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Lesson two. Repeat please.
You are under arrest
You are under arrest.
Hands up.
Hands up. Put your hands up.
Are you on the lesson of 'voulez vous couchez avec moi' yet?
I've told you. This isn't the type of English to talk with people.
It's to get out of trouble in an international operation.
You're driving me crazy with the English.
This is my family.
They aren't my real family, but it's as if they are.
Mariano is like my younger brother.
Now he's studying English because he thinks that after the Euro
it will be the European Police.
Since his thing happened two years ago, he hasn't been the same.
I've always treated In�s with respect, with love and even with devotion.
As she deserves.
It's true that I was suspicious
and that's why I put the microphone and cameras in the house
and the GPS in the car and in her purse.
And that, well. made her upset.
And from there, well.
She left me.
Bomb.
You have the right to remain silent.
You have the right to remain silent.
Silent.
You have the right to remain silent.
- I am a Spanish policeman. - I am a Spanish policeman.
I am a Spanish policeman.
It's enough with the damn tape.
Give me the tape, Lucas.
Give me the tape.
Give me the damn tape, Lucas.
I listen to English and you eat in the car.
That's the deal. Give me the tape.
Give me the tape. Or I'll blow up your knee.
Give me the tape.
Okay, okay, okay. Calm down.
The tape is not mine. I found it in my stuff.
This guy is crazy. He's nuts!
I won't work with this guy. I won't work.
Lucas is crazy.
He's one of those guys that you only can either love or hate.
And I love him. like a son.
He would be the best policeman in the city
if he didn't watch so many movies.
So you're a cop, aren't you?
Let's see. Show me your badge.
- My badge? - Yes, your badge.
- You want to see my badge? - Yes, we do.
Is this badge enough?
Or do you want more badges?
Both hands behind your heads, and let's go to the car.
Come on, be happy. Sing something.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
- Louder. - All the king's horses
and all the king's men.
We look stupid in the uniform.
Why the hell do they tell us to put it on
- if the secretary doesn't show up? - It's better if he doesn't show up.
We could get hell for not bringing the patrol car.
- How many? - Come on, Paco. Stop it, man.
You don't have the balls to bet again.
Come on, wise guy. How many bullets are in the magazine?
You're losing your salary being such a moron, Paco.
400 euros that you get it wrong.
Come on, I bet you don't have the balls.
Three.
Are you sure? Think about it.
Come on, give me the bullets.
And stop it now. You're not going to pay me.
What did you say? That I don't pay?
Did you hear him, Mariano.?
He says I don't pay my debts.
- Screw this. - Come on, stop it, Paco.
Stop it? No, no.
You're saying that I don't pay.
You're calling me a deadbeat and nobody calls me a deadbeat.
Is it possible? There's a bank there.
Let's go there now, and I'll give you up to the last euro
You know? Come on, come on.
The first one that moves will have his head blown up!
- The safe has a time lock and. - Shut up!
Get out of the car, come on. Let's go to the bank.
Sometimes you can be so annoying.
My name is Paco Miranda, and I'm Chief Inspector of Police
the same way as I could've worked at a hardware store
which was my destiny.
Perhaps, because of that, I've never had a very bright record.
No record, aim or instinct.
So you don't have to be very smart to guess
that someday I would have a really bad day.
Tell me one day. Just one day when I haven't paid you a debt.
Come on, Paco. With your story of your large family
there isn't a day when you pay the check.
You're together. You have talked about it, right?
So you think I'm a rat.
Well, that's it.
400 euros, please.
Did you see that chick? She's batting her eyes at me.
Yeah, she's hitting on you.
Should I sign?
Let's go. This moron gave me more, and he didn't charge it.
- But there's a chick that. - He's going to notice.
He didn't charge me. Today lunch is on me.
For both of you. Let's get out of here.
- God, you really are lucky. - She was really looking at you.
Hey, what's wrong with you?
Haven't you noticed you're on the crosswalk?
Come on, move your car.
All units.
There's a three eleven on Maestro Roca Street.
Three eleven on Maestro Roca Street.
What was a three eleven?
- A robbery. - Wasn't it a domestic dispute?
I don't know. You made me doubt.
Here. Three eleven is a robbery.
A robbery. Look at the street.
It's here. It's the bank!
Damn it! We're the first ones here.
Let's go.
- Lucas. - I'll go first.
Let her go or I'll blow your brains out!
Lucas Fernandez, the gunman.
Lower that gun, you idiot.
Let her go, now!
Relax, we'll negotiate.
Leave your guns, and let's negotiate.
Mariano Moreno, the negotiator.
On the floor. Where's the gun?
What gun?
You stupid. They got away!
Handcuff him.
Watch out, Lucas!
Bank Manager
Everybody down!
The first day I saw you I knew you were useless.
You know, Miranda?
One can see it in your face, that you're an idiot.
It's written on your forehead.
Look at me. Look me in the face, Miranda.
Before you finish me
I'll bury you.
You haven't done anything right in all these years!
You are the laughing stock of the team. You.
This man that speaks to me with such familiarity
and who knows me so well
is the man that got me my job at the police station.
Don Lorenzo Castro Riquelme.
Police Chief of the City and in-law of yours truly.
Well, he's actually my father in law.
It would be unfair to say that he's always in a bad mood.
Sometimes he falls asleep.
You are so stupid!
Don Lorenzo, the father-in-law.
Look, Miranda, up to now I would've signed your expulsion,
your exile and your castration already
But instead, I had to beg them not to fire you
and now I have to tolerate you here, in my station, you useless.
But. Here?
They're transferring me here?
Under. Your command?
Under my command. Here, to headquarters.
To keep you under control.
I will be watching every move you make.
I want to know what time you get up, what time you go to bed
what you eat, when you ***, everything!
They took your bonus and now you have a *** salary.
Now, how are you going to support my daughter
and my granddaughter? You idiot. How?
In all modesty, I want to tell you that I don't agree that
my salary should be lowered, but.
I understand and will comply.
I just wanted to ask you not to tell
my wife about the incident and the bonus.
Spare her the trouble.
And what would you gain from that, misery?
For her to see it when she opens the refrigerator?
My men and I will comply with the decision.
Your men? Your men are clowns.
One of them is a moron and the other one is a dumb ***.
I think they're talking about us. He called you a dumb ***.
