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- COMING UP ON "BRIDEZILLAS"....
- IS THIS YOUR WEDDING-- I DON'T THINK SO.
- THE GLOVES ARE COMING OFF. - I'M UPSET.
- ***, YOU STARTED IT.
- OH, MY GOD! - IT'S THE BEAUTY--
- I'VE NEVER SEEN A MORE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
- VERSUS THE BEASTS. - I HONESTLY DO NOT WANT
TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS WEDDING.
SHE SUCKS. - AND WE ALL KNOW
WHO'S IN CHARGE OF THIS FAMILY-- ME.
- VAIN HALEY MAY BE PRETTY AS A PICTURE...
- THIS DOESN'T NEED MUCH ALTERATIONS TO BE GORGEOUS.
- HA-- PLEASE.
- ...BUT THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET MIGHTY UGLY.
- YOU ACT LIKE A RATCHET-*** ***.
- SHE ACTS LIKE A STUCK-UP ***
AND THAT AIN'T OKAY, EITHER.
[Police sirens blaring]
- IS IT NECESSARY FOR THE POLICE TO BE CALLED?
- PLUS, BRIDEZILLA ARIEL'S THE TEEN TERROR.
- STOP!
- WITH THE SOCIAL SKILLS-- - GET OUT!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME-- I HATE PEOPLE.
- OF A SERIAL KILLER. - THAT'S NOT OKAY.
- I DON'T GIVE A [deleted].
- BUT WHEN SHE PUSHES TOO HARD--
- DO YOU REALLY WANNA MARRY ME-- DO YOU HAVE MY BACK?
- WILL IT BE "GAME OVER?" - OH, MY GOD!
I DON'T WANNA DO THIS ANYMORE.
CAN WE JUST STOP?
I'M DONE.
- CHEERS, HONEY.
- FIND OUT NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS!"
A WEDDING IS THE JOINING TOGETHER OF TWO FAMILIES,
FOR BETTER OR WORSE.
- WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-- OH, MY GOD!
STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP!
- DON'T SAY NOTHING TO ME AT ALL.
- YOU ACT LIKE A RATCHET-*** ***.
- SHE ACTS LIKE A STUCK-UP ***
AND THAT AIN'T OKAY, EITHER.
- SO, HOW DID THIS ZILLA WIND UP CAUGHT
IN HER IN-LAWS CROSS-HAIRS?
- BABE, PLEASE GET ME MY JACKET BEFORE I DIE.
[groaning]
- VANITY, THY NAME IS HALEY.
- MY NAME IS HALEY, I'M 22-YEARS-OLD,
I LOOK FINE ALL THE TIME, AND I AM A BRIDEZILLA.
- WELL, ALL RIGHTY THEN.
AND HERE'S HER LUCKY, LUCKY MAN, DIMITRI.
- I'M DIMITRI, 26-YEARS-OLD,
AND I'M A THIRD YEAR LAW STUDENT.
- HOLD MY HAND AND SHUT UP.
- WHILE DIMITRI KEEPS HIS EYES FIRMLY ON HIS PRIZE,
HALEY HAS SET HER SIGHTS A BIT HIGHER.
- I HAD TRIED OUT FOR "AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL"
AND I DIDN'T GET ON THE SHOW.
- THAT MUST HAVE BEEN SIMPLY DEVASTATING.
- WE'RE GOOD.
I WASN'T REALLY ALL THAT HEARTBROKEN ABOUT IT
BECAUSE THE WOMEN THAT THEY CHOSE WERE UGLY.
- WELL, AT LEAST HALEY FOUND SOMEONE ELSE
AS OBSESSED WITH HER LOOKS AS SHE IS.
- I DID A GOOD JOB TODAY-- I PICKED ALL THAT OUT.
- DIMITRI KNOWS MORE ABOUT MAKE-UP THAN I DO.
HE'S LIKE, "HEY, BABE, HOW ABOUT THIS THING
"CALLED AN EYEBROW PENCIL."
- LOOKED HOW I MATCHED ALL OF THIS HERE.
- WILL YOU JUST DO THE PICTURE?
RIGHT NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE CATERER IS--
IT'S LIKE 12:00.
- TODAY, HALEY HAS SCHEDULED
A SECOND TASTING WITH HER CATERER,
AFTER THE FIRST LEFT A LITTLE TO BE DESIRED.
- WHEN YOU TALKED TO HIM YOU TOLD HIM
YOU WANTED THE SAUCE, LIKE THICKER
AND ALL THAT STUFF? - NOPE.
- THAT WAS-- WASN'T THAT THE MAIN THING
THAT WAS WRONG WITH IT?
- I GUESS WE'LL JUST TELL HIM WHEN HE GETS HERE THEN.
- WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM-- - I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT IT!
I'M ACTUALLY PRETTY SCATTER-BRAINED.
I FORGET TO DO TONS OF THINGS.
AND WHEN I-- THEY ASKED ME, "DID YOU TELL HIM
"ABOUT THE SAUCE," I WAS LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT?
"I SURE DIDN'T."
- COMPLICATING MATTERS BEFORE THE CATERER ARRIVES,
DIMITRI'S MOM AND ENTOURAGE SHOW UP
ARMED TO THE HILT WITH ATTITUDE AND EYE-SHADOW.
- HELLO. - HEY.
- THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE ZILLAS IN THIS BRIDAL PARTY,
THE BIGGEST ONE BEING MAMA-ZILLA.
UM, THEN, OF COURSE, I HAVE HER-HER SIDEKICKS
SISTER-ZILLAS.
SO, I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND SAY THERE'S ABOUT FOUR WOMEN
THAT I'M DEALING WITH RIGHT NOW.
- AND WITHIN ROUGHLY 30 SECONDS OF HIS MOTHER'S ARRIVAL,
IT BECOMES CLEAR WHICH ZILLA IS THE PREDATOR
AND WHICH IS JUST EASY PREY.
- WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM ABOUT THE FOOD?
- I TOLD HIM I WANTED DIFFERENT SEASONING,
BUT I KINDA DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT,
LIKE THE CONSISTENCY OF THE MARINARA.
I KINDA DIDN'T THINK ABOUT IT.
- THAT WAS LIKE, THE MAIN THING WE DIDN'T LIKE.
COMMUNICATION IS NOT GREAT BETWEEN ME AND HALEY.
SHE HAS TERRIBLE COMMUNICATION SKILLS.
AND I-I'VE WITNESSED IT NOT ONLY FOR THE WEDDING,
BUT JUST IN GENERAL-- AND SHE SUCKS.
I'M JUST HOPING THAT HE BRINGS IT AND IT'S BETTER.
- OKAY, THEN.
BUT WHEN THE CATERER ARRIVES, HIS NEW BATCH OF MARINARA
DOESN'T QUITE HIT THE MARK.
- DO YOU PROVIDE LIKE SALT PACKETS, OR PEPPER,
OR SOMETHING?
WE WEREN'T VERY HAPPY WITH IT.
WE WEREN'T EXCITED AND WE WERE HOPING THAT
HE WOULD STEP HIS GAME UP-- IT'S JUST DISGUSTING.
- THAT'S A BIT HARSH, SURELY.
MAYBE THE OTHER COURSES WILL MEET WITH MORE APPROVAL.
- WHAT-WHAT ARE THE APPETIZERS?
- THEY'RE THE BASIC, UH, CHEESE AND CRACKERS AND MEATS.
JUST A VARIETY-- TWO-- I'VE GOT TWO KINDS--
- THAT'S NOT HORS D'OEUVRES.
- WELL, THAT'S THE FREE HORS D'OEUVRES THAT WE OFFER.
- I JUST ASSUMED THAT IT WAS FOOD.
[laughs] NOT CRACKERS AND CHEESE.
- IN THESE ECONOMIC TIMES,
CERTAIN SACRIFICES MUST BE MADE--
SOME MORE SUBSTANTIAL THAN OTHERS.
