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GREEN MONSTER: Last week on "Learning Town." Ha, ha.
COOKIE: OK, guys.
Rehearsal's up for the jobs episode.
PAUL: Lots of folks work really, really hard here at
STORM: But now that the work day is done, we've invited
everybody over for a big party.
The baker man.
PAUL: The mailman man.
STORM: The doctor man.
PAUL: And the wet nurse man.
BLUE MONSTER: What kind of party are we
having, Paul and Storm?
PURPLE MONSTER: Is it and ice cream party?
ORANGE MONSTER: A cake party?
RED MONSTER: A Donner party?
PAUL AND STORM: Even better.
A sausage party.
ALL (SINGING): Sausages, sausages for
every type of man.
Sausages, sausages, grab them while you can.
COOKIE: This is weird, right?
BLUE MONSTER: I've got a tubby, chubby fat one.
RED MONSTER: Mine is long and thin.
PURPLE MONSTER: They all look so delicious.
ORANGE MONSTER: I can't wait to put it in.
ALL (SINGING): Spicy meat's a tasty treat no
matter where you work.
ORANGE MONSTER: CHeck out my little wiener.
PURPLE MONSTER: Try my big Jamaican jerk.
ALL (SINGING): Sausage party!
Reach down on the ground.
Pick it up and spin it round.
STORM: Or you can trade your bratwurst with a friend.
ALL (SINGING): Poke it left.
Shove it right.
Better bring your appetite.
You'll be stuffed and groaning in the end.
You're at the sausage party.
No two are the same.
And whatever type of man you are, you'll be glad you came.
COOKIE: What's wrong with this picture?
PAUL: I told you the double entendre was too subtle.
STORM: Hologram dead Larry?
TEDDY: Needs less pants?
COOKIE: Knock yourself out.
Suck it, pants.
COOKIE: One of the reasons I left "Hikky Burr" was because
it was kind of a boys' club.
Does this show utilize ladies?
STORM: Sweet Larry's lariat, we forgot about Wanda.
COOKIE: What's a Wanda?
PAUL: I don't know.
STORM: Princess Wanda was the voice of women for
generations, an equal in every way.
WANDA: I baked you all treats.
WANDA: Let me fix those boo boos.
WANDA: I'll clean up this mess.
You boys go work hard and employ the less fortunate.
ALL: Trickle down.
I get it.
STORM: Hey, no.
PAUL: Why did you do that?
COOKIE: I'm sorry.
PAUL: It was kind of badass.
COOKIE: So where's Wanda now?
STORM: She's rumored to have emotional issues and currently
resides someplace where both the food and
walls are very soft.
Well, let's get a new one.
AUDITIONER 1: Hey, kids.
Today, I will be reading my seven years of
AUDITIONER 2: Who wants to put the wand in Wanda?
AUDITIONER 4: Good morning.
STORM: Now that's what I'm talking about.
(SINGING) A princess ought to be a model of gentility and be
loving, gentle, warm and sweet and kind and motherly,
teaching you and me to be the bestest we that we can be.
And she will smile so regally when she takes tea at half
past three because she comes from royalty.
And if you know your history, then it is really plain to see
the way a princess ought to be.
AUDITIONER 5: Let's do this.
PAUL: Now this is more like it.
(SINGING) A princess ought to be someone
less dull and matronly.
PAUL (SINGING): But more like a sexy warrior
from Japanese TV.
Because our fundamental need is lots of eyeballs on TV.
And a girl of 23 could help us demographically, and
post-pubescent boys agree a dose of sexuality is central
to their fantasy of what a princess ought to be.
COOKIE: Thanks for coming in.
Auditions are canceled, everybody.
Thanks for coming.
(SINGING) A princess ought to be not quite so sexist.
COOKIE (SINGING): Or so twee.
COOKIE (SINGING): Not defined by looks or labels but by her
ability, mixing true gentility with unconventionality.
And her versatility informs her personality, earning her
equality and true originality.
But her agreeability does not imply passivity, because if
called upon then she can kick an *** or two or three.
I mean, at least it seems to me that's what a princess
ought to be.
ALL: Cookie, Cookie, Cookie.
COOKIE (SINGING): No!
PAUL: Hooray for our brand new best friend, Princess Cookie!
STORM: And hooray for her awesome lessons about
nondiscrimination in the workplace.
PAUL: Are you all ready for the big party celebrating the
hardworking men and women of Learning Town?
ALL: What kind of party, Paul and Storm?
PAUL AND STORM: It's a sausage and donut party!
STORM: Here's the deal.
Unless we get 1,000 new subscribers by next week, this
guy is never letting go of Paul.
PAUL: Help me!
STORM: So frankly, we don't know what will
happen in that case.
[SINGING "ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT"]
PAUL: Please, for the love of God,
subscribe to Geek and Sundry.
STORM: Subscribe to the channel by next week.
MAN IN TUTU: Subscribe.