No, you're the dumb ***. For sure I'm the moron.
They are the *** of the police, and they're going to the street.
Those two idiots have a file open of their expulsion from the corps.
And now, get out. Come on.
Get out.
Don Lorenzo.
That's the most unfair thing I've heard in my life.
Those two men risk their lives every day for that badge.
They have never missed one day.
They have come to work in casts, with a fever
With stitches in their wisdom teeth
and an inflammation the size of an orange.
You have seen it.
Lucas was patrolling the same day he buried his father
and Mariano has been shot three times
he could've asked for his sick days, but no, here he is.
There aren't people like them anymore.
And you refuse to see that.
Here's my badge.
And don't you worry about your daughter
because, as long as I have two hands, she won't lack anything.
Your daughter or your granddaughter.
He's all screwed up.
He's all screwed up.
Miranda, wait!
He risked it, man. He risked it for us. That's a friend.
More than a friend. If they ask him to cut an arm for us, he cuts it.
Or both, Lucas. Or both of them.
We have to be there, you hear me?
Until death with him. Whatever happens.
Well, the thing is.
It seems that the bosses got a little mad, which is a shame.
Understandable, it's because of the shot.
And they're sending me to another station.
And you guys
I would like you guys to come with me.
The district isn't good, I mean. It's not that it isn't good.
But you won't like it and
they're taking our bonuses.
And we have to tighten our belts.
Wherever you go, we go, Paco.
Even if they send you to Iraq, to Guantanamo,
or to the worst gutter in the world.
If they sent us to the execution wall, we're going with you.
Let them shoot us together. With you, wherever.
Come on, Mariano, Mariano, Mariano.
- What? - Your hand is wet. You just pissed.
Well, and
what station are they sending us to?
Right here. To my father-in-law's.
- Here? - Yes.
- To your father in law's? - Yes.
Oh, no. It's worse than Guantanamo.
They're going to kill us.
That son of a ***, with the hate he feels for me.
They killed us man.
And that was the beginning of my new life.
When an old thought came to me:
'Mother of God, how am I going to explain this to my wife?'
So what if this neighborhood is cheaper?
We were living fine where we were.
And besides, don't you say you're going to be my dad's right hand?
I expect that he's going to give you a raise.
It will come Lola, but with time.
I'm not one of those that like to take advantage of family ties.
I don't understand why they transferred you to the headquarters.
Well, where do the good soldiers go?
To war. And where do the good cops go?
Well, to Headquarters where everything happens.
And look at the road. You turned on the wrong flasher.
Shut up. I didn't know where I should have turned.
Don't touch the controls, Paco. Don't touch the controls.
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
There you go.
Lola Castro, the governor
Lola is the best thing that has happened to me in my life.
We make a perfect tandem.
I pick up the mail, and she takes care of everything else.
Thanks to that we've come this far
without appearing in the first section of the news.
- Watch out! - Go, man, go!
Moron! ***!
Concha, the grandmother.
My mother. Since my dad left her
for the cashier at the hardware store
she sees life differently.
I mean, everything's turned around for her.
Mom, you just had surgery in your varicose veins!
The drainage, the drainage!
- What an example for the girl. - And now you worry about the girl?
Do you think this is a place to raise your daughter, Paco?
You'll give us some bullet-proof vests for this neighbourhood, right?
Sara the girl.
Luck is an ugly and fat guy like me
fathering a creature like Sara, so sweet and happy.
I just hope she never finds in her way
some idiot that makes her suffer.
Look, Paquito. They decorated their walls for you.
They're only missing an orchestra.
How many times have we come here to see Grandpa?
A thousand times!
And have we been robbed? Have we been kidnapped?
Have we had to pay any ransom? No. And then?
This is a good neighborhood for the girl. It's popular, affable.
Look at the girls walking.
Neighborhood scene and that's good.
So? Pretty, isn't it?
Lola turned the little shack into Linares palace.
Yes, yes. We even have B�lmez's faces there.
The only thing that we needed was paranormal phenomena.
Oh, son. We're so crazy.
In the morning comes in a sun that you can't even imagine.
And that will get dry. It will get dry.
But there aren't even any closets in the rooms.
Well, we'll put them in, Mom. We'll put them in.
Mom, there are only two rooms!
- Am I going to sleep with Grandma? - Well, it's okay Sara.
You sleep with Grandma. I sleep with your father.
The two of you, with your little creams, your nail polish, your
women stuff.
Paquito, come here.
What are we doing in this hole?
Son, this is worse than Bin Laden's refuge.
Don't cause trouble. Don't turn against me.
For once you could help me, Mom.
Son, it's very hard to help you.
This is getting out of control. It will blow up in your face.
Remember, it's his birthday.
Mariano! Happy Birthday!
- Happy Birthday! - Thank you! You remembered!
- Happy Birthday! - Don't worry about any presents, okay?
The apartment looks good.
When you get your bonuses back, you can remodel nicely.
What?
What do you mean when you get your bonuses back?
What happened with the bonuses, Paco?
So that's why you brought us to live in this neighborhood!
Because we don't have enough money!
No, no. Come on, darling. I'll tell you later.
I'll tell you later. And we have to go now.
Let's go. We can't be late the first day.
You know how your father is.
But.
Don't worry, Lola. Come on.
Now I'm not only going to be the laughing stock of the station,
but also in my own house.
And all because of this moron that ruins everything.
- What the hell is going on now? - He's not listening.
Can you drop the cell phone and listen to me?
I'm sorry, Paco. Really sorry.
I have a big mouth.
The thing is this isn't working well, and if In�s calls me
for my birthday and it's busy.
But she hasn't called you once in two years.
Because we broke up and that's normal.
But maybe she got over it, and wants to fix the situation.
Are we going or not?
Again.
What the hell is happening now? We're embarrassing ourselves.
Come on, Lucas. Our faces are on, because of the robbery.
We are the laughing stock of the police.
And my father-in-law.
Come on, Paco. Paco, Paco, come on.
We had a blur on TV.
Yes, it's a bummer that your father-in-law is the boss.
But it's much worse for Lucas. It's his ex-father-in-law, get it?
He can mess with Lucas' life without any problem.
He owes you a certain respect as the 'in-law'.
Those robbers ruined our lives.
What the hell. Come on, let's go. With heads held high.
Damn it.
Do you know what we could do if we had the balls?