- JULIE IS MY FIANCE'S MOM.
SHE'S ALSO OUR WEDDING COORDINATOR,
AND WE PROBABLY SHOULD'VE GOTTEN A DIFFERENT ONE,
BUT SHE WAS FREE.
- ARE THOSE THE VEGGIES?
'CAUSE THOSE AREN'T THE ONE WE TRIED LAST TIME.
- WELL, I LIKE THOSE BETTER-- I LIKE THE ASPARAGUS THE BEST.
- YEAH, BUT YOU'RE FEEDING 200 PEOPLE.
NOT 200 PEOPLE WANT FRICKIN' SPEARS.
I DON'T. - YEAH, WELL, IT'S MY WEDDING.
I'M REALLY BIG ON VEGETABLES
BECAUSE I'M VERY SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT MY BODY.
I WANNA LOOK GOOD AT ALL TIMES.
I MEAN, THIS-THIS ISN'T EASY.
I TRY AND IT DEFINITELY TAKES A LOT OF WORK.
BUT AS YOU CAN SEE, I'M DOING A PRETTY GOOD JOB AT IT.
WE'RE GOOD-- THANK YOU. - WELL, THANK YOU.
WE'LL TRY TO DO THE BEST WE CAN.
- AS THE CATERER MAKES A HASTY EXIT,
JULIE RECEIVES WORD FROM THE BAKER THAT SLACK-ZILLA
STILL HASN'T FINALIZED THE CAKE.
- WAS THAT THE CAKE LADY? - YES.
SHE WAS ASKING ME ABOUT THE FLAVORS,
BECAUSE NOW SHE'S FRICKIN' CONFUSED.
- I DON'T KNOW WHICH-- WHAT DID-- WHAT ARE THE FLAVORS
SHE TOLD YOU I CHOSE, 'CAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER.
- HALEY, THIS IS YOUR WEDDING CAKE.
HOW DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THE FLAVORS?
- I DON'T REMEMBER.
I HONESTLY DO NOT WANT TO HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS WEDDING,
BUT IT SEEMS LIKE I HAD TO TAKE OVER.
IF I DON'T THEN I DON'T THINK
THAT ANYTHING WOULD GO RIGHT.
- AND BY "TAKING OVER," JULIE REALLY MEANS
SECOND-GUESSING EVERYTHING
HALEY HAS PUT SO LITTLE THOUGHT INTO.
- AS FAR AS THE DESIGN PORTION,
ARE YOU WANTING FLOWERS ON THE CAKE?
NOT WANTING FLOWERS ON THE CAKE?
- I THINK THAT WE SHOULD HAVE LIKE A GLITTER "H."
- YOU'LL BE HAPPY WITH A MONOGRAMMED "H"
BLINGED OUT ON THE-- ON THE TOP?
- YEAH. - THIS CAKE IS PLAIN.
- SOMETHING TELLS US JULIE'S OBJECTIONS
RUN A LITTLE DEEPER
THAN DISSATISFACTION OVER THE WEDDING CAKE.
- I THINK THAT THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED TOO SOON.
I THINK THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE WAITED LONGER,
AND I TOLD THEM ALL OF THIS,
BUT I JUST WISH THAT IT WASN'T HAPPENING, NOT AT ALL.
- MOST BRIDES HAVE DREAMED OF THEIR WEDDING DAY
SINCE THEY WERE LITTLE GIRLS, WHICH FOR BRIDEZILLA, ARIEL,
WASN'T SO LONG AGO. - OH, MY GOD!
- SHE THINKS SHE GOT RIBBON, LIKE--
- NO-- I NEED MY RIBBON.
THIS ISN'T EVEN FAIR.
[sobbing] THE WEDDING'S [deleted] RUINED.
- BUT, BEFORE WE GET TO THE TODDLERESE TANTRUMS,
MEET ARIEL. - MY NAME'S ARIEL,
I'M 19 YEARS-OLD, I LIVE IN MITCHELL, SOUTH DAKOTA,
AND I'M, UGH, I DON'T KNOW.
I'M BOSSY.
- I CAN'T FIND A BALL THAT I LIKE.
- HURRY UP. - AND THE OLD BALL AND CHAIN,
FIANCE, BROOK.
- I GUESS IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER
WHAT BALL I USE-- OKAY.
MY NAME IS BROOK, AND I'M 21, I'M A WELDER
AND THE LUCKY GUY THAT'S GETTING READY TO MARRY ARIEL.
- TRY TO CONTAIN YOUR ENTHUSIASM, BROOK.
FORTUNATELY, THE HAPPY COUPLE'S RELATIONSHIP
IS BASED ON THE STRONGEST OF FOUNDATIONS.
[groans] OH, SHE JUST BANGED ME.
- IT WAS-- - IT WASN'T LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.
- IT WASN'T. - IT WAS, "LET'S HOOK UP."
AND THEN, IT JUST KINDA KEPT HOOKING UP,
AND WE FELL IN LOVE
AFTER WE FOUND OUT EACH OTHERS PERSONALITIES MORE.
AND I HAVE A STOMACH ACHE NOW
'CAUSE YOU HIT ME IN THE BALLS.
[chuckles] - OH, SUCK IT UP.
DUDE, OH, MY GOD.
I'M GONNA LOOK LIKE A FRICKIN' CLOWN.
- TODAY, ARIEL'S FRIEND NICOLE
IS TRYING HER HAND AT MAKE-UP ARTIST,
WHILE ARIEL FUMES ABOUT HER ABSENTEE BRIDAL PARTY.
- I HAVE TERESA AND NICOLE HERE WITH ME,
BUT THE THING IS, IS THEY'RE NOT MY BRIDESMAIDS.
MY BRIDESMAIDS ARE OFF DOING THEIR OWN THING,
WHICH REALLY PISSES ME OFF.
- UM, SO, ARE-- DO YOU HAVE ANY DAYS OFF THIS WEEK?
OR, WHEN ARE YOU COMING DOWN?
THAT'S ONLY ONE DAY.
LIKE, I NEED BRIDESMAIDS FOR LIKE EVERYTHING.
JULIE IS BROOK'S BROTHER'S FIANCE,
AND JULIE LIVES A LONG WAYS AWAY.
AND I'M REALLY PISSED OFF ABOUT THAT.
- THAT IS ANNOYING. - WHATEVER, YOU KNOW, LIKE,
IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE NOT EVEN, LIKE,
EXCITED TO BE IN THE WEDDING.
WELL, THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME
A LONG TIME AGO THAT YOU COULDN'T BE FLEXIBLE--
NO, YOU DIDN'T-- 'CAUSE IF YOU DID
I WOULDN'T HAVE WENT FORWARD WITH YOU
BEING IN MY WEDDING.
NO, I DON'T REALLY.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
JULIE DEFINITELY DESERVES TO BE KICKED OUT.
[deleted] BIPOLAR ***-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
BE MATURE-- COME ON, BE A WOMAN.
- ARIEL IS ALL ABOUT MATURITY,
WHICH IS PRECISELY WHY SHE LEAVES THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE
FOR THE NEXT BRIDESMAID ON HER HIT LIST,
WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE HER FIANCE'S 17-YEAR-OLD SISTER.
- ARE YOU SERIOUSLY KIDDING ME?
YOU CAN'T EVEN ANSWER YOUR [deleted] PHONE?
YOU GUYS ARE DOING NOTHING FOR ME.
WHAT KIND OF BRIDESMAIDS DO [deleted] ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
AND THEN BEING A BIG OL' [deleted] [deleted] ABOUT IT
AND WON'T EVEN [deleted] ANSWER YOUR PHONE?
WOW-- YOU'RE A [deleted] UP, ***.
[deleted] CALL ME BACK.
- WELL, THAT WAS SUCCINCT.
