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>> AFTER AN INJURY IT'S NOT ALWAYS EASY TO KNOW HOW
TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT HOW THEY'RE FEELING.
EVERYBODY'S DIFFERENT, BUT HERE ARE SOME THINGS OTHER PARENTS
HAVE FOUND HELPFUL.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO IS BE AVAILABLE TO LISTEN.
LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO HEAR HOW YOUR CHILD IS DOING.
IF YOU START THE CONVERSATION, CHOOSE A TIME AND PLACE
WHEN YOU'RE BOTH COMFORTABLE.
WHEN DOES YOUR CHILD TEND TO TALK MOST OPENLY--AT BEDTIME?
WHEN YOU'RE HANGING OUT WATCHING TV?
OR MAYBE OVER DINNER?
SOME PARENTS FIND IT'S EASIER TO TALK WITH THEIR CHILDREN WHILE
DOING SOMETHING ELSE TOGETHER.
ASK YOUR CHILD DIRECTLY, "HOW ARE YOU DOING WITH ALL OF THIS?"
AND THEN MAKE SURE TO LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR CHILD TELLS YOU.
>> I SO MUCH WANTED TO MAKE IT BETTER,
TO TELL HER THAT EVERYTHING WOULD BE OKAY.
BUT SHE JUST NEEDED ME TO SIT THERE AND LISTEN.
>> WAIT UNTIL YOUR CHILD FINISHES BEFORE JUMPING IN.
TO BE SURE YOU UNDERSTOOD, YOU MIGHT REPEAT BACK
WHAT YOU JUST HEARD IN YOUR OWN WORDS.
>> WHEN MY NEPHEW GOT TO A HARD PART, HE STOPPED TALKING.
SOMETIMES I WOULD GET IT GOING AGAIN BY SAYING,
"SO, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU WERE REALLY SCARED",
OR, "BOY THAT MUST HAVE HURT."
>> TRY TO HOLD OFF ON GIVING ADVICE UNTIL YOU HAVE A GOOD
UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT YOUR CHILD IS GOING THROUGH.
LISTEN CAREFULLY TO LEARN WHAT'S BEEN MOST UPSETTING TO HER
AND HOW SHE'S FEELING RIGHT NOW.
>> I KNEW SHE WAS HURT, BUT I NEVER KNEW THAT IT WAS SO SCARY
FOR HER TO SEE HER COUSIN WITH BLOOD ALL OVER HIS FACE.
HE WAS JUST FINE.
IT WAS A MINOR CUT, BUT IT REALLY STOOD OUT IN HER MIND.
>> WHAT DO I SAY?
>> REMEMBER, THAT JUST LISTENING CAN BE VERY HELPFUL,
GIVING YOUR CHILD A CHANCE TO WORK OUT HIS THOUGHTS
AND FEELINGS BY SAYING THEM OUT LOUD TO YOU.
ANSWER YOUR CHILD'S QUESTIONS AS HONESTLY AS YOU CAN,
BUT KEEP IN MIND THEIR AGE AND WHAT THEY'RE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND.
>> I FINALLY REALIZED THAT MY SEVEN-YEAR-OLD REALLY THOUGHT,
WHEN THEY PUT THE CAST ON HER ARM, IT WOULD STAY ON FOREVER.
I EXPLAINED THAT THE CAST WAS THERE TO HELP HOLD HER ARM
SAFELY WHILE IT HEALS.
>> WHEN YOU HELP YOUR CHILD FIND WORDS FOR STRONG FEELINGS,
YOU GIVE HIM TOOLS FOR COPING.
DESCRIBING AND UNDERSTANDING HIS REACTIONS IS A FIRST STEP
IN DEALING WITH THEM.
>> EVERY TIME MY SON GOT NEAR THE STREET CORNER
WHERE HE WAS HIT, HE WOULD STOP,
LOOK REAL NERVOUS, AND GO ANOTHER WAY.
ONE TIME I SAID, "LOOKS LIKE IT'S HARD TO CROSS THE STREET AGAIN.
I GET IT.
IT'S OKAY NOW.
YOU'RE JUST REMEMBERING WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU."
>> BY SHARING YOUR OWN REACTIONS AND WHAT HELPED YOU,
YOU CAN BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL FOR USING GOOD COPING SKILLS.
BUT REMEMBER NOT TO BURDEN YOUR CHILD WITH YOUR WORRIES.
SHE SHOULD FOCUS ON TAKING CARE OF HERSELF.
MAKE SURE YOU TURN TO OTHER ADULTS YOU TRUST,
IF YOU NEED A LISTENING EAR.
>> WHAT CAN I DO IF MY CHILD DOESN'T WANT TO TALK?
