a typical female or male bodies not everybody wants that
but we think they kendrick
at something that you have to decide on a personal basis and you can only decide
that
uh... the foundation of by the acceptance
we've got about fifteen minutes left i'm going to wrap it up and talk for a row
another five minutes selecting if you guys are cancer ask any questions that
you want to act
and a big thing
uh... i want to encourage you is to be consistent
don't from expect her stuff it seems altered overnight body acceptance it the
hard topic
walked by faith restaurants people like i mentioned at the beginning
it very it can be very difficult for us even to look in american consider body
acceptance which in uae
we've got to have
not only that new perspective of
if if the foundation for my transition both got to keep doing the things
consistently
when i talked about
looking in america
don't do that for one day or two days then forget about it
try to do that for two weeks
follow it and see how you feel the more you do it
they're more likely you'll are to accept your body and the more that you accept
your body the better you'll feel them a better position you'll bmx to really
transition and to become who you want to be physically mentally and spiritually
what i want to leave you with if you take one thing away from the fella
familar tonight
you don't need to wait for your transition to cook d complete takes
after body you may need to wait for your transition to be complete
to feel completely comparable unlike your body it will be noob
completely the way you want that that that doesn't mean that you have to be
alia needed for your body you feel like your body you think your annex
all of those paying
just because you're in transition or because you have in store your
transition yet or you haven't finished it yet so p consistent
keeps moving forward
you cannot
improve your body accepted right near at right now
everybody can hopefully come away from the feeling a little bit more positive
than they did in the past
and just keep working i_q_ moving forward
if you need additional help what body acceptance
there are a couple of things that you can do
secret gimmick is a hard topic and i don't expect anybody to
deftly prepare a family thing and i completely accept my body of is a
process and it will take time to that
a few took a transitional off that
dollar is going to take time to take effort from time to take moving through
pain and you may want some help with that
the first thing i would recommend
is
after friend to help you be accountable for making healthy choices
i have people that i am accountable to
i don't uh...
get up in the morning and automatically do everything i should do because i
still have my own struggles with body accepted
and i'm trying to md make them a healthier choices myself and i'm
changing my diet and how much water a creek in all of that
in order to improve my own by the acceptance and my on health
and fell in hell for me
to have
some people in my life will impose too
um...
who will have to me
if i am from clearwater today or remind me end
that kind of thing
you can do that to ac your friend
your
significant other or somebody that you track
bellevue be accountable explain what habits are trying to came to an asking
them to check in with the llc
if you are struggling with the whole lyrics in fact of the very beginning a
buddy accepted i would recommend
getting an accountability buddy
who you can who check in with the make sure that you're looking in america
now of course if only worked if u are completely open and honest
and the reason i say that if they cut it can be very tempting if u
how someone checking in with you too
failure i looked in the mirror when he did do it all
back not give you any good you need to be
makes curators are left with the person even if your marriage
and even
and they need to be somebody that is willing to pay okay it's okay now what
happened or that's right i think that or whatever
s you don't do your new habit that you were
trying to do
so
definitely though accountabilities import again accountability buddy
try your friend
uh... the unexpected cadets
is that your feelings need some out west
called after having negative feelings about your body or any other aspect of
your identity
if your transition is not going well right now
uh...
near you now with real feelings a lot of times people think that what they need
to do
is jeff say
okay
low estimate is that with my left knee
that that that really works
being positive is great
phony it doesn't doing much good for you because you're a motion are telling you
what you need to do
your emotions are telling you if you're feeling better compressed that something
is wrong in your life but you need to find the solution
and so
i would recommend finally come out with i have a big fan of creative outlet
rating i mentioned
keeping a journal
uh... when you're feeling well and down after a very important part
of uh... of journaling you need to
and anything you need to the one thing you might feel is open your journal
and make sure that you are getting those feelings out
if you don't like to write i'd like to know if some people don't like to write
because they don't feel like if they're paying or they don't feel like they're
good at her whenever
there were other way
drawing or painting uh...
uh... other visual art
are also waiting you can
get those feelings out
i'd like to play with colors when i'm feeling depressed are angry
uh... night bold red
the rollover account that that i do mind using a computer program um... collided
computerized our people to do this to you know of
uh... paint that address
that can help you get your feelings that
playing music if your musically inclined
uh...
any if you're not musically inclined even listening to music etc
that reflect how you feel can help you get those emotions out
and again a court's having people talk to about the emotions of also an
important part
of your journey
uh... it talk to people who are on a similar churned out a lot of times
people think
that there are the only ones without the way they feel and that's coming up live
dot com into human beings but i think in the transgender community it even more
common because people
are still use to just being stuck inside them so they keeping all their feelings
inside and keeping their identity secret
or not being fever being invisible
that we just dole open arm out the park one week
are feeling upset and then we wonder why nobody knows that we feel
so
pocket somebody
whom understand if you don't have a love the talk to
i'm here
part of the reason that i do coaching i do one on one sessions because
anne known what it's like to feel completely alone on like nobody
understands and i've been down that road i'd be in the in transition for a year
i've been exploring my gender identity since nineteen ninety eight and it took
me
over
ten years
to figure it out who i was
uh...
and begin transitioning cope i know
and so im someone you can talk to their are other people you can talk to as well
i am here to help
uh... and thirty-four openly floor of the questions i'd just want to reiterate
that i will
uh... would give you my contact info
uh... you can contact me fight email
that f_t_ and coach jack ad sdn coach jack dot com
you can also go to my website with his at the end coach jack dot com
you can visit me on face book faye put that comment west of p m coach jack
bike with a raise
also at the end coach jack
and you can also call me at
forced fake three nine seven three five three climate so i i want to open the
floor up if there are any questions
we do have five minutes elapsed so
um...
is there anybody who would like to ask a question
anybody
okay alarm
i do want to just
thank you all for coming if anybody does have
uh... and think of any questions or have any comment that they want to leave me
at my age
feel i will i will be happy to hear from you know com i will email you back into
the possible link anything improper made by you know on my website
on face book or on twitter
and
uh... might handle all of these things and at pm coach jack
i do want to thank everybody for coming
i don't want to thank everybody for
being here for showing up
for being reall and for being you
no matter where it is in your journey that you are no matter whether you
are beginning your transition considering your transition
finished with your transition or not in transition at all
i appreciate you taking the time to do this i'd hope that you came away
with a greater sense of body acceptance
and
i do
began their want to just leave you with the thoughts that no matter what you're
dealing with tonight
um...
well there's always the anther and
no matter what the question is
and their is away alec wet blood guide you to a better tomorrow if you need to
talk please do get a hold of me
i'm always
available
for anybody who has got a question or comment or a struggling with something
and until then i hope that you
it that you all
love yourself your body mine conspiracy and that you all argument