AND THEN, WITH A FEW FLICKS OF HER BARELY OPPOSABLE THUMBS,
ARIEL KICKS BROOK'S SISTER TO THE CURB.
- IF BROOK HAS A PROBLEM
WITH ME KICKING TUNIYA AND JULIE OUT OF THE WEDDING,
LIKE, I'M NOT EVEN GONNA WORRY ABOUT
WHAT HE SAYS BECAUSE, AS OF RIGHT NOW, WHAT I SAY, GOES.
- AND NOW THAT ARIEL HAS GOTTEN THAT OUT OF HER SYSTEM,
WHAT SHE REALLY NEEDS NOW,
IS A GOOD CRY ABOUT HOW ABANDONED SHE'S FEELING.
- EVERYTHING.
THEY'RE NOT EVEN TEXTING ME AND, LIKE, SAYING, LIKE,
"FIVE DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING, YAY!
"AREN'T YOU EXCITED-- BLAH-BLAH-BLAH."
THEY'RE NOT SAYING ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
TALK TO ME.
TALK TO ME-- I'M UPSET.
I DON'T KNOW-- I'M JUST SO UPSET.
OH, MY GOD-- REALLY?
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS, MOM THING.
LIKE, I JUST WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME.
OH, MY GOD-- MOM, REALLY?
- WELL, THERE IS NOTHING MORE HORRIBLE THAN HEARING
HOW MUCH YOUR MOTHER WISHES FOR YOUR HAPPINESS.
- THESE BRIDESMAIDS, LIKE, WANNA TALK ABOUT HOW,
LIKE, I'M BEING SELFISH WITH EVERYTHING OR WHATEVER.
DID I DO ANYTHING WRONG?
I DON'T REGRET, FOR ONE SECOND,
KICKING THE BRIDESMAIDS OUT OF MY WEDDING.
THEY HAVEN'T DESERVED ANYTHING TO BE ANY PART
OF MY WEDDING WHATSOEVER, NOT EVEN A VISITOR IN THE PEW.
I JUST WANT IT ALL TO BE OVER WITH.
I'M TIRED OF IT ALL-- I'M TIRED OF-- I HATE PEOPLE.
- COMING UP...
- YOU'RE COMIN' TO MY FAMILY-- I'M NOT COMIN' TO YOURS.
- HALEY TANGLES WITH HER MOTHER-IN-LAW
AT THE HAIR SALON.
- HE'S MARRYING INTO MY FAMILY-- THAT'S HOW THAT GOES.
- HELL, NO! - AND THEN...
- DON'T GET ALL [deleted] MOUTHY WITH ME.
- ARIEL'S FIANCE TRIES TO REIN HER IN.
- YOU CAN'T JUST KICK EVERYBODY OUT.
- AND GETS WHIPPED. - I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOUR-- - SORRY FOR WHAT?
TELL ME-- TELL ME-- TELL ME.
LEAVE.
- NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
- OH, CONGRATULATIONS. - THANK YOU.
- SO, HERE'S THE HAIR.
- TODAY, HALEY'S MOTHER-IN-LAW SLASH WEDDING COORDINATOR
HAS INSISTED UPON OVER-SEEING OUR ZILLA'S
PRE-WEDDING, HAIR APPOINTMENT.
- OKAY.
- WHATEVER YOU GOTTA DO, SO IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THAT.
- RIGHT.
- WE SO WISH HALEY'S MOTHER-IN-LAW
WOULD TELL US HOW SHE REALLY FEELS.
- WELL, I'M JUST GONNA QUICKLY GO THROUGH THE MAGAZINES.
I KNOW YOU SAID YOU PICKED A HAIRSTYLE,
BUT I DON'T KNOW.
I'VE NEVER LIKED THE WAY HALEY DOES HER OWN HAIR
ON AN EVERYDAY BASIS, LIKE, EVER.
I'VE TOLD HER THAT BEFORE.
LIKE, I'VE NEVER LIKED HER HAIR.
THAT'S WHY I WAS CONCERNED ON WHAT HER HAIR
WAS GONNA LOOK LIKE ON HER WEDDING DAY.
- OKAY, THAT'S COOL. - THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
I DON'T MEAN IT IN A MEAN WAY.
I JUST MEAN-- - OF COURSE, NOT IN A MEAN WAY,
BUT HALEY'S HAIR MAY BE THE LEAST OF HER WORRIES
WHEN IT TURNS OUT THE MAKEUP ARTIST HAS JUST DROPPED OUT.
- SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE WASN'T GONNA BE ABLE TO DO IT,
BUT SHE HAD A FRIEND WHO COULD HELP ME.
I DON'T KNOW THIS FRIEND, AND I DON'T LIKE THAT SHE
JUST DECIDED TO DROP OUT SO LAST MINUTE.
- SO, YOU DON'T KNOW HIS RATES OR ANYTHING?
- NO, THAT'S ANOTHER THING-- IF HE COSTS TOO MUCH,
WE'RE NOT DOIN' HIM EITHER, 'CAUSE SHE WAS TOO MUCH.
SO-- - HOW MUCH WAS SHE CHARGING?
- FIFTY.
- THAT IS TOO MUCH. - I WAS GONNA SAY.
- THAT'S NOT TOO MUCH.
- I LOOK SO GOOD WITHOUT MAKEUP.
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, THE WHOLE THING SHOULD TAKE
ABOUT FIVE MINUTES-- I MEAN, UH, THIS DOESN'T NEED MUCH,
YOU KNOW, ALTERATIONS TO BE GORGEOUS.
- BUT, HALEY WOULD LIKE US ALL TO KNOW
SHE'S NOT JUST ANOTHER PRETTY FACE.
UNDERNEATH HER STUNNING NATURAL BEAUTY
LIES THE HEART OF A NERD.
- I'M A WEIRD PERSON IN GENERAL.
EVERYONE ELSE WANTS TO WATCH REALITY TELEVISION.
I WOULD RATHER SIT THERE AND WATCH A DOCUMENTARY
ON A GIANT SQUID.
- YES, CLEARLY, YOU HATE REALITY TELEVISION-- AHEM.
- THAT-THAT'S-THAT'S ONE OF MY ISSUES.
LIKE, HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW FASHION, WHAT'S IN,
WHAT'S NOT IN-- HOW DO YOU KNOW?
BUT, YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT A FRICKIN' SQUID?
WHO CARES? - IF I WERE TO SAY
THAT ME AND JULIE WERE TWO ANIMALS,
I'D PROBABLY SAY, LIKE, A HONEY BADGER AND A COBRA.
SHE'S DEFINITELY THE HONEY BADGER.
SHE DOESN'T GIVE UP-- SHE'S RELENTLESS.
COBRA BITES A HONEY BADGER.
HONEY BADGER IS, LIKE, DOESN'T GIVE A [deleted],
AND THEN HE COMES BACK ALIVE,
AND THEN HE ATTACKS THE COBRA, AND I CAN'T REMEMBER
IF THE COBRA DIED OR NOT-- I THINK THE COBRA GOT AWAY.
I'M PRETTY SURE THE COBRA GOT AWAY.
- NO, HALEY, THE COBRA DIES AFTER ITS FACE
GETS GNAWED OFF.
BUT, BY ALL MEANS, DO GO ON TEMPTING FATE.
- AND I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S FAIR THAT I HAVE TO CHANGE
WHO I AM-- BUT, IF YOU WERE TO ASK,
"HEY, SIT DOWN AND WATCH THIS SQUID SHOW,"
I DON'T THINK THAT I WOULD GET THAT RECIPROCATED.
LIKE, YOU GUYS WOULD BE LIKE,
"WHAT THE [deleted]-- NO."
AND YOU WOULDN'T WATCH IT. - HELL NO!
I'M NOT GONNA WATCH A SQUID SHOW.