Quit, that's what we should do.
- Right, and then what? - Well, we look for something else.
We could be great security guards.
No, we're cops and some of the best, man.
Of course, we're just going through a bad streak
but we have what's necessary.
He has balls, you're a natural leader and me, well.
You have the cleverness, Mariano, the cleverness and the psychology.
That's right. And just wait and see
if this station isn't the best place to show how valuable we are
wait and see if we don't come with a hit, one of the big ones.
We're going to arrest those robbers in less than 24 hours
and they'll see the vein in my neck, because of my balls.
Of course. We'll crown here, Paco. You'll see.
You know what? You're right.
We're going to go through that door with our heads high
and they're going to fear. The robbers, Don Lorenzo
the people from the TV and whoever is missing. They are going to fear.
One thing about luck is that it's capricious: nobody sees it coming.
The plan was simple.
Clean our image by arresting the robbers.
But it was still too soon to consider ending our bad streak.
So? What's up?
Is the car's door closing okay?
Or should the four of us go and spend the afternoon
opening it and closing it?
Because while you were being idiots.
Montoya arrested the leader of the robbery.
And how did it happen?
Does the word 'procedure' mean something to you?
It was easy. There were fingerprints.
recordings from the security cameras.
A routine investigation.
Of course, how easy with clues. It's just pulling the cord.
And who is this kid exactly?
This kid is the Head of Service.
Gonzalo Montoya, degree in Law, Criminology and Political Science.
Masters in National Security.
Internships at the CIA.
He's the youngest chief inspector in the corps
and the one with the most progress.
One of those that inflate their resume?
And our men? Are you going to introduce us to our team?
Those are your men. You'll get to know them.
For now, go to the robber. Question him.
And he better tell you everything, because you have 72 hours
to find the other three and the one million euros.
72 hours, not one more! Is that clear?
We'll make him sing better than the children of San Ildefonso.
Okay. Come here Miranda.
So, how's everything at home? Everything okay?
- Everything is okay. - How's your mother doing?
Well, she's okay. Defecating more carefully and
- Sitting on a float. - My God, Miranda.
I was talking about the sciatic.
Oh my God.
Man, the special brigade.
And the one with the savings book?
Don't Lucas. Don't go there. Don't go there.
I'll blow your head, you hear?
I'll personally take care of you. What are you laughing at?
- I'll destroy you. - Come on, Lucas. Come on.
Hey, what are you doing? Come on, let's go.
Calm down.
He tricked us to bring us here. Lola, he tricked us!
Well. He didn't exactly trick us.
You know how your son is. He exaggerates.
And adorns everything.
I don't know what we're going to do.
The bonuses are half of his salary.
But what did Dad do to lose that money?
Nothing. Maybe it was some kind of regulation.
- In the police? - Yes, in the police.
in the mining industry, everywhere.
Don't move or I'll lose the measurements.
Raise the hem some more. Don't leave it so long.
Sure. Or we can put you in Scottish ***
and you can go with nothing.
I don't see any other option than to get a job.
Well, yes, and we can become independent once and for all.
Well, to find a job you'll have to prepare a resume.
That's right. A resume that looks good.
And what should we put, Mom? Your natal chart?
My natal chart? Well, you put everything.
The school diploma, the driver's license
the pottery course at the church.
Mom, they don't want jugs. They want English, and computers.
Yes, yes, English too. I write it, read it, and computers as well.
- The Internet, I use it. - Right.
Should I put Windows, Excel, Word?
Yes, those in a foreign language. Those sound good.
Mom, but there are interviews. They'll catch you.
No, they won't. I can handle the face-to-face
and I'll make myself look better.
And I can learn all these things in four days, honey.
Right, sweetie. Why don't you put a Masters, which helps a lot.
Yes! One of those. Or several.
Come on, come on, come on.
In�s, it's me. Just to tell you that I got a new cell phone.
The number is the same, but I have more coverage now.
It's a better device. In case you call me for my birthday.
I'll be waiting for your call, okay? Kisses.
He's a pain in the neck. It's like he has something stuck up his ***.
Such is life. It's my birthday and not even my mother has called.
I'm going to take a ***.
Oh my God!
What are you laughing at, clown?
Tell us, so we can all laugh.
Do you think my partner is funny? Do you?
As soon as my partner comes back, I want to see you all
singing the Happy Birthday song, is that clear?
That's clear, right? And with love.
And no moving the lips. Everybody sings loudly.
One, two, three.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday dear Mariano.
Happy Birthday to you.
Thank you, thank you. What a surprise!
Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Lucas.
Thank you very much.
Can you lend me 100 euros?
I spent everything moving to the new house.
No problem. I have 200. Look.
- 100, no problem. You're welcome. - Thank you.
- Let's deal with him. - Yes, I've got my eye on him.
Bring him to the interrogation room.
I think this man should go to the infirmary. He has a fever.
- And maybe tomorrow. - Okay.
It's time to close the refreshment stall anyway.
And you'll see the problem I have at home with the issue of the bonuses.
Hey, I was thinking I could go and have dinner with you guys.
Say hello to the family and all that, if that's okay with you.
- No. - What do you mean?
I mean, of course.
What a day.
Can you please inflate this? My hemorrhoids are like onions.
I'm sorry, ma'am. I can't. I have asthma.
Dad, had I known that you were coming,
I would have made something special.
Just seeing you both so beautiful is enough for me.
You say that especially for me, right?
Yes, Concepci�n. I also find you okay.
So elegant, his bearing.
Since the party ended, there are no more real men like you.
Mom, let's have a peaceful dinner.
You and your feminist friends really look like 'real men.'
So how's the new boss, Daddy?
You won't complain now that you have leverage.
You could give him a raise, Grandpa, if not.
- Mom is going to have to get a job. - That's not up to Grandpa.
- I'm going to get a job anyway. - What?
We'll have to discuss that.
Excuse me, Lola, Paco.
If you need money, I have some savings.
We don't need anything. We can stop there.
I support my family, and we also have our own savings.
So we have an account in Switzerland, and I didn't know.
It's the same. You can take the reserve.
I'm getting a job, period.
Okay, very nice.
Don't trust your husband. Underestimate me.
- Underestimate me. - Paco.
Don't be so macho. It's just being Catholic.
Now we're mixing. What does one thing have to do with the other?
And you, relax.