>> WHEN CHILDREN ARE NOT READY TO TALK ABOUT HOW THEY'RE DOING,
IT CAN BE VERY CHALLENGING FOR PARENTS.
>> HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HELP MY CHILD IF I DON'T EVEN KNOW
HOW SHE'S FEELING?
>> BE PATIENT.
YOUR CHILD MAY NOT BE READY TO TALK AT THE SAME TIME YOU ARE.
IT'S GOOD TO ASK HOW SHE'S FEELING,
BUT DON'T TRY TO FORCE YOUR CHILD TO TALK.
SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO THINK ABOUT THINGS FOR A WHILE.
>> I WAS WORRIED THAT MY DAUGHTER WASN'T TALKING ABOUT
THE ACCIDENT.
I KEPT PUSHING HER TO TALK, AND SHE JUST KEPT GETTING
MORE UPSET.
THEN ONE DAY I TOOK HER TO THE MALL, AND WHILE WE WERE WALKING AROUND,
SHE STARTED OPENING UP.
>> HELP YOUR CHILD TO FIND OTHER WAYS TO EXPRESS WHAT HE'S
THINKING AND FEELING.
HE CAN DRAW A PICTURE, WRITE A STORY,
KEEP A DIARY OR A JOURNAL.
HELP YOUR CHILD STAY CONNECTED WITH FRIENDS AND OTHER ADULTS
YOU BOTH TRUST SO YOU KNOW HE HAS PEOPLE TO TALK TO WHEN HE'S READY.
AS A PARENT, YOU PROBABLY HAVE WAYS OF FIGURING OUT WHEN YOUR
CHILD IS FEELING SAD OR HAPPY, WORRIED
OR ANGRY EVEN WITHOUT WORDS.
YOU CAN TRY TO BE AWARE OF YOUR CHILD'S REACTIONS.
YOU MIGHT SEE SPECIFIC CHANGES IN BEHAVIOR,
LIKE KEEPING MORE TO HIMSELF OR GETTING ANGRY EASILY.
SOME CHILDREN SHOW THEIR FEELINGS THROUGH
FACIAL EXPRESSIONS OR BODY LANGUAGE.
>> WHEN MY SON'S UPSET, HE USUALLY DOESN'T TALK ABOUT IT.
BUT IT'S WRITTEN ALL OVER HIS FACE, AND I CAN EVEN SEE IT IN THE WAY
HE WALKS.
HE CLUMPS AROUND THE HOUSE WITH HIS HEAD DOWN.
>> MANY PARENTS FIND THAT THEIR CHILDREN DON'T REACT IN THE WAY
THEY EXPECT THEM TO.
PEOPLE IN THE SAME FAMILY CAN HAVE VERY DIFFERENT REACTIONS.
A MOTHER AND A GRANDMOTHER MAY DEAL WITH THINGS VERY DIFFERENTLY
FROM THEIR CHILD AND FROM EACH OTHER.
THIS HAPPENS IN MOST FAMILIES.
>> MY CHILD AND I ARE SO DIFFERENT.
WHEN SOMETHING IS UPSETTING, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT
AND HEAR ALL ABOUT HOW HE'S FEELING.
BUT I'VE STARTED TO LEARN THAT MY SON HAS HIS OWN WAYS.
HE'LL TALK WITH ME A LITTLE, BUT WHAT HE REALLY NEEDS TO DO WHEN
HE'S GOING THROUGH SOMETHING IS GET OUTSIDE
AND DO SOMETHING ACTIVE.
>> OUR RESEARCH HAS SHOWN THAT PARENTS MAY ASSUME THEIR CHILD
IS RESPONDING AS THEY ARE.
SO AS YOU THINK ABOUT HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD,
TRY TO SEPARATE WHAT YOU ARE FEELING FROM WHAT YOUR CHILD
IS EXPERIENCING AND WHAT HE NEEDS.
SOMETIMES PARENTS FIND THAT TALKING WITH THEIR CHILD
IS UPSETTING FOR THEM.
IF THAT'S TRUE FOR YOU, DO YOUR BEST TO STAY CALM AND COLLECTED
WHEN TALKING WITH YOUR CHILD, AND BE SURE TO TALK WITH SOMEONE
TO GET SUPPORT FOR YOURSELF.
REMEMBER, AFTER SOMETHING SCARY LIKE AN INJURY,
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO IS TO HELP YOUR CHILD EXPRESS
HIMSELF AT HIS OWN TIME, AT HIS OWN PACE,
AND IN HIS OWN WAY.
THIS HELPS HIM PROCESS WHAT HAPPENED AND RECOVER.
IF YOUR CHILD IS HAVING TRAUMATIC STRESS REACTIONS
THAT WORRY YOU OR THAT SEEM TO BE GETTING WORSE,
TALK WITH SOMEONE ABOUT GETTING OUTSIDE HELP.