I WOULDN'T DO IT FOR YOU-- I WOULDN'T DO IT FOR NOBODY.
- ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT SQUID?
- UM, HE'S MARRYING INTO MY FAMILY.
THAT'S HOW THAT HE GOES. - NO, HE'S NOT.
YOU'RE MARRYING INTO OURS.
DIMITRI IS MY FIRSTBORN-- HE'S MY SON.
AND I-I JUST DON'T THINK SHE'S THE GIRL FOR HIM.
I WANT TO FEEL JOY AND HAPPINESS, YOU KNOW?
BUT, I DON'T.
I-I WAKE UP EARLY MORNINGS CRYING.
I GO TO SLEEP CRYING.
YOU'RE COMIN' TO MY FAMILY-- I'M NOT COMIN' TO YOURS.
AND WE ALL KNOW WHO'S IN CHARGE OF THIS FAMILY.
ME. - NO.
- YES.
- IF SHE KEEPS DOING THIS, I SWEAR TO GOD.
THERE'S GONNA BE A MOMENT
WHERE SHE JUST ENDS UP BEING SLAPPED,
AND SHE'S NOT GONNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED,
AND I'M GONNA BE LIKE, "***, YOU STARTED IT."
- ARIEL'S FIANCE, BROOK,
HAS ASKED HER TO MEET HIM ON NEUTRAL TERRITORY
TO DISCUSS THE OUSTING OF HIS SISTER
AND FUTURE SISTER-IN-LAW FROM THE BRIDAL PARTY.
- ARIEL DOESN'T REALLY LIKE TO TALK,
BUT I WANTED TO MEET WITH HER BECAUSE SHE WAS KICKING
THE BRIDESMAIDS OUT OF THE WEDDING,
AND ONE IS MY BROTHER'S FIANCE,
AND IF SHE'S NOT IN THE WEDDING,
HE'S NOT GONNA BE IN THE WEDDING.
AND THEN, MY SISTER WAS THE OTHER PERSON,
AND IF SHE WASN'T GONNA BE IN THERE,
THEN MY WHOLE FAMILY WASN'T GONNA BE AT MY WEDDING.
YOU CAN'T JUST KICK EVERYBODY OUT.
LIKE, THEY'VE BOUGHT DRESSES ALREADY,
AND THEY'RE TRYING TO BE THERE AS MUCH AS THEY CAN.
LIKE, THEY CAN'T BE THERE CONSTANTLY.
- THEY AGREED TO IT.
- OKAY, SO IT'S OKAY THAT EVERYBODY FROM MY FAMILY
JUST HATES ME-- THAT'S OKAY?
THAT'S NOT OKAY.
- HIS SISTERS PROBABLY CALLED HIM, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
BALLING ABOUT EVERYTHING.
YOU KNOW, CRYING LIKE A CRY SACK.
LIKE, MAKING IT ALL LIKE I'M THE PERPETRATOR,
AND THEY'RE THE VICTIM.
- SOMETHING TELLS US THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME
OUR ZILLA'S HAD TO DENY BEING A PERPETRATOR
OF ONE KIND OR ANOTHER.
- DID YOU TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT BEFORE AND TELL 'EM
THAT THEY HAVE-- - THEY SHOULDA RESEARCHED IT.
- TUNIYA'S STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL.
- WELL, THEN WHY DID SHE AGREE TO IT?
- BECAUSE SHE LOVES YOU AND WANTS TO BE THERE FOR YOU.
- OH, LA-LA-LA, THE PITY PARTY.
[whipping sound]
- APPARENTLY, THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE PITY PARTIES
ARE THE ONES ARIEL THROWS FOR HERSELF.
- I JUST WANNA STOP.
- WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO SAD?
- JUST SHUT UP-- OH, MY GOD!
I DON'T WANNA DO THIS ANYMORE.
CAN WE PLEASE JUST STOP?
- I'M JUST SAYING-- YOU JUST APOLOGIZE TO 'EM NOW,
AND YOU REALLY-- - SHUT UP!
DO I REALLY HAVE TO [deleted] SCREAM IN HERE?
- AND WITH THAT, ARIEL'S EYES ARE SUDDENLY DRY,
AND BROOK FINDS HIMSELF ON THE DEFENSIVE.
- I'M SORRY-- I DIDN'T MEAN--
- SORRY FOR WHAT-- TELL ME-- TELL ME-- TELL ME.
- NOT SEEING YOUR POINT OF VIEW.
- WHAT'S MY POINT OF VIEW?
- THAT THEY'RE NOT THERE FOR YOU.
- DON'T GET ALL [deleted] MOUTHY WITH ME.
- THE THING IS, IS-- NO, TO ME, YOU JUST HAVE TO
CALL THEM AND AT LEAST-- - I AM NOT CALLING THEM.
THEY CAN CALL AND APOLOGIZE TO ME.
IT'S MY WEDDING WEEK.
- THE WEDDING IS ABOUT BOTH OF US GETTING MARRIED.
- OH, MY GOD-- DO YOU EVER STOP TALKING?
- NO, NOT WHEN IT'S-- - OBVIOUSLY NOT,
EVEN WHEN I TELL YOU SHUT UP-- THAT MEANS SHUT UP.
- NOT WHEN IT'S-- NOT WHEN IT'S ABOUT THIS.
- LET ME ASK YOU THIS-- DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHUT UP MEANS?
[bell dings]
- OH, SNAP!
BROOK HAD BETTER WATCH OUT.
THIS ZILLA IS BRINGING HER A-GAME.
- IF YOU WANT THEM IN THE WEDDING, YOU TEXT THEM,
'CAUSE I'M NOT EVEN STOOPING DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL
TO TELL THEM THAT THEY'RE BACK IN.
- I WILL. - THE BRIDESMAIDS ARE BACK
IN THE WEDDING-- IT'S OBVIOUSLY WHAT HE'S WANTS.
LIKE, HE SHOULD BE ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
HE'S-HE'S A GROOMZILLA.
BROOK'S JUST BEING A COMPLETE [deleted].
LIKE, I MEAN, HE'S NOT THE ONLY ONE GETTING MARRIED.
I'M GETTING MARRIED TO HIM, AND I SHOULD GET MY WAY
IN PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING-- I'M THE BRIDE.
LEAVE.
- COMING UP...
- I LOOK AMAZING ALL THE TIME.
- YOU CAN'T PUT A PRICE ON BEAUTY.
- DO I LOOK LIKE A ***? - OR, CAN YOU?
- YOU LOOK LIKE A $200 ESCORT.
- AND THEN... - CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU GUYS HAVE [deleted]-- THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE FOR.
- WHEN IT COMES TO THE VENUE DECORATIONS--
- ALL THIS [deleted] IS RED, WHITE, AND BLUE.
- IT'S ARIEL-- - OH, MY [deleted] GOD!
- AGAINST THE WORLD.
- THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY WEDDING!
STOP!
- NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS!"
- HI. - HI, HONEY-- HOW ARE YOU?
- GOOD-- ERIC? - PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
HALEY, RIGHT-- HOW ARE YOU DOIN'?
- TODAY, HALEY IS TESTING OUT HER NEW MAKE-UP ARTIST.
- HELLO! - AND NATURALLY,
DIMITRI'S MOTHER AND EQUALLY ADORING SISTER, KASEE,
ARE ON HAND TO SAVE THE BRIDE FROM HER NATURAL BEAUTY.
[gulping]
- FOR HALEY, I LIKE ANY LOOK OTHER THAN HER LOOK.
- SO, I JUST GOT EYE-LASH EXTENSIONS.
I DON'T KNOW-- AM I EVEN STILL ABLE TO WEAR EYE-LASHES?
- OH-- WELL, ONE SAYS NATURAL-- ONE SAYS DOUBLE.
- DOUBLE!