One mentions the Roman Church, and you go into a rage.
The same thing, the same as my late husband.
My father is alive, divorced, but alive!
What Roman church, and whatnot.
Can't you talk about normal stuff?
Yes, of course.
What, is there anybody we know in today's obituaries?
Oh my God.
My dad looked so happy with the promotion
and with having you in his station.
Sure, he has more agents, more units
and that is welcomed in a police station.
But do you think I'm an idiot?
They demoted you. They took away your bonuses
and you tell me you were promoted.
- You lost all respect for me. - No, not at all. Never.
If I didn't tell you before it's because
there wasn't anything concrete.
You said we were upper middle class. You put that in a survey.
And what are we now? What are we?
We're the same. Money doesn't change me.
Are you dumb?
And on top of that you don't want me to work.
I'm going to fill that fridge even if I have to put tar on the M-50.
I'm 45 years old. I can work thousands of jobs.
Let's see, Dolores.
If you've never worked in your life
and if you work outside, who's going to take care of the house?
Come on, relax and take an aspirin.
To hell with the aspirin. I'm perfectly fine!
Well, then. How about honoring the conjugal sacrament?
Your mother is right. You're a complete Catholic pig.
I said no!
That's luck.
Having a house with paper walls.
Or not even consummating a night with your wife.
It's all a matter of luck.
That's why, knowing that, there's nothing else to worry about.
Hey, pretty one. You're not wearing your little ribbons to school today?
Good morning.
- This one, mom? - Yes.
The clothes stink. That chimney must be illegal. This is disgusting.
Eau de sardine. The ideal perfume for a job interview.
What am I going to wear?
Without a resume and stinking like sardines.
I won't even have a chance in the *** club on the corner.
It's your fault, Paco, for tricking us into coming here.
And I'm sure this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Mom, you could support me once for a change.
And don't you worry about the stink.
I'll see to it later and, if we need to close that bar, we'll close it.
Say yes, Dad. When the neighbors find out
you're a cop, they'll throw a welcome party for us for sure.
We don't need to hide it.
Your father is a policeman and proud of it.
That's right.
I caught a very dangerous robber yesterday
and today I'm going for the whole gang.
When you least expect it, I'll be decorated.
If this is a promotion, then when they decorate you,
they will send us to Shantytown.
Yes, Mom, underestimate me. Underestimate me.
8:30! And I have an interview at 9:00.
I want all this in order when I come back.
Concha, will you come with me? I'm so nervous.
- Of course, let me just finish this. - Loli.
Let me tell you. If I have to.
I'll stop the leaders of organized crime.
I'll recover the bonuses and have you retired
before you sign any contract.
You're so sweet.
- You're so sweet. - Mom, what are you doing?
Let me do it. I'll make him sing in two minutes.
No, Lucas. You're obsessed and that's bad for questioning.
We do the good cop bad cop number, okay?
Damn it! Someone will lose their hair.
How come nobody has given this man a miserable cup of coffee?
No.
He may want something else.
A hot chocolate, a beer.
Well, a beer wouldn't be so bad.
What are you doing? It's not like that.
That way he'll make fun of us.
I'll be the good one and you'll be the bad one, man.
I wanted to change it a little. I'm always the bad one.
Hey.
If you can bring some olives with the beer, it would be great.
Olives?
I'll bring the whole jar.
I'll stick it up your ***, and then you can take the ones you want.
What do you think?
I'll kill this guy. Stop me, or I kill him!
What the hell are you doing?
'I'll kill him. I'll kill him.'
If I tell him that I'll stick the jar up his ***
it means I'm the bad one, right?
It's impossible to understand.
If I have my eye turned, it means I'm playing crazy.
I'm playing the bad cop.
Inspector Miranda, you have an urgent call.
Come on, Mariano.
What turned eye, Mariano? Focus.
Are you both stupid?
You're embarrassing yourselves. He's laughing at you in your face.
I'll take care of this one, you hear? I'll leave him.
You take care of him, but be careful.
- Yes, yes I will. - I know you.
Be careful.
He's such an idiot, saying I don't fit the profile.
Maybe it's because of the profile.
But if I told him I can handle 'Guor,' 'Escer' and 'Windsor.'
Did I tell him that or not?
Yes, but the thing is that Windsor got burned.
I should've been wearing the other dress.
Well, now I'll go in there and they will see how valuable I am.
Big Burger is a new hamburger restaurant concept.
We want to please and surprise our clients
the genuine American style.
So, always, when they order our Super-Mega-Chicken-Burger, ladies.
Give me the best chicken. I take it and cover it with onions
Give me tomato, lettuce and avocado, and
what do we have? Super-Mega-Chicken-Burger!
Hey you, what are you doing? Get out of my house!
- Calm down. - Get out and leave everything you took!
Don't get crazy. I haven't taken anything.
- Get out! - But I don't have anything.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
Now, go get the ball. Get out.
But what are you doing? You're going to get the ball.
I said go.
Are you going to get the ball or this box? What do you prefer?
Go away!
You're such an idiot! My dad's gun!
Police! Police!
Well, well.
We're finally alone.
You can't even imagine how happy I am.
With 48 hours ahead of me before the judge puts you away.
Let's see.
I'll tell you, so you have all the information.
Since you did that to us at the bank
I've been dreaming of you every night, and you know what?
I don't remember my dog's name anymore.
My girlfriend left me.
and when I go to the bathroom, I take your file to go on your face.
I've only had one obsession, to have you sitting here.
Sarita.
What do you mean you dropped your father's gun?
- The official one? - No, the other one.
Please come. The municipal police came. They blockaded the street.
Don't tell my dad, please.
God, Sarita.
I'm coming, I'm coming.
You didn't give me any sign with your eyes.
I didn't know if you were being the good cop, the bad cop or the ugly.
I did the sign. I turned the eye over.
- Where is he going? - I don't know.
When bad luck strikes you, there's nothing you can do.
We didn't know where to find the money or the rest of the gang
And we didn't know that the detainee had entered our station
with a coronary heart disease and in 40 seconds
it was going to kill him.
I don't understand why I always have to be the bad one.
You don't listen, Mariano. You don't listen and that's what happens.
God.
- This guy is dead! - He probably fainted.
There's no pulse. There's no pulse!
- Lucas killed him! - It can't be.
It can't be. Why did we leave him alone?
Come on Lucas. Pick up the phone.
Come on!
He's not picking up.
Of course he's not picking up. He must be on his way to Brazil.
What did this moron do? What did he do?
He killed him. He went too far and killed him!
Poor guy!
Who would've known?
Yesterday robbing banks and now, look at him, dead just like that.
It's as if he were sleeping.
It's my fault for leaving him alone with him.
He said he was going to kill him, that he had his eye on him.
We haven't even been in this station for 24 hours and we're screwed.
Everybody saw it. Everybody. And we have witnesses.
He'll get at least 30 years in prison.
What are we going to do?
He's not going to resuscitate.
- God. - Mariano.
We have to take the dead guy.
- Let's take the body out of here. - What?
We have to take the body. We need to gain time.
Nobody can see it.
Take off your jacket and put it on him.
They can't see his shirt.
How embarrassing. I was so embarrassed.
My temples are hurting because of the shame I went through.
Well, that's enough, Concha. I went through more shame than...
What's happening there?
They say that there's some people killing themselves upstairs
They even threw a gun.
Oh, my God. That's Paco's gun.
Calm down, calm down, calm down.
It was an accident. Somebody dropped a box, but don't worry.
Oh, my God! My Sara, my girl! Sara! Sara!
Paco Calling
Damn it!
- Hey. - Deputy Fern�ndez.
I'll take care of this. The gun is confiscated.
Disperse the crowd, please.
Come on, Mariano. It's late, nobody's here.
- Come on. - Damn it.
Come on, come on. Let's go.
It's okay here.
God, Paco. I can't deal with the dead guy.
He's looking at me!
For God's sake, Mariano. Wait.
Come on. There you go.
Come on, Mariano. Think of Lucas. We're doing it for him.
Up, up. Don't drag him.
It looks like he's levitating, and that's not believable Paco.
Damn it! My father-in-law and that Montoya guy!
To the fountain! Let's go to the fountain.
Those will be the protocols.
Why are the three of you standing there?
Has the detainee confessed yet?
More or less, yes.
He confesses, but little by little. At his own pace.
We need more time.
48 hours, not one more minute.
What are you looking at?
- Come on, quick! - Okay.
Jesus.
Now besides dead, he's drowned.
We're going to leave a mess in the hall.
There are people coming.
Leave him on the handrail.
The dead guy is written all over our faces.
We're not good for this.
- Hi. - What's up?
Paco, maybe we're getting ahead of ourselves.
We should ask for a second opinion. What if he's not dead?
It seems it's no longer necessary to ask for a second opinion, no?
- Damn it! - Run, Mariano.
Poor guy. Dead, drowned and now hurled against the floor.
How miserable, man.
This is a triple ***. They will send us to the electric chair.
- Damn it. - My glasses are ruined.
Come on, Paco. Help me!
Go, come on.
Open up.
Get out of there.
Here, cover him.
Damn it.
- What are you doing, Mariano? - This won't close.
You're hitting his foot. You're such an idiot, Mariano!
You left it. Stick it in, stick it in.
- Stick it in. - Oh, God.
Damn it.
Nothing. Lucas still won't pick up.
He escaped. He escaped.
Or he's committing suicide.
If he left running, it must be that guilt is following him.
Don't think the worst, Mariano. We're in big trouble.
What do we do now with the dead guy?
We'll have to make the body disappear, no?
Disappear? You think bodies just disappear?
We're cops. We find people.
Hey, I don't get up in the morning and say
'Let's see what dead guy I'll make disappear today.'
It's too much and I have a knot that you can't even imagine.
Come on, Mariano. Come on, calm down.
We'll go to a hardware store and buy two shovels.
and we'll bury him somewhere. You're right.
If I find Lucas, I'll beat him up.
Lucas is going to shoulder that guy's family
his sons, the dog and even the mortgage.
- Damn it, Mariano. - What's wrong?
We're going like Thumbling, leaving our mark wherever we go.
Pick up his shoe.
Oh, my girl. Oh, my girl.
Grandma, leave me. I'm fine.
This is outrageous. Why the hell did you let that petty thief in?
How was I supposed to know?
- It's okay. I got him. - What are you doing, man?
- Let me go. - Shut up. This is breaking and entering.
It's a crime against private property.
- What? - You really messed up, little neighbor.
Lucas, come on!
So now you're not so cocky.
Come on, it was just an accident.
My life is an accident, Lucas, and it's getting worse.
I was such a fool in my job interviews.
People are throwing guns out my windows.
And the thief was walking in my house as if he owned the place.
- What more do you want? - Okay, come on. Let's see.
The job thing went wrong?
Wrong?
No, it opened my eyes.
I'm ignorant.
I don't know English, or about computers, dancing or anything.
And the worst thing is that without Paco's bonuses we don't have enough
Okay.
Lola, take this.
Lola, come on. Take it.
- Take it, please. Lola. - Lucas.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
But don't say anything to Paco.
And don't worry about the job. You'll find something.
Hey, it's better if the thief leaves. I can't stand him anymore.
I'll catch him some other time. He's a troublemaker.
I'm not good to work, Lucas.
If you take me out of 'my duties' I get lost.
What are you saying? You're worth so much.
Besides, there are easy jobs. There are.
I have a friend that works at home and makes good money.
Really?
Doing what?
Well, it was just an example.
I wanted to say that there are options.
But doing what? What does your friend do at home? Call her.
Maybe she can help me.
I don't think it's a good job, Lola.
So I'm not good for that either, right?
My God.
We're here, burying a dead guy.
like criminals. Paco, like criminals.
This is a huge crime. We can be in prison forever.
- And Lucas won't turn up. - Don't be weak now, Mariano.
Help me. Come on.
One, two, three.
- God. - Oh, God. Damn it.
That was a long fall.
It wasn't necessary for you to throw him like that.
He won't feel or suffer anymore, Paco.
Let's finish, because I'm going to have nightmares up to Judgment Day.
Wait, wait, wait.
We should say a few words and a prayer.
He's a human being, and he has his rights.
But, what are you saying?
- Just throw the dirt. - No, we can't just bury him like a dog.
So.
We're gathered here to give this man a Christian burial.
He was a criminal, yes, but
friend of his friends with a good heart
and a professional like no other.
What are you saying, Mariano? What are you saying?