HALEY DOESN'T WANNA HEAR ANYTHING, ME, MY SISTER,
OR MY MOTHER HAS TO SAY REGARDING HER APPEARANCE.
SHE THINKS SHE LOOKS GOOD.
MY BROTHER THINKS SHE LOOKS GOOD.
SHE DOESN'T LOOK GOOD.
- CONSIDERING KASEE'S BEAUTIFY REGIMEN APPARENTLY INVOLVES
SPRAY PAINT, SPACKLE, AND A MAGIC MARKER,
WE'RE NOT SURE SHE SHOULD BE GIVING OUT MAKE-UP ADVICE.
BUT, AFTER UNCEREMONIOUSLY REMOVING THE GROOM--
- THANK YOU-- I'LL CALL YOU LATER-- I LOVE YOU.
- THE ONLY THING PROTECTING HALEY
FROM THESE MONSTERS-IN-LAW IS HER ALL TOO HEALTHY EGO.
- IT'S YOUR WEDDING DAY-- DO YOU WANNA LOOK AMAZING?
- YES. - OKAY.
[laughs] - PLEASE.
- THIS FACE IS BEAUTIFUL WITHOUT MAKE-UP.
I DON'T NEED MAKE-UP-- THUS, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WEAR
A TON OF MAKE-UP ON MY WEDDING DAY.
- WHEN THE MAKE-UP ARTIST DARES TO IMPROVE
UPON HALEY'S PERFECTION, HE IS MET WITH MIXED REVIEWS.
- ARE YOU READY? - I'M READY.
- TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
- OH, JESUS [deleted].
- CAN YOU KICK IT UP A NOTCH?
BECAUSE, I MEAN, THAT LOOKS GREAT BUT, LIKE YOU SAID,
FOR PICTURES, JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE.
- I WOULD LIKE HALEY TO LOOK DECENT
AND NOT LIKE SHE LOOKS EVERY SINGLE DAY,
WHICH IS A PLAIN JANE.
SO, THAT'S WHY WE WERE ENCOURAGING FOR HER
TO BE A LITTLE BIT MORE DRAMATIC.
FOR THAT DAY, I WOULD LIKE HER TO LOOK NICE
FOR MY BROTHER-- THAT'S ALL.
- WE'LL DO THIS ONE.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, OR IF YOU DON'T LIKE
THE SMOKIER ONE, THEN-- - IT'S JUST MAKE-UP.
IT COMES OFF. - EXACTLY.
WE'LL DO-- THE DAY OF, WE'LL DO THE LIGHTER ONE.
- OKAY.
- I THINK IT'S GONNA LOOK AWESOME
WITH THE SECOND LOOK, IS MY PREFERENCE.
- THANKS FOR SHARING. - THAT'S WHAT I NEEDED TO SEE.
DAMN. - OKAY, LET'S SEE HERE.
- DO I LOOK LIKE A ***?
- IF YOU DID, YOU'D LOOK LIKE A HIGH-DOLLAR ***.
THAT'S-THAT'S THE BEST-- AND NOT EVEN A ***.
I-I SH-- LET ME REPHRASE-- YOU DON'T LOOK--
YOU LOOK LIKE A $200-- - ESCORT.
- ESCORT. - THANK GOODNESS
YOU REPHRASED THAT-- AN ESCORT IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
THAN A ***.
- A HIGH-PRICED ***! - THAT'S RIGHT,
A HIGH-PRICED ***.
YEAH, AND THAT'S BETTER TO LOOK LIKE THAT
THAN A CHEAP ***.
- I'D RATHER NOT LOOK LIKE A ***, AT ALL.
- WELL, I MEAN, M JUST SAYIN'.
I MEAN, WHO WOULDN'T WANNA LOOK LIKE
A HIGH-PRICED *** INSTEAD OF A CHEAP ***?
[bell dings]
- OKAY, TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. - HAVE AN OPEN MIND.
- RIGHT. - AND ACTION!
- YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT.
- I JUST FEEL LIKE THIS IS JUST WAY TOO MUCH MAKE-UP
FOR A WEDDING. - UGH-- SHE'S SO BORING.
- JULIE'S MAKE-UP IS TOO MUCH FOR ME.
I MEAN, IF YOU GOTTA COVER UP YOUR FACE
BECAUSE WHAT'S UNDERNEATH IT DOESN'T WORK
FOR EVERYONE ELSE, THEN, I GUESS,
WEAR AS MUCH MAKE-UP AS YOU WANT.
BUT, I DON'T HAVE TO.
- AM I COMING BACK? - HE'S HIRED?
- AM I HIRED FOR SATURDAY?
- DESPITE THE 50 SHADES OF EYE SHADOW--
- I GET MARRIED IN TWO DAYS, AND I DON'T HAVE TIME
TO DO ANOTHER MAKE-UP TRIAL.
- SAY, "YES," HALEY. - YEAH.
- HOW DID THINGS GO TODAY-- HMM-- I THINK I ACCOMPLISHED
WHAT I WANTED WITH HALEY AND WHAT SHE WANTS--
LIGHT MAKE-UP, VERY SEXY.
I'M JUST GONNA IGNORE THE MOTHER-IN-LAW AND THE SISTER.
WE'LL MAKE IT HAPPEN.
- HEY, BABE.
HOW ARE YOU?
- WHAT'S UP, BABE?
- HOW DO YOU LIKE MY MAKE-UP?
I KNOW-- I LOOK LIKE A ***.
- THAT'S MESSED UP.
I WAS GONNA SAY YOU LOOK LIKE MY MOM AND MY SISTER.
- POINT MADE.
- WHY IS THE REFRIGERATOR OPEN?
- THREE DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING,
ARIEL AND THE NEWLY REINSTATED BRIDAL PARTY
HAVE INVADED THE AMERICAN LEGION
TO START SETTING UP THE WEDDING.
- THE BRIDESMAIDS ARE BACK IN, BUT TONIGHT,
BROOK WILL BE THERE, AND HE'LL SEE IF THEY ACT UP,
AND MAYBE HE'LL SEE IT THROUGH MY EYES TONIGHT.
STOP MOVING THE CHAIRS!
STOP-- I'M TRYING TO TALK!
- NOBODY HEARD YOU, 'CAUSE WE WERE MOVIN' THE CHAIRS.
- BUT PREDICTABLY, ARIEL IS THE ONLY ONE ACTING UP,
PARTICULARLY WHEN IT COMES TO THE PATRIOTIC DECORATIONS.
- CAN WE TAKE ALL THIS STUFF DOWN?
LIKE, ALL THIS FLAG STUFF?
- OH, ARIEL'S ALWAYS BEEN OUR LITTLE DRAMA QUEEN.
SHE HAS GROWN UP, AND EVERYBODY BECOMES
THEIR OWN PERSON.
SO, WHERE DOES SHE GET IT FROM, RIGHT?
- WELL, MY COLORS AREN'T RED, WHITE, AND BLUE.
- THERE'S RED, WHITE, AND BLUE [deleted] JUST EVERYWHERE.
LIKE, I'M NOT GONNA BE NON-PATRIOTIC,
BUT MY WEDDING COLORS ARE PURPLE AND ZEBRA.
THAT DOESN'T MATCH AT ALL.
- PURPLE AND ZEBRA?
- WHY?
WHY?
WHY-- BECAUSE IT'S TALKING ABOUT THE FRICKIN' FLAG,
AND THIS IS A WEDDING.
IT'S A LEGION HALL-- THERE'S GONNA BE THAT UP THERE.
IT WAS RIDICULOUS.
- CAN ONE OF YOU HELP ME? - DO NOT TAKE THAT STUFF!
- I'M TAKING IT DOWN!
THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY WEDDING!
STOP!
BROOK! - WHAT?
- STOP! - IT WON'T GO IN.
- OH, MY [deleted] GOD!