That's the way things are, Paco. In a moment like this we're not going to lie.
The one million euros. We'll see if we can find it.
Anyway, even though life entangled him.
we all have the right to enter our Lord's kingdom.
Criminals, policemen, and thugs.
Remember, God said that the last ones would be the first ones.
Amen.
- Amen. - Come on, throw the dirt.
Yes, I'm yours! I'm yours, animal.
Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me.
Give me more, more! Give me more!
I'm yours, give it to me! I'm coming!
- What do you think? - My God, Lola, what are you saying?
No, no, forget it. You were screaming like a crazy woman.
- No, no, Paco would kill me. - But why, why?
I can do it. I can do it, and I'm going to do it.
Come on, Lola, you're a lady, you.
You can't do this and besides, you don't know how to do it. I say no.
Come on, Lucas. I have to do something.
- Haven't you seen how Paco is? - He's shouldering everything.
Poor Paco.
He could work as a cab driver at night
and tell me that he's in a secret operation.
I don't see him well.
If Paco crumbles, this ship will sink.
- I have to do something, Lucas. - Yes, you have to do something, but this.
If Paco finds out.
Hello?
Here, Lola. There you go.
- And. - Go into the bathroom.
So you are here.
We have to discuss a little something before burying it.
- What's wrong? - and forgetting it forever.
- What's going on? Leave me. - Leave you?
Do you know what you did?
And on top of everything you leave running, without saying anything.
I'll break your head open.
Come on, it's not that bad. I didn't have time to tell you.
It's not that bad? I'm going to send you to the can, you hear?
You're going to pay for this. You're a miserable murderer.
- What are you doing? - You want to scare me, Paco?
Well, you won't scare me. Shoot.
Shoot, come on. Do it.
Drop your gun, Lucas.
Drop your gun. Lower your gun, come on.
Paco, lower your gun. I'm pointing at you.
Lower your gun, damn it!
Isn't one dead guy enough? We really messed up.
Dad!
This gun is too old, Paco. I'm telling you it's too old.
Dinner is ready.
Tell me. What the hell is going on?
We just buried the robber in a waste ground, for God's sake!
You killed him, Lucas. You went too far and killed him.
- You're crazy. - But I haven't killed anybody.
I didn't even have the time!
It wasn't me. You have to believe me. I didn't kill that guy.
He was dead, man! And you were the only one that went in that room.
Well, he died by himself. How should I know?
Paco.
Paco.
I didn't kill that man.
- You didn't? - No.
- Damn it. - Well, we buried him.
What?
We buried him. We thought that you killed him and we buried him.
Thank you.
And what the hell do we do now?
Did someone see you?
I don't think so.
We put my jacket on him and
son of a ***!
- My jacket, Paco! - What?
We buried him with my jacket, my cell, my ID, and my card from the video club.
Only my birth certificate is missing.
Well, let's see. Hey, hey, hey!
Calm down. Let's not act impulsively.
If nobody saw you, we go tomorrow, dig him up and take out your things.
Yes, and we clean him up and leave him back in the interrogation room.
and they'll see that he died on his own, I figure.
Lucas.
Are you sure you didn't touch him one bit?
Hell, no. I didn't even have the time.
I'm going to have three beers at once.
For God's sake.
We're in big trouble.
This is a bottle opener, so you don't have to use the gun.
- Hey, Lucas. - Yes?
- Can I ask you something? - Sure.
How did you lose your virginity?
God, what a day.
- What kind of question is that? - I don't know.
The kind of question I'd like to know the answer to.
Why? I have more.
Don't you think you're still too young to talk about this stuff?
I've already thought about how I want to lose it. You know how?
I don't know, and I don't want to.
If you have to talk about that, talk with your girlfriends or with a teacher.
Or write it in your diary, but don't tell me.
I'd like for it to happen at night. In a police car with the siren on.
Are you crazy, Sarita?
Should we call your dad and tell him about it?
I don't know why you're telling me this.
- I'm your uncle. - Well, you're not really my uncle.
Maybe my ex-uncle and in-law.
And the thing is I don't know who I want to lose it with.
someone my own age or with someone older, experienced.
Someone who can be tender.
Who has some handcuffs.
And a gun.
Yes, yes, I'm touching myself. Of course I'm touching myself.
What am I wearing? Tights. Do you want me to take them off?
Hello?
Hello?
And that cell phone? Who were you talking to?
Nobody.
What do you mean nobody? I just heard you.
I heard you say something about some tights.
With whom were you talking about your tights?
Tights? What tights?
- Lola. - Well.
I was talking to a client.
I'm working at an *** hot line. There, I told you.
What do you mean 'at an *** hot line?'
What are we talking about, Lola?
One of those lines where guys do the hands-free call?
I don't know if they call with the hands-free or with the other one
but it's a job like any other, Paco. Don't be old-fashioned.
Old-fashioned? I'm old-fashioned?
So now it's normal to see your wife being rubbed by a gang of pornographers?
Those people are sick, dark. For them a dog and a fat lady are the same thing.
Do you think I'm doing it because I like it?
And let me tell you. I am the only one who can take your tights off. Me!
And let's stop here because
Lola. You didn't go further, did you?
- You aren't enjoying it, are you? - What are you saying?
Paco, it's the only job I found. I couldn't get anything else.
And our fridge is empty!
- Paco, where are you going? - Where do you think?
Go ahead. Have fun. Enjoy.
Dad, what's going on? Is Mom mad?
No, I'm mad. So what?
That's marriage. Bad days and worse days.
Thanks for cheering, Mom, but it's not necessary.
Lola may be a little unruly, but she's my wife.
If your wife is unruly, son, then I'm a festival ***.
All right, shut up. I want to sleep
- Dad. - What?
- Did you have a fight? - No.
Fight, what you call a fight, no.
It was an exchange of views.
I don't know, honey.
I brought you guys here
and I don't know how we're going to end up.
I don't know if I was right.
Come on, give me a kiss.
Don't worry. Go back to sleep.
Dad.
What?
Don't worry. Mom will get over it. You know how she is.
I don't mind sleeping with Grandma.
In a couple of nights I won't even smell her farts.
Shut up!
And I like this neighborhood. It's not that bad.
There are a lot of young people.
Yes, there's a lot of young people, but let's see who you hang out with.
- There are people of all colors. - And from all countries.
What was that?
Oh, son. Such noises in this house.
It's built over a common grave.
There are hundreds of dead bodies buried.
Enough with the dead! No dead, no bodies, no burials!
Everybody go to sleep!
Yes, I'm taking off my blouse.
Yes. And my bra. My bra as well.
Oh, yes. Well, they're like melons.
Very very fat. With nipples like fifty cent coins.
Take me. Take me.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- Who were you talking to? - Well. With my sister.
Right. And why did you tell her 'yes' so many times?
- And why would I say 'no' to her? - Mom.
Okay, sit down.
It's a job.
I'm in customer service.
It's one of those companies.
- All right, it's an *** hot line. - What?
What a shame!
But all of them hung up on me.
They pay very well, and
I have less sex appeal than Gracita Morales.
So far I've taken my tights off twelve times today.
I was thinking. Tell me what you think.
To start with a story
So I'm just like this and I turn off the light.
And then you start to recite G�ngora.
Well, when I tell you father to turn off the light, he knows what's there.
Yes, darling, but my son is so simple.
Good morning.
Mom, with these guys you can't be easy, and take off your tights right away.
If they want to take off your tights, let them tear them apart.
Right. With their teeth. Biting.
- Let them rock you. - But baby, do you think so?
Of course!
Paco, should we turn off the light?
I don't have time now.
This is unbelievable.
The dead guy is not here. They took him away with my jacket.
- They'll crucify us. - No, man. We probably got the place wrong.
- He can't be too far. - How could you bury him in a dump?
As soon as the bulldozer comes it will cut him into pieces, man.
You didn't leave a sign?
Yes, a neon sign: 'Here's the guy that Lucas killed'
And my cell phone with the dead guy, my wallet, everything.
Right, call. We'll turn ourselves in. I can't go on Paco.
Shut up, Mariano.
He's here!
Be careful, Lucas.
One missed call. In�s!
No, it was yours.
Now we clean him up a little, and we leave him just how you found him.
When they do the autopsy they will see that he died on his own and that's it.
Man.
They'll probably be surprised because he has several broken bones.
The thing is he fell down the stairs.
And his foot is pointing to Canada from when we hit it with the trunk's door.
But those are post-mortem lesions.
You guys are something. We have a hell of a problem.
Now we are finished. Your father-in-law is going to send us to jail.
God! He's alive!
I told you we should've asked for a second opinion.
He's not alive!
God!
The leader of the gang!
- Should I answer? - Answer. We'll catch them all!
- Yes? - Where the hell are you?
We have to talk today! We'll meet at three at 'El Bokoko.'
Be on time and make sure nobody is following you.
Okay.
- What? - What?
I will meet them at 'Bokoko' at three.
Well, it's great! It's great!
That way, we'll catch the whole gang and find the million euros.
- It's a miracle! - Wait, did he say at 'El Bokoko?'
Yes.
I know that place. It's a great Mexican restaurant.
They have these burritos that are to die for.
What if it is a trap?
What trap are you talking about? This is our chance, Mariano!
Okay, okay, okay. I'm not saying it isn't.
But remember that this guy is dead and he can't come to the meeting
and the others may be mad.
Come on, we'll clean this guy up, and we'll go with him like the Cid Campeador.
And, when we have them close, we'll arrest them.
Finally a lucky day! A lucky day!
It's here! Go through the patio.
The first one.
This will end right now. Those *** will suffocate.
- There we go. - That's it.
Hey, you! Did you block my chimney, or what the hell is going on up there?
Just until you change the oil in the fryer, pretty girl.
Is that for the people on the first floor?
There. Your *** will stink like anchovies for the rest of your lives!
Welcome!
So this is our welcome.
That pig is going to find out who she's messing with.
Take this. Go get her. Hit her in the stomach.
No, Mom. Wait, calm down. Mom!
- Hey, you! So that was our welcome? - So what?
- Lola? - Bernarda?
See? His color is changing already.
Yes, but how are we going to sit him at the table?
The guy is all stiff. We're whitening him.
I'm back.
Clean that, clean that. He looks as if he had a ***.
- Paco, put the sunglasses on him. - God, we're not taking him to a wedding.
- I think he looks good. - Everything is under control.
I borrowed the security van. It's outside.
In the restaurant everything is under control.
I reserved the table in the back. I told the waiter that he's deaf-mute,
to give him a tequila and leave him alone.
Here. Take the micro-camera.
Damn it.
That's okay. That's okay!
The chili made him sick.
Put some beans between your chest and your back
and you'll feel like new, you'll see.
Come on, man. It's over.
It's over.
Damn.
Give him to me. Give him to me. He's heavy.
Damn it.
Damn it, damn it.
What are you doing?
Be gentler, Lucas!
- Lucas! - Paco, we have to be practical.
- He doesn't feel or suffer anymore. - What a drag.
I'm going to the van. Here, put the microphone on him.
Damn.
Oh, God. If we just move him on one side.
Mother of God. This is sadistic.
- Come on, let's go. - Hurry.
before the whole gang comes.
- Remember? - Of course I do!
- And all day long at the bumper cars. - You mean at the waste ground next door.
Such bumps you used to take with that guy.
What was his name? With the gold teeth.
- Manolo. - Manolo.
He had enough grease in his hair to do the whole Fairy campaign.
I tell you.
With that dumb leg he had, his eye-cross
and the cleft lip. You didn't even notice the hair.
Well, he knocked me up and I married him.
The guy was very witty.
- And you have a son? - Yes.
Him. He just came from Gibraltar and some more.
But how many you got?
Berni, you don't know how many you have?
Yes, of course.
Two of mine, but then I have the kids of some boyfriends that I had.
- Really? - Yes, from previous relationships.
There was a big affection and then
they're like mine.
They come once in a while. They leave, you know.
So, do you know what happened to the moron that you were dating?
Well, I married him and he also knocked me up.
- That's good. - Yes.
Because he was not the ugly one from the Calatrava brothers.
We would both do him.
Hey, and what about Manolo?
Where is he? Did he go to buy cigarettes?
No, no, no.
Business, traveling...
Penitentiary institutions.
No way. Alcal� Meco?
Sevilla .
You just don't change.
Come, easy. You'll feel better with some tequila.
Enjoy your meal.
This dead guy made me sing La Traviata.
God.
Cobra speaking. Lower the newspaper. I can't see anything.