- THE WAY ARIEL'S BEEN ACTING, IF IT WASN'T FOR MY BROTHER,
I WOULD NOT WANNA DO THIS.
SHE DOESN'T THINK OF OTHER PEOPLE.
SHE THINKS ABOUT ONLY HERSELF.
- HAVING STOPPED JUST SHORT OF A FLAG FUELED BONFIRE,
OUR ZILLA FOCUSES HER RAGE
ON THE NEXT MOST OFFENSIVE THING IN THE ROOM:
TWINKLE LIGHTS.
- ALL THIS [deleted] IS RED, WHITE, AND [deleted] BLUE.
IS THAT MY WEDDING COLOR-- NO.
THIS IS ALL COMING DOWN. - THAT'S THE COLORS OF AMERICA.
- DO NOT DO THAT! - I THINK ARIEL
WAS GOING A LITTLE BIT OVER-BOARD.
SHE WAS LIKE A PSYCHO ***-- SHE'S CRAZY.
- IF IT WAS PURPLE-- - ARIEL!
- WHAT? - I'M SERIOUS.
- GET OUT-- THIS IS MY-- WHERE I'M HAVING MY [deleted].
- I UNDERSTAND THAT. - IS THIS YOUR WEDDING?
I DON'T THINK SO! - WELL, YEAH.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA COME BACK AND PUT IT UP AGAIN, ARE YA?
- NO, I'M NOT. - YEAH-- WELL, GOOD.
- ME AND BROOK ARE NOT PUTTING THE LIGHTS UP.
WHOEVER DECIDES TO CLEAN UP THE LEGION AFTER WE'RE GONE,
IF MY MOM REALLY WANTS HER DEPOSIT BACK,
SHE CAN DO IT HERSELF.
IT'D BE NICE, IF SOMEBODY WERE TO, LIKE, HELP ME.
- NO, NOBODY ELSE WANTS 'EM DOWN.
- JUST SHUT UP! - UGH!
- WE'RE COMING BACK HERE-- YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS,
RIGHT NOW. - SHUT UP!
- WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS, RIGHT NOW.
- OBVIOUSLY, IF [deleted] GOTTA GET DONE--
- WE JUST PUT EVERY SINGLE TABLE UP.
EVERY-- DID YOU PUT ALL THE TABLES UP?
WE PUT EVERY SINGLE TABLE UP, JUST NOW.
- CONGRATULATIONS-- YOU GUYS HAVE [deleted].
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE FOR.
- COMING UP...
- YAY! - WILL ARIEL'S BIG MOUTH--
- SHUT UP!
- SEAL THE FATE OF HER RELATIONSHIP?
- DO YOU REALLY WANNA MARRY ME-- DO YOU HAVE MY BACK?
I'M DONE-- REALLY, I'M [deleted]-- I'M DONE.
- THEN, AT HALEY'S BACHELORETTE BASH...
- WHOA-WHOA-WHOA!
- ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.
- NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-- NO-NO-NO-NO!
NO-NO-NO!
- YOU ACT LIKE A RATCHET-*** ***!
- IS IT NECESSARY FOR THE POLICE TO BE CALLED?
- NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE WAXING OF YOUR [deleted].
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SHAVE IT-- LIKE, WHY?
- IT LASTS LONGER. - YEAH, BUT-BUT DON'T YOU
GOTTA BE, LIKE, UP ON A TABLE,
ALL SPREAD EAGLE FOR A STRANGER? - YEP.
- THAT'S-- I-- I JUST-- NO.
- ARE YOU GONNA GET, LIKE, VAJAZZLED AND ALL THAT, TOO?
LIKE, GET YOUR VAJAZZ-- YOUR VA-JAY-JAY--
I HEARD THEY, LIKE, PUT SOME BLING ON IT.
[laughter] NO?
- NO, THERE'S NOT GONNA BE-- - NO BLINGY?
- ANY BLING ON MY ***. - OH.
- WHAT'S UP, GUYS?
- IT'S THE NIGHT OF ARIEL AND BROOK'S
JOINT BACHELOR-BACHELORETTE PARTY,
AND ONCE OUR ZILLA HAS CHANGED TO HER FORMAL-WEAR,
LET THE GOOD TIMES BEGIN.
- SIT PRETTY-- SIT PRETTY.
SIT PRETTY-- HERE, SIT PRETTY.
NO, SIT PRETTY.
- I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT THE WEDDING STUFF.
I WANNA STOP THINKING ABOUT THE WEDDING STUFF.
I WANT TO LET LOOSE AND HAVE SOME FUN.
- BUT, WHO COULD'VE PREDICTED THAN AN EVENING
IN ARIEL'S LIVING ROOM WOULD DISAPPOINT?
- OKAY, THIS IS SO BORING.
TUNIYA, WHY DIDN'T YOU [deleted] BRING ANYTHING?
- I BROUGHT FOOD.
- YAY!
- WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO BRING?
- THAT'S WHAT YOU ASKED HER TO BRING.
YOU SAID, "BRING ME FOOD"-- THAT'S ALL YOU SAID.
- DON'T [deleted] GET INVOLVED.
SHUT YOUR FACE. - WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
- I EXPECT [deleted] STRAWS.
I EXPECT [deleted] DECORATIONS.
- OKAY, I WOULD-- - LIKE, OKAY, MAYBE,
LIKE, H-HONESTLY, MAYBE, YOU KNOW, PALM SPRINGS.
LIKE, THAT'S A [deleted] GOOD IDEA, RIGHT?
- OKAY, THAT'S FUNNY. - EVERYBODY TALK SEPARATELY!
TALK AT ONCE, ONE [deleted] PERSON.
HONESTLY, I CAN'T [deleted] HEAR EVERYTHING.
- WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BRING?
- WHAT? - WE CAN HEAR YOU.
- WELL, EVERYBODY'S [deleted] YELLING!
DON'T [deleted] YELL AT ME-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- GO AHEAD. - ARE YOU REALLY GONNA
[deleted] DO THIS, RIGHT NOW?
DON'T [deleted] BUTT IN LIKE THAT.
- OKAY, THEN TELL THEM. - NO-- YOU JUST TOLD ME NOT TO.
- I SAID YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL-- WE CAN ALL HEAR.
- OBVIOUSLY, IF THREE PEOPLE AT ONCE ARE YELLING,
I'M GONNA YELL TO GET PEOPLE'S ATTENTION!
- THREE PEOPLE-- - THAT'S-- SHH!
- THREE PEOPLE AT ONCE ARE YELLING,
AND YOU'RE THREE TIMES LOUDER THAN THE THREE PEOPLE.
- UH, TO GET THE ATTENTION, DUH.
- ARIEL GOT MAD AT ME BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT
I WAS STICKING UP FOR THEM, WHICH I WASN'T.
I JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE HEARING HER YELL.
- THERE WAS THREE PEOPLE TALKING AT ONCE,
YELLING AT ONCE, AT ME!
AND YOU'RE GONNA TAKE THEIR SIDE?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA [deleted] TAKE
YOUR MOTHER [deleted] WIFE'S SIDE?
YOUR SOON-TO-BE WIFE? - THEY'RE ALL YELLING.
- DO YOU REALLY WANNA MARRY ME?
DO YOU HAVE MY BACK-- DO YOU HAVE MY BACK?
- YES, BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO BE SCREAMING.
NOBODY NEEDS TO BE SCREAMING. - WELL, LIKE, YOU'RE REALLY
GONNA DO THIS, RIGHT NOW?
ARE YOU [deleted] STUPID?
- NO BACKS ARE TAKEN, AND YOU'RE SCREAMING.
- YOU'RE SO [deleted] STUPID-- I'M DONE.
REALLY, I'M [deleted]-- I'M DONE.
- CHEERS, HONEY.
- LET'S DO THIS!
HAVE MY BACHELORETTE-- WHOO-HOO!
- IT'S HALEY AND DIMITRI'S COMBINED
BACHELOR-BACHELORETTE PARTY, BUT RIGHT OFF THE BAT,
THERE APPEARS TO BE SOME DIVISION.
- 'CAUSE YOU HAVEN'T.
- APART FROM THE UNBRIDLED HATRED, HALEY HAS A THEORY
ABOUT WHY SHE AND HER IN-LAWS JUST DON'T MIX.
- MY IN-LAWS ARE DEFINITELY DIFFERENT
THAN I'M USED TO DEALING WITH.
YOU KNOW, THE EDUCATED WOMAN THAT I AM,
AND THEY ARE DEFINITELY MORE FLAMBOYANT,
KIND OF GHETTO, AND THAT'S WHY
WE HAVE SO MUCH TENSION. - ALL RIGHT-- LET'S DO THIS.
LET ME SHOW YOU.
- FORTUNATELY, DIMITRI KNOWS JUST THE ICEBREAKER
FOR THE OCCASION.
- AH! - LET'S GO.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO-- OH!
[cheering]
- AS HALEY STRUGGLES WITH THE BEER ***,
JULIE TRIES TO GET BRIDESMAID MICHELLE
TO JOIN THE PARTY.
- COME ON, MICHELLE-- COME ON, MICHELLE!
COME ON!
YOU'RE A ***-- COME ON-- COME AND SUCK IT.
- STRANGELY ENOUGH, MICHELLE DOESN'T REALIZE
THIS IS JUST JULIE BEING NICE,
AND HALEY'S PRIM AND PROPER BRIDESMAID
DECIDES TO TAKE HER LEAVE.
- SHE'S--
- THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
- WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ASK AUNT VANESSA TWICE.
- I DON'T DRINK BEER-- HOLD ON.
- MAKE US MEXICANS PROUD-- COME ON-- SUCK IT!
- GO-GO-GO!
- ARE YOU REALLY UPSET? - I'M VERY UPSET.
- IT'S JUST THEM AS PEOPLE.
YOU JUST GOTTA-- YOU JUST GOTTA--
I'VE BEEN SEEING IT FOR THREE YEARS.
THIS IS JUST WHO THEY ARE.
- ACTUALLY, THAT'S JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.
- WHO-- DO YOU HAVE AN ISSUE-- WHO HAS AN ISSUE?
- NO ONE HAS AN ISSUE. - ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- WE'RE GOOD-- VANESSA?
- YOU? - EXCUSE ME?
- DO YOU HAVE AN ISSUE? - STOP-- STOP IT.
- DO YOU HAVE AN ISSUE?
- ACTUALLY, I DO HAVE AN ISSUE.
- WITH WHO?
- WELL, IF YOU-- YOU GUYS ARE OFF TO THE CORNER.
YOU'RE SITTING THERE-- - 'CAUSE WE'RE NOT ACTING OUT.
[indistinct yelling]
- NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-- NO-NO-NO-NO!
NO-NO!
- HALEY, YOU DON'T [deleted] KNOW
MY MOTHER [deleted] SIDE!
- BUT, WHY USE YOUR WORDS
WHEN YOU CAN JUST BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF SOMEONE?
- NO. - WHOA!
WHOA-WHOA-WHOA!
[indistinct yelling]
- YOU DO NOT GET TO TALK TO MY FRIEND LIKE THAT!
[indistinct yelling]
YOU DO NOT GET TO TALK TO MY FRIEND LIKE THAT!
[indistinct yelling]
- WHOA-WHOA-WHOA!
- WHAT, ***?
I'LL [deleted] YOUR *** *** UP,
'CAUSE WE LIVE IN MOTHER [deleted] AZ, ***!
- THIS IS SO GHETTO.
OH, MY GOD-- LET'S STOP!
STOP-STOP-STOP-- STOP-STOP!
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DECIDED TO LOSE
YOUR [deleted] DAMN MIND.
[indistinct yelling]
STOP-- CALM DOWN!
STOP TALKING-- STOP!
STOP IT, RIGHT NOW-- I SWEAR TO GOD!
- EVERYBODY, SHUT UP! - SUCK RIGHT HERE, ***!
[indistinct yelling]
- EVERYBODY, SHUT UP.
LET ME TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
YOU GUYS START GETTIN' HOOD ON ME.
I'M KICKING EVERYBODY THE [deleted] OUT.
- YEP, IT'S PRETTY MUCH TIME TO GO NOW.
BUT, DIMITRI'S FAMILY ISN'T ABOUT TO GO QUIETLY.
- DON'T SAY NOTHIN' TO ME AT ALL!
- BACK UP! - DON'T SAY NOTHIN'
TO ME AT ALL!
- YOU ARE SO DISRESPECTFUL, RIGHT NOW!
- OH, SHUT UP! - I'M NOT EVEN
[deleted] WIT' YOU. - YOU'RE GLAD THAT
I'M EVEN HERE! - YOU ARE SO DISRESPECTFUL,
RIGHT NOW! - BE GLAD THAT I'M EVEN HERE!
- YOU'RE SO DISRESPECTFUL, RIGHT NOW!
YOU ARE SO DISRESPECTFUL, RIGHT NOW.
IT'S NOT EVEN [deleted] FUNNY.
- OH, SHUT UP! - IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY!
I AM NOT GONNA HAVE MY [deleted] FAMILY ACTING IGNORANT!
WE AIN'T NO [deleted] HOOD RAT.
YOU ACT LIKE A [deleted] RATCHET-*** ***,
AND THAT'S NOT OKAY-- PERIOD-- EVER!
- WELL, SHE ACTS LIKE A STUCK-UP ***,
AND THAT AIN'T OKAY, EITHER!
- WHO? - ALL OF THEM!
- REALLY? - YES, REALLY.
- OKAY-- GO.
- BY THE TIME DIMITRI'S RABID RELATIVES
ARE HERDED OUTSIDE, IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE
HAS CALLED THE AUTHORITIES.
- YOU SEE THIS [deleted]?
IS IT NECESSARY FOR THE [deleted] TO BE CALLED?
THAT'S [deleted] RIDICULOUS.
- MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD CALL THE WA-MBULANCE INSTEAD.
- A MAJORITY OF MY ANGER GOES TO MY [deleted] BROTHER.
I JUST FEEL LIKE HE SHOWS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, LIKE,
THE UTMOST RESPECT.
AND US, HE'S JUST LIKE, OH, THEY DON'T MATTER.
AND TODAY, TO SEE HIM SIT THERE AND DEFEND
SOMEBODY ELSE, THAT'S HURTFUL.
- FACED WITH KASEE'S TEARS, OUR STONY ZILLA
CAN'T HELP BUT TO FIND THE SILVER LINING.
- HEY, SOME PEOPLE MAY CHOOSE TO NOT COME
TO THE WEDDING AFTER THIS.
THANK YOU.
- COMING UP...
- OKAY, WAIT-- NO-- DRESS!
- HELL HATH NO FURY-- - I SWEAR TO GOD.
- LIKE A MOTHER-IN-LAW ZILLA SCORNED.
- WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
- OH, MY GOD!
THIS IS A BAD IDEA.
- NEXT, ON "BRIDEZILLAS."
- HEY, GIRL. - HEY-- HELLO, THERE.
- HOW ARE YOU DOIN'?
- IT'S THE MORNING OF HALEY'S WEDDING.
BUT, AFTER LAST NIGHT'S FAMILY FEUD--
- NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-- NO-NO-NO-NO!
- YOU ACT LIKE A [deleted] RATCHET-*** ***,
AND THAT'S NOT OKAY!
- I'LL [deleted] YOUR *** *** UP,
'CAUSE WE LIVE IN MOTHER [deleted] AZ, ***!
- NO ONE HAS HEARD FROM DIMITRI'S MOM OR SISTER.
- LAST NIGHT WAS A [deleted] SHOW.