You're so brute, Lucas. So brute.
Paco, can you hear me?
Paco.
It's Cobra. Lower the newspaper. I can't see anything!
Mariano, what are you saying about some cobra?
- Paco, can you hear me? - Yes, I hear you.
Lower the newspaper, I can't see.
- Is that okay? - That's okay. I'm recording. Cobra.
Okay.
Good day. Here's your tequila.
What is that?
Hey, my friend doesn't feel very well. He doesn't like this music.
Everything has to happen.
I dropped my ear piece.
Fire! Fire! Cobra. Here.
There's fire, Paco!
Come on, there's fire! The dead guy is burning!
Damn it, fire!
Come on! What's going on?
- Can you hear me? What's wrong? - Nothing, Mariano.
- But what's wrong? - I said nothing, Mariano.
Do you have any news?
No, nothing. Negative.
Okay.
Nobody can eat with this dead guy in front.
Shut up, Mariano! Shut up!
You're *** me off, Mariano, you're *** me off.
Attention, attention, they're here! The bad guys are here!
- What? - Be careful!
***, son of a ***. You sold us out. We saw you with some pigs.
God!
Damn it!
Stop there! Police!
Stop right there! Police!
- To the wall! - Drop your weapons!
Go to the wall!
We're saved, Paco. We made it.
They'll give us back our bonuses with this one, no?
Or they'll triple them, Paco
It was a huge injustice against us.
- He's there. He's coming. - Thank you very much.
So very well.
I'm surprised, to be honest, Miranda.
We have the one million euros and we have the gang.
Unfortunately, we have one dead guy, but it's not bad. Not bad.
Thanks Don Lorenzo.
But there's still something that doesn't fit.
Can you explain why the dead guy has traces of mud
ten staples, a microphone in an ear
five broken bones and eight bullet holes through which he didn't even bleed?
Will you explain that, Miranda?
Yes, well.
It wasn't an easy case.
Well, sit down. I'm all ears.
Let's say that the procedure as such, well, we had to skip it a little bit.
But to sum it up, the guy died in the middle of the questioning.
- What do you mean he died? Yes, but we didn't even touch a hair.
Apparently he was not very healthy.
It must have been something immediate. A heart attack. An embolism.
Anyway, we rushed and buried him in a waste ground.
Therefore the blows.
The dead guy was a dead weight, thus, the post-mortem fractures.
But we realized right away that burying him in a waste ground wasn't the solution.
That was our first impulse.
Come on, we didn't stop to think.
So in the morning we dug him up
and his cell phone rung.
It was the rest of the gang that were calling him to divide up the loot
so we fixed him up for the meeting. We put microphones on him
and case solved.
Case solved?
The blood doesn't reach your brain, you clown.
Get out, Miranda, get out. Before I ask for your badge!
Don Lorenzo.
About the bonuses.
Get out, Miranda!
Yes? Oh, Mom. It's you.
Yes, very well.
Yes, she called me. In�s called me twice to congratulate you.
Yes. The thing is there's affection
and whenever there's affection, well, things get better.
I'll call you later. Okay. Bye.
Inspector Miranda.
I'm Curtis, and they are ***, Povedilla, and Rita.
We have been assigned to your unit.
Come on, we're going to do great things for humanity together.
Well, that's going to happen starting tomorrow.
I want to see you guys at eight at the shooting range.
We'll see how your aim is.
Okay, go and grease your guns.
Come on.
It's clear that luck is just a point of view.
According to Don Lorenzo, we had messed up again
even if on his table he had the one million euros and the whole gang in jail.
Now, if you ask me, we had been lucky.
And that's the way with everything.
You think you're losing your wife in the morning
and at night you find out she's crazy about you.
- Hey. - Hi.
Honey, you look tired.
- A lot of work? - No.
The usual routine.
A report, some fingerprints.
Nothing important.
Hello?
What am I wearing?
Well, look. A tan girdle and a bra with cups where you can fit a goat cheese.
No, no. I only do that with my husband.
And you know why? Because he drives me crazy, completely nuts.
Totally crazy.
He hung up on me.
- I think they're going to fire you. - Well, let them fire me.
I already learned what I needed.
- And what did you learn? - Look.
This neighborhood is not that bad.
It has a flea market every Monday.
- Hey Daddy. - Hi, Son.
- Mother. - What?
I ran into my friend Bernarda, from when we were single.
Do you remember her?
No.
- Come on. - Well, so?
- Do you want some tapas? - Yes.
Yes.
-Yes. -Yes, yes.
Yes, yes, yes!
Hey that's enough! Come on!
What's that?
You already told everybody?
What a disgrace.
The Mother turning on the pornographers
and the girl and the Grandmother laughing about it.
Very funny. So disgusting.
Look Lola. That's my other son, Coque!
Give me a kiss.
Hey, hey, bro!
He is very sweet.
But sometimes. The other one is a very hard worker.
Hey, what's up?
There you have it.
I'm going because I'm late.
This weird guy wants to go to the funeral.
- What funeral? - What funeral? The Turkish guy.
- There, with the cr�me de la cr�me. - Why are you going to that funeral?
You already buried him when you had to.
And what does that have to do with this?
With everything we went through with this man, I feel obligated to go.
Paco, three days with that poor guy up and down.
We were the last ones that saw him alive.
We owe him a last goodbye.
Don't you see you're going to the lion's mouth?
They will bury you with him.
If you guys think you don't have to go
that you don't have any links with him, that's okay.
It's your conscience.
Damn it.
I'm going with that dummy. They could kill him.
- Be careful, okay? - Yes.
Why would you break into somebody else's house?
It's as if you didn't have your own home.
Terrible.
And those were the first steps of what was going to be the rest of my life.
A strange life. Unpredictable and even crazy, but especially happy
because each one of us has the luck they deserve.
Sorry.
And I, without a doubt, had more than enough.
You're such an idiot.
There it is, there it is! There you go.
Girls walking.
You'll be knowing each other.
- An aspirin? - I'm perfectly fine.
He's crazy, I swear.
Come on. Come on, let's go.
Do you want us to tell your father?
- Let them rip them off. - Biting!
Here it is!
- God! - Damn it!
Finally, a lucky day!
Be careful. Be careful!
You're such a brute, Lucas.
- Fire! - Damn it!
Damn it. Sorry!
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