THAT [deleted] WAS UNACCEPTABLE.
IT WAS UNACCEPTABLE BECAUSE IT WAS DISRESPECTFUL TO ME.
IT WAS DISRESPECTFUL TO DIMITRI.
IT WAS DISRESPECTFUL TO THE DAMN ESTABLISHMENT
THAT WE WERE IN.
- BUT, DESPITE THEIR DIFFERENCES,
HALEY FULLY EXPECTS DIMITRI'S MOTHER
TO MAKE THIS THE WEDDING OF HER DREAMS.
- IF JULIE'S NOT AT THE VENUE, RIGHT NOW,
DECORATING MY WEDDING AS MY WEDDING COORDINATOR,
I WILL FIND HER, I WILL HOLD HER DOWN,
AND I WILL PLUCK OUT EVERY SINGLE PIECE
OF FACIAL HAIR THAT SHE HAS ON HER FACE,
FROM HER EYE-LASHES, HER EYE-BROWS,
TO HER UPPER LIP HAIR-- WE'RE GONNA DO IT MY WAY.
I WANT THE NATURAL LOOK AND-- - WHAT IS SHE GONNA SAY?
- I REALLY DON'T CARE.
SHE BETTER JUST SAY THAT I'M THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRIDE
SHE'S EVER SEEN IN HER ENTIRE LIFE.
[laughter]
- AND SO, APPARENTLY, SHOULD EVERYONE ELSE.
- OOH, WOW-- I LOOK FANTABULOUS TODAY.
I'VE NEVER SEEN A MORE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!
I'D LIKE EVERYONE TO REPEAT THAT WITH ME.
[all] - I'VE NEVER SEEN A MORE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!
- THANK YOU. - THANK YOU.
- I DIDN'T NEED YOU TO SAY THAT.
GET OUT OF MY FACE.
OH, GO GET READY-- GO.
GET OUT OF MY FACE.
- BUT, THE FORCED AFFIRMATIONS
OF OUR ZILLA'S IMMEASURABLE BEAUTY DON'T STOP THERE.
- EVERYBODY, COME SEE MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!
CAN WE REPEAT WHAT WE SAID LAST TIME?
[all] - I HAVE NEVER SEEN A MORE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE THAN HALEY--
- IN MY ENTIRE LIFE-- WHAT IS HAPPENING?
I HAVE NEVER SEEN A MORE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE THAN HALEY!
- AS MUCH FUN AS THIS IS FOR ALL CONCERNED,
IT'S TIME TO HEAD TO THE VENUE.
- SO, EVERYBODY'S WHO'S READY, GET OUT OF THIS ROOM.
GET OUT OF THIS ROOM.
ANYONE WHO'S READY, GET OUT. - PLEASE, DON'T SNAP AT ME.
- GET OUT!
I WANTED TO GET THERE AT ABOUT 2:45,
SO THAT WE COULD GET ALL THE PICTURES IN THAT WE NEEDED
BECAUSE MY PHOTOGRAPHER IS $100 AN HOUR.
BUT, MY WEDDING PARTY IS TAKING TOO DAMN LONG!
OH, MY GOD-- I FEEL PANIC.
I'M GETTING MARRIED.
- FORTUNATELY, HALEY DOESN'T HURL.
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, OVER AT THE WEDDING VENUE,
THE BRIDESMAIDS MAKE THE MISTAKE
OF APPEARING TO ENJOY THEMSELVES.
- I DID NOT HEAR LAUGHTER-- HURRY UP!
MY BRIDESMAIDS ARE HERE TO MAKE SURE
THAT I DON'T GET A BEAD OF SWEAT ON MY BEAUTIFUL BROW.
I'M THE BRIDE.
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DOIN' [deleted], RIGHT NOW.
- WE DIDN'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL YOU WERE.
- LUCKILY, THE BRIDESMAIDS SHOW UP JUST IN TIME
TO SHOVE HALEY'S BEAUTIFUL BUTT INTO HER BEAUTIFUL DRESS.
- WHAT THE HELL? - TOO BAD NO ONE HAD
A BEAUTIFUL BALL GAG FOR HER BEAUTIFUL MOUTH.
- YOU, I HAVE EXTRA DEODORANT ON.
GO PUT IT ON.
D-DEODORANT-- GO PUT IT ON.
DEODORANT-- PUT SOME ON.
PLEASE?
- WHILE HALEY HAS BEEN BUSY BEAUTIFYING,
DIMITRI'S MOTHER AND SISTER HAVE BEEN BUSY LAYING LOW.
AND AS EVERYONE TAKES THEIR PLACE,
IT LOOKS LIKE EVERYONE HAS COME TO TERMS, OR HAVE THEY?
IN A RARE MOMENT OF REFLECTION
THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE A MIRROR,
IT SEEMS HALEY'S FEET HAVE GOTTEN A BIT ICY.
I WANNA MARRY THE BEAUTIFUL MAN OF MY LIFE.
I'M JUST NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO SPENDING THE REST OF MY LIFE
DEALING WITH MY MOTHER-IN-LAW.
- I REALLY WISH THE WEDDING WASN'T HAPPENING.
BUT, WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
- HALEY, WILL YOU HAVE THIS MAN
TO BE YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED HUSBAND,
SO LONG AS YOU SHALL BOTH LIVE?
[whimpering]
- I DO.
- THERE WAS MIXED EMOTIONS, OBVIOUSLY, DURING THE CEREMONY.
I SHOWED UP FOR MY PARENTS.
I KNOW IT WOULD HURT THEM, IF I DIDN'T COME.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO SUCK IT UP AND GET THROUGH THIS DAY.
- DIMITRI, I ASK THAT YOU NOW KISS YOUR BRIDE.
[cheers and applause]
- YOU COOL? - I'M HAPPY.
- CONTENT OR HAPPY?
- I'M HAPPY.
- HAPPY IS BETTER THAN CONTENT.
- YES, I KNOW THIS. - EXCITED?
- YES.
- RIVETED?
- NO.
- OKAY, WAIT-- NO-- DRESS!
I THINK MY WEDDING WAS PERFECT, AND I LOOK PERFECT,
AND MY FIANCE LOOKS PERFECT.
THAT MEANS IT WAS PERFECT.
- WELL, MAYBE NOT PERFECT.
- IT LOOKS LIKE THE SAME-- OH, MY GOD!
[groaning]
- AND WHO KNOCKED DOWN THE DAMN DRAPE?
THAT WAS FUNNY. - I HAVE NO IDEA.
I THINK IT JUST FELL. - NAH.
- LET'S PLAY BACK THE TAPE, SHALL WE?
[indistinct talking]
- 'CAUSE IT LOOKS THE SAME-- OH, MY GOD!
- PROBABLY JUST A COINCIDENCE.
- SHE'S JUST NOT LIKEABLE TO ME.
[chuckles]
- SHOULD I GET MY MOM? - NOPE.
NO-NO-NO-NO-NO.
IF THERE IS ANYTHING THAT I WOULD DO DIFFERENT,
I WOULD GET A DIFFERENT WEDDING PLANNER,
SOMEONE WHO WASN'T GOING TO MIX THEIR PERSONAL FEELINGS
WITH THEIR PROFESSIONAL BUSINESS,
AND THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO DIFFERENT.
JESUS!
- ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF "BRIDEZILLAS"...
DON'T MESS WITH BRIDEZILLA DEZ--
- NO, I DON'T WANT NO [deleted] CAKE.
- OR ELSE. - I'M MAD!
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
- PLUS... - WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?
- IF YOU THOUGHT ARIEL WAS BAD BEFORE--
- OH, MY [deleted] GOD!
- WAIT TILL YOU SEE HER WEDDING DAY.
- WHERE ARE YOU?
NO-- MY WEDDING IS [deleted] RUINED.
- ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF "BRIDEZILLAS."